Can (or should) a guy approach a woman?

[ToPleaseHim]

Oh, that thread was quite a journey. By the end of it long standing Lit alliances were shattered :caning:

sajanajk - I also recommend you read through that entire thread ToPleaseHim shared here. From your initial post and of your stated age, I assure you will be a much wiser person on completion.

An offering I made in that thread

"Street Harassment: Sidewalk Sleazebags and Metro Molesters"
https://youtu.be/QYAL21jxREQ
So don't do that stuff.

A pleasant smile, common sense, courteous and respectful engagement - simple really. You will not "get into trouble" for being polite.

If your politeness, however, comes with an agenda it will easily be recognised and likely receive a response accordingly.

People who are often harassed are likely to have their "jerk radar" on high alert, so don't be another jerk.

Damn, that thread was an epic journey. A bit of How To... history.

That was one of the fastest moving threads in How To history, too. I edited the title to use the correct form of “compliment,” but now there are posts that don’t necessarily make sense. *

It’s an important discussion to have and revisit, though. I remain amazed at how many people disregard what the majority of women say about being approached by strangers, and especially how the majority of women feel about being catcalled.

 

[sajanajk]

@ToPleaseHim I can only imagine. I read that thread, and it was very colorful. And eye-opening.

I guess everyone looks at the world through their own pair of colored glasses. They stick to what they believe, and sometimes refuse to be objective or logical and look at things from another point of view. That thread had women who hate being complemented/approached saying they don’t understand why any woman would like compliments, AND the ones who loved compliments and said they don’t understand why some women would be offended.

Same goes for the guys too. They had their own reasons for doing what they ‘thought’ was right (or at least ‘not wrong’)

What I don’t understand is that why would people break friendships over a silly difference of opinions or preferences?

Seems silly to me.

 

[MarriedMumbaiMom]

Interesting thread!

 

[ToPleaseHim]

What I don’t understand is that why would people break friendships over a silly difference of opinions or preferences?

Seems silly to me.

It doesn’t seem silly to me. Boiled down to it’s simplest concepts, there were people saying “I mean well when I compliment women and they are wrong if they take it any other way” and “I’ve been objectified (and worse) by men and do not ever appreciate being complimented by strangers” and then basically telling each other again and again that their personal experiences are wrong.

A silly difference of opinion is my passionate preference for Diet Coke and my partner who thinks Diet Pepsi is the best. We tease each other over it, but it really doesn’t matter. Telling women who have been sexually harassed and worse that they are wrong to distrust strangers complimenting them is not a silly difference of opinion.

 

[NightL]

I guess everyone looks at the world through their own pair of colored glasses. They stick to what they believe, and sometimes refuse to be objective or logical and look at things from another point of view.

You are looking for answers, which is good, but you do not see.

Maybe you need to look from another point of view as to what a compliment may be and what is not. Maybe you need to look from another point of view of what may be received or intentionally delivered as harassment. Maybe you need to look from another point of view the potential of threat that may be associated with the delivery or fear that any declining response may escalate a situation toward violence. Perhaps that is something you have not put thought to as a male, but you should look at it from another point of view.

I don’t understand is that why would people break friendships over a silly difference of opinions or preferences?

Maybe you should look at things from another point of view and realise your "silly" may demonstrate values that others find offensive or indeed threatening.

I know that other thread very well and contributed to it - I really can't recall anyone saying they hated compliments, some certainly said they hated harassment though and gave very clear reasons why and what they deemed harassment. That was why it was suggested for you to read through that thread.

When there is an overt sexual connotation with a greeting, actually any sexual connotation, even if subtle, the recipient has every right to view it as potential harassment and not a compliment, especially if the person is unknown to them. They have no idea how that person may respond if they reject the advances no matter what the fun or "silly" intent may have been.

When you deliver a compliment, in any form or to anyone, it is probably a good idea for you to think carefully how it may be received, if it is appropriate for the occasion or even your authority to deliver it.

