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Bistro Bijou

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Tis not my ass atop the grand
swaying to the beat of the band
I'm sitting at the bar
watching you two from afar
getting completely and totally canned.
 
Why canned poets might taste bad.

soup, sauces and spam all get canned
even flaked or chunk tuna so bland
but poets must ponder
drink deep and wonder
iambic or phallic or damned
 
I was going for the third meaning but if you want to swim with the fishes...

canned [kænd]
adj
1. preserved and stored in airtight cans or tins canned meat
2. Informal prepared or recorded in advance; artificial; not spontaneous canned music
3. a slang word for drunk [1]
Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003
 
KatieJones said:
canned [kænd]
adj
1. preserved and stored in airtight cans or tins canned meat
2. Informal prepared or recorded in advance; artificial; not spontaneous canned music
3. a slang word for drunk [1]
Collins English Dictionary – Complete and Unabridged © HarperCollins Publishers 1991, 1994, 1998, 2000, 2003
Click to expand...
So. Ms. Katie is drunk, but not canned
In a tin so tight-sealed to be bland.
Nor's her ass on pianer
(She don't seem Pollyanner)
But I'd want to check that out first hand.
 
I grammatically made myself drunk
which shows my intellect has shrunk
I am no Anna nor Polly
have never once said O golly
but I am definitely filled with bunk.
 
brek-ke-ke-kek ko-ax ko-ax

Katie's intellect isn't at odds,
Tho' she sports some remarkable quads.
And her feet, so iambic,
I may sing, dithyrambic
Like a chorus (Greek) croaking, of Gods.
 
Katie J is merely quite odd
which really is nothing to laud
But she's happy to see
both you and Mr d
she puts you along side of God.





(Never mind the fact that Katie is an atheist)
 
OK, Katie is odd. Do I care?
If her poems work, or even are fair,
And not too high falutin'
But are cracklin' darn tootin'
They'll sear this thread, surely, mein Herr.
 
Annnd, that is the official amount of limericks that can ever be posted in the same place.


Dare ya to go free verse.
 
KatieJones said:
Annnd, that is the official amount of limericks that can ever be posted in the same place.


Dare ya to go free verse.
Click to expand...
"Free" verse is chaos, sanctioned by verbal incompetence.

But I am also tired of limericks. You lead, for a change.
 
To: Whom it may concern.

From:

Beet R. Jesuit,
Ministry of Sex, Erotic Poetry sub-Committee, Special Liaison on Cross Border Erotica.

Subject: Cross Border Limericks.

Be advised: NSA and Homeland Security have been monitoring the data traffic at the Bijou Bistro. As Mr Darkmaas (a Canadian Resident), Mr. T. Zara (an American) and Ms. Jones (alleged virgin of indeterminant nationality, ethnicity or gender) have been trafficking in limericks across a national border, and as those limericks have been numerous, and largely non-erotic, we have been notified.

I bring to your attention the fact that an erotic literature site requires both literary content and an erotic subtext to qualify for an exemption from the tax provisions of the Porn Site Taxation Act. It is insufficient to merely attach a poetry forum to a site wishing to be deemed exempt. The poetry forum must be erotic in nature and show a certain artistic merit. Recent postings at the Bistro meet neither criterion.

An investigation file has been opened. We strongly advise that users of this thread refrain from "clean" limericks and improve the "artistic merit" of their submissions.

Regards,

BRJ

::
 
beetrootjesuit said:
To: Whom it may concern.

From:

Beet R. Jesuit,
Ministry of Sex, Erotic Poetry sub-Committee, Special Liaison on Cross Border Erotica.

Subject: Cross Border Limericks.

Be advised: NSA and Homeland Security have been monitoring the data traffic at the Bijou Bistro. As Mr Darkmaas (a Canadian Resident), Mr. T. Zara (an American) and Ms. Jones (alleged virgin of indeterminant nationality, ethnicity or gender) have been trafficking in limericks across a national border, and as those limericks have been numerous, and largely non-erotic, we have been notified.

I bring to your attention the fact that an erotic literature site requires both literary content and an erotic subtext to qualify for an exemption from the tax provisions of the Porn Site Taxation Act. It is insufficient to merely attach a poetry forum to a site wishing to be deemed exempt. The poetry forum must be erotic in nature and show a certain artistic merit. Recent postings at the Bistro meet neither criterion.

An investigation file has been opened. We strongly advise that users of this thread refrain from "clean" limericks and improve the "artistic merit" of their submissions.

Regards,

BRJ

::
Click to expand...
To: B.R. Jesuit

From: E. Glew
Brazeer, Kandel, and Glew, LLC

Subject: In re Cross Border Limericks

Our client, T. Zara, agrees
His poems have been lacking in sleaze
But "no artistic merit"
Seems all stick and no carrot.
'Sides, they're sexy when writ Cantonese.
 
To:

E. Glue
Brazeer, Kandel, and Glew, LLC

From:

Beet R. Jesuit,
Ministry of Sex, Erotic Poetry sub-Committee, Special Liaison on Cross Border Erotica.

Subject: Cross Border Limericks.

Thank you for your kind limerick. Sadly it meets neither criteria defined in the legislation, namely erotic subtext or artistic merit. You do your client no favours taking a scofflaw approach to national security issues. Your implication that said limericks are erotic in an unspecified Asian language seems to violate regulations aimed at welcoming alternate cultures to our respective government's melting-pot and/or multicultural initiatives.

Bureaucrats are often accused of a slavish devotion to regulation, but rest assured that our only desire is the maintenance of Literotica's tax status. Allow me to loosen the metaphoric necktie and offer the following:

Sleaze in the eye of the beholder
Might sting or inflame someone older
But the passage of time
Shouldn't soften the rhyme
Tweek Prurience's nipple bolder.

