Emotional validation in possession

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Love is

My knowledge includes history and experience... and those have not been good things...yet.

{checking out other threads 'cause i am BORED!}
-spott

Whatever the reason good to see you checking them out.

If you get to bored
swim accross and I will find something

 

[zanna]

i think maybe i am a little bit spoiled...i have not had to go through the whole dating thing in so long, and really never even as an adult...let alone in the D/s context...

i have been with the same person since i was 17 -- that is 11 years now. Emotional validation is not something i think much about. He loves me. i know that. He says it frequently and is largely affectionate.

If i were with someone who did not provide the words...i would wither very quickly. That is a need for me. i don't make apologies for needing emotional assurance through word and actions and i don't really get into the psychology of why i need it. i do...and that is all. Luckily, i am with someone who gives it easily but i know to appreciate it, too.

i do not mind feeling like a possession or an object. Just...need assurance sometimes that i am a loved possession or object, please.

zanna

 

[lark sparrow]

The feeling you get from being possessed by someone else, does that equate to love or do you need the words as well?

This could be in the sense of slavery or as a submissive but one that is held to a dominant.

If the possession goes far enough, then being possessed by someone does equate to love for me. In my current relationship...

With Mistress, before the commitment was made, at a certain point it became important to Her that I tell Her I loved Her and was in fact in love with Her (and I did/was). I am a hardcase, in that I will generally not profess romantic love first nor will I do it if it doesn't seem appropriate for one reason or another. At some point She pushed me to continue to admit and say it, though She did not return the words for quite a few months. There was no guarantees through this time that She would eventually either.

Her reasons Her are own, but it caused an unevenness in the relationship, and in truth, really took it out of vanilla equal terms for me. I had to surrender to Her, without Her "surrendering" to me in verbal expression love. As it turned out, She was not just idly playing with power, and when She made a commitment to take me as Her submissive She chose to say the words and give that validation as it were, though it was love, and made no mention of being "in love" - a distinction that can also be rather important in people's minds.

Later in the relationship, this love really bloomed on both sides, and was and is expressed mutually and often, and although it was difficult for me to feel as though I was pushed and then left hanging, in retrospect (and within how things turned out) it was one of my first big lessons in surrender to Her.

I don't know what would have happened had She decided She would never say the words, though I assume at some point it could have been a big issue because generally speaking we all need to feel loved by those we have committed and surrendered our hearts to, and the words can be a big part of that for many.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Caring and respect balance each other

Caring is wanting the very best for the other person wanting them to be all they can be

Respect is valuing them for who and where they are

Knowledge is that shared language that allows us to see beyond the surface ...... it let us know that whn the other stricks out in anger that that in reality they are in pain ....... we know what they believe and how they actually act .....

Responsiblity is the committment that says we will be there for you when you can not be there for yourself .... without giving up myself

This is so beautifully well put. Thank you for sharing this Richard.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Re: Re: Re: Love is

Trust. The posts are set in trust, the same thing as the walls.
-spott

I would consider trust to be an aspect of the foundation but not the foundation in totality. Although without trust none of the other things would be there.


I think stuff to death.

 

[Georgia Girl]

i have been with the same person since i was 17 -- that is 11 years now. Emotional validation is not something i think much about. He loves me. i know that. He says it frequently and is largely affectionate.

i do not mind feeling like a possession or an object. Just...need assurance sometimes that i am a loved possession or object, please.

zanna

You are indeed a lucky woman to have such a great man Zanna. (great name btw, one of my good friends shares it with you)

I adore the feeling of being His possession/property but I need to know, need to hear that He also loves me.

I don't believe that needing that emotional validation makes any of us less than others who don't need it, it is merely part of what makes us who we are.

 

[Georgia Girl]

Re: Re: Emotional validation in possession

If the possession goes far enough, then being possessed by someone does equate to love for me.

It would for me as well, IF I also knew that the love was there.

By that I don't mean that I continually need my ego stroked or that I need to be patted on the head and told what a good girl I am repeatedly, I only mean that every now and again I need those vanilla words to ease my soul.

 

[Georgia Girl]

From the Dominants who read this, what is it that we subs are seeing differently and can you explain it so we can understand?

 

[Richard49]

This is so beautifully well put. Thank you for sharing this Richard.

your welcome

It is what I believe

 

[Georgia Girl]

your welcome

It is what I believe

I am enjoying learning more of the way you think and what you believe.

 

[Richard49]

I am enjoying learning more of the way you think and what you believe.

