Fairyland

[twelveoone]

Elizafairy, you're welcome here. We will do our best to give you constructive feedback (not always praise) if that's what you want. Constructive feedback may be suggestions, or we may "rewrite" your poem. It is not rude to show a poet through example. Most of us will make changes and tell you why. That does take effort and time. And you do not have to accept the changes. Only consider them, then thank the person. If that sounds cool to you, then you'll probably enjoy your time here.

I pm'd her, told her she had positive responses.
Hey, didn't you win something, Eve? What did you get, purple robe, scepture? Underwear, that say "poet" in tiny little letters, because it was a thong?

 

[WickedEve]

I pm'd her, told her she had positive responses.
Hey, didn't you win something, Eve? What did you get, purple robe, scepture? Underwear, that say "poet" in tiny little letters, because it was a thong?

Yeah, a thong. I just now snapped it hard, the way I like it. And I dedicated my "ohhh" to you.

 

[Tathagata]

Yeah, a thong. I just now snapped it hard, the way I like it. And I dedicated my "ohhh" to you.

I think I just saw the Pope sit up....

 

[WickedEve]

I think I just saw the Pope sit up....

Stop drinking.

 

[Tathagata]

Stop drinking.

Blasphemer

 

[WickedEve]

Blasphemer

Harlot

 

[Tathagata]

Harlot

3 legged thong snapper

 

[wildsweetone]

Fairyland won't you take me to
beyond the bruised & the battered broken dream
Over there won't you go with me
clear of the concrete overpass of bankrupt betrayal

lacerate the borders
til the horns wend again
wend over the forests blue

Fairyland won't you take me to
beyond the bruised & the battered broken dream.

I've just fiddled a little with this. Slipped a couple of words out, changed a line length or two and added some punctuation. I don't understand the word 'wend' and how that relates to the 'horns' in 'til the horns wend again,' - please enlighten me somebody.



Fairyland won't you take me
beyond the bruised and battered dream?
Won't you go with me
clearing the concrete overpass of
bankrupt betrayal?

Lacerate the borders
'til the horns wend again,
wend over forests blue.

Fairyland won't you take me
beyond the bruised and battered dream?

 

[Elizafairy]

I really just read over the comments that you put on my poem for the first time tonight. That was a pretty bad poem I did. Only the first line was good, really. I think your comments were helpful. All of them, once you got past the rude peeps from the GB.

I did not look at the comments before because so many GB people were being mean about it I just pretended it never happened. But now I decide not to I dont give up hope. Well then.

"Wend" means wind around, move, like a river wends...

I may revise ^^

 

[Brinnie]

 

[twelveoone]

I really just read over the comments that you put on my poem for the first time tonight. That was a pretty bad poem I did. Only the first line was good, really. I think your comments were helpful. All of them, once you got past the rude peeps from the GB.

I did not look at the comments before because so many GB people were being mean about it I just pretended it never happened. But now I decide not to I dont give up hope. Well then.

"Wend" means wind around, move, like a river wends...

I may revise ^^

Everyone writes bad poems, yours had promise.
I liked the middle three lines (except for the double "wend", one is enough
Welcome

 

[Brinnie]

 

[Guest]

I really just read over the comments that you put on my poem for the first time tonight. That was a pretty bad poem I did. Only the first line was good, really. I think your comments were helpful. All of them, once you got past the rude peeps from the GB.

I did not look at the comments before because so many GB people were being mean about it I just pretended it never happened. But now I decide not to I dont give up hope. Well then.

"Wend" means wind around, move, like a river wends...

I may revise ^^

Never give up