Bumps in the road

[Quint]

Was that a revelation, or have I just been really not reading between the lines here?

Right, if it wasn't clear in my last post, this was an LDR. I saw T mebbe every other month for a weekend for the past year. From what I understand, that's typical-to-lucky. It was hard. I made it harder by not becoming involved in my own environment beyond what I had to.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Well, it is tough, especially tough in a LDR...but you can make it work. You have to be open to the changes that happen when two people decide to get together and make something bigger than themselves. A BDSM relationship has to go through all the normal relationship issues: kink doesn't make things easier, it makes them harder. Compounding this problem is that newer people to the 'lifestyle' tend to take their cues from unrealistic fantasies from stories. When you add the online role-playing aspect to it, it becomes that much harder to get a real grasp of the truths of the situation.
As in any other relationship, the biggest issues are trust and communication. Without a solid foundation in those areas, the relationship will fail no matter how compatible two people may be otherwise. My relationship works, through effort, constant communication, honesty, work, commitment, self-examination, and more work.





















Having the Library Slut as your submissive doesn't hurt either!!

 

[Krinaia]

I didn't realize you and johnny mayberry were an item.

Hmmm... I'm going to have to take an inventory of the regulars here


Okay easy one:

catalina_fransico and catalina_fransico

Scooterbum and MissTaken

now I KNOW there are more but I'm suddenly drawing a blank...

 

[hurtme]

I am cynical by nature (I think I will just add "I'm a scorpio" to my tagline) and I have enver in my life seen a love work out, not once, not ever...and I know a lot of people, I have something like 20 aunts and uncles, my parents, my friends, and with the exception of maybe one couple, no one has ever stayed together, and if they were together, they weren't blissfully happy. I think I deserve bliss, and I refuse to settle for less, but sometimes I don't think I will ever find it. I refuse to settle for less then bliss though, i want to be happy when I wake up next to that person in the morning, I want to be happy to settle down...I don't think I am asking too much, everyone deserves their soulmate. I realize (trust me, I realize) that no life can be peaches and cream all the time, I get that...mine sure the hell isn't, but I still won't settle for less. Which means I get hurt, a lot. Part of me relishes the pain, clings to it, cause it reminds me that there is pleasure in the world and if I can feel this than I can feel the other, so I don't block off my emotions, and I don't shun the pain of relationships and heartbreak, because it reminds me that I can feel intensely, and if I can feel exquisite pain, i can feel exquisite pleasure...plus, well, pain in any form, baby...

 

[fallon2]

Honesty

Honesty and respect are important in any relationship but certainly in a LDR as well. I am a sensualist and I enjoy giving pleasure (in various forms) as well as receiving pleasure by the pleasure I can give to a woman.
I am always honest and try very hard not to come on too strongly but . . . life is short.
If a relationship doesn't last very long then I always ask did you at least get some pleasure or can we still agree that the time was well spent.
Yes, I would like there to be emotional connection as well as physical but the emotional connection for some is stronger than the physical and vice versa.
Bumps in the road do and will happen to all folks on and off lit. The question is do we stop trying either by making excuses or not even trying?

 

[cellis]

Re: Honesty

Honesty and respect are important in any relationship but certainly in a LDR as well. I am a sensualist and I enjoy giving pleasure (in various forms) as well as receiving pleasure by the pleasure I can give to a woman.
I am always honest and try very hard not to come on too strongly ...
Bumps in the road do and will happen to all folks on and off lit. The question is do we stop trying either by making excuses or not even trying?

I think that the bottom line is ultimately about how you feel... Sometimes relationships end because we have no choices in the matter... other times it can be our choice...

But if things are not working out... I think it does less harm to end the relationship than to continue with someone who is making you unhappy or cannot meet your needs.... I don't think this means it hurts less... it just means in the end it is a better thing for everyone.


Hi fallon... it is nice to see you back here!

