Challenge: Five Poems in Five Days.

[jonjonz68]

(I am going to try again.)

Once upon a time there was a mouth that refused talking or kissing.

The mouth is a woman with a mouth. It is a developmental suck worthy realization, as if the mouth or the woman had never sucked before.

Some nice imagery here. Very erotic and surreal. I almost think I liked the first draft better than this version--it was a little more open-ended. But still good.

 

[jonjonz68]

The best cock ache is the one in your chest
That throbs together with the stroke of your heart.

I think this is great: sexy and emotional at once.

 

[sweepthefloor]

Some nice imagery here. Very erotic and surreal. I almost think I liked the first draft better than this version--it was a little more open-ended. But still good.

Thank you! Yes, I have been trying to find closure.

I think this is great: sexy and emotional at once.

Thank you.

 

[LesInnerdragon]

Hey, I really liked the last poem you put up. It inspired a variation:

A root that runs from cock to heart.
My throat the stalk.
Eyes, ears, mouth and tongue
The shabby flower of a poor little weed.

Do I need to say you are the sun?
And when you’re close
I feel the root pull tight
Against some negligible clods.

 

[sweepthefloor]

Hey, I really liked the last poem you put up. It inspired a variation:

A root that runs from cock to heart.
My throat the stalk.
Eyes, ears, mouth and tongue
The shabby flower of a poor little weed.

Do I need to say you are the sun?
And when you’re close
I feel the root pull tight
Against some negligible clods.

Thank you. My favorite part of this variation is: "The shabby flower of a poor little weed. Do I need to say you are the sun?"
i love it!

 

[sweepthefloor]

3.

There is some come thing about the red dress-

It is the spool of red ribbon at the store
With the white dots that push
The internal mechanism inside me
To tick tick tick while I take all the ribbons
That have dots and line them up together neatly.

My hands tick while my heart tocks
A shopper with wide-eyed wonderment-
I hurry to complete this spool dot
Gathering mission- The wide eyes stop me-
And I place one red dotted ribbon spool in my cart- quietly.

I wear the red some come dress.

 

[LesInnerdragon]

Thank you. My favorite part of this variation is: "The shabby flower of a poor little weed. Do I need to say you are the sun?"
i love it!

Thanks for the props! You're very gracious.

 

[LesInnerdragon]

There is some come thing about the red dress-

It is the spool of red ribbon at the store
With the white dots that push
The internal mechanism inside me
To tick tick tick while I take all the ribbons
That have dots and line them up together neatly.

My hands tick while my heart tocks
A shopper with wide-eyed wonderment-
I hurry to complete this spool dot
Gathering mission- The wide eyes stop me-
And I place one red dotted ribbon spool in my cart- quietly.

I wear the red some come dress.

Yea, I don't know how you're doing this exactly, but you make this really sexy and obscure at the same time. It's like you're letting us read your mind because you know we won't quite get it anyway.

 

[eastern sun]

There is some come thing about the red dress-

It is the spool of red ribbon at the store
With the white dots that push
The internal mechanism inside me
To tick tick tick while I take all the ribbons
That have dots and line them up together neatly.

My hands tick while my heart tocks
A shopper with wide-eyed wonderment-
I hurry to complete this spool dot
Gathering mission- The wide eyes stop me-
And I place one red dotted ribbon spool in my cart- quietly.

I wear the red some come dress.

You write beautifully!

I love your words, and the shearing edge glimpse they give of your mind and methods.

How can I stalk you?

 

[drown]

Yea, I don't know how you're doing this exactly, but you make this really sexy and obscure at the same time. It's like you're letting us read your mind because you know we won't quite get it anyway.

i disagree...

this offering is entirely clear
and all the more vulnerably sexy for it.

what's to get, the literal?

or the moment...?

everybody should get off
in a moment of indecision.

and then again
when they sell it to you.

this speaker's
smooth.

 

[LesInnerdragon]

i disagree...

this offering is entirely clear
and all the more vulnerably sexy for it.

what's to get, the literal?

or the moment...?

everybody should get off
in a moment of indecision.

and then again
when they sell it to you.

this speaker's
smooth.

Dude, it's poetry and, by definition, open to interpretation. You know what you think it means. Maybe I'm taking it another way.

 

[drown]

Dude, it's poetry and, by definition, open to interpretation. You know what you think it means. Maybe I'm taking it another way.

oh no....
please don't misinterpret my criticism...

i just think that...
if you step back...

allow the writer's miasma of emotion to wash through you...

her intention is quite clear...

finding extreme titillation in the...
amorphousness of the immediate:

it can be a turn on to be totally at sea...

especially if the sense of self remains intact.

this writer relates some incredibly complex basics...

and admirable
regardless of how one might interpret it.

