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Chatting with Jennifer - Redux Part Deux

The following is a poem I wrote years ago during the height of our country's foray into Iraq and Afghanistan. I stumbled upon it whilst looking through some archived files of mine.


America is a beast
searching the world for a feast
where human fate is on the plate
violent riots being the detractors diets

What a world where liberty is fought
makes me think our world is rot

Yes America may be a beast
but surely an enemy in the least

In a world where caricatures
bring violent protest
religion revealed at is grossest

Beheadings of innocents
warrant nary a mention
these hypocritical leaders
deserve moral detention

If liberty and democracy is the beast
please release me into the wilderness
free from the tyranny of the middle east

Yes America may be a beast
but my enemy in the least.


What do y'all think of it?
 
Oh Baby

Hiya Darlin
Me thinks you should stick to writing hot sexxie stories. And posting hot sexxie pictures of yourself. :devil:
Grinzzzzz;)
Huggzzz Darlin
 
flirty_but_nice said:
The following is a poem I wrote years ago during the height of our country's foray into Iraq and Afghanistan. I stumbled upon it whilst looking through some archived files of mine.


America is a beast
searching the world for a feast
where human fate is on the plate
violent riots being the detractors diets

What a world where liberty is fought
makes me think our world is rot

Yes America may be a beast
but surely an enemy in the least

In a world where caricatures
bring violent protest
religion revealed at is grossest

Beheadings of innocents
warrant nary a mention
these hypocritical leaders
deserve moral detention

If liberty and democracy is the beast
please release me into the wilderness
free from the tyranny of the middle east

Yes America may be a beast
but my enemy in the least.


What do y'all think of it?
Click to expand...

The ideas are rough, good but unpolished, the form seems hard to work with for you, trying to squeeze the ideas to fit a form, instead of letting them fill out more. Keep with it! And I also agree about more stories and pics. :rose:
 
flirty_but_nice said:
The following is a poem I wrote years ago during the height of our country's foray into Iraq and Afghanistan. I stumbled upon it whilst looking through some archived files of mine.


America is a beast
searching the world for a feast
where human fate is on the plate
violent riots being the detractors diets

What a world where liberty is fought
makes me think our world is rot

Yes America may be a beast
but surely an enemy in the least

In a world where caricatures
bring violent protest
religion revealed at is grossest

Beheadings of innocents
warrant nary a mention
these hypocritical leaders
deserve moral detention

If liberty and democracy is the beast
please release me into the wilderness
free from the tyranny of the middle east

Yes America may be a beast
but my enemy in the least.


What do y'all think of it?
Click to expand...

Jen, there is a lot of truth in it but I think You could polish it up a bit.
 
Thanks for the review, guys.

I don't really ever write poetry and I certainly don't remember any of the rules pertaining to form and or structure in making poems. I do recall that one I put together really quickly in a haze of anger and frustration. When I stumbled upon it the other day, I was thinking that it sounded way beyond anything I might be able to create, but alas, I am hardly a qualified poetic critic. :)
 
I like it, Jen.

And you know I don't kiss your ass or pay you compliments lightly.
 
RawHumor said:
*bows*

So did it work? Did lots of guys send you the dick pics? :D
Click to expand...

I didn't, most likely because I don't know her but damn is she pretty. That and I don't like showing dick pics...

Oh shit, this was you being sarcastic...my bad
 
GI_Joe said:
I didn't, most likely because I don't know her but damn is she pretty. That and I don't like showing dick pics...

Oh shit, this was you being sarcastic...my bad
Click to expand...

Well, when I posted the original, I was sorta hoping Jen would get inundated with pics from guys wanting to impress her... just cuz I'm sweet like that.

:D
 
RawHumor said:
Well, when I posted the original, I was sorta hoping Jen would get inundated with pics from guys wanting to impress her... just cuz I'm sweet like that.

:D
Click to expand...

Darlin, with or without you, I am always getting offers to impress. ;-)
 
flirty_but_nice said:
Darlin, with or without you, I am always getting offers to impress. ;-)
Click to expand...

If you ever find your way to the great state of Michigan (and could somehow not mess up your relationship by doing so), I'd love for you to teach me a lesson in tennis.

I mean, I know how to play... but I want to see how good you are.
 
Good morning! I wanted to pop in and say hello and intro myself. So...Hello! :rose:
 
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