 

[Krinaia]

Cellis what you say is very true. I think though sometimes it is difficult to know where that line should be drawn - when is it time to stop trying to fix what perhaps cannot be fixed? I guess a good answer would be when the relationship hurts everyone it touches. I've seen that happen. I wish the adults in that relationship had been adult enough to see what the children had seen - that it was time for a divorce.

Anyhow, back to me

I seem to be bouncing back wonderfully from my previous bummer (i needed a more sophisticated word). I've even found positives in the situation. Like that I can invite a different friend to come visit me, guilt free. How silly and selfish of me. And another positive, my brain caught up with my hormones and said... Whoaaaa, slow down babe! And I listened. Which is good, it teaches me to trust myself. And to give myself time. It's just like a cop once asked me, "Where's the fire?"

 

[Krinaia]

I'm resurrecting my own dying thread because - I just lost my best friend. I don't mean she died or got hit by a bus. She just doesn't need me anymore - at least not as much as I need her.

And I feel so alone.

This is one of those bumps in the road that makes the cavities in your teeth hurt. I need a hot bath and some serious diversion ... unfortunately for me my bathtub is unstoppable and no diversions are at hand.

 

[His Precious]

I just lost my best friend too. And it was entirely my fault. Now I am neither Precious OR His. Guess I can't use this name anymore.

 

[Krinaia]

I'm sorry. I'm now working on getting plastered.

I hate this feeling.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm resurrecting my own dying thread because - I just lost my best friend. I don't mean she died or got hit by a bus. She just doesn't need me anymore - at least not as much as I need her.

And I feel so alone.

This is one of those bumps in the road that makes the cavities in your teeth hurt. I need a hot bath and some serious diversion ... unfortunately for me my bathtub is unstoppable and no diversions are at hand.

If she does not need you, then you are better off without her.

Friendship is not based on how much one needs the other. It's based on a higher concept... love.

You should only need your friends because you love them. And if her need for you no longer exists then you have lost nothing because her need was not based on love.

But you know, I love ya dolly!

 

[Krinaia]

I just lost my best friend too. And it was entirely my fault. Now I am neither Precious OR His. Guess I can't use this name anymore.

Any relationship falling apart is never entirely any one's fault. It's ALWAYS a group effort. I mean even cheating partners are usually driven to that - a result of many miscommunications and growing apart.

 

[catalina_francisco]

I'm resurrecting my own dying thread because - I just lost my best friend. I don't mean she died or got hit by a bus. She just doesn't need me anymore - at least not as much as I need her.

And I feel so alone.

This is one of those bumps in the road that makes the cavities in your teeth hurt. I need a hot bath and some serious diversion ... unfortunately for me my bathtub is unstoppable and no diversions are at hand.

Sorry you are going through such a bad patch, but take heart, you are always wanted at Lit and have a place to come have your heart and soul revived. Hang in there, it will pass in time as all things do. Perhaps as the saying goes, their loss, your gain.

Catalina

 

[Desdemona]

You know friendships, like all other relationships, go through cycles. Sometimes you spend lots of time on each other and sometimes you drift apart. It may simply be that for now, you're drifting in opposite directions. It's entirely possible that you will come back together again after a while. I've had that experience myself.

 

[Krinaia]

I'll admit I cried myself to sleep last night. But one day and support from friends and good old dad have helped. I think I also need to just wait out the rest of my period and see how I feel when I'm not so hormonal. I couldn't delay the "talk" with her any longer ... but who knows what sort of perspective my post-menstrual mind will take ... do you guys go nuts emotionally on your period? I turn into this depressive mess for at least two days, a slap happy weirdo for one.

 

[catalina_francisco]

do you guys go nuts emotionally on your period? I turn into this depressive mess for at least two days, a slap happy weirdo for one.

Ditto.....only time I wish I were male. Find an increase in sensitive D/s is good therapy though, often with a good session followed by lots of hugging, caressing and reassuring I am still a worthwhile part of the universe.

Catalina