 

[stickygirl]

When I was younger and in a different life, I accompanied a group of guys walking on a coast path. I knew them quite well and knew they loved to take the micky out of each other, they were in construction trades etc - that kind of dynamic.

As we met people coming in the other direction, one guy would always make a point of saying "Hey. Are you doing?" or "Funny meeting you here." or "where you folks going?" just banter. I knew if I tried it, I'd fail: my friend just had 'the gift of the gab' and a cheeky demeanour which meant these strangers weren't offended - he wasn't trying to pick them up, he was just breaking the ice and being cheery.

That would be my message to the OP. Some people have the knack, others don't. If you're having to rehearse or plan what you're going to say in a given situation, you'll fail. These things have to be spontaneous or they sound false.

I could never initiate that kind of chat, and though I might respond without taking offence, I have to stick to meeting people through work, or people who I see regularly or through a shared activity. If I'm teaching someone to sail for example, you're focusing on the task in hand, chat is part of that and then you get to know them in a neutral setting.

Stick to what comes naturally, don't role play or it'll end badly.

 

[Bramblethorn]

When there is an overt sexual connotation with a greeting, actually any sexual connotation, even if subtle, the recipient has every right to view it as potential harassment and not a compliment, especially if the person is unknown to them. They have no idea how that person may respond if they reject the advances no matter what the fun or "silly" intent may have been.

When you deliver a compliment, in any form or to anyone, it is probably a good idea for you to think carefully how it may be received, if it is appropriate for the occasion or even your authority to deliver it.

Sometimes even when there isn't overt sexual connotation attached to the initial greeting. Some guys use compliments as a foot in the door and take any polite response as permission to get sleazy. Like this one after a forum discussion on parenting where I'd talked about raising a child with mood/anger issues:

Dude, sliding into my PMs: "You sound like a really caring mother."
Me, already thinking uh-oh but giving him the benefit of the doubt: "Thanks, that's kind of you to say."
Dude: [graphic description of his dick and what he'd like me to do with it]

Or this one:

PM Dude #2: "Hey, you're a great writer, I really loved your latest story."
Me: "Thanks! Always love to hear from readers."
PMD2: "So your profile doesn't mention your gender."
Me: "No, it doesn't."
PMD2: "Can you tell me? I like to know who I'm talking to."
Me: "There's plenty of my personality in my stories already. Any reason you need my gender in particular?"
PMD2: [silence]

No prizes for guessing where that one was headed.

It's especially shitty because it makes the opening compliment seem insincere. I'd love to just be able to accept compliments from strangers at face value, but instead I have to pause and figure out whether to believe them. And that's not my fault, it's 100% on the dudes who use faux compliments as a technique.

 

[Athalia]

Sometimes even when there isn't overt sexual connotation attached to the initial greeting. Some guys use compliments as a foot in the door and take any polite response as permission to get sleazy. Like this one after a forum discussion on parenting where I'd talked about raising a child with mood/anger issues:

Dude, sliding into my PMs: "You sound like a really caring mother."
Me, already thinking uh-oh but giving him the benefit of the doubt: "Thanks, that's kind of you to say."
Dude: [graphic description of his dick and what he'd like me to do with it]

Or this one:

PM Dude #2: "Hey, you're a great writer, I really loved your latest story."
Me: "Thanks! Always love to hear from readers."
PMD2: "So your profile doesn't mention your gender."
Me: "No, it doesn't."
PMD2: "Can you tell me? I like to know who I'm talking to."
Me: "There's plenty of my personality in my stories already. Any reason you need my gender in particular?"
PMD2: [silence]

No prizes for guessing where that one was headed.

It's especially shitty because it makes the opening compliment seem insincere. I'd love to just be able to accept compliments from strangers at face value, but instead I have to pause and figure out whether to believe them. And that's not my fault, it's 100% on the dudes who use faux compliments as a technique.

