Chronic Tardiness
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midwestyankee
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I don't like tardiness. Chronic tardiness is just really difficult to tolerate. I do it for some of my buds, but frankly I would never do it with my partner. Thank god, he doesn't have that particular fatal flaw.
I've checked...and chronic tardiness is also not substantial enough provocation to reduce murder to self defense in Illinois.
minx1
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I was raised by my dad to believe 'punctuality is the politeness of kings' lol
When I was growing up and started going to parties, he would do practice runs in the car the week before, to make sure we wouldn't be late *laugh*
Consequently I do always try to be punctual and usually am on time, if not early. However I have become a little more laid back about occassional tardiness. I think the key thing is knowing the occassions when lateness isn't really an issue....like those parties when actually its ok to rock up at any time and occassions when it _really_ does matter; for instance when I was meeting my D. I remember meeting him somewhere once and getting there an hour and a half early as I knew he wouldn't be too pleased if I kept him waiting.
Living in London also required me to adjust my attitude to lateness somewhat, as no-one _ever_ gets anywhere on time.
When I was growing up and started going to parties, he would do practice runs in the car the week before, to make sure we wouldn't be late *laugh*
Consequently I do always try to be punctual and usually am on time, if not early. However I have become a little more laid back about occassional tardiness. I think the key thing is knowing the occassions when lateness isn't really an issue....like those parties when actually its ok to rock up at any time and occassions when it _really_ does matter; for instance when I was meeting my D. I remember meeting him somewhere once and getting there an hour and a half early as I knew he wouldn't be too pleased if I kept him waiting.
Living in London also required me to adjust my attitude to lateness somewhat, as no-one _ever_ gets anywhere on time.
naxalite0906
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I was raised by my dad to believe 'punctuality is the politeness of kings' lol
When I was growing up and started going to parties, he would do practice runs in the car the week before, to make sure we wouldn't be late *laugh*
Consequently I do always try to be punctual and usually am on time, if not early. However I have become a little more laid back about occassional tardiness. I think the key thing is knowing the occassions when lateness isn't really an issue....like those parties when actually its ok to rock up at any time and occassions when it _really_ does matter; for instance when I was meeting my D. I remember meeting him somewhere once and getting there an hour and a half early as I knew he wouldn't be too pleased if I kept him waiting.
Living in London also required me to adjust my attitude to lateness somewhat, as no-one _ever_ gets anywhere on time.
That is because London is rubbish in that sense as it always takes FAR too long to get anywhere! lol.
SubKekiLee
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I too am very anal about being on time. I am always at least 30 minutes early for work. and most functions. Now my mother ( god rest her soul) you would have to do as Marquis said and tell her things were 2 hours before they reallly were as she just took her sweet time. Ie: the day I got married here I am the bride and she was still dying her hair when the limo showed up.. Now come on wasn't I the one who was supposed to be late? an even though she was always tardy I loved her beyond words though.. Sir is almost always on time. but at times things get in the way I hope as time goes on Ill rub off on him.. 
......
Sir is almost always on time. but at times things get in the way I hope as time goes on Ill rub off on him.. ......
ecstaticsub
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I think for me it's just plain stubbornness. I can't count the number of times people just assumed that because I always had a baby on one hip, and toddler (or two) by the hand, I wouldn't be on time. Instead of cutting myself some slack (I know, when do I ever?), I made a point to always be 5 minutes early. I didn't want to get in the habit of blaming my circumstances for my timeliness, or worry about the kids feeling it was "their fault" we were running late.
Of course the side effect of it all, is that now I get anxious if I'm not a bit early.
When my children were babies was the only time I was ever late. It would drive me crazy. It always seemed that I would be walking out the door and one would have a diaper blow out and I would have to do a complete diaper and clothing change. Usually though I would still never be more than 5 minutes late but for me who is always 15 minutes early I would consider that late.
im_a_voyeur
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I'm pretty much all over the map. There are times where I am early or exactly on time and then there are times that I run late. It depends on the situation and sometimes the people I am meeting may influence the timing. I have been chastised at times for my tardiness but then have had to deal with the tardiness of those same people. When I have to wait for those people, I get an attitude because I can't stands me a hypocrite.
Sometimes things happen that I didn't plan for and sometimes I don't allot myself enough time foolishly thinking getting ready wasn't going to be such a process. If I am running late, I do try to let the person know I'm running late and I do feel terribly guilty.
