Desultory and Impulsive

Edit - enjoy your night, x
 
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She hated how there wasn't a safe place where she could go and just be. With a certain comfortable she could count on

Well... there was
But even then there were days he wasn't there. Skipping stones across the water.

Today was one of those days.
And the little sandwich and sliced apples she brought with lost their appeal.

Perhaps she was early
Perhaps she was late

Either way
He wasn't there
Like she needed him to be.
 
Hey.
There's something I've been meaning to tell you.

I know I've not been around for sometime
And perhaps it feels as though I've been all out ignoring you.

There's a reason for this
And it not an easy reason to make known

I've never been good with words
Or expressing my true feelings
But the fact of the matter is...

Well...

I'm not attracted to you.


I don't like you.



I never really did.

I wish I could say that I was sorry
But I know that if I did
I would only be apologizing to myself
For wasting my time
Telling you the things you wanted to hear most

You mean everything to me... You are beautiful... I miss you... I love you... Your heart is safe with me...

Not one bit of it was true.

The only thing that was true
Was my wish to see you naked and to get you to get me off. And even then I really didn't much give a shit.

Sure we had good talks and there were some deep moments where I felt you connect with me. Good for you? Make the best of that moment and grow from it?

I don't know.
And I really don't care.

I'm sure this is probably a kick to the crotch. And I'm sure you are all ready to to spew your rebuttal and "let me have it" by saying you I wasted so much of your life on me, that you truly cared for me, that you thought we had some kind of future. Save it. You are right. I know. But there again... that's you. Your perception of us. Not mine. So again... go with it be mad. No loss to me.

That was an interesting change of pace.
 
It is snowing out
A hard
Stinging kind of snow

The wind is cold

She's outside
Bundled up warm
But
Tied to a post

All of her is clothed warm
Save for her breasts

They are naked
Being bitten by both snow
...and cold.

Her flesh will have become stung numb
And the heat of my lips and mouth
...oh how it will burn
When I close them in around her
Pulling her nipple into me
Deep and hard between my tongue
And the roof of my mouth.
 
It is snowing out
A hard
Stinging kind of snow

The wind is cold

She's outside
Bundled up warm
But
Tied to a post

All of her is clothed warm
Save for her breasts

They are naked
Being bitten by both snow
...and cold.

Her flesh will have become stung numb
And the heat of my lips and mouth
...oh how it will burn
When I close them in around her
Pulling her nipple into me
Deep and hard between my tongue
And the roof of my mouth.

Yes, please! :devil:
 
Inside

Even with her face obscured
By the blindfold and ball gag
She was pretty
Tied to the Saint Andrews cross
I cobbled together with the barn wood
That I scavenged

Her hair thread between the brush bristles
And she began to drool from the ball gag
As the brush pulled her hair to one side

She was pretty
A pretty little thing
That often found myself
Wishing I could just bottle up
And keep in my pocket
And take out at work
Whenever I felt directionless
And lost

Long strands of thick spit
Slid out from behind the gag
Down across the line of her jaw
And hung precariously
Before being pulled
Like a fine thread of silk
Down towards the floor

I stepped back
Took a sip of coffee
And contemplated our work

I couldn't do this alone
She had to be there


And I was thankful that she was.
 
I left her like that
While I took the dog out for a walk around the property

I didn't contemplate much about her while outside
I left her alone
And that was all I needed from her

Her inside
Bound
Drooling naked
Alone with her thoughts to think
Letting her own demons have at her

The dog and I played in the snow
Well... the dog did.

Pouncing and bouncing as dogs do
In freshly fallen snow.
 
Making my way back towards the house
My eye spied how icicles had formed all along the roof edge of the house

I walked up to one
And touched the pointed end
Lightly
As if it were the clit of a woman

The sharp end of it
Melted against the heat of my finger
And became smooth to the touch

Cold water ran down my wrist
And made it's way under the sleeve of my jacket
The temperature of it increasingly heating
To match that of my own

Gently
I took hold of the ice formation
And broke it free from the house

Free in my hands
I felt how substantial it had become

Each freeze/thaw cycle of the season
Adding more and more to it coming into being
 
I brought the thing with me

She was still where she was

Bound
Drooling

Wet puddles of spit
Stood below her
Seeking out
The lowest spots of the floor.
 
