Feedback Evaluation for a First Timer

[gordo12]

Do you have any idea how hard it is to overcome a 1 rating? A 1 is like 20%. Eight other readers would have to rate him 5, with no other ratings, merely to overcome your single rating. Do you really think his writing is that bad?

Yes I understand EXACTLY how hard it is. The real score was "0" but if I don't vote at all he gains. A 1 actually penalizes him. If you don't understand the math behind that oh well!

how about you come up with a totally original porn story that doesn't involve one of three holes and a dick?

Strangely enough while I don't write I do have 20-30 story outlines in a folder that all involve 3 holes and a dick and are ALL original story lines. I've been reading here since early 2000 and have read thousands of stories and never seen the plots involved.

Imagination can cure regurgitating cliches!

No I don't get your position on this at all. I think you're way, way off base. (And apparently going to stay there until you gain some understanding and sensitivity.)

So if my mechanic does a bad job I should pat him on the back and sensitively say that's OK.
If my doctor kills me cause he makes a mistake I should pat him on the back sensitively and say that's OK
If a cook poisons me I should pat him on the back and say sensitively that's OK.

After all look at all the effort you all put into doing this.

Shades of a idiotic, politically correct, moronic ideal.

The writer asked WHY do people not like this story. A reader told him why he didn't like it. And you all want to jump on top of him because he's not SENSITIVE ENOUGH. Funny thing I don't see the author saying a word. Hopefully he got or is getting what he needs out of the criticism.

 

[PennLady]

Strangely enough while I don't write I do have 20-30 story outlines in a folder that all involve 3 holes and a dick and are ALL original story lines. I've been reading here since early 2000 and have read thousands of stories and never seen the plots involved.

Imagination can cure regurgitating cliches!

I sincerely doubt you have that many "original" stories in any form. I doubt any of us do.

 

[Got2]

Thanks for all the great advice and suggestions. I will take them all the hart.

As for the trollers....You did not HAVE to read my story at all. Did my story offend you and steal away some of your precious time? You knew exactly what the story was about from the introduction and title. Haters Got2.....

Oh and please, Trolls and Haters, DO NOT read any more of my stories, add me to your ignore list. I am not worth your time, nor are you worth mine.

Now....I need an editor.....

 

[Bramblethorn]

Strangely enough while I don't write I do have 20-30 story outlines in a folder that all involve 3 holes and a dick and are ALL original story lines. I've been reading here since early 2000 and have read thousands of stories and never seen the plots involved.

Original concepts are great, but if you try converting them into completed stories, you may find that Edison wasn't kidding about the balance between inspiration and perspiration.

 

[Hypoxia]

Original concepts are great, but if you try converting them into completed stories, you may find that Edison wasn't kidding about the balance between inspiration and perspiration.

Some time back, I heard gonzo computer pioneer Ted Nelson (DREAM MACHINES / COMPUTER LIB) give a talk at a con. He developed the idea of hypertext in 1959, he said. The first hypercard software product, the ancestor of our online links, finally emerged from Apple in 1984. That's a quarter-century gestation. Nelson said, "There's a great difference between a clear vision and a direct path."

BTW the other headliners at that con were history popularizer James Burke and [your characterization here] Timothy Leary. Leary was walking proof that too much LSD *does* cause brain damage, or at least cognitive problems. Spaced...

 

[gordo12]

Original concepts are great, but if you try converting them into completed stories, you may find that Edison wasn't kidding about the balance between inspiration and perspiration.

I couldn't agree more. I tried starting with one but the disconnect between what my mind wanted to say and what ended up on paper was huge. I do have "some" idea of the problems in writing.

Anyway let's not get sidetracked from what the author wanted which was feedback on his story.

BTW the second story he posted African Customs? was much better although I have seen it elsewhere and know how it ends. I'm also rating it much better because I know the ending which he hasn't posted yet.

 

[Got2]

Eh?

African Customs is my work and I have not written the last chapter yet. I have discussed it on another forum, but I have not written it.

And what, you base your rating on how you think a story should end? Not very objective, eh?

 

[gordo12]

Eh?

African Customs is my work and I have not written the last chapter yet. I have discussed it on another forum, but I have not written it.

And what, you base your rating on how you think a story should end? Not very objective, eh?

Well I could be wrong but I thought I had read the exact story elsewhere. The story has an unusual twist at the end. Based on that I rated the story higher.

So just for the record you won't end it with the hubby making arrangements for the customs official to come visit his wife in the hotel while he disappears for the day. For her treat.

Good to know.

 

[Got2]

For the Record: I won't reveal EXACTLY where I am taking this story, but that's where it seems to be going, eh.

Of course, things could develop BEYOND just a little one on one time with the Wife, eh? African Night Life, Nude Beaches....all the possibilities

You know, as a fellow writer and all, you need to have a depth of imagination

 

[sr71plt]

For the Record: I won't reveal EXACTLY where I am taking this story, but that's where it seems to be going, eh.

