Desultory and Impulsive

[y=mx+b]

The unknown heat began to well up inside of me. The source of it being the fractured rib from my fall and it all began to flow towards my center. That spot just below the abdomen. The Hara so many are so fixated on keeping balanced as though it wasn't already.

She kept at the door and with each shake of it I could hear parts of the locking mechanism give then... PING!

 

[y=mx+b]

"You need to get the fuck out of here."

"You need me."

She stepped towards me with the care of an intrepid kitten coming upon a new sitution

"LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!"

I staggered to my feet and was greeted by cold sweat and dry heaving.
I doubled over but didn't fall.

She stepped into me to help me stand
I breathed her in to register her as someone I didn't want to hurt
And I could feel it
This strange recognition of an understanding

Albeit one without promises.

Her body was hot against mine and so pretty
I felt disgusting as she walked me towards the couch. Her clothing absorbing the cold sweat my body was vomiting to compensate for the blast furnace fast spreading to my groin

 

[y=mx+b]

"We need to get these clothes off..."

I grabbed her wrist before knowing I did
Unable to check my grip strength I felt her ulna and radius bend towards each other

"No."

She winced but didn't pull back.
She looked at my unforgiving hand around her wrist and slid her thumb across each of her fingers that met it. Wanting to be touched by it. And it wanting to be touched by them. It was as if they were unbridled horses affectionately greeting each other after having been apart for some time.

I watched her watch them nuzzle against each other.
Her eyes glassy, lost in the purple hue of her hand.

She then turned them upon me with a certain aire of arrogance.

"I know what you are. You only have an idea what I am. We need to take your clothes off."

 

[y=mx+b]

I stood as best I could and made no attempt to help her strip me of my shirt.
A glint of slow moonlight reflected off her wedding ring as her hand steadied me

Someone loved her.
It was comforting.

But wasn't my concern


There comes a level of acceptance with the rise of the moon.
Day is over.
Night has begun.

I give into what I can no longer fight
There is a pause.
My shirt drops from her hand

Strength fast returning
I stand.

"My God..." she whispered
Her fingers reaching out to touch one of the wounds long scarred over.

My eyes closed.
Her touch...
A memory.



Caliber unknown
Below right clavicle
Did not exit.

Low back entery
Kidney obliterated
Exited out abdomen
First use of silver
Didn't work.

Upper back
Buckshot
Lungs damage

She continued to make her way around me
Touching what scars she could see

Neck, front side
Pentagram
God fearing Christians
To mark the beast
Throat--slit
To send me back

Left flank
Ignition point
New York
Back when it was cool to set bums on fire

Chest
Double barrel 12 gauge
Center left
First barrel--misfire.

Her hand fell slack and dropped away.







Suicide.

 

[y=mx+b]

Intentional or not
When a woman enter into a man
However it is that she does

She is just as beautiful as she feels
When she becomes aware
That she has

It's insulating
Insulting in that it was so easy for her to do so
Without knowing how she did it

Having become aware that she always can.
Somehow.

No matter.


Having stepped away
She looked up to see me looking down into her with nothing.

She continued making small steps backwards.
There was a calm about the place.


"You need to go."


The heel of her foot caught the ring of keys on the floor and she slid to a stumble catching herself by the door frame. She glanced outside. The bottom edge of an imposingly full moon had just barely risen above the horizon. She turned back towards me. No warmth was offered.

I watched her walk out the door then disappear behind the wall then reappear behind the window looking back towards me. She continued walking and once passed the window where I couldn't see her came the sound of leaves being run through until the sound had been swallowed by the night.

The bones in my body popped out of socket and broke where they needed to break. Blood spurt across the walls stuffing out a lit candle as my flesh tore open. My spine began to lengthen and curve giving me no choice but to bend towards the floor. I braced myself, resting upon my forearms as my hands and fingers elongated, my nails growing gloss black and sharp, my hips narrowing--turning into hindquarters. My sinuses blowing out and configured appropriately as my skull became more and more canine. My human teeth being pushed out of their sockets, falling roots and all to the floor.

Then
A pause

Naked
Skinless
Cold

Nothing but bones
Tendons
Deep labored breathing
Sleep-like silence
And the last emotions love asks the most out of


Sadness
And fear


The sound of leather upon leather fill the room as the flesh of skin and muscle fight against each other to be put to the best use. Never content with where it has chosen. My ribcage cracks open to accommodate the added weight of my arms. A ridge of imperceptible coat of grey hair bleeds out of my skin. I feel my heart beat. Each pump of it pushing survival into me. And I stand.





