Dominant Types

[Orchidea73]

I like your post, A.

The Primal in my guy is more wolfish. He’s away trying to devour me.
He calls me Red at times, for Red Riding Hood.
I dig it.

I like Primal and wolfish in any man really. Though I've never felt like Red Riding Hood. I find it exciting and thrilling.

 

[Orchidea73]

Have you read any of the Red Riding Hood stories here?

She rides, baby, and she gets devoured.

Here on Lit? No. I thought you were ref. to the Little Red Riding Hood fairy tale.
I feel more like la Lupa (she-wolf) myself.

 

[Orchidea73]

Both.

And yes. I have felt that way, too. She Wolf. That’s why I’m attracted to Alphas.

You know it.

 

[Orchidea73]

That’s pretty apt, O.
I am so strong in life. A Wolf. I take cake of my pack. I work hard. I speak up. I howl.
But... I give it up to the one who is stronger. I’m talking sexually.
I like it.

Of course, sexually.
Off bed, there is not a submissive bone in my body.

Sorry for the digression.

This thread is very interesting.

What do you Dommy types want to be called? Sir?

Mine would be Mister Ohhh.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Sorry for the digression.

This thread is very interesting.

What do you Dommy types want to be called? Sir?

I mean, Sadaddydistic will do.

 

[AZsurfer40]

Sorry for the digression.

This thread is very interesting.

What do you Dommy types want to be called? Sir?

I never liked Sir, it always felt too pretentious to me. I always preferred something more honest, like Cock. Yes Cock, no Cock, because in all fairness, that is what should be on her mind at all times and so deserving of her focus.

I also like just using my name. More personable and more submissive not to a overplayed stereotype but to me. Yum.

 

[Acktion]

I like your post, A.

The Primal in my guy is more wolfish. He’s away trying to devour me.
He calls me Red at times, for Red Riding Hood.
I dig it.

Thank you, Fara-shmael. Sometimes about five seconds after I hit the submit button I feel like Treebeard.

I should mention that a friend of ours hadn't read the books (I know! But, she was alright otherwise.), so we were watching the movies and during Treebeard's monologue she burst out "Oh, just die already!" (Yeah, we don't talk to them anymore...)

Any road, I've been told enough that I always write too much and it's boring that it is always nice to have my efforts to struggle over the keyboard at the blazing speed of a word a minute appreciated when I can sit up and do so.

Sorry for the digression.

This thread is very interesting.

What do you Dommy types want to be called? Sir?

I've been having some cognitive issues and especially memory with mild... call them hallucinations. For example, reliving conversations with my late wife from seven or twelve years ago...

Any road, when I saw this question, it sparked a dim memory that I'd written something about this before and rather than struggling with feeling like my keyboard is needles heated in flame and hooked to electric current for each keystroke, I went digging.

And finally found it posted around 31Mar19 on the site I was exiled from Lit to for awhile.

I am NOT going to paste that in here. It was about thirty or forty pages of thesis.

But, about three-quarters of the way through, I was reminded why it sounded familiar. Because while I'd been ostracized from Lit, I had stuck my nose in to check up on the people I still cared about from time to time. (Just without posting.)

And the whole thing was inspired by a thread from here where someone was lamenting about some "insta-Dom" in their in-box that they'd never met before calling them "slut" and "bitch" and insisting that they be addressed as Master.

I could be wrong, as I say I am having pretty severe memory issues, but I think you made an appearance in that thread along with some of the other lovely cafe regulars.

Any road, as I say, that entire thing was much too long to inflict on readers here that haven't figured out to put me on ignore if wall-of-text literary-masochism isn't their scene.

But in a nutshell, for me;

If we don't know each other very well, the screenname I chose works just fine.

If I've given my name in private, that is fine. But, only in the same privacy I gave it.

Anything else... kinda has to be earned, so far as I'm concerned.

I am OFF THE MARKET now. But, when I was still willing to play... frankly, my first task was for them to attempt to choose a title for me that resonated with them. With me holding veto rights.