I was going to trim this post down, but found that I couldn't delete a word.

My attitude, based on a lifetime of being hit on sideways, is that I'm going to assume that the guy has ulterior motives in any approach. I'm saying, "Prove you're not an asshole, and then maybe we'll talk." Sorry to discomfit some guys, but a older, smallish woman is going to be extra prickly, because we're so goddamn tired of assholes coming on as all Mr. Perfect and then showing their true colors.

 

[sajanajk]

You are looking for answers, which is good, but you do not see.

Maybe you need to look from another point of view as to what a compliment may be and what is not. Maybe you need to look from another point of view of what may be received or intentionally delivered as harassment. Maybe you need to look from another point of view the potential of threat that may be associated with the delivery or fear that any declining response may escalate a situation toward violence. Perhaps that is something you have not put thought to as a male, but you should look at it from another point of view.

Maybe you should look at things from another point of view and realise your "silly" may demonstrate values that others find offensive or indeed threatening.

I know that other thread very well and contributed to it - I really can't recall anyone saying they hated compliments, some certainly said they hated harassment though and gave very clear reasons why and what they deemed harassment. That was why it was suggested for you to read through that thread.

When there is an overt sexual connotation with a greeting, actually any sexual connotation, even if subtle, the recipient has every right to view it as potential harassment and not a compliment, especially if the person is unknown to them. They have no idea how that person may respond if they reject the advances no matter what the fun or "silly" intent may have been.

When you deliver a compliment, in any form or to anyone, it is probably a good idea for you to think carefully how it may be received, if it is appropriate for the occasion or even your authority to deliver it.

Sorry. My bad.
Like I said, when it comes to casual stuff, I’m clueless.

Maybe I should just stick with what I’m good at and stay in my lane.

Thanks for the 2 cents folks. Love y’all!

 

[NightL]

sajanajk I don't believe you have anything to apologise for. I believe you are genuine in your search for understandings. I also believe all have responded believe you are genuine as well.

You are asking questions for which I admire and recommend you continue that journey.

I can be very blunt in offering my opinions, I certainly will not apologise for that. If I thought your questions were coming from a closed mind my response, if I chose to offer one, would have chopped you at the knees.

I am but one opinionated person, though I like to see myself as someone who cares. There are people here who also have replied to you who I admire greatly. I often look upon their offerings with the greatest of respect here at How To... and I also continue to learn and grow for their input.

If "just stick with what I’m good at" means being genuine to yourself and how you represent yourself then maybe that is all you require, offered with a smile and appreciating/respecting how the recipient will come to view who you are.

Be respectful, be genuine, have fun with life and smile for every day before you.

Always have thought for what you can gift, for the rewards of giving are far greater than of the just taking can ever be. - I suggest you read that last sentence repeatedly. Try it for yourself...

 

[ToPleaseHim]

Sorry. My bad.
Like I said, when it comes to casual stuff, I’m clueless.

Maybe I should just stick with what I’m good at and stay in my lane.

Thanks for the 2 cents folks. Love y’all!

I think you’re hitting one nail on the head here. What some consider “casual,” others consider very serious. But, you clearly approach it with an open mind and are at least considering others’ opinions and experiences and that’s what matters.

 

[sajanajk]

sajanajk I don't believe you have anything to apologise for. I believe you are genuine in your search for understandings. I also believe all have responded believe you are genuine as well.

You are asking questions for which I admire and recommend you continue that journey.

I can be very blunt in offering my opinions, I certainly will not apologise for that. If I thought your questions were coming from a closed mind my response, if I chose to offer one, would have chopped you at the knees.

I am but one opinionated person, though I like to see myself as someone who cares. There are people here who also have replied to you who I admire greatly. I often look upon their offerings with the greatest of respect here at How To... and I also continue to learn and grow for their input.

If "just stick with what I’m good at" means being genuine to yourself and how you represent yourself then maybe that is all you require, offered with a smile and appreciating/respecting how the recipient will come to view who you are.