Tonight
Something will die.

 

[y=mx+b]

Putting the story on hold because that's a good place to stop

I think I hurt someone today

I don't know for certain


To protect myself I am going to say that I don't care
How others react to who I am and what I say is not my problem

So logic would dictate.


Logic is a cop-out created buy people that otherwise cannot be proven wrong. Unless done so rationally.

At least that is what I tell myself to feel superior to them

It never works.



I think I hurt with someone today
I didn't set out to
But it seemed like a good idea at the time

And it was

If you happen to run into that person
Please don't tell them this

I don't want them to laugh at me without me knowing anything about it as I fall alone in love with them without them knowing anything about it

I thought about you like I said earlier when I wrote you the words I wanted you to remember.
I forgot to tell you I have a surplus of mediocrity should you still be interested having some for yourself. It has a pretty long shelf-life. I'll set some aside.

 

[y=mx+b]

I want my cock to smell like you.

I want us to fuck in the morning

I want to work you so hard and so wet
And grab you by your goddamn whore throat and pin you to the fucking bed
And watch the veins in your forehead and temples struggle to push the spent blood back to your heart

I want to slap your fucking face as you struggle for air, asking you "what's wrong?" over again
And punch you in the stomach to get your cunt to bear down on my cock all the more.

I want throw a forearm across your gasping open mouth and push your cocksucking skull towards the goddamn center of the earth and laugh in your fucking face as you try to bite against it, turn away, or push it out with your tongue, then yell in the same ear over and over throughout the ripping of my vocal cords telling you to shut the fuck up--no matter how quiet you are.

And every time; after taking a piss, adjusting my cock, or scratching my balls I'm going to bring my fingers up to my face so that the fuckstench of your filthy cumbox gives me all the more reason to throw you in the goddamn shower and teach you how to fucking wash yourself.

 

[isseii]

Hey stranger....aren't we all?

I have to say, I didn't dig too far back in this thread this time. The last few pages were enough to keep my mind twisting and turning for quite some time.

The few pics I ran into, they're as dark and sexy as ever. Your words/poems/rants/rampages....whatever the fuck you want to call them. Those are the types of things that leap off the screen, implant themselves into others subconscious and see what kind of crazy shit that can cultivate within their new home.

Good to see, and read, you again.

 

[y=mx+b]

Hey stranger....aren't we all?

I have to say, I didn't dig too far back in this thread this time. The last few pages were enough to keep my mind twisting and turning for quite some time.

The few pics I ran into, they're as dark and sexy as ever. Your words/poems/rants/rampages....whatever the fuck you want to call them. Those are the types of things that leap off the screen, implant themselves into others subconscious and see what kind of crazy shit that can cultivate within their new home.

Good to see, and read, you again.

Thank you for making the last few pages feel worth it.

 

[LizzieEr]

I think I hurt someone today
...

If you happen to run into that person
Please don't tell them this

I don't want them to laugh at me without me knowing anything about it as I fall alone in love with them without them knowing anything about it

I thought about you like I said earlier when I wrote you the words I wanted you to remember.
I forgot to tell you I have a surplus of mediocrity should you still be interested having some for yourself. It has a pretty long shelf-life. I'll set some aside.

Two days later, this is still perfect.

 

[y=mx+b]

I wish...

I wish something would take up my thoughts
Or provide me with an interest.

Something absolutely unrelated to this place.
Something that didn't compel me to relate back to this place.

I don't want to be here anymore.
But I have nothing else going for me.
I never had anything else going for me.

And that is an impossibly sad pill to fucking swallow.

 

[y=mx+b]

Butterfly In a Glass Case

I can see you
But I cannot touch you

Iridescent blues and greens
Accentuating the beauty
Of an already beautiful body
Weightless upon the eye
Just as you were once
Upon the petals
That must miss you so

If I were able to free you
Would you land upon me?
Even just for a bit
Would you bring your wings together
And allow me to see that what others have already?
Would you be thankful that it was I who set you free?
Or curse me?
For having introduced you
Once again
To the uncertain harsh elements?

