Daddy relationships...

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

ALEXANNA

I have a totally different style when it comes to the acting-out.

I cut you loose. You are then free to sink, swim, drift, or elope with the first biker who rolls up....or die. And that happened.

When a sub is in control, the relationship is out of control. So you cut them loose to experience the struggle without you. To understand that the struggle was never between US.

And one of two things happens. The sub gets into a series of shitty relationships where the dom is more out of control than she is, or she gets her mind right and returns. Or she wasnt sub to begin with. A lot are kinky freaks.

 

[A Desert Rose]

ALEXANNA

I have a totally different style when it comes to the acting-out.

I cut you loose. You are then free to sink, swim, drift, or elope with the first biker who rolls up....or die. And that happened.

When a sub is in control, the relationship is out of control. So you cut them loose to experience the struggle without you. To understand that the struggle was never between US.

And one of two things happens. The sub gets into a series of shitty relationships where the dom is more out of control than she is, or she gets her mind right and returns. Or she wasnt sub to begin with. A lot are kinky freaks.

Those are 3 things but who's counting. Far be it from me to correct you. ;-)

I always seem to piss someone off when I post out here. And I hate posting "what he said" but at the risk of doing both...

What he said or in other words, I like your post.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

ALEXANNA

"My strength is in my weakness."

Math is one of my many failures Jim

 

[SheDevilShay]

ALEXANNA

I have a totally different style when it comes to the acting-out.

I cut you loose. You are then free to sink, swim, drift, or elope with the first biker who rolls up....or die. And that happened.

When a sub is in control, the relationship is out of control. So you cut them loose to experience the struggle without you. To understand that the struggle was never between US.

And one of two things happens. The sub gets into a series of shitty relationships where the dom is more out of control than she is, or she gets her mind right and returns. Or she wasnt sub to begin with. A lot are kinky freaks.

I agree with you and alexanna.....

for different reasons.. I think my dom and I have now worked out MY issue's good enough for now... I have a very analytical mind and it takes me a while to process information, especially with such a big step as this, but he had patience with me and knew me better then myself... and I appreciate that...

this mind set is not easy to get into... but its something everytime I get ready to open my big fat mouth... I have to shut it and stop and think... It requires a huge amount of self restraint... which is my biggest problem.. I think...

I think I will really grow in this role, and I am greatful my dom loves me and has the patient to put up with me.

 

[A Desert Rose]

ALEXANNA

"My strength is in my weakness."

Math is one of my many failures Jim

My name's not Jim and surely you jest... but don't be calling me Shirley. either. ;-D

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

A DESERT ROSE

I'm just impressing the hell out of everyone!

Jim

 

[A Desert Rose]

A DESERT ROSE

I'm just impressing the hell out of everyone!

Jim

no, no. I'm not making fun of you or trying to make you look bad.

I'm just trying to be witty and for me that ain't easy... just nevermind me.

I had another good one regarding Captain Kirk and Dr. McCoy but I'll let that one go.

LOL

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

ROXANE

Not a problem. You know whats going on, now.

Jim

 

[A Desert Rose]

ROXANE

Not a problem. You know whats going on, now.

Jim

Thank you. And please know that I'll be thinking of you.

Contrary to what you might hear, I'm really not a hateful person. ;-)

 

[Etoile]

We DO have a billion threads about D/g on the front page already.

It's funny, my relationship was always D/g for many years. We never played it as a role, it was just who we were. I notice that a lot of people here mention D/g as a role or a sometimes-game, but for us it was just the way our relationship was. And I had to explain many, many times why Daddy wasn't a pedophile, why the relationship worked for us, what it meant to be a Daddy from eir perspective and from mine, and so forth. I did a lot of explaining a few years ago, hopefully I did some educating along the way.

And now that D/g relationships (and roles) abound on Lit, I'm not really into it anymore. We are practically vanilla with a dash of D/s or M/s, but never really D/g. I still call em Daddy, but more often than not it's just a name. I've even referred to em as "C" on here a few times, because that's eir first initial. I don't know if I grew out of it and e adapted, or we both grew out of it, or e just stopped being it and I adapted, or what. We just don't really do it anymore, and we are comfortable the way things are.