I am a very simple person
I believe in the golden rule

and I believe in Ayn Rands statement
"I pledge by my life and the love of it
to live for no person and ask no person to live for me"

Though I will BDSM "play"
I prefer to love the submissive that
I posess through collaring

That placing a play collar on someone I am close to
is very erotic for them and me

That my reward for being a Dom is
the submisses trust for me to send her to subspace

 

[Georgia Girl]

That placing a play collar on someone I am close to is very erotic for them and me

That my reward for being a Dom is the submisses trust for me to send her to subspace

To me.....a collar is never a play thing. Granted, there is typically one for playtime and one for everyday wear but both I take very seriously.

Subspace.....not a place I like to go. I would prefer to remain there and feel/experience everything.

 

[Richard49]

To me.....a collar is never a play thing. Granted, there is typically one for playtime and one for everyday wear but both I take very seriously.

Subspace.....not a place I like to go. I would prefer to remain there and feel/experience everything.

Would prefer to remain where?

 

[Georgia Girl]

Would prefer to remain where?

I would suppose that different people experience subspace in different ways. For me, if I have gone off to subspace I have left the experience, I'm somewhere else inside my head where I feel safe. Thats not a good thing or a good place for me because I don't feel what is going on. All sensation to pain is blocked almost totally, a very dangerous place and the reason I don't play casually.

 

[Richard49]

I would suppose that different people experience subspace in different ways. For me, if I have gone off to subspace I have left the experience, I'm somewhere else inside my head where I feel safe. Thats not a good thing or a good place for me because I don't feel what is going on. All sensation to pain is blocked almost totally, a very dangerous place and the reason I don't play casually.

and for this Dom sending you there is the pay off

 

[Georgia Girl]

and for this Dom sending you there is the pay off

Sadist love me, I can take alot but thats because I don't feel it. Its not healthy.

 

[Netzach]

There are different levels at which I can accept service and submission.

To share my home, to share my thoughts daily, to be in my life, I prefer to have a lover who submits. I have no qualms about demonstrating love, praise, pleasure, affection. I think it can dilute the sense of owning the person, yes. I don't think I could be in love with my slave if I were to take on a slave. However, the ideal relationship for me is with a submissive lover, wherein the statements "I own you" and "I love you" have weight and have a place and a time.

 

[Georgia Girl]

I think it can dilute the sense of owning the person, yes. I don't think I could be in love with my slave if I were to take on a slave. However, the ideal relationship for me is with a submissive lover, wherein the statements "I own you" and "I love you" have weight and have a place and a time.

Is it more difficult to be firm with someone you are in love with? Are you more likely to let them slide for things you would not otherwise?

Hearing "I own you" whispered in my ear is enough to make me melt.

 

[Azalea]

I am a very simple person
I believe in the golden rule

and I believe in Ayn Rands statement
"I pledge by my life and the love of it
to live for no person and ask no person to live for me"

Though I will BDSM "play"
I prefer to love the submissive that
I posess through collaring

That placing a play collar on someone I am close to
is very erotic for them and me

That my reward for being a Dom is
the submisses trust for me to send her to subspace

What is "subspace"?

 

[Funinacowboyhat]

Subspace

Subspace


To me is a place where your mind goes when you reach the place of total trust, you body lifts up and crosses over into letting your mind free from every fear or worry because you know your Dom will never harm you.

To give control of your life to another for
a while and have it returned,
unharmed, without blame, without shame

 

[Georgia Girl]

Re: Subspace

Subspace


To me is a place where your mind goes when you reach the place of total trust, you body lifts up and crosses over into letting your mind free from every fear or worry because you know your Dom will never harm you.

To give control of your life to another for
a while and have it returned,
unharmed, without blame, without shame

The place you describe is one I have never been to but one I would like to go to.

 

[Justina123]

To me, possession is what D/s is all about. It's what sets aside my D/s relationship from anything else I've ever experienced- being a possession gives me a tremendous thrill, feeling of well-being, deep warm fuzzy "all is well in the world" feeling. Also, you take care of your possessions, and in the case of a human being, that can be time consuming and a lot of work at times- to me, way more meaningful than simply saying words like "I love you."

Sir does not say "I love you." The closest he has come was twice he has said, "I think I am falling in love with you" and once "I am so blessed to have you in my life." But as far as I am concerned, he shows his feelings many times a day. Last weekend we went to a big bdsm event, a kind of "formal" ball, and he showed his possession of me in so many ways- always watching over me, collar & leash, nearly constant hand holding, teling me he was proud of me, wonderful romantic dances, my kneeling at his chair, his hand stroking my head (and of course wonderful kinky s&m play). Then when we got home and I was tired and etc., he took my boys out fishing so I could have a quiet house for a bit. So he showed his possession of me in the care he took of me.... and for me, that is the best kind of love, whether he ever says the actual words or not.

- justina