Collar Etiquette

[mscherrypoppins]

Thank you for the feedback.

I believed that the man I married shared the same ideas of what it ment as I did. When I married, I believed whole heartedly that it was for life, and that I would never know another man as I knew my husband.

It doesn't change the way I veiw marrage, I still believe I can never marry some one who is not in it for live, or at least whom I believe is in it for life. You never can know some one's thoughts, feelings and beliefs completely, only what they share with you.

The collar I accepted from that friend was significan't of that part of our relationship and our lives. I accepted it as I would have a friendship bracelet, or any other symbol. Just because that part of our lives is over, does not mean that that symbol is any less significant, just that it doesn't fit for us right now.

I had an even harder time when Jounar decided to release me. He did it because he thought it was best, even though it was something neither of us truely wanted. Even tho he never gave me the collar I wore, even tho he never "really" collared me, the collar I associated with him went on the nightstand and I thought it would never grace my neck again. But we worked out what seemed impossible, and it did rest against my throat again.
You can't predict the way a relationship will go, especially in these days when devorce is so easy.

Your sentiments are beautiful. It is alot like her I think. Since I am new, and know nothing, I'm glad that you and Jounar found your way back to one another.

Personally, this is why I didn't receive collars from anyone until I met the one I intended being with for life, understood what that meant, and meant it. I could never, and still can't envision accepting and wearing a collar, only to then put it aside, try to give it back, allow anyone else to handle or wear it, and/or contemplate accepting another from someone else who just happens to come along and seem just as good as the previous one did when I accepted their collar. This, thankfully is shared by both of us, and he has said that even if he was to die, I am not to think of being collared by another.

Stay out of it and certainly forget about schemes of 'losing it' on purpose for them. Growth can be a wonderful thing.

I understand Catalina. I envy this type of connection that you say you have. Just as I envy an elderly couple that still holds hands after being married more than half their life. I'm not chiding you. To know that love would be amazing. It's just not possible for everyone to have it.

The trappings of our relationships have a very deep meaning to most, though not all. I know for a fact -having had frank and honest discussions- that while any infidelity on my part would crush my wife/pyl, infidelity of a BDSM nature would be worse for her because she knows full well the level of connection involved. By extension, I have to postulate that using her collar or toys she "owns" would be an even deeper violation.

IMO. Perfectly said. I appreciate your input as I measure quality not post counts. You made alot of sense to me.

I understand it is hard to take us (me)(newbies) seriously in a tight knit place.

I myself have terrible times letting go of the past.

.... but when it comes to old relationships, I mainly use the envelope strategy that the captain's wench mentioned, with one addendum; the envelope is sealed.

Good idea. Knowing her, she'd keep opening the damn envelope and put it into a new one each time she did.

 

[Etoile]

To know that love would be amazing. It's just not possible for everyone to have it.

Damn right. I would venture that the great majority of people - well over 50% - are never truly happy in their love life...after the spark fades, they hang on, or the spark is never there, or it's settling for less than a real spark, or it's a convenient relationship, or it's habit, etc. etc. Most people never find the real love of their life, the love that stays with them all through the years. My wife and I have been together 11 years now and I still worry that someday we'll grow apart; I know couples who have been together 15, 17, 20 years and broken up. My wife and I are deeply in love and plan to spend the rest of our lives together, but no matter how perfect things seem, the possibility for change is there, and no one - no one - is immune to it.

 

[Bandit58]

Adding my vote to the let her grieve as she needs to/wants to. Everyone handles grief differently.

While not a collar, I still have my wedding band, although I've been divorced over 1/2 my life. It has no sentimental meaning to me. I never wear it...just don't see any reason to dispose of it.

I was married to my first husband for 23 years. When I left, I wore my wedding and engagement rings for about 4 months, then removed them and passed them on to my daughter (14 at the time). They are worth a bit of money so I hope she makes the most of it

I've kept a few mementoes of a previous relationship in a drawer...haven't looked at them in over a year. However the tattoo I got then is a permanent reminder of that time....it's just a symbol (no names!) and Sir likes the design so there's no problem with it. It's a reminder of how far I have come (and how far I had still to go when I got it)

As far as the OP's post/question, I believe it is up to her friend when she decides to let it go. Everyone's journey is different and it may take her two months or two years - and as long as it is not holding her back from living her life then I see no problem.

 

[dogskatt]

Hello everyone! I'm new so guide me if this thread has been posted before. Although, alot look pretty repetitive.

I have a friend who was collared by her PYL. Later, when they got married, she was given a custom made collar which was pretty expensive as it was considered part of their marital union. However, they ended up getting a divorce. She has tried repeatedly to give the collar back but is told that it cannot be accepted. I think it goes on the premise that she'll go back to him but she won't. Trust me. Even if you think that is a bold statement for me to make. She still has not gotten rid of it, and in some way, I believe (or I'm sure) it holds her back. Someone offered to buy it from her, friends told her to throw it away, etc. Someone even asked to borrow it just so that it could have "accidentally gotten lost" but she was on to us

So, what are your ideas or suggestions? What do you think is the right or proper thing to do? Maybe she'll read and listen to you guys.

I have been reading the thread, allot of good points have been made, I still have a ring hidden away from my ex- that he gave to me just before we separated four years ago, I offered it back and he did not want it.

I do not feel it is she who cannot let go in away, I could be wrong but for me... it is a matter of I want him to accept the fact that we are no longer an item. I want him to take it back willingly so that he may heel as well. I have already done my heeling, and as soon as I can afford it or if he ever goes for it we will be getting divorced, I just cannot afford one. I have moved on with my life, and I think it could be the same for your friend. Like I said I may be wrong but I know everyone has a reason and if she was willing to give it back it kind tells me that she may not be the one still grieving. Mind you I do not know the facts either. Best of luck!