Dealing with guilt regarding sexual urges

[HumpDayHoratio]

I went through this with a certain sex act with my wife. We both had fantasized about it and enjoyed it when we started. Then the doubt crept in. For her mainly then for me when I’d gently pressure her to do it. This was a cycle that was on and off as we would go through periods where we both enjoyed each other then a cycle of the guilts.

I finally sat her down and had a long talk and we both accepted that that is just how I’m wired and it’s just a normal part of our sexual cycle in our lives. We‘re not hurting anyone much less each other. We ultimately love each other and just want pleasure for both parties.

This took time though. I know it’s easier said than done but you‘ll have to accept your sexuality for what it is. Also, masturbation is a NORMAL sex act and way to explore your body and what turns you on. Porn can be another story though.

If you can’t help yourself in this endeavor then as others have posted seeking professional help is your best bet. Good luck. Please continue to use this forum as an outlet also. Lots of smart people here.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

I went through this with a certain sex act with my wife.

"A certain sex act..." Spill the beans!

 

[tristantrotsky]

"A certain sex act..." Spill the beans!

There should be no guilt if the act is mutual and consensual between consenting adults. Giving pleasure to another human being is the greatest gift of all.
It's only society with its phoney imposed moralities that inhibit our behaviour by implanting that religious censor inside our heads. Enjoy your sensuality. Accept yourself. Grow beyond guilt.

 

[Lucy_Lastic]

There should be no guilt...

Agreed. It's only sex. it's not life or death.

 

[ericalauren]

I'm sorry you're feeling guilty. That's not fun, and (at least from what I understand) sex is supposed to be fun. That being said, I can understand why you feel guilty. I hope you're able to remove the guilt. Go forth, have fun!

 

[the_single_gal_unconfidential]

After I've blown thru all those stop signs -
I say what the hey - I'm gonna do that again

 

[sterculius]

So... It took me forever to pick which section i should post in.

I am struggling with a continuous rollercoaster of horniness/masturbation need followed by deep guilt, and I'd like to talk to experienced people to untangle my thoughts.

(I do need some reassurance and benevolence so I was naturally drawn to ask any Mommy or Daddy personalities specifically, but i feel like posting in the fetish section wouldn't be on point)

There's nothing wrong with having sexual urges. The fault lies with this sick, sexually suppressed, moralistic society we all grew up under. This religious puritan ethic that tells us that anything that feels good must be wrong is responsible for distorting and perverting our normal urges. It's not easy, but you must revisit and reject all the negative conditioning our society imposes upon us. If it doesn't involve hurting anyone or forcing someone to do anything against their will, there's nothing wrong with it. Good luck!

 

[magic_rat]

There's nothing wrong with having sexual urges.

Earlier this evening I met a young man in a public toilet. We exchanged a look... I showed him my cock, he showed me his. That was enough. I took him back to my flat and he fucked me quite brutally before cumming in my mouth. Do I feel guilty? Do I feel shame? No fucking way.

 

[tristantrotsky]

Earlier this evening I met a young man in a public toilet. We exchanged a look... I showed him my cock, he showed me his. That was enough. I took him back to my flat and he fucked me quite brutally before cumming in my mouth. Do I feel guilty? Do I feel shame? No fucking way.

Giving and receiving mutual consensual pleasure can only be a good life-enhancing thing.

 

[IrisAlthea]

We are fortunate enough to live in an open and accepting society where we are rightly free and proud to be exactly whatever we are. There is no longer any place for guilt or shame.

I must have missed the memo.

It's only society with its phoney imposed moralities that inhibit our behaviour by implanting that religious censor inside our heads.

So, which is it now?

 

[tristantrotsky]

I must have missed the memo.



So, which is it now?

There's no contradiction there, Iris.
Although your point is an amusing one. I guess that some Western societies... never mind those on a global scale, are evolving away from those old moral certainties faster than others.

 

[magic_rat]

I guess that some Western societies... never mind those on a global scale, are evolving away from those old moral certainties faster than others.

I think that is to a degree true, but with huge caveats.

We like to pretend we're living in an open, tolerant society, but the knuckledraggers are always there to bring you down.

Just like we imagine that racism and misogyny are becoming things of the past, they just lurk under the surface. Or if you work for the Metropolitan Police, you wear it like a badge of honour.

There are no moral 'certainties'.

 

[tristantrotsky]

I think that is to a degree true, but with huge caveats.

We like to pretend we're living in an open, tolerant society, but the knuckledraggers are always there to bring you down.

