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D/s Contracts

Netzach said:
That's a good point. I think it would be useful to look at them as road maps rather than anything binding beyond the people in them wanting them to be.
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Road Maps I can see the point in; "contracts" make my skin itch. LOL
 
Netzach said:
Ugh, I never thought of these as a way to make things rote and boring. For all the posting people here do, am I the only one who thinks that writing something helps people's thoughts on a subject becomes cohesive?

But I actually write down 5 year plans for my life and mission statements for my businesses.
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Your suggested outlook makes something along these lines a useful tool....I think the others look at it more like a club...which is also a useful tool but for other purposes.

I think contracts in older days were respected more and had a stronger form of credibility. I see this as being part of historical tradition. I think in recent years however with the advent of the Internet this tradition has been greatly weakened. Much of the contracts now seem to have attached a lot of empty notions that are more along the lines of online romantic notion of D/s BDSM.

Like anything, the importance will largely depend upon those who do it and their motives for doing it. I do think it wise that people give the warning that such contracts are not legal binding, but in saying that, contracts can be stronger than a legal document if the person who signs it believes it to be so for them.

As long as people are not wearing the rose colored stained glass eye glasses on when they sign a contract, then i think they can be useful and helpful.

I think the biggest danger is that we all in real life have a clear association to what it means to sign a contract and agree to be bound to the terms of any contract we sign. I think when you can go to website"__________" a down load a copy of D/s contract-r-us, this type of thing can lead to a false sense of security. Anyone who has a contract and thinks it somehow bestows somekind of special status is fooling themselves as far as relationships goes.

There are also different types of contracts, like nogoiating scenes for instance, correct? These type of contracts can be very good imo. though they may not be in some cases 100% legal, they certainly prove consent and do provide some protection along those lines should a need arise.

I'm rambling, tired... need to go to bed.
 
RJMasters said:
Like anything, the importance will largely depend upon those who do it and their motives for doing it. I do think it wise that people give the warning that such contracts are not legal binding, but in saying that, contracts can be stronger than a legal document if the person who signs it believes it to be so for them.
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I agree in part, but so often while one may fully intend to adhere to the contents of the contract as if it were legally binding, or more, there is no guarantee the other party/ties hold the same level of commitment when things begin to stray or go wrong. One person believing it to be stronger than a legal document will do nothing if those they are signing with do not share that view for whatever reason. This is where so many come unstuck when they sign such contracts believing it will prevent anything bad happening, and which many advise them to do just for that purpose. Unfortunately it is not a magic talisman of protection.

Catalina :catroar:
 
catalina_francisco said:
I agree in part, but so often while one may fully intend to adhere to the contents of the contract as if it were legally binding, or more, there is no guarantee the other party/ties hold the same level of commitment when things begin to stray or go wrong. One person believing it to be stronger than a legal document will do nothing if those they are signing with do not share that view for whatever reason. This is where so many come unstuck when they sign such contracts believing it will prevent anything bad happening, and which many advise them to do just for that purpose. Unfortunately it is not a magic talisman of protection.

Catalina :catroar:
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100% agreed
 
Netzach said:
Ugh, I never thought of these as a way to make things rote and boring. For all the posting people here do, am I the only one who thinks that writing something helps people's thoughts on a subject becomes cohesive?

But I actually write down 5 year plans for my life and mission statements for my businesses.
Click to expand...

It's true, I do often write down my thoughts about something or someone in order to work through my intense feelings a bit.

I am a compulsive list maker.

If I'm with my online Dom and he says to do X, I tend to copy and paste it to a file because I want to be able to refer back to it and I fear forgetting it.

I used to have no fewer than three post it notes in the house to remind me to make sure the kids had lunches before leaving for school too.

Still in most cases I would not see a need for a D/s contract unless my Dom really wanted one.

The one case that I did see a possible need was on another thread because that person was possibly being offered financial support to move to him with small children. In that case, I suggested a legal contract but I wasn't thinking of a D/s contract per se.

In this country people have been sued for things of this nature when an oral contract was involved. I don't remember how that worked out exactly. So, I won't say it's completely legally enforcible, but a case could be made.
 
A written contract can be fun...And it can meet a "need" that some folks have...

On a purely practical note though...These days I try not to have sex with anyone crazy enough that "I" feel a written contract might be neccessary for.
 
I personally like having a written contract. And I agree it give both parties a way of "being on the same page."

Am I anal retentive? I think not.

If you do not want to use a contract, then don't, however if you have problems keeping a D/s relationship viable and/or on track, you might want to rethink your stand on contracts.

To each his or her own.
 
Life_Noir said:
On a purely practical note though...These days I try not to have sex with anyone crazy enough that "I" feel a written contract might be neccessary for.
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However BDSM and D/s may not be a sexual issue.

To each his or her own.
 
Our first contract was very long and detailed and written by my Joe. We spent the first year reevaluating the contract every three months. It would be revised because our wants and needs would be somewhat changed do to us having grown together as a couple. Last month when I received my permanent collar, we wrote our own vows and included a short list of expectations that we have for each other. I suppose that serves as the contract now. :)

When you are new to this lifestyle and a partner I think having a certain amount of rituals is comforting for many. It's not necessary and of course it is not binding in the least. But, if it makes the two happy, why the hell not? ;)
 
Ebonyfire said:
However BDSM and D/s may not be a sexual issue.

To each his or her own.
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Ahhh Indeed true... I should have been MUCH clearer...

Let me say instead "Enter into a relationship with"... Thats a bit more precise.

On that front .... If a pyl wants a contract, I have nothing against it whatsoever... It only reflects those few times when "I" felt that the relationship needed something on paper.... Usually because it was dysfunctional, and I was resistant to the idea that it needed to be dissolved.
 
When we started our relationship we did go through a checklist. I wouldn't call it a contract though. For us it was a way to discuss what things we wanted to try, things we did't want to touch with a 10-foot pole, etc. It was a basis for a lengthy conversation on what we wanted out of our relationship. A few things on the list have changed since we started. Which is cool. Who wants a static relationship? We've both tried very hard to be totally open with each other since day one. Somedays it's very hard for me to tell him certain things - I have to build up the courage for it. I always end up telling him though. He's good at dragging things out of me. LOL This is what works for us. :) Quite well so far. :D
 
how to

how do you tell someone you want this lifestyle and want them to join you and tell them what you want
 
I'm glad to see this topic up, my sub and I plan on putting a contract together soon ourselves.

I like the idea of having someone experienced in this sort of thing help, I intend on involving other people in the process.

I expect this to be a fairly involved process, but I get off on that sort of thing.
 
Climaxamus said:
Does Vanilla have anything to with this?
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Of course... D/s {or M/s or however you want to put it} may be the "social dynamic"...But the sex may be as vanilla as ice cream...
One does not signify the other... And each couple is different.
 
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