Concerned Member of the Comment Committee

[Cordelia]

I love that poem, Homer. And there is, in fact, a typo. Unless I'm missing something.

Shake off it's loam
hop on its hip

Should it be "Shake off its loam" ?

it's = it is

I couldn't read it that way. But maybe I'm just old and inflexible.

*going back to read Homer's poems*


Cordelia

 

[Guest]

Maria has a way of pointing out things about other people's poetry that make me say YES that is what I like about this one! I wentn back and re-wrote three of my poems after reading her review of Neonurotic's poem a few days ago: <snip>

Bravo! I'm glad you gave this example of the "ruined" version. Many times, I'll write a ruined version, and usually, I'll go back and edit out the unnecessary Is and me and all those needless creatures.

Wow! Now I [delete "I"] am going to be nervous in writing future poems as my [delete "my"] favorite subject begins with me [delete "me"]


- neo [delete "neo"]

 

[HomerPindar]

I love that poem, Homer. And there is, in fact, a typo. Unless I'm missing something.



Should it be "Shake off its loam" ?

it's = it is

I couldn't read it that way. But maybe I'm just old and inflexible.

*going back to read Homer's poems*


Cordelia

What is not there is a coma (I could have put in ever possible bit of punctuation, but I figured my mind is convoluted enough without cluttering it with more punctuation).

Shake off, it is loam

Why possess loam? Why believe that the loam on a dead body somehow belongs to that body?

Why does dirt in advertising jingles have to be related to poetry (simply because it has meter or rhyme)? Why can't graffitti be poetic/artistic even as it is "possessed" by the train it is on?

But, at the same time, I do that - give possesive qualities to unrelated elements. So I put it both ways at once...um, semi-effectively it seems

 

[Cordelia]

What is not there is a comma (I could have put in every possible bit of punctuation, but I figured my mind is convoluted enough without cluttering it with more punctuation).

Shake off, it is loam

Why possess loam? Why believe that the loam on a dead body somehow belongs to that body?

Why does dirt in advertising jingles have to be related to poetry (simply because it has meter or rhyme)? Why can't graffitti be poetic/artistic even as it is "possessed" by the train it is on?

But, at the same time, I do that - give possessive qualities to unrelated elements. So I put it both ways at once...um, semi-effectively it seems

Gotcha. I went back to re-read it and now it makes sense. But shouldn't it make sense without the explanation? Or am I still in the "Old and Inflexible" column? Still love the poem, though...

And about the red... you do bring out my inner editor and anal-retentive schoolteacher side, hon. Heh.

and about that extra credit we discussed....



Cordelia

 

[HomerPindar]

Gotcha. I went back to re-read it and now it makes sense. But shouldn't it make sense without the explanation? Or am I still in the "Old and Inflexible" column? Still love the poem, though...

Probably it should, as such then it's a short coming on my part. But then, most folks appear confused around me, so I really do get use to it.

And about the red... you do bring out my inner editor and anal-retentive schoolteacher side, hon. Heh.

Not my first choice of things to bring out of you..

and about that extra credit we discussed....



Cordelia

woohoo more after class lesso...um, oh, right, sorry - suppose to pout about that extra credit thing in public ain't I?

 

[postobitum]

Just wanted to say you have shamed me into doing more commentary, Wicked. I can't promise I can stick to it, my daughter managed to take a long nap today and I know I won't always be that lucky!