Just like we imagine that racism and misogyny are becoming things of the past, they just lurk under the surface. Or if you work for the Metropolitan Police, you wear it like a badge of honour.

There are no moral 'certainties'.

At least the Literotica Forum is a liberated zone. Let's make sure we keep it that way.

 

[April602]

I understand how you feel. Throughout my entire sex life I felt guilty after sex…even now, although much less. I was raised and brainwashed in the church…was very cult like…everything was forbidden and sex was bad.
I have done many things to feel guilty over…so maybe I have a right to feel guilty.
============
You can find all my true stories here All Aprils Stories
Don’t forget to rate them and follow me.
See Page 1 of this thread for organized links to my stories and pictures.

 

[sterculius]

I understand how you feel. Throughout my entire sex life I felt guilty after sex…even now, although much less. I was raised and brainwashed in the church…was very cult like…everything was forbidden and sex was bad.
I have done many things to feel guilty over…so maybe I have a right to feel guilty.
============
You can find all my true stories here All Aprils Stories
Don’t forget to rate them and follow me.
See Page 1 of this thread for organized links to my stories and pictures.

You have a right to feel as ridiculously fucked up as you want. It just doesn't make any sense. In fact, the guilt often heightens the enjoyment.

 

[jehoram]

I'm surprised that nobody so far has mentioned counseling. If it's something that bothers you, you should seek out some person who can guide you through your process and help you defuse it. There are qualified psychologists and therapists who have seen it all before, and whom you can feel comfortable with as you work it through. Just because society and religion have implanted your guilt deeply doesn't mean that you have to live with it for the rest of your life.

 

[saintcero]

I can relate. I love sex, masturbation and porn.... a lot. I started masturbating VERY young.
Over 50+ partners too.
Ive been an addicted member of Pornhub and Lushstories. I cum and go. I delete accounts and then cum (pun intended) back. Now Im here on Literotica, in the wee hrs of the morning, naked, pillow humping before work smh I cant help it. It feels so good. I need to stop but I dont want to.
Anyone can relate?

Completely relate. Porn has opened some new avenues of expression. I am on SilverDaddies, Lit and Fetlife at the moment. Happy fingering Elle!

 

[stickygirl]

I watched an interesting documentary in the UK Planet Sex, and one programme talked to medical experts who had studied 'porn addiction'. They even identified a part of the brain that had gained extra blood flow because of the extra dopamine hits it was experiencing. They defined the addiction too and as others have said, once it starts interfering and taking time away from normal life activities. The good news was that with counselling, not so different from drug addiction therapy, that those parts of the brain went back to a normal profile.

The brain is often described as plastic - it responds to demand by creating extra connections so improve its efficiency. However our own logic and thoughts can help acknowledge if firstly we have an addiction at all, and then by facing up to it, reduce our obsession.

Aside from social/religious/moral pressures an individual needs to decide 'is this a problem?' If not, then you need to work out the guilt factor. If it is, then help is at hand.

 

[Ramrod09]

I can relate. I love sex, masturbation and porn.... a lot. I started masturbating VERY young.
Over 50+ partners too.
Ive been an addicted member of Pornhub and Lushstories. I cum and go. I delete accounts and then cum (pun intended) back. Now Im here on Literotica, in the wee hrs of the morning, naked, pillow humping before work smh I cant help it. It feels so good. I need to stop but I dont want to.
Anyone can relate?

Totally relate to this Elle. Used to delete accounts all the time too lol, but I’ve actually come to embrace it as I’ve gotten older. When my wife and I got back together after being separated for a few years watching porn, fantasy talk, and mutual masturbation have actually become part of our sex life. And I’m very open with her now about everything- including a lot of my escapades when we weren’t together. I could have marathon sex into the wee hours of the night and wake up a few hours later with big ol’ morning boner and start jerking off before I get out of bed! My crazy, insane libido is more than any woman could ever handle. I’ve learned to just deal with it guilt free!

 

[FantasySharer1]

I have some thoughts here that might be connected.

There's a huge difference between masturbating and ejaculating because you're horny, and actively choose to enjoy the act of self-pleasure - vs - being bored, tired, exhausted, unmotivated, and using masturbation to avoid sleeping, working, or spending time with people or executing on responsibilities.

