Community Values?!@#

[Daddyslilpet]

Thanks for the welcome Serijules. To let you know, I've noticed and read your posts many times.

Dixiecritter, no offense taken and no argument here either. Not sure I said anything about flirting tho'...in my opinion flirting is healthy human behaviour.
We are social creatures afterall.

I'm sorry, I thought I'd separated that part off enough so that it was clear that wasn't directed at you. It was directed at no one person in particular honestly. Sorry for the confussion.

 

[serijules]

I certainly didn't mean to imply there was anything wrong with flirting or to insult it...just saying that it isn't something I have any skills at and sometimes feel "left out" of that kind of interaction through no one's fault at all. Just like some people apparently feel segregated by threads directed at certain people/roles. There is segregation of many many types in any forum. My point was that a lot of people probably feels separate from some aspect of the community in some way and that it is easy enough to avoid that feeling if you really want to rather than letting it affect a person's desire to stay here. I do by avoiding the threads that are obviously fluffy/flirting as I wouldn't feel comfortable participating in them. That's all.

 

[dominiqque]

By the way dixie, if I may call you that...a very nice "mark of ownership" tattoo. In response to one of the previous posts. I'm kinda socially phobic myself and like some women, way too emotional; oh yes and depending on the moon's phase...hormonal. That more or less says it all in terms of my posting style or interaction with people generally..******* or other. Sensitive, emotional and occasionally passive agressive, that's me.

 

[Etoile]

I've been in and out in recent months, reading for the most part. My personal feelings on this subject are as follows. Those people who have been around here for years have no doubt come across every topic imaginable pertaining to kink, D/s BDSM... whatever and they seem bored with all of it. Hence, all they seem to do is criticise, mock, hi-jack threads and back bite. Alot of what has gone on recently in a couple of threads stem from personal issues involving others who are again "oldtimers" and relative newbies get sucked into the mire. If you want new people posting here regularly, someone has got to make some attempt to clean up shop. Alot of people have grown too comfortable with their smarmy posting, knowing full well that their behaviour will be tolerated, and seriously, isn't it time to allow for a new wave of people to join these forums. Some sort of changes need to be made. Moderators included.
Just as others have said in earlier posts...if you don't like the subject matter, don't post for pete's sakes, why ruin things for others....why not STFO and move on quietly?

Speaking as someone who has been around here longer than most, I would like to say that I just don't understand this sentiment. I don't think "old-timers" are necessarily more jaded, and I see new people joining almost every day. There are some people who are cliquish and even a bit snobby, but I don't think it has to do with having been here a long time - I think it's more about integrating yourself or finding a clan early on.

Maybe it's just that I've been around here too long and I've come full circle, but I realy don't think age (on the board) has anything to do with it. Wizard has been here a year longer than me, and is one of the nicest, kindest people you could meet on Lit. I like to think I'm pretty welcoming too, and I've been around here six years.

I don't think "a change" is necessary, because I see this place evolving every day. A more likely reason newbies don't stick around is because their questions have been answered, than because they've been scared off by "old-timers." People come, ask their questions, and either stay or don't. There's not a day goes by that NO new threads are started in Talk or the Cafe. (I subscribe to the forums, so I know when there are new threads.) That is why I say we are evolving. People come and go, threads come and go, cliques come and go. We change every day...it's the way things are here.

As for the moderators, I don't think that has anything to do with it. I've been a moderator on Lit since May 2003, and I've watched Catalina and Marquis carefully - both to monitor them and to learn from them. I think they do a great job as moderators. It is vital that you remember moderators are posters, too. I have a sticky thread in GLBT Chatter reminding people of that fact. Catalina and Marquis have every right to speak their mind, join clans if they like, snark at whomever they like. I personally try to set a good example on my board, and from what I have seen they do too - but they are allowed to act however they choose.

I have been the newbie on "closed" boards. I tried to join a weight loss board that was already well-established as a small group of friends, and anybody joining had to really participate to become part of the group. For me that was more effort than it was worth, so I dropped out. But I don't see Lit that way at all. We are always talking about things that give newbies a great entry into our community. If they don't want to stay, that's up to them. It IS incumbent upon newbies to read the Library - which is way better than just having to search for everything, by the way - which is why they are sometimes directed there by "old-timers." But I also see their questions answered - rarely is someone JUST told "go read the Library" and that's it.