I understand that I'm unusual "in the scene." But, to me it just seems ludicrous to insist on a title that isn't how I resonate with them, and redundent if I insist on it and it does.

It was also a pretty good indication that they were capable of proactive thoughtful submission rather than just reactive rote. Which I require for anything meaningful.

But, I hold veto rights.

Daddy, for example, has been off-limits to all but an extremely rarified few. That was what Love called me for almost the entirety of our two and a half decades together. I think I may have relented twice since her death for that exact label from someone very special and dear.

Master, likewise, has been off-limits. It's not a play term for me, but tantamount to calling me "husband." And, again, I think I have relented twice and allowed someone exceedingly dear, who I was looking for "from now until the end" with.

Sir is really nothing special to me. Hell, I call people "sir" or "ma'am." Often when they don't really deserve my respect but I'm trying to be polite and give them the benefit of the doubt.

***shrug*** I know. I've been accused that I'm really difficult to have a dynamic with. But, for me, I would just as soon my name or a nickname that has a personal meaning than some interchangeable (apparently) title that doesn't differentiate me at all from their past Person.

 

[TheWorldBuilder]

I'm not keen on being a 'daddy', but you can certainly add me to the 'protect and nurture' list.

 

[AZsurfer40]

The Dom’s brain is usually my focus.

When I get in that special transcendent zone, there is no difference between the two. Each drives the other.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I mean, Sadaddydistic will do.

That would make an interesting safe word, haha.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

That would make an interesting safe word, haha.

Yes! What sub, deep in subspace, could actually vocalize it!?

Whilst sitting in a plastic Adirondack chair.


*runs*

You dare foul this sacred place of trust with your seating blasphemy?

We only have so much time on this earthly plain, and I beseech you to examine your life and outdoor furniture while you can still set things right.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

just the little brat in me

Oh I like those a lot. They have dignity, authenticity and heft, unlike some seats I could name. I’ll take eight for the fire pit area that I’m planning and for which I’m accumulating too many materials.

 

[cookiecat]

I mean, Sadaddydistic will do.

Now there's a mouthful.

 

[NomDeGrrrr]

Good evening everyone.

I just wanted to start a thread to open a discussion about the different dominant types. I feel as though too many people have a certain image in their head of what a dominant "should be". I find this can be damaging to some new doms and also new subs because it gives the impression that if things aren't done in a certain way, it means they arent dominant or that if a Dom does act in a stereotypical/movie portrayed way, a naive submissive could easily be misused.

I will not claim to be worldly or know a ton about this subject either, I consider myself fairly new. I know that different types of dominants exist, but not the details of those different doms. So please, if you are a Dom, post below and describe your style the best you can. Or if you're a sub and want to brag on your dom and yalls style, go ahead! I want to learn from this post, and hopefully give a platform for others to learn as well.

Also, within this, do you personally believe there is a defined difference between a Master, Sir, and Daddy? I've heard many opinions and would like to hear more as a collective.

Disclaimer: I know one person doesn't fall into any one certain categories. Everybody has their own style and mixture. I just want to hear about everyone's personal experiences and opinions.

Sincerely,

A curious Sub

I think that if one aspires to lead it's necessary to know how to follow.

Titles, contracts and safe words aren't always needed but might be wanted to add structure and augment our inner monologue and thus add to our enjoyment. You might not want a birthday cake without candles for instance. Although with safe words... well, you know.

I had a lot more which vanished into the ether when I previewed because of my slow toeing that may very well be the most profound thing I've written in my life.... but 0h, Well.
That only bites me when I'm not paying attention to it.

That only goes to illustrate that when we think were in control we really control almost nothing and when we are in control we probably are screwing someone else up, LOL. the is much shorter and maybe almost as good as what I had.. And even makes some of the same points so maybe not a total loss.

Many of you are more experienced than I anyway. I've gained insight just by the first page of responses.


(Timing out logins is just as useless and misguided and disabling right-click, coders)

 

[NomDeGrrrr]

Maybe subs don’t question other people about who we are, because we know who we are.