Whenever I've been in an emotionally not-great place, and used masturbation as a release/stress cope, it's been followed with that guilty feeling. For me that feeling isn't guilt over sex as much as "shit I'm not being awesome at life, this is pathetic. That could have been sex but instead I am up at 3am jacking off for no reason"

That feeling of guilt isn't "cumming alone was bad" but "I am using this in a way that is harmful."

What is great though is when I'm doing great at work, taking care of my wife's needs, having a good time with my kids, working out, etc - in a good place - like I am now - and decide to self-pleasure to just enjoy it. Get a fantasy out of the way in the shower and move on with my day. When I do this, it's zero guilt.

Perhaps that's relevant to you? Similar?

 

[sicpup72]

I can relate. I love sex, masturbation and porn.... a lot. I started masturbating VERY young.
Over 50+ partners too.
Ive been an addicted member of Pornhub and Lushstories. I cum and go. I delete accounts and then cum (pun intended) back. Now Im here on Literotica, in the wee hrs of the morning, naked, pillow humping before work smh I cant help it. It feels so good. I need to stop but I dont want to.
Anyone can relate?

Absolutely can

 

[sydneyboy123]

So... It took me forever to pick which section i should post in.

I am struggling with a continuous rollercoaster of horniness/masturbation need followed by deep guilt, and I'd like to talk to experienced people to untangle my thoughts.

(I do need some reassurance and benevolence so I was naturally drawn to ask any Mommy or Daddy personalities specifically, but i feel like posting in the fetish section wouldn't be on point)

I discovered my penis when I was 14yo. And then from age 14 through 29, when I got married, I masturbated a lot, thousands of times. I did get laid a few times during that time, but mostly just masturbation. I also experienced guilt feelings about my masturbation habit. I don't think that I ever got over the guilt until recently. And I'm now 76. From 14 to 29 is 15 years of masturbation. Then from age 29 to age 55 I was having regular sex with my wife. So those years totaled 26 years. Then my wife developed a hip problem. And for almost 9 years she wasn't able to have sex. She couldn't spread her legs. We started masturbating together. We got very comfortable doing that together. The past twelve years I have ed on account of prostate cancer. Really the only sex we have is masturbation. I have finally gotten over the masturbation guilt. And a final thought. I'm now back to masturbating only, and my wife does too. My masturbation years total 37 years and my years of fucking sex total 26 years. Really thank goodness for masturbation or I'd be just a horny, frustrated person. Thank god my wife does it too.

 

[Britva415]

So... It took me forever to pick which section i should post in.

I am struggling with a continuous rollercoaster of horniness/masturbation need followed by deep guilt, and I'd like to talk to experienced people to untangle my thoughts.

(I do need some reassurance and benevolence so I was naturally drawn to ask any Mommy or Daddy personalities specifically, but i feel like posting in the fetish section wouldn't be on point)

You're looking for a parent type?

I'm a dad.

I just had basically the following conversation with my son. And I've had it with myself. It works. Try it. You can come out of your room once you have. We'll keep the lasagna hot.

https://ideas.ted.com/heres-a-question-to-consider-what-if-theres-nothing-wrong-with-you/

 

[coati]

You're looking for a parent type?

I'm a dad.

I just had basically the following conversation with my son. And I've had it with myself. It works. Try it. You can come out of your room once you have. We'll keep the lasagna hot.

https://ideas.ted.com/heres-a-question-to-consider-what-if-theres-nothing-wrong-with-you/

What a wonderful question to ask, especially in this day and age when so much of society is saying it's wrong to be sexually active, wrong to belong to certain religions, wrong to be atheist, wrong to be gay, wrong to be trans, wrong to seek help when you've run out of options. wrong to make your own choices that affect your body, wrong to seek social justice, wrong to be a hermit, wrong to express who you are, etc.

 

[PabloTab]

irstly thank you to the OP for asking the question. I'm in a similar position and until now I thought I was the only one who struggled with it.

I masturbate regularly but infrequently due to various complications. In my own situation, over a long period of time I've sort of associated my masturbation with bad things happening to me. I used to be quite religious so I used to make a 'deal' with God that if I didn't masturbate then no bad things would happen to me.

I know it sounds stupid and illogical now, but I was young and impressionable.

Once I renounced religion, my 'deals' were / are made with fate / destiny (which is what I used to replace religion). It goes something like this > I masturbate > I feel guilty > something bad happens to me > I blame it on my masturbation > I make a pledge not to masturbate for X days > I feel OK for a bit, then I get horny.

Rinse and repeat.

I know I need to break the cycle, I just don't know how.

Any advice gratefully received.