I've been rambling here for a while now, but this post really stirred up a lot in me. Thanks for listening.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Some sort of changes need to be made. Moderators included.

Are you volunteering? And would your style include telling people how to post, what they can say and can't say, what they should think, and ordering them to pay special attention to everyone who makes a first post? I think you might find that moderating is far from the glamourous, prestigious job some imagine it is, nor is it something which only requires an hour or 2 a week, at least not on forums as busy as this one. Even when shit is happening in your own personal life, you are still a mod and need to do what has to be done here, even though most are supportive and understand if you don't....it is a commitment I take too seriously to take advantage of their generosity and support in those times. And believe me, if you slack off on a regular day and don't bother doing what you have committed to do, you are soon reminded by someone you perhaps are not doing your job and should move on. Fortunately Lit believes in free speech so we do not have the extra burden of editing or deleting posts/threads which are not favoured by some or all.

As to 'old timers', they have made the forum what it is, have contributed in both posts and decisions about future directions repeatedly, and funnily enough, as many have mentioned they too were once the newbies....it is inevitable you become an old timer if you participate in the discussions and stick around longer than it takes to complain about being a newbie....I see it as a reflection of life as a whole, we all are the new kid on the block several times during our life span, the strong deal accept it as fact and move forward, others choose to sit on the sidelines and ask why people do not make way for them as if they are special. We are all special, we are all unique, the only poeple I see given the message they are not so welcome here are those who come here deliberately to troll and cause mischief for their own amusement and even then they are often tolerated. We too were newbies at one stage and while I do not recall any nastiness, it took people awhile to accept us, to realise we had arrived and were staying, but it didn't make us feel unwelcome....after all, they didn't know us, why should they give us special treatment? It is a reflection of RL....no-one accepts and treats someone the same on a first or second meeting as they do a friend or aquaintance they have known for some time...it is human nature to wait and see who that person is. Just like we were, you are just as welcome to post here instead of just mostly reading...you might find you even like it here once you let people get to know you.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

I've watched Catalina and Marquis carefully - both to monitor them and to learn from them. I think they do a great job as moderators. It is vital that you remember moderators are posters, too. I have a sticky thread in GLBT Chatter reminding people of that fact. Catalina and Marquis have every right to speak their mind, join clans if they like, snark at whomever they like.

Thanks Etoile. You're not so bad yourself.

Catalina

 

[MasterPhoenix]

Interesting points made in this thread...

 

[WriterDom]

Why should anyone care what a thread "might look or feel to others" ??

If it holds no interest, then don't open it. If anyone does read every post here, they probably need professional help.

So what if a person only visits or posts on one thread? It's called freedom of speech.

I hate to break it to you people, but 99% of everything said in this forum has been said 10 times before. Along with numerous threads on "what is wrong" and "how to fix it." If you don't like things, leave for 3 weeks and come back to a brand new board.

 

[BeachGurl2]

Speaking as someone who has been around here longer than most, I would like to say that I just don't understand this sentiment. I don't think "old-timers" are necessarily more jaded, and I see new people joining almost every day. There are some people who are cliquish and even a bit snobby, but I don't think it has to do with having been here a long time - I think it's more about integrating yourself or finding a clan early on.

Maybe it's just that I've been around here too long and I've come full circle, but I realy don't think age (on the board) has anything to do with it. Wizard has been here a year longer than me, and is one of the nicest, kindest people you could meet on Lit. I like to think I'm pretty welcoming too, and I've been around here six years.

I don't think "a change" is necessary, because I see this place evolving every day. A more likely reason newbies don't stick around is because their questions have been answered, than because they've been scared off by "old-timers." People come, ask their questions, and either stay or don't. There's not a day goes by that NO new threads are started in Talk or the Cafe. (I subscribe to the forums, so I know when there are new threads.) That is why I say we are evolving. People come and go, threads come and go, cliques come and go. We change every day...it's the way things are here.

As for the moderators, I don't think that has anything to do with it. I've been a moderator on Lit since May 2003, and I've watched Catalina and Marquis carefully - both to monitor them and to learn from them. I think they do a great job as moderators. It is vital that you remember moderators are posters, too. I have a sticky thread in GLBT Chatter reminding people of that fact. Catalina and Marquis have every right to speak their mind, join clans if they like, snark at whomever they like. I personally try to set a good example on my board, and from what I have seen they do too - but they are allowed to act however they choose.