Or maybe you just get a kick out of watching some of us fall on our ass, LOL

You know, that stone seat may have been the equivalent if a plastic drug store lawn chair and we're all just assuming....
I'm just saying.

 

[Blase]

What do you Dommy types want to be called? Sir?

Sir is what I end up being called most commonly, if a sub feels like they need to use a title with me. I generally just tell them that my first name is fine.

I've been called Daddy by one or two people, but even in those cases it was rarely used, or maybe just a suggestion on the sub's part.

One person I was involved with would occasionally call me Coach because of something I'd said to her. And actually, that term serves pretty well to describe the way I am with a lot of girls.

 

[ToPleaseHim]

I like that. I’ve called someone Boss.

I’ve called one partner Daddy. I’ve also had a Professor (or Sir) and, now, a Sir.

 

[Smoothshavendad]

She called me daddy and it was like the most beautiful song in the world when she did.

 

[Hipshot1554]

Mentor dominants: want to teach a sub up to a certain point. Once you've "graduated" from their limited instruction, it's time to move along. Good for new submissives. Or subs who want to experience specific things.

My first dominant was like this. Neither of us wanted an on-going relationship. I wanted to do stuff. At that time, I wasn't really sure what "stuff" was. I got pretty lucky in that he was safe AND he was really in to service. I had no idea that submission could be more than just rough sex and being told what to do. Yay me!

But after a certain point in time, I grew out of him. He knew it and encouraged me to spread my subby wings (and other body parts) and explore more.

I was with another dominant, in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship who called himself a Daddy. In hindsight, I see he fell under the Mentor category. Once he played out all his Dommy cards, that was it. I wanted more D/s, he didn't. We still liked each other as boyfriend/girlfriend but as Dom/sub, it wasn't going anywhere.

I think there's a difference between Dominant and Top. When I play with someone - for example, have a flogging scene - I'm not really submitting to a Dominant. I am bottoming to a Top who has a certain skill I want to enjoy. A scene is usually pretty fluid - at times, I feel myself getting melty and spacey and if we've talked about other things than flogging (touching lady parts, smooching, yada yada), I can get in to a submissive mindset. Sometimes that doesn't happen and I'm just enjoying the hurt.

There are straightforward dominants: what's in the toybag is what you get. Paddled, flogged, caned. Then there are mind-fucky dominants: messing with a sub's head, conjuring up lewd situations, finding that balance between feeling safe, loved and off-kilter, needy.

My husband was my Daddy. We had a tough time at first meshing up our bdsm styles. I wanted him to push me down, spit on me and tell me he owned my holes. He wanted me to offer up my submission as some kind of pretty gift.

We met in the middle.

He was super quiet. And pretty funny. I was always about the serious, dark, growling, dungeony kind of Dominant. He was about beating me with a rubber chicken or hulk hands and trying to get me to laugh on my way to the ugly but awesome release cry.

Pre-husband, in my early days, I honestly thought Dominants were cave men mind readers. I thought "take what you want! But do it how I want!"

Now, as I think about bdsm and the style of Dominant I hope to find, I'd say it's just like the type of man I'd like to meet.

A most informative post. Thank you.

 

[cocktaildress21]

Good evening everyone.

I just wanted to start a thread to open a discussion about the different dominant types. I feel as though too many people have a certain image in their head of what a dominant "should be". I find this can be damaging to some new doms and also new subs because it gives the impression that if things aren't done in a certain way, it means they arent dominant or that if a Dom does act in a stereotypical/movie portrayed way, a naive submissive could easily be misused.

I will not claim to be worldly or know a ton about this subject either, I consider myself fairly new. I know that different types of dominants exist, but not the details of those different doms. So please, if you are a Dom, post below and describe your style the best you can. Or if you're a sub and want to brag on your dom and yalls style, go ahead! I want to learn from this post, and hopefully give a platform for others to learn as well.

Also, within this, do you personally believe there is a defined difference between a Master, Sir, and Daddy? I've heard many opinions and would like to hear more as a collective.

