cyber versus real play

[AsianWinterGirl]

I posted earlier and was asked to share my experiences.

Well I have been attempted it a couple of times. Hard to find people who are good at it...

BUT!!! I did meet someone who is an excellent online dom (we have never met) and he is amazing at it. It has been really satisfying and he has helped me learn things that work in my real world relationship. I did find that IM is faster but the e-mail thing works. basically I am happy as hell I tired it.

PMing has been alot of fun too!

I just starting into an online RPG and that should be fun as well. I love Lit and all the great information and advice on here.

Best way to find out if it works for you is try it.

 

[switchbitch]

I posted earlier and was asked to share my experiences.

Well I have been attempted it a couple of times. Hard to find people who are good at it...

BUT!!! I did meet someone who is an excellent online dom (we have never met) and he is amazing at it. It has been really satisfying and he has helped me learn things that work in my real world relationship. I did find that IM is faster but the e-mail thing works. basically I am happy as hell I tired it.

PMing has been alot of fun too!

I just starting into an online RPG and that should be fun as well. I love Lit and all the great information and advice on here.

Best way to find out if it works for you is try it.

 

[SirLeo]

m has been my sub for quite a few years. Its strictly a sexual thing for us, and more to satisfy my Dom needs than her sub needs. For her its more about nasty talk, being taken, and light bondage. She's not into pain, even more than a moderate spanking is a turn off for her. Clamps, crop etc are definetly not inthe picture. So she says that I can get that itch scratched with online roleplay. I love that woman! This channel allows us both to stay fulfilled and honors our commitment to each other. So, I guess I'm just sharing this because the point is that it takes many different paths to find one's way. I don't think there is a right or wrong here, just different ways of experiencing.

 

[t_platz4]

used to cyber

I find that although I would ideally love real play, I'm more adventurous in cyber play.

Perhaps it is the deniability of the whole affair, and retaining some control.

My experience in cyber has been in a submissive manner and I've managed to have 4 dommes who would give assignments through email. I found the anticipation exciting... giving up control to someone you don't know and exploring how kinky someone else is.

Of course, online sex can only go so far, and there seems to be a time limit to how long a domme/sub relationship can last in cyber world without any real time action. Although I've played on camera and heard one domme's voice, I'm usually left feeling empty after the session... something still seems to be missing and it doesn't feel fully real.

I'm still interested in seeing how to overcome such issues.

t.

 

[where]

.....

 

[switchbitch]

I find that although I would ideally love real play, I'm more adventurous in cyber play.

Perhaps it is the deniability of the whole affair, and retaining some control.

My experience in cyber has been in a submissive manner and I've managed to have 4 dommes who would give assignments through email. I found the anticipation exciting... giving up control to someone you don't know and exploring how kinky someone else is.

Of course, online sex can only go so far, and there seems to be a time limit to how long a domme/sub relationship can last in cyber world without any real time action. Although I've played on camera and heard one domme's voice, I'm usually left feeling empty after the session... something still seems to be missing and it doesn't feel fully real.

I'm still interested in seeing how to overcome such issues.

t.

so far with those that I have found a real connection doesn't seem to be a 'use by date': if the connection isn't there it doesn't last all. Some of them have converted to rland this is extremely satisfying, however those that haven't are satisfying too particularly as I have plenty of flesh to flesh contact at private play parties.

 

[SDM3]

I think I've never gotten into online D/s because (or one reason why) I don't understand how that would work. Real life, I get it. Online, no idea. Can somebody explain it to me?

I feel like a little kid asking mommy where babies come from...

 

[brigid_fitch]

I think I've never gotten into online D/s because (or one reason why) I don't understand how that would work. Real life, I get it. Online, no idea. Can somebody explain it to me?

I feel like a little kid asking mommy where babies come from...

For me, it's just another aspect of role-playing. I'll occasionally join into long-arced stories on here as one character or another and cybering is no different. You don a character (in my case, a submissive) and write as that character. But the emotions and pleasure are quite real. But, as someone already mentioned, it's not something you can just jump into. You need a LOT of conversations before starting an online D/s relationship. A online Dom has to be a lot more trusting, and a sub even more trustworthy, that instructions are being followed. I could always lie to my Dom--after all, how would he know the difference?--but what would be the point? I'd be cheating myself of the experience.