Such questions I guess are rhetorical
For I neither have the means
Nor the know how
To be successful in such a quest
So my thoughts best be quiet
And content to watch you rest.

 

[Misshotndeep]

I can see you
But I cannot touch you

Iridescent blues and greens
Accentuating the beauty
Of an already beautiful body
Weightless upon the eye
Just as you were once
Upon the petals
That must miss you so

If I were able to free you
Would you land upon me?
Even just for a bit
Would you bring your wings together
And allow me to see that what others have already?
Would you be thankful that it was I who set you free?
Or curse me?
For having introduced you
Once again
To the uncertain harsh elements.

Such questions I guess are rhetorical
For I neither have the means
Nor the know how
To be successful in such a quest
So my thoughts best be quiet
And content to watch you rest.

Very deep and beautiful.

 

[y=mx+b]

Very deep and beautiful.

Thank you.

 

[y=mx+b]

I've been up

...well before my wife had to leave for work.



I want to fuck so goddamn badly right now.
I don't want to masturbate
I don't want to look at porn
I want to flat-out balls-to-the-walls fuck.

No talking
No planning
No questioning
No caring

I am horny as fuck
And I want it so fucking bad

And then I want to go back to fucking sleep
Because really
That's all I really want
And the soulless empty orgasm brought about by self and porn isn't going to get me there

Because this need to fuck is deep
And it's standing in the way to a sleep just as fucking deep.

 

[y=mx+b]

fuck my goddamn life.

 

[y=mx+b]

So...

I just got to telling a friend that my mom is getting tired of this bullshit wisconsin weather and thinking about moving into the cush southern state where they live.

It's doubtful that she will, but nevertheless I said it would be convenient if she did because that gives me more incentive to visit.

No sooner than I said it I felt stupid because this friend of mine has visited me even when it did not behoove them to more times than I have even bothered to have a remote thought let alone an actual interest to leave the state.

What a crock of shit.

I was going to go on and on about why this is, because of having been born poor. But that's a pretty damn weak argument

So then I got to thinking that perhaps it's because I'm a momma's boy. But that's a crock of shit because... well because fuck her.

And then I realized it's all pretty much because I'm a chickenshit dick.

 

[y=mx+b]

something from a few pages back

 

[LizzieEr]

something from a few pages back

Your voice, the first time I heard a recording, struck me in its softness. I don't know what I had imagined it to be, but it wasn't this. But, it was a nice surprise and hearing you makes me calm, peaceful somehow.
This right here, this is beautiful. Thank you.

 

[y=mx+b]

Your voice, the first time I heard a recording, struck me in its softness. I don't know what I had imagined it to be, but it wasn't this. But, it was a nice surprise and hearing you makes me calm, peaceful somehow.
This right here, this is beautiful. Thank you.

You are welcome.

I have been reading through some of the stuff that I had written in the past and am thinking there will be more to come.

If there is something in particular that you--any of you out there--would like for me to read please let me know and I'll see what I can do. It's all fair game including that in my older thread. Want me to read some of the more fucked-up shit but wish to remain anonymous? Send me a pm. I assure you that I will keep it as my little secret. No one will know. You will be kept safe.

 

[LizzieEr]

You are welcome.

I have been reading through some of the stuff that I had written in the past and am thinking there will be more to come.

If there is something in particular that you--any of you out there--would like for me to read please let me know and I'll see what I can do. It's all fair game including that in my older thread. Want me to read some of the more fucked-up shit but wish to remain anonymous? Send me a pm. I assure you that I will keep it as my little secret. No one will know. You will be kept safe.

Do you remember the one in the barn? From this thread?
I would so love to hear you read that one.

 

[Wife of Bath]

something from a few pages back

thank you for this.

 

[y=mx+b]

Do you remember the one in the barn? From this thread?
I would so love to hear you read that one.

I think I do. I'll skim through and see if I can find it.

 

[y=mx+b]

thank you for this.

You are welcome.

 

[y=mx+b]

To those that follow for whatever reason

This has been a real struggle for me for quite some time now.

I don't know how to go about expressing to everyone following my thread that I belong to you.

...that everything I write, I allude to is about you.

...that the painful feeling I write about of being unable have what is wanted so goddamn badly in such a way that they too feel it--is about us.

How do I express that? How do I give you the credit you so justifiably deserve?


How do I tell them

















That I love you