Be respectful, be genuine, have fun with life and smile for every day before you.

Always have thought for what you can gift, for the rewards of giving are far greater than of the just taking can ever be. - I suggest you read that last sentence repeatedly. Try it for yourself...

I wasn’t offended or anything by your responses. I’m genuinely not good at these things. That’s all.

By ‘stick with what I’m good at’, I meant business. That’s what I’m good at. I’m not good at small talk, flirting, teasing, or other casual interactions. I’m not charming, and I don’t have a silver tongue. That’s the truth.

All of your responses made me take a hard look at myself. Apparently, I’ve read too much Lit stories and bought into the fantasy of hitting off with a complete stranger. I now realize that real life is much more different than a short story.

I was also feeling a bit insecure since I don’t have an exciting social life like most of my colleagues and employees. I’m just a young, workaholic boss who works day and night since that’s all I know. I guess I need to make peace with who I am, and stop craving other people’s approval.

Again, thank you for your responses.

Peace.

 

[MadeUpName12]

My freinds have always been amazed at how I can start up a conversation with just about any female.

It's all in your head, literally. Somehow, they know what's going on in there.

If your thinking about them as a female, they will know and your chances of getting shut down are much higher.

If your thinking about them as just another person, they will know and usually will be open to some freindly conversation.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

My freinds have always been amazed at how I can start up a conversation with just about any female.

It's all in your head, literally. Somehow, they know what's going on in there.

If your thinking about them as a female, they will know and your chances of getting shut down are much higher.

If your thinking about them as just another person, they will know and usually will be open to some freindly conversation.

Women don’t generally like being referred to as “females.” Using the word “women” will be much better received. I do like your approach, though. If you wouldn’t say it to a man you don’t know, then probably best to also not say it to a woman you don’t know.

 

[Acktion]

Whoa, sajanajk. Slow the roll, there.

"... I've read too many Lit stories and bought into the fantasy of hitting it off with a complete stranger..."

Every single person you know was once a stranger to you until some event brought you together. And statistically it is exceptionally rare that someone keeps every friend and even marries someone they've known since birth and never met a single new person.

Also, earlier you said "...stick to my lane..." When exactly did this become a bad thing? When we are driving down the road, and we know our lane, wouldn't it be best to pick it early and stick with it rather than swerving all over the place for no good reason?

However, my question for you is whether you even know your lane life's highway or not. I certainly didn't at twenty-two. Nor did most people I know. Matter of fact, most fifty-year-olds I know would kick their twenty-year-old selves in something painful if given the chance.

You say, "I should stick to business, because that's what I'm good at..."

Well, professionally speaking, go for it. I personally think you're full of crap to say that's ALL you're good at. But, I concede that I don't know you well enough to pick apart your argument and point out the other things you do well.

But, set aside what you are good at. Relationships, which I assume this is about, have very little to do with what you are good at and much to do with what you love, what you enjoy. You outside of what you do for a paycheck.

Which is... what?

Work is what they pay us to do because it isn't much fun most of the time. (And despite meeting several lovers and even my late wife at work, I'm gonna tell you that trying to pick up chicks at work falls under the heading "A Bad Idea." Especially since you mention you are the boss.)

When we enjoy it, they charge us admission.

So, what would you pay admission to do?

What I'm getting at is that if you don't know the difference between Pollock, Dali, or Van Gogh, don't have the first idea that "The Scream" is actually the central figure reacting to the screams of Nature rather than screaming themselves, and (more to the point) DON'T CARE, then why on earth would you hang out an art museum to pick up the cute artist chicks? What would you possibly have to talk about with someone who is all about Art just as you are all about Business? Just how long would you two be able to interact, no matter how sexually appealing to each other, before you bored the crap out of each other?

(I'll just mention here that no matter what Jay and Silent Bob said in Dogma, hanging outside abortion clinics because you know they put out is NEVER going to be a good idea.)