I cybered for a number of years with probably about 4 or 5 different Doms, never meeting them in real life. It's certainly not the same, or as satisfying, as the real thing. But when you can't get that for one reason or another, online is a nice, short-term fix. Like a snack when you can't have a big meal.

 

[Shaetiano]

Hmm, interesting thread and topic going on here. All of my experiences with the BDSM world have come from real life experiences. I can't really say I've held a relationship online in that. I would like to, but sadly I'm working to much and other things and don't think I could keep someone fulfilled in that aspect when everything came down to it.

However, I've been into and have been role playing on a web base chat with others for almost 11 years with a few breaks here and there. None of it was sexual, for it was never the purpose of that. Mainly to help set my mind out and develop a character build her to a certain degree and than possibly line it into a book with the rest of the thoughts bouncing around in my head.

I have tried the whole cyber thing a few times without the focus of BDSM. It never did anything for me. Though, a friend of mine once told me I am very physical person. I need, more often crave the feeling, than anything else. So, I could probably fulfill someone's needs better in a cyber than my own, because I honestly don't think I would get anything from it.

Just my take on that.

 

[Adakgirl]

BDSM and cyber
I find cyber play has a very different dynamic. Dominating isn't just saying “ do this now you slut” while in real play your dominant may have the ability to turn you to jelly by uttering this as he or she stares at you with knowing, demanding, forceful eyes in cyber play it can feel like an excuse to swear at an unknown person.
So much of dominating for me comes from being totally aware of my subs reactions to different kinds of stimuli whether it be pain, pleasure or simply an indifferent smile. The knowledge of which buttons to push to reduce a submissive to my will comes the focus I bring to bear on their reactions, there is no need in most cases for the sub to speak.
As a submissive the feeling of total trust that my dominant knows what I need whether I'm aware of it or not or indeed whether or not I have voiced any such need is an integral part of my submission.
In cyber play response must be verbalised by the submissive which often seems to undermine the submission when playing with inexperienced cyber doms.
In dominant mode I find I need long and detailed discussion with the sub to find the key to their submission and constant feedback during play. It can be quite frustrating.
Do any other players have similar frustrations or have you found any ways to overcome these problems?

I'd say the basic D/s dynamics can be very much the same, depending on the people involved. I think it's a mistake to compare real life D/s relationships to on-line D/s relationships. There really is no comparison. However, cyber D/s and real life D/s do share the same basic dynamic of having one person who has the willingness and the need to dominant over another and the other person having the willingness and the need to submit themselves to being dominated by another. And that the relationship is mutually consensual.

Perhaps you have not gained experience enough, yet, as an on-line Dominant, that can enable you to turn a submissive to jelly by simply reading your words. I have submitted to more than a few on-line Doms who have that ability, and have been turned me into liqiud jello, melted me, and done lots of other things to me... by typing just a few words on a page.

Those Dominants, certainly took the time to discover what buttons to push and how I reacted to different stimuli. None of them have sworn at me in the process. They also had the ability, most of the time, to watch me on cam as they were interacting with me and so could read my face and body language.

No need for me to speak either, but most want me to give them feedback, if not during a scene, then after.

Well, being able to trust that your dominant knows what you need whether you are aware of it or not must be wonderful. When I submit, it's not about me and my wants and needs, it's about the Dominant's wants and needs. Just the act of submitting to an experienced, knowledgeable, Dominant, and pleasing him/her, fulfills me. He will know that to be true by instinct and by taking the time to find out.

In cyber play response must be verbalised by the submissive which often seems to undermine the submission when playing with inexperienced cyber doms.

Not true at all, there is such a thing as silence, which speaks a thousand words, and the technology of webcams.

If you are submitting to play with inexperienced cyber doms...then in that lies the cause of your lack of enjoyment, satisfaction and of your confusion. If you are submitting or Dominating on-line without first finding out about the other person, by communicating with them in a non-D/s manner for awhile, then no wonder you're not getting much out of it. Engaging in sexual on-line play just for the sake of it, is not the same. I don't have anything against that. But I think you are getting on-line D/s play and on-line D/s relationships mixed up.
You are trying to compare on-line D/s dynamics to real life D/s relationships when in fact you are actually comparing on-line D/s sexual play (with inexperienced players at that) to having on-line D/s relationships. Again, not the same.