 

[lettinggo]

I've had age play fantasies for a long time, and have barely sampled the water of acting them out. I prefer to keep them in my head.

That said, this morning I got snarky with my husband (his only title, but he's very much the dominant to my submissive) while in the bedroom helping him find a lost shirt. Sometimes I just know as soon as something leaves my mouth that it's going to get me into "trouble". Sure enough he'd reached for the belt and I was told to turn around. As I giggled, I begged him not to -- I fear the belt as much as I love it. Tired of my protests he noticed a plastic hanger nearby and gave me a choice -- the belt or the hanger. It became obvious he wasn't going to back down. My giggles faded, my eyes dropped to the floor, and in a whisper I conceded that I'd take the belt. In my head I was instantly the little girl being punished. In his head I was still the almost-obedient wife, reluctantly accepting the punishments I've shown him I love to hate.

My point being that at certain times during our life and our play I find myself in that role and my partner has no idea I go there. There are very big similarities in my opinion, but I think it's all about your own personal headspace.

 

[alexanna]

ALEXANNA

I have a totally different style when it comes to the acting-out.

I cut you loose. You are then free to sink, swim, drift, or elope with the first biker who rolls up....or die. And that happened.

When a sub is in control, the relationship is out of control. So you cut them loose to experience the struggle without you. To understand that the struggle was never between US.

And one of two things happens. The sub gets into a series of shitty relationships where the dom is more out of control than she is, or she gets her mind right and returns. Or she wasnt sub to begin with. A lot are kinky freaks.

Yeah I am learning to avoid Dom's who take this approach. It is probably a fine approach if the sub is mature and comfortable with their submission but not all of us are.

I found a good post on bondage.com today that summed up fairly well for me one of the main reasons I like Daddy/lg. It is the second post down in the link below.

http://bondage.com/topic_id/22930/forums/topic.html

She talks alot about not being allowed to be sexual as a child but in addition I also feel very stunted in my maturity as a submissive and being very inexperienced and insecure about that part of myself I am probably inherently more apt to act out and have irrational fears of abandonment. This is probably another reason why I am attracted to the Daddy/lg dynamic, it feels safer and less like I am expected to be a mature, rational adult. I hope one day the submissive, feminine part of me will be as mature and comfortable with herself as the corporate career mom I am the rest of the time but I'm not there yet and I'm pretty sure being "cut-loose" would not be an effective treatment for my deep seeded fears of abandonment and tenuous sense of worth in the submissive role.

 

[alexanna]

I agree with you and alexanna.....

for different reasons.. I think my dom and I have now worked out MY issue's good enough for now... I have a very analytical mind and it takes me a while to process information, especially with such a big step as this, but he had patience with me and knew me better then myself... and I appreciate that...

this mind set is not easy to get into... but its something everytime I get ready to open my big fat mouth... I have to shut it and stop and think... It requires a huge amount of self restraint... which is my biggest problem.. I think...

I think I will really grow in this role, and I am greatful my dom loves me and has the patient to put up with me.

I just cannot imagine how difficult it would be...or actually I can and it is terrifying...to take the most important relationship in your life, your marriage, and change it in this way. It must be exhilarating and also very scary all at once. No one on earth knows me better than my husband. To let him know the little sub inside is something I dream about and fear becuase first of all once its done its done and if he didn't accept that part of me the rejection would be accute. If he did accept that part of me and wanted to take on being my Dom amidst our already busy lives he would then hold all the keys, all the information needed, all the control by the very fact that he now knew me more or less as completely as another person could.

There's no going back after that I think. I can convince all these Doms online that I changed my mind, I can't really do this, its really not for me, etc but him? Nope, once that cat is out of the bag its out and I know him well enough to know he wouldn't take it on unless he was going to follow it all the way through.

And I'm sorry to harp on the "cut-loose" thing but I would hope that isn't really an option for husbands of subs and their kids. It may apply in some relationships but I know it would never apply in the relationship I have with my husband no matter how bad I "acted out." I mean I act out now, or at least I have in the past (I'm too old and tired for acting out now) and it isn't an option for him. I thought D/s was supposed to feel more secure, not less.