Sometimes things happen that I didn't plan for and sometimes I don't allot myself enough time foolishly thinking getting ready wasn't going to be such a process. If I am running late, I do try to let the person know I'm running late and I do feel terribly guilty.
eastern sun
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I am chronically punctual, i.e. showing up within a minute or two of the appointed time. To this day, I amaze myself with this uncanny ability to go three blocks or three hundred miles, and still end up with about five minutes to spare. Just enough time to check my makeup in the rearview mirror.
My husband, though, is never on time. Early in our relationship, most of our conflict centered on this difference between us. His apparent disregard for other people's schedules drove me crazy, and I spent a lot of time waiting in a high state of anxiety for him to be ready. And often shared my anxiety with him. I thought it was his passive/aggressive way of taking control over circumstances he didn't like.
Then I became his slave.
On my own, with my kids, I am still punctual. With him, we are never on time (with the exception of Broadway shows and movies - where I still take my seat when we arrive, and he always makes it by the time the lights dim or the trailers end.)
What I've learned, is that, though we are never on time, we are never actually late either. There are many times when our "lateness" has in fact given our hosts opportunities they wanted to finish getting ready. Or saved us an even longer wait at the doctor's office. I still don't share his sense of timing, but I have learned that I don't need to fight it, or feel unduly anxious.
And on the occasions when I am the motivating force out the door, it has usually given him a chance to relax on his day off, without having to watch the clock or keep track of the family schedule.
The key is to learn to drop the anxiety.
My husband, though, is never on time. Early in our relationship, most of our conflict centered on this difference between us. His apparent disregard for other people's schedules drove me crazy, and I spent a lot of time waiting in a high state of anxiety for him to be ready. And often shared my anxiety with him. I thought it was his passive/aggressive way of taking control over circumstances he didn't like.
Then I became his slave.
On my own, with my kids, I am still punctual. With him, we are never on time (with the exception of Broadway shows and movies - where I still take my seat when we arrive, and he always makes it by the time the lights dim or the trailers end.)
What I've learned, is that, though we are never on time, we are never actually late either. There are many times when our "lateness" has in fact given our hosts opportunities they wanted to finish getting ready. Or saved us an even longer wait at the doctor's office. I still don't share his sense of timing, but I have learned that I don't need to fight it, or feel unduly anxious.
And on the occasions when I am the motivating force out the door, it has usually given him a chance to relax on his day off, without having to watch the clock or keep track of the family schedule.
The key is to learn to drop the anxiety.
Homburg
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It depends. I work in a field that has me driving to all sorts of locations, over a broad area, with fluid times at each site, and dealing with some truly obnoxious and very random traffic. I don't set appointments as a result, I set windows of time. To an extent, the clock is a leash, and I don't allow my clients to dictate my schedule. My business simply does not operate that way, and I jealousy enforce that particular priviledge.
In my personal life, my punctuality is fluid as well, based on a variety of factors. Respect for the person/s I am meeting is a major one. How integral I am is another. If my prsence is not central to whatever activity is happening, punctuality is less of an issue. If I am indispensible, so is punctuality. That said, most of my friends are the same way, and we all operate under similarly fluid schedules due to this.
That said, there are a few folks in my social circle that are chronically and infuriatingly late. A few minutes is okay. Hell, even fifteen minutes or so is fine. One particular woman is chronically late by 45+ minutes to anything. The only way she made her own wedding even remotely close to on-time (30 minutes late) was because her mother was on her back all day long.
Overall though, I'm flexible about my own scheduling, so I am likewise flexible about my expectations. And, as MIS and viv will say, I have something of a thing for messing with the schedule of others. Many, many times we've been getting ready to go somewhere, meet someone, or somesuch and it was an event/person/whatever that I had little regard for, and I would suddenly decide that it was a good time to get randy. I eventually figured out that it was asserting my dominance over their scheduling, and expressing my disregard for the appointment. Passive-aggressive? Maybe, but certainly dick-headed, I admit.
In my personal life, my punctuality is fluid as well, based on a variety of factors. Respect for the person/s I am meeting is a major one. How integral I am is another. If my prsence is not central to whatever activity is happening, punctuality is less of an issue. If I am indispensible, so is punctuality. That said, most of my friends are the same way, and we all operate under similarly fluid schedules due to this.
That said, there are a few folks in my social circle that are chronically and infuriatingly late. A few minutes is okay. Hell, even fifteen minutes or so is fine. One particular woman is chronically late by 45+ minutes to anything. The only way she made her own wedding even remotely close to on-time (30 minutes late) was because her mother was on her back all day long.