Thanking you for your last correspondence, I remain,

Yours truly,

B. (Beet) R. Jesuit

::
 
To: Beer T. Jesuit
Ministry of Sex, Erotic Poetry sub-Committee, Special Liaison on Cross Border Erotica.

From: E. Glew
Brazeer, Kandel, and Glew, LLC

Subject: Cross Border Limericks.

Sir:

Our firm is curious at the Canadian government's continued attack on our client's "poetry." We thoughtfully refrain from judgmental (or even judgemental) attacks on his verse, especially the attacks on the said lack of eroticism in "unspecified" (clearly contraindicated by our previous correspondence) Asian languages. One need only cast the idlest glance at
我们的客户，T. ZARA，同意
他的诗歌一直缺乏在龌龊
但“没有艺术价值”
似乎所有的坚持和没有胡萝卜。
“方，他们性感时令状粤语。​
to have one's testy parts stimulated nigh onto blast, regardless of sexual orientation, native language, or favorite video game.

Frankly, I'm sweating just having glanced at that text. Whew.

Our firm looks forward to a common dialogue that will resolve these obviously trivial and worthless complaints. Please have your secretary note that it is "Glew," not "Glue," as well. An easy and obvious mistake, of course.

Is there a comfortable hotel in Toronto? I may need to consult directly with your authorities. If you can recommend a good (disregarding cost) sushi restaurant, I would be in your debt.

Yours truly,

E. Glew
 
我们的客户，T. ZARA，同意
他的诗歌一直缺乏在龌龊
但“没有艺术价值”
似乎所有的坚持和没有胡萝卜。
“方，他们性感时令状粤语。

So I'm sitting here, in semi-darkness, bathed in the cold blue cathode light, waiting. Waiting for the "testy bits" to kick into "blast". Waiting for the miracle.

It's been a few days now. I'm hungry and in need of a drink. I'm probably starting to smell a bit off, but it's a small price to pay for enlightenment.

In a moment of alternate lucidity, Rybka came to me. We talked of koi and concrete poetry.

Then I must have slept. I had a nightmare and was visited by Senna. I pointed out that when you take an image, a play of words, a metaphor and distill it enough, all meaning vanishes. Is this whats left? Typography undecipherable to the intended reader? A path to enlightenment perhaps? Testy bits a-blasting? Well not yet, but maybe soon ... "It is not for the sawed-off imps
who still worship their navel", he said.


::
 
darkmaas said:
我们的客户，T. ZARA，同意
他的诗歌一直缺乏在龌龊
但“没有艺术价值”
似乎所有的坚持和没有胡萝卜。
“方，他们性感时令状粤语。

So I'm sitting here, in semi-darkness, bathed in the cold blue cathode light, waiting. Waiting for the "testy bits" to kick into "blast". Waiting for the miracle.

It's been a few days now. I'm hungry and in need of a drink. I'm probably starting to smell a bit off, but it's a small price to pay for enlightenment.

In a moment of alternate lucidity, Rybka came to me. We talked of koi and concrete poetry.

Then I must have slept. I had a nightmare and was visited by Senna. I pointed out that when you take an image, a play of words, a metaphor and distill it enough, all meaning vanishes. Is this whats left? Typography undecipherable to the intended reader? A path to enlightenment perhaps? Testy bits a-blasting? Well not yet, but maybe soon ... "It is not for the sawed-off imps
who still worship their navel", he said.


::
Click to expand...
000ws2z2


Go to the center of the gravity's pull, and find your ideogram you will.
 
ElmerGlew said:
To: Beer T. Jesuit
Ministry of Sex, Erotic Poetry sub-Committee, Special Liaison on Cross Border Erotica.

From: E. Glew
Brazeer, Kandel, and Glew, LLC

Subject: Cross Border Limericks.

Sir:

Our firm is curious at the Canadian government's continued attack on our client's "poetry." We thoughtfully refrain from judgmental (or even judgemental) attacks on his verse, especially the attacks on the said lack of eroticism in "unspecified" (clearly contraindicated by our previous correspondence) Asian languages. One need only cast the idlest glance at
我们的客户，T. ZARA，同意
他的诗歌一直缺乏在龌龊
但“没有艺术价值”
似乎所有的坚持和没有胡萝卜。
“方，他们性感时令状粤语。​
to have one's testy parts stimulated nigh onto blast, regardless of sexual orientation, native language, or favorite video game.

Frankly, I'm sweating just having glanced at that text. Whew.

Our firm looks forward to a common dialogue that will resolve these obviously trivial and worthless complaints. Please have your secretary note that it is "Glew," not "Glue," as well. An easy and obvious mistake, of course.

Is there a comfortable hotel in Toronto? I may need to consult directly with your authorities. If you can recommend a good (disregarding cost) sushi restaurant, I would be in your debt.

Yours truly,

E. Glew
Click to expand...
There once was a man (or igloo)
whose ideogram I must eschew
while the booze hurts my liver
his words don't deliver
Neither an "eh" or an I or an ewww...
 
I used to know the name of it. Can't remember it now. Angelo, AKA Dr Maddvibe on the spoken word circuit, is a bug fan if obscure instruments. One Fishbone concert that I attended saw him playing a theremin. It's just an Angelo Moore thing I guess.
 
I was in LA last week, and listened to the season opening concert of the LA Phil on KUSC, which featured and closed with Herbie Hancock as soloist in Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue.

All of which was very nice, but which reminded me how much I love this kind of thing.

I know. Stuck in the 70s.
 
Dude, I posted Fishbone. That's officially me being stuck in the late 80's, early 90's right there.
 
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