I totally get it in the context of play partners or online trysts but that point of view strikes me as lacking in compassion in a serious long term relationship.

 

[Softouch911]

If you assume that it's role play, or that daddy's are always nice and gentle, you miss the fact that they can be every bit the sadist. There's a "hard edge" in there that sometimes has to come out w/o regard for what the sub does ... it's not all about being "obedient." Sometimes, as the OP says, it's all about taking power. I'm not sure a submissive, lg or not, who never finds resentment or resistance inside, would be worth a dominant's time ... be s/he slave, lg, or some other stripe of sub.

Heck yes, there's a struggle. The question is who is in control, and who is willing to yield.

And sometimes "he" can yield and still be every bit the dominant. It's not topping from the bottom if you know that he knows that you know that he knows, etc. He makes a choice ... does s/he get her way?

Now, if it's not clear who's in control, that may cause a problem with keeping things clear. I'm not a switch -- though I've been told I do well as a bottom -- so I really can't speak to it.

My girl, Pita, struggles to submit on a daily basis. When I say that I mean that sometimes the struggle is internal; just as often, it's with me. But it's a Good Thing that when she sees my "hard edge" taking shape she doesn't react with fear but embraces her submission. She has to see it in me sometimes ... not daily, but frequently. I understand that.

I'm daddy. But it's not role play. I nurture, and she is spoiled sometimes ... but when push comes to shove, I insist on being in control.

Again, I can't apply it to a "natural" switch very well.

Respectfully, ST

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

ALEXANNA

I prefer the finished work.

I spent years and years doing psychotherapy with people. I do not want that in my relationships. I do not want another project with a difficult girl. That's not my idea of fun.

Jim

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

ST

I dont have all the resistance stuff in my life. Maybe because I recognize women who are really subs and comfortable with it.

I suppose what I dont want is all the damned drama that so many d/s couples need so they have excuses to be sadistic/masochistic.

Jim

 

[SheDevilShay]

If you assume that it's role play, or that daddy's are always nice and gentle, you miss the fact that they can be every bit the sadist. There's a "hard edge" in there that sometimes has to come out w/o regard for what the sub does ... it's not all about being "obedient." Sometimes, as the OP says, it's all about taking power. I'm not sure a submissive, lg or not, who never finds resentment or resistance inside, would be worth a dominant's time ... be s/he slave, lg, or some other stripe of sub.

Heck yes, there's a struggle. The question is who is in control, and who is willing to yield.

And sometimes "he" can yield and still be every bit the dominant. It's not topping from the bottom if you know that he knows that you know that he knows, etc. He makes a choice ... does s/he get her way?

Now, if it's not clear who's in control, that may cause a problem with keeping things clear. I'm not a switch -- though I've been told I do well as a bottom -- so I really can't speak to it.

My girl, Pita, struggles to submit on a daily basis. When I say that I mean that sometimes the struggle is internal; just as often, it's with me. But it's a Good Thing that when she sees my "hard edge" taking shape she doesn't react with fear but embraces her submission. She has to see it in me sometimes ... not daily, but frequently. I understand that.

I'm daddy. But it's not role play. I nurture, and she is spoiled sometimes ... but when push comes to shove, I insist on being in control.

Again, I can't apply it to a "natural" switch very well.

Respectfully, ST

I struggle with submission. My "daddy" or dom, whichever you prefer...

I think of this as being reborn.. and embracing a new role in life. I am still a person and a mother outside of "us"... but "us" comes first now.

I find myself being exceptionally clingy right now and totally freaked out... which is completely out of charecter for me.... I don't feel lost but I don't like sitting idle not knowing whats going to happen next.. (Sort of leaves me in the constant state of arousal, but also makes me paranoid.)

One of the reasons I like spankings is because it helps with depression AND anxiety... And I struggle with both if I don't have daily structure in my life.

