No, I don't feel put upon by the criticisms...if anything, they are a lot kinder than I expected from having read similar threads. They are also very constructive.
The above comments have given me an idea of where the style of the story is lacking, and I think it's really down to my motivations for writing this, and the intended audience.
Obviously 'Grace' and I are on a swinging site, and we want to meet women for FFMs. The story was written because someone we were hoping to meet had encouraged us to tell her about previous meets that we've had. So the story essentially developed from me writing it to generate interest specifically from her. I had no intention of it being so descriptive, but as I started writing it that's just how it became. Once started, I guess I wanted to do it properly.
So, the story became an 'advert' for us. When you are trying to meet bisexual women alone for FFM experiences, you soon learn that they are quite rare, especially where there is a mutual attraction, and as a couple you are competing with a vast number of other couples looking to meet them too.
So I wanted to not just recall the events, but also make the reader feel comfortable that we were a loving and safe couple, and we would be able to provide the experience that she was looking for. I wanted to make her want to meet us.
Now, it was certainly successful in that, and looks like it may have been successful again with a different woman, fingers crossed!
Of course, both of these women 'knew' us from preceding messages, have seen pictures of us, have read others' comments about us, so I didn't even really consider sketching us as characters in the story. What meagre stuff is there was added in specifically for Literotica...and not too well by the sounds of it!
In addition, and just as importantly, I also wanted it to be an exciting reminiscence for 'Grace'...and she has certainly been very pleased with it too.
But what works in that way does not necessarily work for a reader. I'm quite pleased with it as a first submission, it's not setting the board alight but it's currently rated at 4.12 with 66 votes out of 16K views, so I don't think it's gone down like a lead balloon either.
However, the criticisms above were really what I was after. I think I'm going to have a crack at writing something specifically for here, definitely in the third person and with far more in the way of character development. I need to create something entirely fictional, and I hope I will do a better job as a consequence.
The above comments have given me an idea of where the style of the story is lacking, and I think it's really down to my motivations for writing this, and the intended audience.
Obviously 'Grace' and I are on a swinging site, and we want to meet women for FFMs. The story was written because someone we were hoping to meet had encouraged us to tell her about previous meets that we've had. So the story essentially developed from me writing it to generate interest specifically from her. I had no intention of it being so descriptive, but as I started writing it that's just how it became. Once started, I guess I wanted to do it properly.
So, the story became an 'advert' for us. When you are trying to meet bisexual women alone for FFM experiences, you soon learn that they are quite rare, especially where there is a mutual attraction, and as a couple you are competing with a vast number of other couples looking to meet them too.
So I wanted to not just recall the events, but also make the reader feel comfortable that we were a loving and safe couple, and we would be able to provide the experience that she was looking for. I wanted to make her want to meet us.
Now, it was certainly successful in that, and looks like it may have been successful again with a different woman, fingers crossed!
Of course, both of these women 'knew' us from preceding messages, have seen pictures of us, have read others' comments about us, so I didn't even really consider sketching us as characters in the story. What meagre stuff is there was added in specifically for Literotica...and not too well by the sounds of it!In addition, and just as importantly, I also wanted it to be an exciting reminiscence for 'Grace'...and she has certainly been very pleased with it too.
But what works in that way does not necessarily work for a reader. I'm quite pleased with it as a first submission, it's not setting the board alight but it's currently rated at 4.12 with 66 votes out of 16K views, so I don't think it's gone down like a lead balloon either.
However, the criticisms above were really what I was after. I think I'm going to have a crack at writing something specifically for here, definitely in the third person and with far more in the way of character development. I need to create something entirely fictional, and I hope I will do a better job as a consequence.
