Conversation question

[Miaoux]

I tend to view this question as not so much gender related as..emotionally related.
I guess, I would have rephrased it this way..
"what if someone you aren't attracted to, offered to please you in some fashion that did not require action or reciprocation on your part"

so my answer goes something like this....the primary turn on for me..is my partners enjoyment..pleasing them..*sigh* ( I just might be a sub..you think?)* grin*

If I thought they would really enjoy themselves doing what ever..I could accept it and even enjoy it my self knowing they where having a good time.
but...
If I thought they where doing for other reason than thier own pleasure..I think I would not like it at all. There are lots of complications if you throw BDSM in to the mix like for instance a common practise of Domas instructing thier other wise "strait" subs to pleasure other men..
..you can see how this gets slippery fast down that road...
given everyone involved understands what "this" is about, I think I could find it interesting..

now having said all that ....I don't think....no....I know I couldn't ask someone I knew wasnt attracted to me to "let" me please them..for my own sake..no matter how much I may be attracted to them..not any more..I know how corrosive this is to self esteem.

huh!?!...* rolling eyes)...I have just talked my self into a circle..given my last statement I would have to say now my reaction to an offer of this type would be....to take the person into my arms and just hold them...wondering why they had gone down this road...
* throws up hands*


no one is better at confusing me than myself...*BIG SIGH*

 

[Scuttle Buttin']

the primary turn on for me..is my partners enjoyment..pleasing them..*sigh* ( I just might be a sub..you think?)* grin*

This is addressing a different question entirely, but I would say that this, alone, wouldn't make you a sub. Nor would it disqualify you from being a dom.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

I tend to view this question as not so much gender related as..emotionally related.
I guess, I would have rephrased it this way..
"what if someone you aren't attracted to, offered to please you in some fashion that did not require action or reciprocation on your part"

so my answer goes something like this....the primary turn on for me..is my partners enjoyment..pleasing them..*sigh* ( I just might be a sub..you think?)* grin*

If I thought they would really enjoy themselves doing what ever..I could accept it and even enjoy it my self knowing they where having a good time.
but...
If I thought they where doing for other reason than thier own pleasure..I think I would not like it at all. There are lots of complications if you throw BDSM in to the mix like for instance a common practise of Domas instructing thier other wise "strait" subs to pleasure other men..
..you can see how this gets slippery fast down that road...
given everyone involved understands what "this" is about, I think I could find it interesting..

now having said all that ....I don't think....no....I know I couldn't ask someone I knew wasnt attracted to me to "let" me please them..for my own sake..no matter how much I may be attracted to them..not any more..I know how corrosive this is to self esteem.

huh!?!...* rolling eyes)...I have just talked my self into a circle..given my last statement I would have to say now my reaction to an offer of this type would be....to take the person into my arms and just hold them...wondering why they had gone down this road...
* throws up hands*


no one is better at confusing me than myself...*BIG SIGH*

You bring up a good point or two there.

Though while not everyone feels that sexual acts and emotion go hand in hand, many others do. That really goes into the sort of people you pick for partners though.

I think touching on the Dom/sub aspect of things could start a whole other conversation all in itself. However a few things I wanted to point out just because well, I do.

The first is the idea of pleasing your partner in not a sub specific trait. I know being a Dominant myself and especially the Dominant style that I use is very much wrapped up in positive reinforcement, and nurturing my submissive as I teach her. Pleasure is a tool of course, but knowing that I have given her pleasure, that I have satisfied her in a way that floods every inch of her, every pore gives me a sense of satisfaction that ascends physical pleasure.

Also touching on the subject of forcing someone to pleasure another individual, doesn't matter if it goes against sexual preference or not is a very dangerous idea.

It works for some people and like anything in BDSM or just normal relationships should be talked over with a clear head and in an enviromnent that nurtures trust. All parties involved should be aware of as much as possible the rules, and the potential consequences. Above all the emotional and physical well being of the people on the core of this relationship should be held at the highest level, people that are on the outside of this should be made aware the commitment is to those whom are already involved first.

All in all if the relationship is healthy then 'forcing' someone to do something should never occur.

That is the real key, though.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

This is addressing a different question entirely, but I would say that this, alone, wouldn't make you a sub. Nor would it disqualify you from being a dom.

Get out of my head.

 

[Scuttle Buttin']

Get out of my head.

*snickers* I was just thinking the same thing.

 

[Miss_Vivi]

This is addressing a different question entirely, but I would say that this, alone, wouldn't make you a sub. Nor would it disqualify you from being a dom.

Thing is, the comment by Miaoux was tongue in cheek. He's a sub, as I recall. A quite good one too. While his comment neither confirms or denies, he said it in a manner that is joking.

But I'll allow you and FD to get back to the circle jerk.

 

[Scuttle Buttin']

Thing is, the comment by Miaoux was tongue in cheek. He's a sub, as I recall. A quite good one too. While his comment neither confirms or denies, he said it in a manner that is joking.

But I'll allow you and FD to get back to the circle jerk.

Is it really a circle if there's just two people? It's just a line jerk at that point, isn't it? Hell, we'd need at least one more to turn it into an equilateral triangle jerk.





And yeah, I figured his comment overall was in jest, but it did seem worth pointing out that it's not a trait exclusive to subs.

 

[palemoon2035]

I wasn't going to say anything, but I decided to chime in.

*DING*

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

Thing is, the comment by Miaoux was tongue in cheek. He's a sub, as I recall. A quite good one too. While his comment neither confirms or denies, he said it in a manner that is joking.

But I'll allow you and FD to get back to the circle jerk.

You know kiddo it was pretty obvio-

Is it really a circle if there's just two people? It's just a line jerk at that point, isn't it? Hell, we'd need at least one more to turn it into an equilateral triangle jerk.





And yeah, I figured his comment overall was in jest, but it did seem worth pointing out that it's not a trait exclusive to subs.

Eyes Scuttle. Cocks his head like a dog looking in a mirror. One direction, then the other, just to see what happens. Then looks back to Vivi.

Ok, brain ninja's aside...

Just because it was stated in jest doesn't mean it does not bare comment. I somehow doubt that I am the only one who has ever run into an individual with the idea that 'just because I enjoy pleasing, means I'm submissive."

Taps her nose

Goof.

 

[Firmhanded_Daddy]

I wasn't going to say anything, but I decided to chime in.

*DING*

And I am glad you did. The message rings out for all to hear!

 

[Miaoux]

FD and SB are of course right..the desire to please someone dose not make you a a sub....
the willingness to do something you may not enjoy just to please someone....

Thank you Miss Vivi...you know me very well.

Sorry I was thinking out loud and probably wasn't clear on the point I was trying to make.. and as usual FD remade the point I thought I was making..only in a way that was far more understandable...*blush*

I suspect however that my use of the word "force" was...taken too literally..
or at least more literally than I intended it..