Of course, things could develop BEYOND just a little one on one time with the Wife, eh? African Night Life, Nude Beaches....all the possibilities

You know, as a fellow writer and all, you need to have a depth of imagination

When someone has guessed (correctly) where one of my serials is going, I've been known to rewrite what I haven't posted yet (I have it all done before I start posting anything). It's not so much that they guessed--in much of my writing, I don't care if they guess correctly where it's going. Strangely enough, I find that engages them and keeps them reading. What I try to make interesting is how we get to that conclusion (although I'll have to admit I like trying an added this twist that puts some emphasis on something they perhaps weren't thinking about). In these cases it's also fun for me to devise a new conclusion. I try not to get married to any specific one.

 

[gordo12]

When someone has guessed (correctly)

I didn't guess!

I would swear on a stack of bibles (sinner that I am) that I've seen the full story before.

That being said the writing was good and the end was enough of a twist on an overdone theme that I liked it.

To the Author:

You asked for feedback as to why people weren't liking your story. A reader came on and told you why he didn't like it. Please note this forum is for READERS AND AUTHORS.

Instead of a thanks I keep seeing constant aspersions (from you and others) that I don't know what I'm talking about because I'm not an author. If you want those sycophants to blow smoke up your ass over the story great. If you want true feedback from the READERS WHO ACTUALLY READ THE STORY and voted you should accept it and learn from it. Not go off on a rant over haters and others!

It may be that others disliked it for other reasons but they sure as hell ain't going to post here after reading the reception to the first critic!

I actually think you have some writing talent. My challenge to you is that you write a story that ISN'T an overdone cliche. Find an original storyline and write that. Yes it will have three holes and a dick but some imagination would go a long way. You have the talent ! I'd love to read that

 

[sr71plt]

For my part, my reaction to what you posted was based on what you posted--both the insensitivity of it and the internal inconsistency of it--saying from the get go that you gave a story a 1 on not have an original plotline, when nearly all stories now being written anywhere exercise existing tropes--and despite saying the story was written well enough. Neither one of those comments justifies a 1 rating here. What you yourself posted showed me that your judgment is way out of whack. Thus I thought your reader response was totally off base--from what you yourself posted.

I don't have to read the story myself to have that reaction. My response was based on the basic concepts of story evaluation that I think you yourself have screwed up.

 

[gordo12]

For my part, my reaction to what you posted was based on what you posted--both the insensitivity of it and the internal inconsistency of it--saying from the get go that you gave a story a 1 on not have an original plotline, when nearly all stories now being written anywhere exercise existing tropes--and despite saying the story was written well enough. Neither one of those comments justifies a 1 rating here. What you yourself posted showed me that your judgment is way out of whack. Thus I thought your reader response was totally off base--from what you yourself posted.

The good authors come up with original plotlines.

Ratings:
5=Exceptional
4=Above average
3=I liked it
2=I didn't like it much
1=I hated it.

He did ask why people weren't liking it. Just because he writes OK or well doesn't mean I owe him a high mark if the plot stank! Thus the 1*

I don't have to read the story myself to have that reaction. My response was based on the basic concepts of story evaluation that I think you yourself have screwed up.

Well Mr Sensitive why don't you go read the story before you sound off here!

 

[sr71plt]

What part of I don't need to read a story to object to your stated reasoning for giving a story--any story--the lowest rating possible don't you understand?

You didn't say the plot stank in your original slam. You said it had been used a million times before. As others have responded to you on this, there are extremely few plotlines that aren't being continuously reused. That's not the same as "it stank." Now you are backpaddling. You didn't even say you didn't like it. You gave a reason for giving it a 1 that is bogus and you also said it was written well enough (which is above a 1 right there).

And just drop it. You have full power to continue being the clueless, insensitive rater that you are. (Or you might wake up and notice that everyone else who has responded to you here has posted the same that I've posted. Duh.)

 

[robertreams]

Well,
Someone posted a long winded comment that my story was about dumb people, that don't really exist, doing some dumb things that are all made up.

Oh, and the White guy is going to be humiliated even more in Part II.

Well, that is what the Efffing story is! Most of the stories on this site are fictional fantasies.

Yes, I am reliably informed that real people do have sex, and that it's mostly in vanilla situations.

Seems there is an agenda out to quash this kind of story. Yes, I expected and can deal with that bogus criticism.

I am sorry, but you need to can the Capitals. You also capitalize, White Lady and many other terms. See the thing is, we can all tell you are doing it on purpose, and yes we all believe in poetic license, but trying to make a statement by capitalization, is immature. If you want to make a strong statement in your story, make it by the words you use and the sentence structure, the scenes you create. You are pretty good at describing sights and sounds and other descriptions. Why does this fall down when you speak of Black Men, there are several in the story, but we don't get a look at them, we are too busy looking at capital letters. In other places you are very good at showing us, by creating pictures in our minds, but not where you have your capitalization crutch to lean on.