I am at work...

...and my thoughts turn to her
And how I wish I could hold her

And nothing more.
Just hold her.
 
I knelt down before her

She flinched as the heavy end of the icicle
Kissed up against her abdomen
Just below her belly button.

I didn't move it
I held it still
And steady

Then
I withdrew it

And watched a rivulet
Of melted ice water
Amble about
 
I did it again
And then again

All along different spots of her body.

Below her breasts
Above them

A glancing sweep across her nipples

A long
Drawn out sweep
Up the inside of her thigh
From her knee to just up to her crotch

Jumping over

Then
Along the inside of her other thigh
Just below her crotch
Down to her knee
 
I pressed the index finger of my left hand
Against the entrance of her asshole
And slid it in just enough to let us know
Where we both were

I used it as a guide
As I began to push the fat end of the icicle
Up between the folds of her labia

It wasn't an easy entrance
As the end of the icicle was about the same diameter
Of my wrist

She screamed against the ball gag
And thrashed out against the restraints of the cross
But she didn't give the visual cue to stop

So I didn't
I kept pushing the icicle forward
Rotating it left then right
Feeling the heat of her body melt the ice
The warmed cool water pooled in the palm of my hand

I curled the finger in her ass
Upward to assess the end of the icicle
And pushed back against it
But not enough to lose what little ground
I made trying to get it inside her

Her thrashing made things difficult
I shushed her under my breath
I told her that she was going to be okay
That everything was going to be okay

Her body relaxed
And she took a deep breath
I pushed the icicle all the more into her
She began to sob and softly buck her hips
In an effort to expedite the process
 
The interesting thing
Was that once we got passed a certain point
The the gliding heat of her body, the slippery surface of the ice, and the taper of the icicle, the icicle began to slide up into her slowly on it's own

The sliding suction of it all was so great that I could pull against the icicle and not worry about it coming out.
 
After having had my icicle fun with her
I freed her from the cross but kept her blindfolded and gagged and told her to let it drop to the floor.

Having sufficiently melted
The icicle slid out of her and I walked her over to the bed
Where I fucked her.

Her body inside was wet and cold
Probably the closest thing to fucking a dead woman that I cared to get. The only way closer would to have choked her unconscious.

To this day I wonder what I felt like inside of her
How hot I was
If she could feel the temperature of my semen after I came... coating the walls of her body like warm wax.

It was a good orgasm.
If I think hard about it
I can still smell her
And feel the strap of the ball gag press against the side of my face as I clutched her increasingly tight with each spastic ejaculation of my body into hers.
 
No my love
Don't let me go

Don't leave me
Alone
Dry-heave sobbing next to this toilet

Cold porcelain
Licking off the sweat and tears
Of the feelings and memories
Of the you my heart does not want to lose

You held me
You did
You held me
But you didn't
You never did
I was never in your heart
Like you were in mine

No
Don't let me go
I don't want to be afraid again
I don't want to be alone
Chased after
Only for my flesh
And my body
And what I can do for others

I don't want to be out there
Hungry
Wanting to be sought out
Wanting to be found again

Choose me
Like I want you to.

Choose me

Because all of me
Has chosen you.
 
I confess...

I have an erection right now.

It feels good too


The best part is... I'm not even touching myself
And I am fully clothed.

I just got home from work
And have yet to take a shower.

It's like my body knows that I am home
And can finally relax and be all "fuck this... I've been waiting all day to just get hard for no real reason"

I'm not entirely sure why I'm hard.

I'm not horny
And have no real desire to get myself off.


I'm looking forward to my shower now

The warm water
The slick soap
My dick alert
My balls slack

Sometimes it's just fun being a guy
 
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