 

[sweepthefloor]

Thanks for the props! You're very gracious.

Yea, I don't know how you're doing this exactly, but you make this really sexy and obscure at the same time. It's like you're letting us read your mind because you know we won't quite get it anyway.

I will never reveal the simple secret. I am happy you like.

 

[sweepthefloor]

You write beautifully!

I love your words, and the shearing edge glimpse they give of your mind and methods.

How can I stalk you?

If I could capture the method like a math formula, I would still not quit my day job. Thank you so much for the band-aid on my sore. I have stalked you first!

 

[sweepthefloor]

i disagree...

this offering is entirely clear
and all the more vulnerably sexy for it.

what's to get, the literal?

or the moment...?

everybody should get off
in a moment of indecision.

and then again
when they sell it to you.

this speaker's
smooth.

Wrapping paper shreds easily,
The vulnerable stuff that it is-

I open the package and trample on the plastic peanuts,
That protect the fragile merchandise inside-

This makes a mess.

I re-wrap it with pretty paper,
And lash on silky red ribbons-
with white dots.
-----
thank you.

 

[sweepthefloor]

4.Shivering

Let me take this raw unprocessed heart
Out of the therapeutic hypothermic state,
And serve it to you re-warmed and sultry -
Sweltering on a strong paper plate of-

Twenty-four seven serves love to you.

 

[sweepthefloor]

5.

The system inside me
It is a blush brush-
On my apple cheeks-

Can they smell me?

I wet my panties again,
And the true predators know-

I have heat to plunder.

 

[LesInnerdragon]

Wow! That is hot!

 

[sweepthefloor]

Wow! That is hot!

Chronic Wet Panty Syndrome: A new diagnosis in the pervy medical world.

 

[LesInnerdragon]

Chronic Wet Panty Syndrome: A new diagnosis in the pervy medical world.

Science marches on. But I like how alluring Art snipes at it from the bushes.

 

[sweepthefloor]

1.

Time tocks on and your bruise is gone. There are a few red panties in the top drawer he has got to throw in the garbage if he has not already, and you have hundreds of pictures taken in a few short weeks. You delete them one by one, in a slow maniacal manner.

You run to the bathroom to look into the pinwheels spinning in your wet eyes and see the amusement park on your face. You are tiptoeing around broken down roller coasters that look shiny and new, but they don’t work anymore. The painters do a good job.

There are dishes to do and clothes to launder and you cake on the red lipstick, sniffing your lips as you work through a routine. Your ankles are too skinny and your ass is too small but someone will love you one day. So you get back to healthy and the eye doctor gives you glasses and you prepare to put yourself back on the market some time soon.

It is too late to fix your crooked teeth and you can’t erase the past. You have no regrets for ripping the braces off your teeth with pliers and you are not sorry about the experiences that molded you into who you are, a fine sculpture. There is a Master artist out there somewhere that did this to you.

The snow is going to melt one day and the spring wind will rape you again as it does every year. The ocean will belt you into submission. The sandy beach will take you on your knees. Your mouth is full of broken seashells. When you smile they slip out of the corner of your lips, bloody. You cannot hide your happiness.

 

[jonjonz68]

Nice, especially these parts:

You run to the bathroom to look into the pinwheels spinning in your wet eyes and see the amusement park on your face. You are tiptoeing around broken down roller coasters that look shiny and new, but they don’t work anymore. The painters do a good job.

. . . .

The sandy beach will take you on your knees. Your mouth is full of broken seashells. When you smile they slip out of the corner of your lips, bloody. You cannot hide your happiness.

JJ

 

[sweepthefloor]

Thank you JJ.

 

[sweepthefloor]

2.

The snow is going to melt one day and warmer weather is only two mortgage payments away. Hypothermia can be therapeutic for a period of time. Shivering tries to defeat therapy. I can’t melt hearts, my eyes are cold but my mouth is hot. The cock is not so far from the chest. My throat is not far from my lips. And I am sliding all down you till salty heart shaped sperm droplets spray my throat; I choke and swallow you love.

 

[sweepthefloor]

3.

A page full of words and I cannot make it blank again. Talking to yourself is not the same as writing poetry. The bubbles in the bath are white ultra moisturizing. He said he would find blue bubbles for my baths and I agreed that food coloring in the bath would not be a good idea for my skin. Movies make me lonely when I pick them by myself. I am blowing on soap.