Confession of a sub in learning.

[Ms_Lilith]

*bump* for someone who asked

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

(is the someone)



Your words are echo's of my own thoughts, feelings....my soul.



I have been struggling with the same (mostly) thoughts and emotions.

Damn this is hard to get out.


My own mother taught me to be unbreakable. Emotions were a sign of weakness. My journey into D/s opened my eyes. I finally found a place where I fit. For me, it's .......me. I don't know if I can or want to explain it right now.

I'll definately have to come back to this later.


Thank you so much for showing this to me.

 

[Comet]

My own mother taught me to be unbreakable. Emotions were a sign of weakness. My journey into D/s opened my eyes. I finally found a place where I fit

You know, that just struck a chord with me too! Thanks for that.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hi vixenshe,
Can understand what you are saying in part but would like to share a custom of mine with you that I have passed onto many who have also found it invaluable. In every negative there is a positive. In other words instead of concentrating on the negativeness of your strength, look at the positive effects it can offer. In my experience, and that of many of the D's I have had connection with including my Master/husband, strength is seen as an invalueable and much sought after characteristic in a sub/slave.

Most D's do not want a doormat who unquestioningly obeys no matter what is asked of them. They want someone who can use their strength and intelligence to enhance the relationship. I have also been told by D's they see strength in a sub necessary to help her cope with the role she is assuming, to face the challenges that lie ahead, and to succeed at being the best they can be for his pleasure and contentment.

I hope your relationship with your SO continues to go the way you want but am unsure if you can realistically expect him to assume the role of D if it has never been his desire before now. I would be concerned he has agreed to this at your suggestion in terms of dominance, but more so would suspect he may have felt it a way to keep the relationship knowing you had an online Master. Was it after he showed interest in changing who he was that you broke contact with others? If so, you might have your answer as to the reality of the future together for you.

I do not mean to be a wet blanket but am just going on past experience and my training in relationship counselling. It is never healthy to try to change someone to suit what you need and expect it to be successful. The heartfelt intention and love may be there, but the reality is we are who we are and even more so in BDSM, these instincts are strong and not often learned without prior desires and needs existing.

As painful as it is initially, you have to seek what it is you need in a relationship to find true and lasting happiness. You have to be cruel to be kind perhaps. It is also a belief of mine that each relationship serves to bring us to the one we truly belong with through learning more about ourselves and our needs, from ourselves and others. In this way they are to be repsected and cherished for what they are, but must never become a guilt trip. Pity and guilt are poor substitutes for happiness. Take care and good luck.

Catalina

 

[SilkVelvet]

Some very wise words from Catalina and a lot of what has been posted here by vixenshe and maddi to name but two, echoes things I feel too.

AnelizeDarkEyes, if you are around..please could you make this thread a sticky in the Bdsm library ??

Velvet x

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Some very wise words from Catalina and a lot of what has been posted here by vixenshe and maddi to name but two, echoes things I feel too.

AnelizeDarkEyes, if you are around..please could you make this thread a sticky in the Bdsm library ??

Velvet x

Next time i do additions i'll add it. I'll give the category some thought.

~anelize

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

My own mother taught me to be unbreakable. Emotions were a sign of weakness. My journey into D/s opened my eyes. I finally found a place where I fit

You know, that just struck a chord with me too! Thanks for that.

Most welcome.

 

[Sex & Diamonds]

<snip> In other words instead of concentrating on the negativeness of your strength, look at the positive effects it can offer. <snip>

Catalina

I kinda feel that I'm butting in, but IMO that is excatly what I'm trying to do. Turning my 'weaknessess' into strengths. Or at least trying.

 

[SilkVelvet]

Although not a newbie to lit, I am to the BDSM forum, and one of the things which I personally am trying to do right now, is realise how much of my behaviour is accquired, ie learned and how much is innately me.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Although not a newbie to lit, I am to the BDSM forum, and one of the things which I personally am trying to do right now, is realise how much of my behaviour is accquired, ie learned and how much is innately me.

Hey this looks familiar....lol..enjoy.

Catalina

 

[SilkVelvet]

Hi Catalina

Ah but I think you are further along the journey than I am, as I havent got to the turn strengths into weaknesses bit yet, I 'm just trying to separate behaviour out and assimilate things that I am learning from reading and talking to ppl at the moment..oh and asking a LOT of questions

 

[catalina_francisco]

Hi Catalina

Ah but I think you are further along the journey than I am, as I havent got to the turn strengths into weaknesses bit yet, I 'm just trying to separate behaviour out and assimilate things that I am learning from reading and talking to ppl at the moment..oh and asking a LOT of questions

Hi Silk Velvet,

You might be surprised how little of the journey I have traversed and how far I still have to go. Actually I think the journey of self discovery is one that evolves over a lifetime, forever changing, forever revealing new and exciting htings about ourselves we may never have known before. Is certainly worth the heartache and sweat at times.

Catalina

 

[SilkVelvet]

Sweat ? Nah..only want to do that (a) in bed during steamy sex or (b) in the gym or (c) on a nice beach on the Cote d'Azur *smile* to Catalina, *waves* ..

Life is one long learning curve though and that is part of what being human is. Just think..if Leonardo da Vinci hadn't been curious and wanted to learn, or Isaac Newton or Einstein...

 

[Vinde]

wow i'm glad i'm not the only one going through this. I have also discovered a submissive side in the last little while. It has always been there, but i now realize i can put it to good use. The person i am with now has no interest in being a dominant and it's causing me some problems. I have found someone who is helping me explore my submissive side. Thanks for a great thread vixen.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

Thank you, Vinde... and the whole POINT to this thread, Catalina, is that I'm turning my mother's rules, and my 'unbreakability' from negatives into positives. THis is a joyful thread, not a complaining one. It is a thread of self-realization. I am writing WHY I am the way that I am, not complaining that I AM this way.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Thank you, Vinde... and the whole POINT to this thread, Catalina, is that I'm turning my mother's rules, and my 'unbreakability' from negatives into positives. THis is a joyful thread, not a complaining one. It is a thread of self-realization. I am writing WHY I am the way that I am, not complaining that I AM this way.

In no way did I feel you were complaining and I apologise if I gave this impression. I will refrain from any further comments.

Catalina

 

[Ms_Lilith]

In no way did I feel you were complaining and I apologise if I gave this impression. I will refrain from any further comments.

Catalina

Please don't refrain from further comment.. I obviously misread your response, and that is my fault as much as yours.... we got our wires crossed.

I don't ever want to be someone who makes another shut their mouths because of my comments... I'm stubborn and somewhat volatile sometimes.. I'm dutch. *smile* But please... do not let me be a force to keep you from expressing yourself.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Please don't refrain from further comment.. I obviously misread your response, and that is my fault as much as yours.... we got our wires crossed.

I don't ever want to be someone who makes another shut their mouths because of my comments... I'm stubborn and somewhat volatile sometimes.. I'm dutch. *smile* But please... do not let me be a force to keep you from expressing yourself.

Well many have tried to make me refrain from expressing myself but find it is as impossible as trying to stop the earth from turning if I feel I have something to say....just sometimes there is nothing more to say.

catalina