I have been the newbie on "closed" boards. I tried to join a weight loss board that was already well-established as a small group of friends, and anybody joining had to really participate to become part of the group. For me that was more effort than it was worth, so I dropped out. But I don't see Lit that way at all. We are always talking about things that give newbies a great entry into our community. If they don't want to stay, that's up to them. It IS incumbent upon newbies to read the Library - which is way better than just having to search for everything, by the way - which is why they are sometimes directed there by "old-timers." But I also see their questions answered - rarely is someone JUST told "go read the Library" and that's it.

I've been rambling here for a while now, but this post really stirred up a lot in me. Thanks for listening.

Very well said, Etoile. Having been a newcomer just a year or so ago, I know the feeling of not having the connection the old timers seem to have.

I was put off by one such old timer and felt personally attacked, so I left these boards for awhile, although I continued to lurk here. However, I realized that whether the attack was personal or not, it was just one person and shouldn't keep me from joining in the discussions that interested me. So I came back, slowly began posting again, and found a place for myself. I know that there are many people here who don't agree with my position on many things, some who still view me as a newbie, but that's okay with me.

Everyone has their own personality. Everyone has their own agenda. Those things come out here just like they do in real life. There are people here who chap my ass a lot. But I still like reading their stuff. And this board is no different than visiting the dungeon here in Phoenix. It's not the floor master's position to stop or police activities he personally finds distasteful, it is his job to make sure the people playing are safe. That's it. And he can play, too, when things slow down. The moderators here are quite the same. It's not their job to police the things that are discussed or to stop hi-jacks. And if you're asking that they not have their own opinions, quite frankly, I don't see how that is possible.

As WriterDom says, if you don't like it here, you certainly don't have to join in.

Okay, off my soapbox.

 

[Quint]

..............

 

[FurryFury]

I see this forum as just as much mine as anyone else's. I enjoy it here. So there isn't any chance in hell I'm giving it up because someone pisses me off. It happens, the being pissed off, from time to time. That's just life as I see it.

Fury

 

[CutieMouse]

Okay, so the intersting thing in this whole thread, is the sociological aspect of it all...

When I started posting at Lit a few years ago, I felt intimidated by some (AA used the scare the crap out of me), but never unwelcome. Nor did I get upset (that I remember) if people didn't like my views- after all they were *my* views... no one is obligated to agree with or appreciate them.

I posted often enough that people got used to me, but I never really considered anything I wrote to be of great insight or anything- I mostly babbled.

About a year-ish ago Lit started to feel draining and uncomfortable. It wasn't a good use of my time anymore, and others in my universe started to notice it as well, so I simply stopped posting. I didn't create a goodbye thread, I didn't tell people I felt uncomfortable with the boards- I simply dropped Lit for about 6-8 months.

After 3-4 months, I think I checked in once every week or two for a few minutes to see if there was anything new. (Usually there wasn't, other than new faces) For a little while I posted under a different ID (only if I felt there was something really really really really worth saying)... one would think if the forums were unfair to newbies, I'd have experienced some of the prejudice, but I felt equally accepted by "old timers" and "newbies", while using that ID.

I wandered back into Lit a couple months ago under this ID, and was warmly welcomed by "old timers", and I believe one or two "newbies" pretty much said 'Who the hell are you?' but that was about it...

however, I should add, that since being "back" I've been complimented by people who weren't around before, and met some new people I would gladly call friends, but I've also been told I'm passive aggressive, I should change my avatar because it gives the wrong impression of my personal orientation (huh?), and there have been a few general grumblings that I'm rude/etc. Oh! And I got my first asshat PM for directing someone to the BDSM Personals section.

So- in summary, I'd have to say the theory that "old timers" are given more leeway is a bunch of bunk.

 

[WriterDom]

BeachGurl a newbie? No way.

It seems that almost every complaint I've heard has been from female submissives and the complaints are usually about other females. Maybe cat can verify that or repute it since she gets the "official" complaints.

 

[BeachGurl2]

BeachGurl a newbie? No way.

 

[Etoile]

BeachGurl a newbie? No way.