All right, so back in the 80s, indoor shopping malls were "a thing." For those that may not have encountered one, it was basically a large indoor market. Except without the hawking. Or haggling. Or actually much shopping, really.

Oh, there was some shopping. 'Cause that was typically where the popular fashion trends could be bought to impress the impressionable back at school.

Me, myself, and I... while I enjoyed the Hell out the mall scene when it was just hanging out, I absolutely despised shopping. In particular, clothes shopping. And, dear God, women's fashions in particular!

So, when I couldn't avoid being dragged along by my (much more fashion conscious) mother and little sister... and couldn't get them to let me scamper off to something more interesting while I waited... I would park my ass on a bench just outside the entrance to wait. Since "we won't be in here that long." (Yeah, right.)

This gal also had no interest in standing around and waiting for the people she was with to try on half the store, so she came out and sat down on my bench. One thing led to another, and we had a delightful conversation for the half-hour the people we were there with tried on... God may know how many outfits, but I'm pretty sure no one else does.

When my mother and little sister came out and saw me and my bench mate, they found it utterly hilarious...

... because the gal I was talking with was an 80-year-old grandmother there with her daughter and grand-daughter. And, I was about sixteen or thereabouts.

Meanwhile, less than fifty feet away was a herd of about five girls my age that were doing everything in their playbook to catch my attention.

My little sister, at least, stopped laughing when I pointed out that those same five girls had snubbed me three times earlier, and only started trying to get my attention once I was already involved in a conversation with the sweet lady who'd sat down with me. And I wasn't about to be rude to her just because they suddenly decided they wanted me to notice them.

However, it wasn't an isolated incident. I really couldn't tell you the number of women that I knew as girls that I managed to get back in touch with that turned out they were interested in me, but didn't have the first clue I had been interested in them because I hadn't ever talked to them.

Primarily because I hadn't known what to say to them.

And truthfully... and somewhat ashamedly... because I hadn't really been interested in them as a person. They were cute and I was horny. What else did I really need to know?

Now in the case of that grandmother... or the guys I talked to of whatever age... or the girls I talked to that I actually saw as something more than wank-fodder... I just talked. Just talked. And listened to them.

So, fast forward a couple of decades, and I was stepping out at work for a smoke. And this admittedly gorgeous gal was sitting in the designated smoking area. Not smoking. Just reading a book.

And she was sitting at my table.

Now, there were other tables. And I suppose I could have sat at another one. Out in the sun rather than in the shade. But, quite frankly, it was hot enough in the shade at four o'clock in the afternoon. And, I'd had enough of the anti-smokers kicking me not only out of the building but telling me I had to sit in the most inconvenient place already that I wasn't prepared to cede one more inch to an obvious non-smoker. If she didn't like it, she could either go back inside where she could have the whole run of the building, or any of a dozen other places outside for the non-smokers.

And after a small greeting... I mean, there was no need to be rude... I lit up my smoke and opened my own book and prepared to ignore her for the length of time to burn another nail for my coffin.

Only, things didn't work out that way. 'Cause as it turned out, I was reading the seventeenth book of the series she was reading the fifteenth of. So, I didn't get to read at all. Although I did get to burn a second smoke as we sat there and chat-turbated.

For about six months, give or take, I'd have to put in weekends to get my work done, because her every spare moment she was up in my office if I didn't have time for a break. And... well, probably the less said about my breaks the better. Since I'd probably be accused of a Lit story.

And as far as Lit stories, since you'd mentioned them earlier... I'll 'fess up that I've been known to tell a terrible tale of a little tail or two. Here's the thing about writing a story.

Life is, by and large, boring. Hours, days, and even weeks nothing happens. Don't believe me? How many hours have you spent sleeping? Or using the bathroom? And then we have moments that are anything but. Then it goes right back to being boring.