Right now we are working out the kinks.. I have my free time (Im a stay at home mom) while he's gone where I am not required to do chores and just be myself... but once he gets home... its a different ball game... And frankly, I like it this way... (I usually have a huge need for alone time... so I sort of get that whilehe's gone and transitioning to being what he needs me to be is easier... )

The only thing I really feel is still lacking daily guidance/structure when he's here.. he spends alot of time researching stuff.. (collaring ceremonies, punishments for subs who enjoy spankings that aren't a pleasure.. etc)

(chores aren't really a punishment for me either.. I would do them to please him but to make for bad behavior doesn't really work for me it needs to be more extreme than that... )

Right now for me, I am behaving sort of.. because I don't know my bounderies and rules yet... I can't promise to always be a perfect princess and not push bounderies some once I know what they are...

I like the excitement and thrill of not knowing anything and having it shown to me one day at a time...

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

SHAY

Your post reminds me of what I experienced in the military.

Officers are normally the doms within the military culture. They graduate college and get special training and the culture rewards them with deference and submissive subjects. The whole thing is contrived.

But the real doms are the warriors. A warrior enjoys combat. A warrior enjoys the gladiatorial contest. A warrior instinctively knows the lifestyle. In combat no warrior stands around with his thumb up his ass and clueless. Warriors dont struggle with each other; they recognize leaders and submit.

 

[Softouch911]

I struggle with submission. My "daddy" or dom, whichever you prefer...

I think of this as being reborn.. and embracing a new role in life. I am still a person and a mother outside of "us"... but "us" comes first now.

I find myself being exceptionally clingy right now and totally freaked out... which is completely out of charecter for me.... I don't feel lost but I don't like sitting idle not knowing whats going to happen next.. (Sort of leaves me in the constant state of arousal, but also makes me paranoid.)

One of the reasons I like spankings is because it helps with depression AND anxiety... And I struggle with both if I don't have daily structure in my life.

Right now we are working out the kinks.. I have my free time (Im a stay at home mom) while he's gone where I am not required to do chores and just be myself... but once he gets home... its a different ball game... And frankly, I like it this way... (I usually have a huge need for alone time... so I sort of get that whilehe's gone and transitioning to being what he needs me to be is easier... )

The only thing I really feel is still lacking daily guidance/structure when he's here.. he spends alot of time researching stuff.. (collaring ceremonies, punishments for subs who enjoy spankings that aren't a pleasure.. etc)

(chores aren't really a punishment for me either.. I would do them to please him but to make for bad behavior doesn't really work for me it needs to be more extreme than that... )

Right now for me, I am behaving sort of.. because I don't know my bounderies and rules yet... I can't promise to always be a perfect princess and not push bounderies some once I know what they are...

I like the excitement and thrill of not knowing anything and having it shown to me one day at a time...

Perhaps he could structure you with tasks. It seems to help mine. There's no reason he should do the research, for example, if you could do it.

Not sure what you think of as punishment, but it sounds to me more like training and re-training are in order. Without clear boundaries it's also hard to set up a "punishment" or to even be sure you're disobeying.

Best wishes, ST

 

[Softouch911]

ST

I dont have all the resistance stuff in my life. Maybe because I recognize women who are really subs and comfortable with it.

I suppose what I dont want is all the damned drama that so many d/s couples need so they have excuses to be sadistic/masochistic.

Jim

Cutting you the benefit of the doubt on a tone that is unfortunately arrogant, I find that most of my friends find self-discovery and growth complex and difficult.

But thank you for your opinion.
ST

 

[SheDevilShay]

Perhaps he could structure you with tasks. It seems to help mine. There's no reason he should do the research, for example, if you could do it.

Not sure what you think of as punishment, but it sounds to me more like training and re-training are in order. Without clear boundaries it's also hard to set up a "punishment" or to even be sure you're disobeying.

Best wishes, ST

Yes, that is why I feel insecure right now.

 

[alexanna]

If you assume that it's role play, or that daddy's are always nice and gentle, you miss the fact that they can be every bit the sadist. There's a "hard edge" in there that sometimes has to come out w/o regard for what the sub does ... it's not all about being "obedient." Sometimes, as the OP says, it's all about taking power. I'm not sure a submissive, lg or not, who never finds resentment or resistance inside, would be worth a dominant's time ... be s/he slave, lg, or some other stripe of sub.

