Desultory and Impulsive

[y=mx+b]

Ready your selves.

 

[y=mx+b]

Perfect
Page one two
Type O-pos.
Thinking Type O-negative
The band
I know you know and I don't but I do
The guy was 6'7" or some shit like that
Smart
Sad to know he's dead
Weight around my midnight post night mourning sky
In what we where in the nude
Down sidewalks of faith
And white lines off of mirrors and Vegas whores
Sounding board slums
Secretly sealing sound advice
Without a ski in sight of blight broken noses
Nodes and noduals and slack adjuster tie rod ends
And Bridgestone tires over troubled waters
I wrote her letters
Back before the internet
And she sent me a photo of one saying how she knew
She wasn't supposed to talk to me
But look at this blast from the past
And it was one I tore in half top down
All jagged like a puzzle piece
And I couldn't make out what I said
And itg didn't address how we made-out
Sitting on the city bench overlooking a lake
I could go visit late at night
Like I did
And we did
After work sometime
To have a thought in a spot where
There was nothing to see
No smoke in the sky
No gun or condom or footsteps on the ground
It was like we were once never there
Not like we once where where we are now
In bed with me awake and you sleeping
Waiting to wake up to see of what I had written
Of which you were certain I would
Was about you
And yes it was and is and yet you never know
Like I will never know
That you will ever touch me
Trust me
Cut me cutting you
Like a swallow across the sky
Always about to hit your face at any given moment
With forked tails zip like speed to sleep

 

[y=mx+b]

There is an echo of green across the fields
Jade and emerald and clover and timothy

Between the stalks
Warm air and bumblebees
And the first of a fluttering butterfly

The sky is a quiet blue
A dusting of white thin clouds

Birds
Nesting in the maple
Limbs heavy with new leaves

A goldfinch eating thistle seeds
In front of a screenless window
--clear through the glass.

 

[y=mx+b]

The night is quiet
Dark
The scent of freshly tilled soil
Blankets across
The cool soon to be summer air.

I'm not thinking about work
Or people
Or tomorrow

I am thinking about right now
About me
About where I am going
Where my thoughts have been
And where I want them to be

There isn't a sound outside
No frogs
No crickets
And the moon is just a blood orange sliver crescent

I feel as though if I were to reach up
My hand would press against the membrane
Of another dimension

One where I already am
Pressing back.

 

[y=mx+b]

I like to sometimes imagine us fucking in a beat-up old car in a farmer's field like we were kids not knowing any better.

 

[y=mx+b]

Sometimes

I

Imagine
That
She

Is
You.

 

[y=mx+b]

Sometimes

I

Imagine
That
I am

Not
me

When
I

Slide into her


And
We are
Two

Different people


Fucking


For
The first
Time.

 

[y=mx+b]

Being the good son that I am
I visited my mother yesterday
And in a moment of nostalgia
She gave me 3 photos of my younger teen self.

There was take and all that
But it wasn't until I got home
When I actually took a look at them

One struck me in particular

It's a black and white photo in an era of colored film.

My would do that some times
Buy black and white film
Which my father never understood why

And even though my mother never changed her approach to taking pics; to suit the format better, I understood why.

The picture is of me standing in the doorway
I'm wearing a down jacket that was a good size and a half too big for me. It was blue.

My arms are crossed
I am looking directly into the camera
My smile is relaxed

I remember but don't remember the picture being taken.
But it was taken in the month of March.

I was 14 years old.

And I am looking at you.



And that's what's weird. I'm not looking at the camera. I'm not looking at my mom. I am looking at you. Whoever you are.

And so I'm looking at me look at myself and something just kinda clicked

I really was
Always like I am.


It's so weird to think
That for some, sex was just a year a way.

Sex
Smoking
Drinking
Experimental dabbling and testing of adulthood

My peers latching on to their particular preferred synaptic trigger

And holding on to the comfort it gave them
Pursuing it
Seeking it out other seekers

And there I was...
Standing in the doorway
Looking at the you
I was already writing about

Falling further into my depressive nature


And I love it.

I love looking at me looking at myself and seeing me as me
No some navel gazing special snowflake that I would always believe myself to be and feeling shame for it

But seeing me
See my own world as it was right before me.

Feeling
Exactly where it was
At any given time

 

[y=mx+b]

Also...

I am so goddamn full of myself that even I am entertained.

 

[Moochienanu]

I am so goddamn full of myself that even I am entertained.

You’re entertaining me.

 

[y=mx+b]

You’re entertaining me.

Yeah... but U'r weerd.

 

[Moochienanu]

Yeah... but U'r weerd.

...and proud of it!

 

[y=mx+b]

I can see her

Sitting on the couch

Dogs
Laying at the foot
On the floor

 

[y=mx+b]

Legs bent to the side as she sat
Hidden behind a pillow.

I watched

Her knee lifted
Slightly up into the air


She was wearing a skirt.

 

[y=mx+b]

The clouds have come over
And hidden the sun

Tomorrow is garbage day
The dumpster sits empty

I have much time to make up for

I hope to beat the rain.

 

[y=mx+b]

I am too late.

 

[y=mx+b]

I find myself sad.
Irrationally so.

Like I failed
Like I am so far behind in my life.

The sun is out
Yet it still rains.

 

[y=mx+b]

I had been listening to a podcast
One where two wealthy people were discussing
The perils of wanting to be all the more successful
To buy all the more nicer things...
Cars
Clothing
Houses

The drive to upgrade
The motivation

Bigger...
Better...

It was imposing
Survival of the fittest...




I got way the fuck too much shit that needs to be thrown away.

Fuck your drive to upgrade.

 

[y=mx+b]

I sat contemplating things when Hog come up beside me chewin' on that blade of grass like he always has.

In his eyes was a kinda wisened. The kinds that comes 'round from time to time from a place nobody know wheres from. Particularly in them dimmer folks like Hog.

Anyways, Hog looks to me and says... "You knows, if the sun is a shining where the drops of rain are fallin' that's wheres the rainbow lands."

 

[y=mx+b]

I just happened upon an erotic illustration
Of a woman on her hands and knees
With a man's face buried deep into the crack of her ass, eating her out

And now I absolutely
100%
Want to eat ass.

Moreso than any actual live porn pic/movie depiction has ever made me want.




Moral of the story? Support the arts.

 

[y=mx+b]

Enough talking.

 

[Blueeyesrenee]

Sometimes

I

Imagine
That
She

Is
You.

Sometimes I imagine
He's
You

 

[Blueeyesrenee]

Enough talking.

Ok I'll stop talking

 

[y=mx+b]

Sometimes I imagine
He's
You

Oh?

Any particular version of me?
Or all versions of me going every which way?

 

[y=mx+b]

I'm horny.

The kind of horny
I want to do nothing about

But look at you
And lay in wait.