Now, if you write a story the same way you live life, no one is going to be bothered to read it. No one wants to read about the dump you took that kept you on the toilet for fifteen minutes. Or the cup of veggie-loaded ramen you ate while watching the anime Seven Deadly Sins.

And, believe you me, we agonize over starting points and how much to put in to make it believable and how much to leave out. The better the writer, the more they agonize over it.

You said it yourself. "I now realize that life is much different than a short story."

Yes, it is. Because as a writer, when I write to imitate life, it's boring. So, if I want to be read, I have to trim and excise the boring parts and then string the parts left into a believable whole sans the boring parts.

It's exceptionally rare that someone will walk into a dance club, hit on a gal just barely inside the door...

And when she shoots them down, ask if that means a blowjob in the parking lot is out of the question...

And that shit actually works.

Oh, not for me. Hell, no. Actually, that guy I mentioned in my earlier post that talked me into going out to dance clubs. And when he did it, I was considering getting a few punches in myself on our way getting thrown out by the bouncers who he had managed to rivet their attention with his comment.

Only, the gal turned back around and gave him a second glance and said, "not necessarily."

And took his hand and walked right back out the door we'd just come in! With me and the bouncers looking at each other and wondering what the fuck we'd just missed.

That was a Thursday or Friday night. And I didn't see him again until Wednesday when he came dragging in to our monster five hour calc course for a test, wearing the same clothes, and asking me for a pencil. And when I asked where he'd been, informed me; "wasn't much out of the question."

We lost track for a couple of years since I'd changed my major. But, I bumped into them again the week after graduation. And fuck if they were not still together, even living together, but they were packing up to move back to the other side of the world where he'd come from to study at our little "podunk" university in the first place. (I hadn't had a clue our engineering dept was world renowned, since I'd wanted to go to M.I.T., but despite being accepted had settled for staying closer to home.)

But, yeah. If I were to write that story and publish it, I'd get lambasted for that one as being too unbelievable. But, on the other side of the coin, very few people have the... tenacity to make it through Heatstroked either. And, even there, I had to trim and cut to paste together something that might be a little more interesting than reality.

So, yeah. People tend to read Lit stories for what they came for. Typically the sexy bits. And they don't (often) want to wade through the more boring parts of life leading up to the sexy bits. Or as little as possible.

And this was what I was trying to get at in my earlier post. Some people (like that friend of mine from college) might get to live the Lit life. But, the overwhelming majority of us are just lost souls living in a fishbowl looking for love... or kismet... or whatever the fuck and wishing you were here...

But, I think what I was trying to get at got glazed over.

No, you probably shouldn't log off to go live the Lit life.

But, neither should you feel like the lone ranger.

My point is that whether s/he is visually aesthetically pleasing and makes you think of naughty weekends in all the best Literotica traditions or not, s/he is still a person. And much more the heart, mind, and soul within the meat bag they are wearing for a while whether visually appealing or not.

And, as such, there is no real reason you can't talk to them. As a person. Whether you have a silver-tongue and are charming or not.

Speaking of which... just how the Hell does one do well at business without being able to talk to people? Particularly as a workaholic boss?

See? You can talk to people. What you mean is, the blood-flow to your pants away from your brain makes it more difficult for you to talk to someone you are sexually attracted to, right? Or, at least, when you get all excited and start worrying about what the person you are wanting to talk to thinks about you, how they will judge you, the words don't dangle enticingly as the baited hook you want them to be for whatever reason...

That is what I was getting at when I said it doesn't, or shouldn't, matter what they look like. They are still a person.

And, if I have anything I might consider wisdom, that would be it. As someone raised with a beauty queen, cheerleader, model right down the hall... and her herd of friends who were also... cousins that wore the iconic blue crop top, white shorts, and knee-high "fuck me" boots on the sidelines shaking blue and silver pom-poms for fifty dollars a game for awhile (and THEIR friends)... as someone who has had relationships with cheerleaders, models, playmates, a movie "star" or two, a couple of musical people (and passed on others)... at the end of the day, they tend to appreciate being viewed as a multi-faceted person and talked to as one, appreciated as one.