Overall though, I'm flexible about my own scheduling, so I am likewise flexible about my expectations. And, as MIS and viv will say, I have something of a thing for messing with the schedule of others. Many, many times we've been getting ready to go somewhere, meet someone, or somesuch and it was an event/person/whatever that I had little regard for, and I would suddenly decide that it was a good time to get randy. I eventually figured out that it was asserting my dominance over their scheduling, and expressing my disregard for the appointment. Passive-aggressive? Maybe, but certainly dick-headed, I admit.
incubus666
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A commentment on Sir Winston54 post about the military.
A bunch of years ago I was On a sea going Admiral's staff. During the time I was there we had 3 different Admirals. The boss got a full briefing from his staff on what was going on in his area of responsibility every morning. . 30+ very senior officers and perhaps 20 more junior officers and enlisted men.
Of the 3 Admirals 2 were always on time for the briefings. 1 was always late. So now we had over 50 members of his staff setting around waiting for the boss to show up. I remember him being as much as an hour late.
The 2 on time guys got got promoted. 1 became the most senior officer in the navy.
The perpetually late guy got retired after his tenure.
I always wondered who dropped a dime on him.
A bunch of years ago I was On a sea going Admiral's staff. During the time I was there we had 3 different Admirals. The boss got a full briefing from his staff on what was going on in his area of responsibility every morning. . 30+ very senior officers and perhaps 20 more junior officers and enlisted men.
Of the 3 Admirals 2 were always on time for the briefings. 1 was always late. So now we had over 50 members of his staff setting around waiting for the boss to show up. I remember him being as much as an hour late.
The 2 on time guys got got promoted. 1 became the most senior officer in the navy.
The perpetually late guy got retired after his tenure.
I always wondered who dropped a dime on him.
Okay, so people have PYL's that have this problem as well. Here I thought I was alone.
My parents taught me that "on time" meant five or ten minutes early. Anything less is disrespectful. I have been known to do "dry runs", and don't mind waiting if I am a half hour early. Better early than late.
Wolf, on the other hand, claims that she's never late, she's just not early. She is in effing denial. Although I do my best to remain outwardly impassive, I am in misery every time we go somewhere together.
If she drops me off at work, I will go in and sprint to the timeclock to punch in. (Being late goes on your record, and your yearly increase will be affected.) If we are going to church, I will struggle with nausea and tears.
I relinquished my car as a trade-in when she got her new car; therefore I am at her mercy whenever I need or want to go somewhere. I regret it every time we are late.
My parents taught me that "on time" meant five or ten minutes early. Anything less is disrespectful. I have been known to do "dry runs", and don't mind waiting if I am a half hour early. Better early than late.
Wolf, on the other hand, claims that she's never late, she's just not early. She is in effing denial. Although I do my best to remain outwardly impassive, I am in misery every time we go somewhere together.
If she drops me off at work, I will go in and sprint to the timeclock to punch in. (Being late goes on your record, and your yearly increase will be affected.) If we are going to church, I will struggle with nausea and tears.
I relinquished my car as a trade-in when she got her new car; therefore I am at her mercy whenever I need or want to go somewhere. I regret it every time we are late.
I think being late is sometimes a choice thing and sometimes a fuction of the real world. I use myself as an example all the time .
I live life in a wheelchair and am actually waiting for a man who can deal with my illness but that's a different topic. But becuse of my disablity I am dependent on rides EVERYWHERE, so that makes time an issue.
I've noticed that when a friend is driving me to and from a place i'm early or my tardiness is caused by something beyond my control. When it's someone I dislike or fear and im late i dontr care as much. I do feel a little bad but the way i figure it the woman who controls the rides knows who I'm afraid of and if she can't reapect me eough not to cause me horrible panic then i dont have to car about her time table
I live life in a wheelchair and am actually waiting for a man who can deal with my illness but that's a different topic. But becuse of my disablity I am dependent on rides EVERYWHERE, so that makes time an issue.
I've noticed that when a friend is driving me to and from a place i'm early or my tardiness is caused by something beyond my control. When it's someone I dislike or fear and im late i dontr care as much. I do feel a little bad but the way i figure it the woman who controls the rides knows who I'm afraid of and if she can't reapect me eough not to cause me horrible panic then i dont have to car about her time table
BiBunny
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Hahahahahaha. Riiiight.
midwestyankee
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Might I suggest that you read BB's first post in this thread? If you've already read it, then I suggest some quick lessons in reading comprehension.
midwestyankee
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If you knew that your post was a gross oversimplification, why bother say it at all?
