Crappy Dom = crappy sub?

[IrisAlthea]

I've only skimmed, but what I've read seems like sadomasochism... which doesn't have to be "attached" in any way shape or form to dominance, or submission, or switching (IMO). You enjoy giving and/ or receiving pain (discomfort, grumpiness, whatever).

I think it's easy to forget that and get the idea that you have to choose between lowercase and caps.
It's very tempting to squeeze in somewhere. Grey areas seem so grey.

It makes perfect sense, which is why in this particular case I think labels don't serve very well - unless we create a new label, like Battlefucker. Then you can say, "Hello, my name is Blu. I am a Battlefucker. I came here to battlefuck." Now maybe this is just because I am finishing a rather strong beer and it's been a very long week, but I really want Battlefucker to become an actual thing. Please make that happen.

This made me laugh!
But doesn't it break the rules of fight club?

 

[bhndblueyes88]

The B in BDSM now stands for Battlefucker. FACT

 

[Primalex]

The B in BDSM now stands for Battlefucker. FACT

Now have the image of Homburg battlefucking you in my mind, to get Bondage back into BDSM.

 

[blulilacgrl]

Hey everyone. Again I want to thank all of the advice and suggestions. Battlefuckery *snort*

I talked about it last night with Hubs and the funny thing is, he totally got it. He's not into it but he understands it. He says he could never physically fight with me and risk hurting me. I get that but at the same time I have to accept that I have this tremendous amount of rage inside me. For those of who you know what is going on in my life, this should not come as a surprise. The conclusion we came to is that while i definitely have a 'people pleaser' personality and that yes previously I wanted to be patted on the head and told that I was a good girl, my life has changed. And in such a drastic, long term way that I don't know if it will go back. If so it will be a long time I suspect.

But with everything that is going on I need to find an outlet for this rage and aggression. The stuff I don't show anyone because I have to be 'good' and 'strong' for everyone around me. And that is not something I can drop or give over. It's not that I don't want to but taking a break from it (even an hour break) seems to make it ever more difficult to take it back up. And so I am beginning to appreciate the act of a physical fight. The chance to not set down a burden but to use it to make you stronger and yeah to inflict some of my own pain onto someone else.

I just don't know how I will handle that sexual rush that comes from it. As I said I am not in any position to begin (nor am I looking for) a relationship. So now I need to figure out what to do with this new understanding.

But thank you again for all your help and thoughts. Funny, I don't think I will ever look at MMA fights the same way again.

 

[heather_texas]

I get this, I for the last few weeks have been trying to "label" what is going on in my mind. It an energy that must be outleted, but not sure how to let it out??

I am going to have to bring this up to my Beloved... A struggle for sex was very much the norm in our life, until we really started to pursuing the D/s life...An then we fell into the trap of "what a good girl does" "What does a good Daddy's do". Verse what works well for us.... HOT DAMN! Screw the labels.

 

[kimuk]

Have you ever considered that you may be 'difficult' (sorry, I'm sure there's a better description) because you are 'testing'? Pushing back to see whether they are strong enough and interested enough to stay and insist on your obedience, or whether they just walk instead?

This has made me think.

 

[l1sha]

Making people do things is a sublime escape from having to do every fucking thing. It's highly overlooked because there's only ONE script for "a good dominant" and its template is "Daddy" and for some reason we as a community have made every single person who wants to do things to other people adhere to this script, when it doesn't even make sense half the time.

Fuck the "protect and defend" demands of the SM mainstream, the "responsibility" should be limited to "I won't break your face and I won't spring shit on you I know is bad." Not "And now I shall fix/parent/mold/wipe-your-ass" you. People believe Domination to be incredibly demanding because we've made it pointlessly demanding, by infantilizing the passive partner.

Wouldn't it be nice to have a grape peeled for you and NOWHERE TO GO? Yeah, fuck yeah! I said.

What you say here is interesting to me. I'm relatively new at this and I had no idea that the official script for a good Dom is "Daddy." Mine isn't a Daddy figure to me at all. Though I do read a lot of blogs and such out there where the "Daddy" thing is popular. It seems the subs in that case feel they need someone to guide and direct their lives, such as tell them what to eat, when to sleep, make rules for when to pay their bills and such, because for whatever reason they don't have enough self-discipline and/or can't run their own lives. I don't have that situation at all. I run my life. I've been running it for 35 years. So definitely no need or desire for a "Daddy" Dom to "parent" me. I can see how being a "parent" to an adult would be an exhausting job. In my relationship with Master, I'm definitely the one in the job-like role, which at times can actually be a bit irritating. I want to have hot sex and some companionship, not an extra unpaid job. My real job is exhausting enough.

 

[KoPilot]

What you say here is interesting to me. I'm relatively new at this and I had no idea that the official script for a good Dom is "Daddy." Mine isn't a Daddy figure to me at all. Though I do read a lot of blogs and such out there where the "Daddy" thing is popular. It seems the subs in that case feel they need someone to guide and direct their lives, such as tell them what to eat, when to sleep, make rules for when to pay their bills and such, because for whatever reason they don't have enough self-discipline and/or can't run their own lives. I don't have that situation at all. I run my life. I've been running it for 35 years. So definitely no need or desire for a "Daddy" Dom to "parent" me. I can see how being a "parent" to an adult would be an exhausting job. In my relationship with Master, I'm definitely the one in the job-like role, which at times can actually be a bit irritating. I want to have hot sex and some companionship, not an extra unpaid job. My real job is exhausting enough.

I kind of like to think of things as being on/off or awake/asleep instead of or alongside in control/not in control.

Both people don't often get to be off or on at the same time and have things run smoothly-- but at the same time, the person who's on, who's doing the planning, the figuring out logistics, the minding of details, isn't always the one who's in control. And we all know that, right. We all know that the d-types want to lay back and tell their little people to do whatever the fuck sometimes, they don't care, so long as the result is good. Or, you figure out what we're doing tonight, honey, just make sure I get to watch the show at 7. The personal assistant doesn't run the company-- except when they do.