Before and after, an exercize.

[butters]

cusp

on the cusp
of nothingness
endless days
stretch before me
full of motion
empty of content
like these cars
creepin along this highway
arriving late
just in time
to return

on the radio
Bach “St. Matthew’s Passion”
jazz piano
runs icicles
down my spine
sensation
without meaning

ask me no questions
i have no answers
and i tell no lies

_______________________________________________
cusp-take two/too

on the cusp
of nothingness
as the day
stretches before me
and these cars
creep along
the highway
to arrive
just in time
to return
full of motion
empty of content

on the radio
Bach “St. Matthew’s Passion”
then jazz piano
runs icicles
down my spine
sensation
without meaning

i ask no questions
i have no answers
and i tell no lies

preferred the first first, the second middle, and i think the third still needs to fall somewhere inbetween them both, maybe more:

ask me no questions
for i have no answers
no lies

no lies worth telling/repeating/a re-tell/a damn

i kinda like no lies worth a damn but that's not the same meaning as your original

? dunno

sorry!

 

[Piscator]

Edit of a 007 - 5

Last night's poem was written rather quickly: here it is followed by this morning's edit. As always comment and criticism appreciated.
__________________________________________________________

Colorado, long ago
one day three fourteen
thousand foot peaks
ptarmigan on talllus
ice still in a lake
swim anyway
down the valley
a meandering stream
a rainy afternoon
cutthroat trout
from our tent arcs
a double rainbow
but the gold lay
where we were.
______________________________________________

Colorado, long ago

The steep ascent
almost did us in
that first day but
we reached three
14,000’ peaks the next.
Ptarmigan on talllus
ice still in a lake
swim anyway
down the valley
a meandering stream
a rainy afternoon
cutthroat trout
a double rainbow
shimmered beyond
our tent window
but the real gold
lies in our memory.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Last night's poem was written rather quickly: here it is followed by this morning's edit. As always comment and criticism appreciated.
__________________________________________________________

Colorado, long ago
one day three fourteen
thousand foot peaks
ptarmigan on talllus
ice still in a lake
swim anyway
down the valley
a meandering stream
a rainy afternoon
cutthroat trout
from our tent arcs
a double rainbow
but the gold lay
where we were.
______________________________________________

Colorado, long ago

The steep ascent
almost did us in
that first day but
we reached three
14,000’ peaks the next.
Ptarmigan on talllus
ice still in a lake
swim anyway
down the valley
a meandering stream
a rainy afternoon
cutthroat trout
a double rainbow
shimmered beyond
our tent window
but the real gold
lies in our memory.

Nice, Piscator. It conjured up my own sweet memories, having hiked Mt. Eldred long ago.

I like line 6 alot. Talus, however, has just one l in it (at least according to Merriam-Webster)

I may be a bit anal-retentive when it comes to syntax, but "We swim it anyway" sounds better to my ear.

 

[Piscator]

Nice, Piscator. It conjured up my own sweet memories, having hiked Mt. Eldred long ago.

I like line 6 alot. Talus, however, has just one l in it (at least according to Merriam-Webster)

I may be a bit anal-retentive when it comes to syntax, but "We swim it anyway" sounds better to my ear.

Thanks GM,

I'm sorry about the double ll in talus. I thought I'd corrected it but somehow it came back.

I'll take your last comment under advisement but I was the only one who swam so we is not appropriate.

 

[greenmountaineer]

Thanks GM,

I'm sorry about the double ll in talus. I thought I'd corrected it but somehow it came back.

I'll take your last comment under advisement but I was the only one who swam so we is not appropriate.

I wouldn't have known; a good case for poetic license when it's only the poet who knows, not exacly a moral dillema, Pfish, where the end justifies the means.