Crushed yet again

[SweetDommes]

they still have me

And we are both incredibly happy about that boy

 

[SweetDommes]

Very lucky ladies, they are!

I do hope it works out and he comes home. I've sort of been there. When I started applying to do the year abroad thing at another university I sat down with my girl and discussed if she wanted to go with me, and I looked for a town that I thought we'd both like. She said she wanted to come to. (She's not a student anymore.) Then last fall, when push came to shove and I sat down and said "we can go here, here or here." She'd changed her mind. I was already committed, so it was take a year off or go. I hated to do it, but I released her. I couldn't stay, and she couldn't/wouldn't come, and I wasn't going to ask her to do the long distance thing, because it's too hard. We parted well, but I miss her.

That really sucks ... I wonder what makes people do things like this ...

 

[Aeroil]

That really sucks ... I wonder what makes people do things like this ...

people are entitled to change their mind....but they really should do it before it becomes too late for you to do anything about it....

 

[SweetDommes]

people are entitled to change their mind....but they really should do it before it becomes too late for you to do anything about it....

I understand that people can change their minds, but there is a difference between changing your mind and leading someone on ... what the girl did to Kat and what former boys (and sylvan, to an extent) has been leading us on ... making us think that there was still no reason to doubt when there was A LOT of reason to doubt.

 

[Richard49]

That really sucks ... I wonder what makes people do things like this ...

They see other people as objects
rather than humans

It is an issue of respect

But than again I have issues with online stuff
but more with the sensuality of BDSM
versus the surrender of D/s

 

[SweetDommes]

But than again I have issues with online stuff
but more with the sensuality of BDSM
versus the surrender of D/s

The problem with this statement is that this isn't really online, and neither is the situation that Kat described. We are talking about people that we have met face to face, people that we have spent extended periods of time with, people that were/were planning to be 27/7 ... not just online.

 

[Richard49]

I am sorry I posted my ignorance to your thread
It will not happen again

 

[A Desert Rose]

So, let me get this straight...

if the individuals involved in this thread made plans to meet over the phone or through the U.S. Postal Service, it would be okay, but because they are making plans over the INTERNET, it's not okay.

Jesus, can we toss this online bias in people's faces anymore than this?

It really is getting old.

A lot of people have met ONLINE and now have lasting and good relationships, case in point is our Moderator.

Can we stop being so fucking judgemental of everyone? Or maybe that's not possible here anymore.

 

[blue kat]

They see other people as objects
rather than humans

It is an issue of respect

But than again I have issues with on line stuff
but more with the sensuality of BDSM
versus the surrender of D/s

Please don't assume or extrapolate my relationship as compared to yours, dear Richard. Next time, ask if we were on-line, don't assume. As it happens, we met at a drag king contest in a leather bar. She was not my masochistic sensualist girlfriend; she was my submissive. Respect, or lack thereof was a non-issue between us. She had it, I returned it, life was good. Basically, her mouth wrote a check that her ass couldn't cash. Apparently she wasn't thinking I'd really ask her to come with me, or that I'd really go. When she told me that she was having second thoughts, we discussed the alternatives. She KNEW that failure to comply with her agreement to move with me would most likely result in her dismissal. As it did.

That being said, I did and still do care about her. I suppose I could have gotten all Barney Badass and forced her to come. But making her life miserable is not my idea of a good time. I want a submissive who serves me because she wants too, because that is her ideal relationship, not out of coercion or manipulation of her submissive mindset. A high degree of masochism isn't even necessary. A girl has to be somewhat masochistic because that's one of my big kinks, but pain sluttiness is not a pre-req.

I did ask her if she wanted to come for a few months and try it. If after 3 months she wanted to go home, I would've assisted in any way necessary to get her home, no questions asked. Ironically enough, after 3 weeks of separation, she misses me. I haven't decided if there's going to be a second chance or not; however, if she wants to come and visit for a few weeks right now, that's fine. But there will be no D/s-ing, no sensation play, no submission expected on her end, nothing of the sort.

Good point on the on-line offline thing, ADR. I've had three "serious" relationships, bdsm wise. I meant the one through at the leather bar above, the second on-line (collarme), and another was introduced through a mutual friend. All of these relationships had their own separate issues related to the parties involved. The issues were not related to the way we met, and the relationships from the "real" meetings were no better or worse than the on-line one.

edited for clarity

 

[SweetDommes]

We met both of our boys through online - one of them through a munch list (technically, we met at one of the munches, but actually started talking through e-mails afterwards because we didn't stay very long after he got there), and the other here. But this is not strictly online - ghosst already lives with us ... and sylvan *hopefully* is going to.

Besides all that, this thread was NOT intended to become a "online vs real time" argument. My point about online vs not online was that his statement was completely out of place because the situations he was commenting on were not online situations. I have no beef with online as long as people don't assume that we are fakes because we DON'T do online (and yes, people have told us this ).