JMohegan
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This is the way I see it, too.
I'd be willing to listen to explanations about anxiety or whatever, but barring a plausible description of the problem *and* a good faith effort to adjust for it, I would definitely interpret chronic tardiness as a sign of disrespect.
Keroin
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"If you knew that your post was a gross oversimplification, why bother say it at all?"
Because, obviously, I am a complete moron with limited social skills. Also, I'm generally a bad person. I should be punished. I did mention my leaning is to the lower case letter side of the spectrum, no?
Ah, lurked for months, finally made a move, only to be shooed off to the dusty corner again.
Good topic RR. Thanks.
Because, obviously, I am a complete moron with limited social skills. Also, I'm generally a bad person. I should be punished. I did mention my leaning is to the lower case letter side of the spectrum, no?
Ah, lurked for months, finally made a move, only to be shooed off to the dusty corner again.
Good topic RR. Thanks.
rosco rathbone
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Interesting. Some folks are saying that they are early due to anxiety and others that they are late for the same reason.
I'm one of those people who leaves an hours worth of slack just in case there's a traffic jam or what have you.
It's hard for me to deal with someone operating on a completely different concept of time and of the responsibilities owed to one's employer.
At first, I get angry and think "this is just wrong"; but I really have to wonder what makes someone chronically tardy?
It is good to see what others have to say.
I'm one of those people who leaves an hours worth of slack just in case there's a traffic jam or what have you.
It's hard for me to deal with someone operating on a completely different concept of time and of the responsibilities owed to one's employer.
At first, I get angry and think "this is just wrong"; but I really have to wonder what makes someone chronically tardy?
It is good to see what others have to say.
rosco rathbone
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Extensive experience with "our kind" of females convinces me that there's a lot to this theory.
rosco rathbone
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Living in London also required me to adjust my attitude to lateness somewhat, as no-one _ever_ gets anywhere on time.
I live in NYC and I can tell you how long it will take me to get to pretty much anywhere in the 5 boros within 10 minutes.
Anal, like I said.
Keroin
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I have been on both sides. CT (Chronically Tardy) into my mid twenties but always with a good reason or three. Then I began to zealously pursue a career with zero tolerance for unpunctuality, (if that's not a real word, it should be), and magically I was cured. It seems my "reasons" were really excuses masquerading as reasons. Who knew?
While at my dream job one day, a co-worker and I were discussing punctuality when she hit me with that phrase, "When you are late you are saying: I am more important than you". Like a sucker punch to the jaw, I realized in an instant what a selfish ass I'd been all those years. Since then, not only have I never been late, I have become - like you RR - anally punctual. I've also trained myself not to lose my car keys ten times per day; will miracles never cease?
So, yes, some people, such as BB, have reasons for being late but I'm of the opinion that most just have excuses, which boil down to a lack of respect for others. Assuming a PYL/pyl relationship is founded on, (among other ideals), respect from both top and bottom then shouldn't it logically follow that a pyl (except those with genuine reasons - lest I be tarred and feathered again), would strive to be on time?
As a deterrant for CT, perhaps some heavy time-keeping apparatus tied to the sensitive body bits of one's pyl? Or a barrage of time-sensitive tasks? Or withhold chocolate privileges? (Perhaps the last suggestion is a bit extreme).
(midwestyankee, I'm not so bad once you get to know me. I'm kind to puppies and I make a killer martini.)
While at my dream job one day, a co-worker and I were discussing punctuality when she hit me with that phrase, "When you are late you are saying: I am more important than you". Like a sucker punch to the jaw, I realized in an instant what a selfish ass I'd been all those years. Since then, not only have I never been late, I have become - like you RR - anally punctual. I've also trained myself not to lose my car keys ten times per day; will miracles never cease?
So, yes, some people, such as BB, have reasons for being late but I'm of the opinion that most just have excuses, which boil down to a lack of respect for others. Assuming a PYL/pyl relationship is founded on, (among other ideals), respect from both top and bottom then shouldn't it logically follow that a pyl (except those with genuine reasons - lest I be tarred and feathered again), would strive to be on time?
As a deterrant for CT, perhaps some heavy time-keeping apparatus tied to the sensitive body bits of one's pyl? Or a barrage of time-sensitive tasks? Or withhold chocolate privileges? (Perhaps the last suggestion is a bit extreme).
(midwestyankee, I'm not so bad once you get to know me. I'm kind to puppies and I make a killer martini.)