It seems that almost every complaint I've heard has been from female submissives and the complaints are usually about other females. Maybe cat can verify that or repute it since she gets the "official" complaints.

Damn, BDSM Talk must be more interesting than GLBT Chatter, because I have gotten maybe five complaints in the 3.5 yrs GLBT Chatter has been available.

Hey WD, have I said lately how good it is to see you?

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I see this forum as just as much mine as anyone else's. I enjoy it here. So there isn't any chance in hell I'm giving it up because someone pisses me off. It happens, the being pissed off, from time to time. That's just life as I see it.

Fury

agreed..the times i have had 'arguments' on the threads with people, is not enough to run me off, i've made more friends on this forum than 'enemies' and i do react sometimes when i should just let it go. i try to keep my fingers off the keyboard even when i feel 'attacked' but that doesn't always work. anyway, my idea on the whole thing is if you don't like the subject of a thread, don't read it. if you don't like what someone has to say it's probably best to just move onto the next post, instead of posting something negative to the thread (and i'm talking about personal attacks not respectfully debating the issue at hand) to get everyone else 'going'.i have seen newbies be treated badly and then i've seen some 'old timers' be talked down to by each other as well. i think it's bound to happen on an online forum especially when there are so many different backgrounds and people from so many different places, not to mention, if you're like me..alot of times things don't come out typed the way we would mean them to if we said them. you can't tell the tone etc.. of the post. i don't see threads that cater to just 'one group of people' other than like someone else said the Distance domination thread, but i would think there are enough threads to keep everyone happy?

 

[DontThankJustSpank]

Newbie? Raising my hand...

I am a true newbie around these parts. And I have found the BDSM threads to be the most inviting and friendly ones there are. I've asked questions and such on the Distance Domination thread in particular, and received wonderful support and pm's from some wonderful people.

Maybe it is my inexperience with the whole message board concept in particular, but it would seem to be common sense that if the thread doesn't interest or apply to you, then don't bother with it. Also, your opinion is just that. Yours. Others may disagree and that is okay.

Am I really adding anything of value here, doubt it. Just want to say that I for one am impressed by the warm and wonderful experience I have had thus far. Great job mods, great commentary and always interesting points of view.

Mr's little pet

 

[LadyAria]

I always feel at home here and never felt like I couldn't express myself in a thread. Actually, I feel that about this board more then any of the others on Lit.

 

[FurryFury]

I always feel at home here and never felt like I couldn't express myself in a thread. Actually, I feel that about this board more then any of the others on Lit.

I agree with you. I've felt the same way.

BTW, I'm not sure if I'm considered an old timer or a newbie at this point and I don't much care about that really because I don't base my opinions of people on that.

Fury

 

[submissiveknight]

I came across Lit because I love to read erotic stories. I clicked on the BB board one day and found this site. I read these boards for along time before I ever posted. In that time I learned a HELL of alot about our lifestyle!

This forum has so much information and such knowledgeable people that it is a pleasure to read.

Of course there are many threads that may not interest me, but the fact is they interest somebody or they would have never been started. Thats one thing that is great about this forum is it's versality. If you have a question look it up and if you can't find it ask it. Just don't always expect to get the answer you are searching for though, hopefully you will. Most likely though your going to get answers of a wide variety that may even change your line of thinking. The personality's here are fantastic and very candid. Everyone pretty much speaks there beliefs and views.

Thank You all for the enjoyment so far!

 

[Etoile]

Most likely though your going to get answers of a wide variety that may even change your line of thinking. The personality's here are fantastic and very candid.

Whenever I am giving my opinion about something, I am always open to a different approach. I think some people are not like that, they believe that their way is the right way and won't listen to alternatives, but there are definitely people here who consider themselves always learning and willing to adapt to new ideas.

 

[submissiveknight]

Whenever I am giving my opinion about something, I am always open to a different approach. I think some people are not like that, they believe that their way is the right way and won't listen to alternatives, but there are definitely people here who consider themselves always learning and willing to adapt to new ideas.

You may read a hundred post, but that one where somebody gives that different point of view, will flash that lightbulb in your head. And a completely different understanding may start to process thru your head.Ok I have the meaning of that now!

Yep learning and adapting to new ways can open different doors*I agree*.