I actually prefer a "hard edge" and in fact one of the things that I get frustrated with is Dom's who feel like they have to make up excuses or reasons for punishment. I would much prefer they just said "I'm doing this becuase I feel like it" than making up some bogus excuse about my behavior we both know is stupid. I even like to be made to apologize when getting punished for no reason within my control. The Daddy I play with online most often never feels he has to have a reason and I love it, it makes the roles feel clearer to me not to mention the fact that I like to be good and don't want to have to pretend not to be to get what I need. I'm also not really able to ask for it so just knowing that eventually he's going to feel like it no matter what I do and not knowing exactly when that will be helps me manage my own control issues.

I have a thing for sadists and while I want them to love me like a Daddy does I also want them to use me for their pleasure and want to please them. My first love was a sadist and I discovered my masochistic side with him. I liked the pain becuase he liked inflicting it. He was not a Dom though really and it was not a mature relationship but I have never forgotten the feelings he inspired in me when we played S&M games.

The sadistic "hard edge" though is not something I have any delusions about ever having in real life. I know my husband would most likely not be this kind of Dom. It just isn't in his nature. If he ever went that route at all, and its possible becuase he is quite dominant in his quiet way, he would probably be the more typical Daddy Dom type who punished not for his pleasure but based on the sub's need, whether her behaivor was bad or not. He's just very self sacrificing that way as it seems a lot of Doms are. Overactive sense of duty I guess.

 

[sister76]

I find myself being exceptionally clingy right now and totally freaked out... which is completely out of charecter for me...

Sounds kind of how I was at first, although my relationship is still online at this time. It's a strange feeling for a woman who is used to being the one in control to finally relent that control to someone else. It's comforting, but at the same time confounding and frustrating. I think it's totally normal.

Add to that the fact that you've already been interacting in a much different way prior to this, and that makes it much more difficult. Just take it day by day and the kinks will eventually work themselves out. Just enjoy the process of your relationship change and try not to take it too seriously. By that I mean keep a sense of humor about it while you are both experiencing such a dramatic change.

One of the reasons I like spankings is because it helps with depression AND anxiety... And I struggle with both if I don't have daily structure in my life.

I totally agree that daily spankings can make a very positive difference in this type of relationship. It's a stress-reliever, first of all. It also makes the two people grow closer on a very emotional level.

The only thing I really feel is still lacking daily guidance/structure when he's here.. he spends alot of time researching stuff.. (collaring ceremonies, punishments for subs who enjoy spankings that aren't a pleasure.. etc)

Right now for me, I am behaving sort of.. because I don't know my bounderies and rules yet... I can't promise to always be a perfect princess and not push bounderies some once I know what they are...

I like the excitement and thrill of not knowing anything and having it shown to me one day at a time...

Maybe you could request for him to make a list of things for you to do throughout the day so you have something to occupy your mind other than the craziness that comes with starting a relationship like this.

I'm sure he must be struggling with his thoughts about your new relationship as you are and is trying to learn as much as fast as he can through research on the net. Maybe he could just throw together a list of things for you to do to keep you busy while he's spending his time researching.

 

[alexanna]

ALEXANNA

I prefer the finished work.

I spent years and years doing psychotherapy with people. I do not want that in my relationships. I do not want another project with a difficult girl. That's not my idea of fun.

Jim

Maybe Shay's husband could send her to submission boot camp so she could be finished without inconveniencing him.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

@CutieMouse
"Imagining is only one step away from doing" refers to the fact that if he's imagining doing it with her, what's to stop him from acting that same thing out for real (Just saying to be careful with that area of BSDM, as it treads awful close to where the law would be required to interfere)

Not saying don't do it, just to be careful and make damned sure it stays in the 18+ range.

yikes wait a minute....that 'part' of BDSM has nothing to do with closet desires to be with a 'child' in 'real life' actually, alot of the times it has not much to do with age play at all. so, no i don't agree that 'imagining is only one step away from doing' i am in a D/g relationship and it's got nothing to do with closet desires of me wanting to be with my father, nor does it have to do with Him having some desire to be with a child. it has to do with how we interact and when He is "Daddy" He is alot more gentle...sorry but i took offense to your comments about it being 'one step away from doing' because obviously, you don't understand the dynamic at all.....

as for the Original question. no, i dont' think there is much difference between D/s and D/g...