Disclaimer: I know one person doesn't fall into any one certain categories. Everybody has their own style and mixture. I just want to hear about everyone's personal experiences and opinions.

Sincerely,

A curious Sub

I believe there are two main categories: Internet pretenders, and those with actual real life experience.

I maintain that it's real simple to tell the difference: The pretenders have nothing but porn and fantasy to build on, and nothing they ever say comes across as believable, or sometimes not even as sane.

Those who actually get to play are different.

It's not that I have tons of experience, but .. I think I have the right experience: I met a guy on Tinder who was, in my view, an exceptional dom - and tried to find others like him online, to no avail what so ever.

I'll even make some very broad strokes - there will be exceptions, but basically:

Anyone who talks about a 24/7/365 relationship has never actually tried it.
Anyone who talks about really severe punishment has never actually tried it.
Anyone who talks about certain toys - say, remote vibes - has never actually tried it.
Any rhetoric along the lines of 'total ownership' or 'total obedience' .. never tried it either.
Any time anyone opens their mouth and makes it sound like the other part - the sub - isn't a real person ... they've never tried it.

And there are exceptions. They are universally destructive and unhealthy. I read about a woman who was drawn to extreme punishment - and was beaten to death. Accidentally. But really: Anyone who goes to such lenghts as to draw blood really should seek professional help.

 

[Primalex]

It's not that I have tons of experience, but .. I think I have the right experience:

[Translation on]
I don't have much experience with food, but I think I have the right experience with food.

Anyone who talks about a mild chili pepper, has never actually tried chili peppers.
Anyone who talks about eating ten courses, has never actually tried eating ten courses. I'm already full after 2.

...

[Translation off]

I wish you would be trolling, but I think you are really just dense.

 

[Mei5ter]

Good evening everyone.

I just wanted to start a thread to open a discussion about the different dominant types. I feel as though too many people have a certain image in their head of what a dominant "should be". I find this can be damaging to some new doms and also new subs because it gives the impression that if things aren't done in a certain way, it means they arent dominant or that if a Dom does act in a stereotypical/movie portrayed way, a naive submissive could easily be misused.

I will not claim to be worldly or know a ton about this subject either, I consider myself fairly new. I know that different types of dominants exist, but not the details of those different doms. So please, if you are a Dom, post below and describe your style the best you can. Or if you're a sub and want to brag on your dom and yalls style, go ahead! I want to learn from this post, and hopefully give a platform for others to learn as well.

Also, within this, do you personally believe there is a defined difference between a Master, Sir, and Daddy? I've heard many opinions and would like to hear more as a collective.

Disclaimer: I know one person doesn't fall into any one certain categories. Everybody has their own style and mixture. I just want to hear about everyone's personal experiences and opinions.

Sincerely,

A curious Sub

I suppose a related question would be the extent to which a dominant's 'style' remains constant, or whether it changes and adapts according to their partner. And, if the latter, to what extent and in what ways?

 

[JamieJ424]

I’m not a fan of labels. It’s important to understand that there are no rules. I have interacted with a lot of different kinds of people who all identified as dominant. The common thread is, they like to be in charge, make the decisions, take the initiative. Submissives by contrast like to surrender control. Feel less comfortable or even anxious about decision making.

The only real important distinction to understand is the difference between a dominant and an asshole. Sometimes it’s hard for a neophyte to spot the difference, but if you have any doubt about what you’re dealing with, assume ‘asshole’

 

[Mei5ter]

Dom type?

If I ever post a personal ad here, I promise it will be "Akzidenz-Grotesk seeks Arial."

 

[IrisAlthea]

Makes me think of sociology. Weber (no, not the grill) stated that there are three types of authority - traditional, legal/rational and charismatic.
I think you can see a bit of those types in peoples different styles of dominance and how they combine them their own way.

There is the daddy, the teacher, the mentor aspect where some of the authority they have is in the role that is traditionally defered to.
You can build a lot on the negotiated contract, the fact that the relationship is organized around certain roles and rules the partners have agreed on.
There are those who build on a certain personal quality that inspires others to yield, to follow.