 

[blue kat]

Sorry about the on-lineness of the discussion, ladies. I'm getting almost as bad at following hijacks as ciara.

How is it going with sylvan? Any word yet? I do hope it's just cold feet and it all works out.

Besides all that, this thread was NOT intended to become a "online vs real time" argument. My point about online vs not online was that his statement was completely out of place because the situations he was commenting on were not online situations. I have no beef with online as long as people don't assume that we are fakes because we DON'T do online (and yes, people have told us this ).

 

[SweetDommes]

Sorry about the on-lineness of the discussion, ladies. I'm getting almost as bad at following hijacks as ciara.

How is it going with sylvan? Any word yet? I do hope it's just cold feet and it all works out.

Actually, I was already typing that as you were replying with your post

Anyway, we talked again last night, and we discussed the fact that he seems to have made his decision already, but is he going to act on it ... that part of the conversation actually seemed to perk him up a bit, as he was very tired after work. What is actually going to happen, though, is still entirely up in the air.

 

[A Desert Rose]

I'm sorry. I was not trying to hijack your thread. I could really give a fuck how anyone here met anyone else.

I'm just getting tired of seeing this online shit tossed into every damned thread I read anymore.

Now, I'll leave your thread. Good luck to you and yours. Hope all things work out for you.

 

[SweetDommes]

I'm sorry. I was not trying to hijack your thread. I could really give a fuck how anyone here met anyone else.

I'm just getting tired of seeing this online shit tossed into every damned thread I read anymore.

Now, I'll leave your thread. Good luck to you and yours. Hope all things work out for you.

I don't mean to run you off ...

but the more you fight about things like this, the more fuel you throw on the fire. I learned a long time ago that people who are ignorant are likely to stay ignorant no matter how hard you try to educate them. And one of the worst things that people stay ignorant about is things like relationships - their experience is the only valid one and no matter how many other people have had good experiences, their few bad experiences will always outweigh them.

 

[blue kat]

Just bumping hoping for an update...

 

[SweetDommes]

*sigh* don't have much of one. He has at least been thinking ... but has made absolutely no progress. I think we are giving him the "do or die" date tonight.

Actually, we do have some updates overall in the relationship, but not sure we're ready to post them just yet .... they are mostly relating to Holly and me and not the boys, so ... probably in a new thread.

 

[blue kat]

Hugs.. (and gropes!) Very sorry Ladies. If you want to vent or whatever, PM away. I'm not sure if it'll help, but a whine and cheese party is always an option.

 

[SweetDommes]

Hugs.. (and gropes!) Very sorry Ladies. If you want to vent or whatever, PM away. I'm not sure if it'll help, but a whine and cheese party is always an option.

Aw, you are soooo sweet

I'm sure that we will eventually, but ... kinda wanting the boy to see this now ...

 

[SweetDommes]

If any of you frequent the BDSM personals forum, you already have noticed this, but after talking with the boy last night, we've decided to re-open the search. We aren't giving up entirely yet, but basically ... he's going to have to start over, so that means that other guys get a shot again.

So ... yeah ... that's the update on what's going on.

 

[Aeroil]

If any of you frequent the BDSM personals forum, you already have noticed this, but after talking with the boy last night, we've decided to re-open the search. We aren't giving up entirely yet, but basically ... he's going to have to start over, so that means that other guys get a shot again.

So ... yeah ... that's the update on what's going on.

oooh, that's too bad, you may have to change your sig . Well I hope you get a boy you really like, whether it's sylvan or no.

 

[SweetDommes]

oooh, that's too bad, you may have to change your sig . Well I hope you get a boy you really like, whether it's sylvan or no.

*sigh* yeah, thanks ...

I've been considering the sig thing, but just can't *quite* bring myself to change it yet.

 

[blue kat]

That's very sad. I wish it would've worked out. Hope all of you are doing okay with it.

 

[AZMajician]

If any of you frequent the BDSM personals forum, you already have noticed this, but after talking with the boy last night, we've decided to re-open the search. We aren't giving up entirely yet, but basically ... he's going to have to start over, so that means that other guys get a shot again.

So ... yeah ... that's the update on what's going on.

Oh I am so sorry it isnt working...

I was happy for you when you had posted that you had finally found them.. now I am sad that it isnt working out...

My best wishes for you both in this new search... I hope you find a new one, and soon.

Maybe I will as well.. keep the faith, and remember I am still your friend and am here if you need an ear to bend..

Majic.

 

[SweetDommes]

yeah ... it's still a difficult decision, and I'm half tempted to say "wait, no, we aren't looking again just yet ... I was wrong" ... but I know that it will just make things harder when I can't fool myself any longer *sigh*

 

[catalina_francisco]

I am sorry it did not work out. I am sure that the next one will be a lot better.

Sometimes life farts in your face, but manure is needed to grow roses.

Francisco.