But, typically by someone who has at least some commonality of interests with them.

So, what ARE your interests outside of work?

Like gaming? Would you care to hear statistics about paparazzi dodgers who also enjoy gaming?

Like music? Of course you do. Everyone likes music. Not the same music, mind you. But, some music. And I'm pretty sure the limb is trustworthy that I'm about to crawl out on and say that there are probably several people who like the same music you like. Some, even that you would find visually aesthetically appealing.

Have an interest in fashion beyond "less is more! Bring back crop tops and mini-skirts?"

How do you feel about history? Philosophy? Art? Extreme sports?

If you haven't tried it at least twice and had a horrible time, then you don't know you don't enjoy it. So, don't be afraid to try new things.

Whatever you enjoy, whatever you love to do, there are going to be other people crawling across this rock floating in lonely emptiness who also enjoy it.

So, do them. And typically, you're going to notice the same faces doing them too. There ya go. There are some friends. The social life you are lamenting the absence of.

That's how the people you mentioned you envy their social life got said social life in the first place. They liked... whatever. So, they went out and did it. And met other people that liked doing the same thing.

And then, amongst those friends you will make,... I'll crawl out on another limb that I'm betting will support my weight... you'll most likely find a dozen or so that are viscerally appealing as something more than "just friends."

(Now, whether they'll see YOU the same way, you're on your own. All I can tell you there is when you are friend-zoned, have some self-respect, and roll on. Maybe sometimes you can work your way from the friend zone to in-the-end zone, but more often you'll be the creep. And they talk. Assume every woman you know knows every woman you'll meet. And that they'll talk. 'Cause they do. And they are watching you. And taking notes. And comparing notes. The Sisterhood is everywhere. And they miss nothing, forget nothing... And that grandmother from the mall bench's granddaughter and I had a pretty good time until she headed off to Milan. 'Cause I'm just not the sort to be kept around if paparazzi are going to be involved, since I have a tendency to treat them like pinatas and party poppers.)

 

[Athalia]

Women don’t generally like being referred to as “females.” Using the word “women” will be much better received.

You know, that is so true. "Females" gives us almost the flavor of an alien species. (Documentary narrator: "And now we see the female feeding her young.") Something less than, or other than, human.

 

[Acktion]

You know, that is so true. "Females" gives us almost the flavor of an alien species. (Documentary narrator: "And now we see the female feeding her young.") Something less than, or other than, human.

 

[Slut2Abuse]

I think the sad truth of it is whether the person thinks you’re attractive or is into you. If a man I find attractive approaches me on the street, I’m flattered. If I’m not attracted, it can be creepy. So really hard to know..

 

[Athalia]

I think the sad truth of it is whether the person thinks you’re attractive or is into you. If a man I find attractive approaches me on the street, I’m flattered. If I’m not attracted, it can be creepy. So really hard to know..

Interesting. So you give attractive men slack that you don't give unattractive men. I guess I do that, too, but I'm not proud of it, and I'm trying to cure myself of it.

 

[Floridafun4everyone]

Very good and interesting thread. I’ve always been a little timid approaching a woman. I always felt a little awkward doing it, and probably too worried about rejection. In old age I’ve gotten way better, and think
Of all the missed opportunities that my shyness has cost me. Oh well, no
Looking back but forward

 

[stickygirl]

I think the sad truth of it is whether the person thinks you’re attractive or is into you. If a man I find attractive approaches me on the street, I’m flattered. If I’m not attracted, it can be creepy. So really hard to know..

There are a zillion ways to be creepy and very few that are not: respective ages; location - street, work, bar; how it is verbalised; dress; alone.

Difficult for a guy , with all his male privilege, to put themselves in a woman's position. Howabout you try? If you do, you be one step further away from the creep zone.