 

[gordo12]

You have full power to continue being the clueless, insensitive rater that you are.

I guess some of us guys are born with a sledge hammer in our hands and others were born with the need to play with dolls and be sensitive. You really need to put on your big boy pants and see if you can find "reality". No author deserves high marks just for showing up and stringing a few words together.

I'm not backing off in the slightest. Writing wasn't bad. Plot was an overdone story line that caught every cliche in the book except calling him "Jamal". At least we were spared that!

 

[Combat323]

I guess some of us guys are born with a sledge hammer in our hands and others were born with the need to play with dolls and be sensitive. You really need to put on your big boy pants and see if you can find "reality". No author deserves high marks just for showing up and stringing a few words together.

I'm not backing off in the slightest. Writing wasn't bad. Plot was an overdone story line that caught every cliche in the book except calling him "Jamal". At least we were spared that!

Got2 sat his ass down and did the work and then had the courage to put it out there. He's the Man in the Arena, the grown-up with the sledge hammer. Like others who've posted stories, he sees a continuum of scores where a one is a distinct extreme reserved for the truly awful.

So, you are free to look at the story and decide that the "Hated it!" that shows up when you roll the cursor over one star describes your feelings. Just don't expect expect anyone to declare you the new Captain Courageous for expressing those feelings with a mighty click.

 

[gordo12]

Got2 sat his ass down and did the work and then had the courage to put it out there. He's the Man in the Arena, the grown-up with the sledge hammer. Like others who've posted stories, he sees a continuum of scores where a one is a distinct extreme reserved for the truly awful.

So, you are free to look at the story and decide that the "Hated it!" that shows up when you roll the cursor over one star describes your feelings. Just don't expect expect anyone to declare you the new Captain Courageous for expressing those feelings with a mighty click.

And the man in the arena ASKED for opinions as to why people weren't liking it. A reader told him why. Nothing to do with rolling the cursor or the mighty click.

And then a reader takes a shit storm for daring to respond to the authors question.

Enough of this bullshit. He asked, he got. There is nothing further for anyone to complain about here.

 

[gordo12]

OK I found it. Here is a quote from original complete story that was posted on a website last aug. The original story name I will withold for now for the reasons below.

"I met Anne when she was 22 and I was a couple of years older. We quickly recognised each other as lifelong partners and married after only three months. Our plan was to delay starting a family for at least five years but, near the end of our first year of marriage, we went on holiday in the wilds of Scotland and, due to me forgetting to pack condoms decided to take a chance, with the consequence that our twins, a boy and a girl, were born nine months later."

This is African Customs posted recently here

"I met Anne when she was 22 and I was a couple of years older. We quickly recognised each other as lifelong partners and married after only three months. Our plan was to delay starting a family for at least five years but, near the end of our first year of marriage, we went on holiday in the wilds of Scotland and, due to me forgetting to pack condoms decided to take a chance, with the consequence that our twins, a boy and a girl, were born nine months later."

There is some minor difference in the African story in that the original took place in a different country.

I think the author, whom I have read many times and think he's excellent, has taken a lot of flack of late because his latest storylines have been going downhill. (my opinion) He's been throwing in a lot of things like Cuck & M/M action in Loving Wives stories and disappointing a lot of his regular readers. Perhaps the new ID is to get away from the comparison to his older stories and let the new stories attract their own audience.

But......he is not a new author having dozens of existing stories and in the past I have enjoyed his stories immensely. Many of them are bookmarked and have been re-read many times.

Overall I think he's an excellent author! I just didn't like this particular story he posted about.

 

[gordo12]

For the record this was also part of his original post:

Hi all,
I'm new here and I am a new author, 'Got2'. My work has never been published in a literary forum in any real sense. I have posted a few stories and ideas for stories on 'chat' websites.

I am very excited to see that my first story has been excepted for publication here.

Not exactly honest is it!

 

[Got2]

I am sorry, but you need to can the Capitals. You also capitalize, White Lady and many other terms. See the thing is, we can all tell you are doing it on purpose, and yes we all believe in poetic license, but trying to make a statement by capitalization, is immature. If you want to make a strong statement in your story, make it by the words you use and the sentence structure, the scenes you create. You are pretty good at describing sights and sounds and other descriptions. Why does this fall down when you speak of Black Men, there are several in the story, but we don't get a look at them, we are too busy looking at capital letters. In other places you are very good at showing us, by creating pictures in our minds, but not where you have your capitalization crutch to lean on.

Rookie mistake, sorry about that. Won't let it happen again. I thought it would look 'good' in text, but the overall reaction is that it's just 'wrong'.

Thanks for the feedback

 

[Got2]

Gordo,

You did not like my story because you did not like the plot. That I can not and will not fix. There are various 'categories' to post erotic writing for a reason: Most, if not all, of this type of writing falls in general categories and broad plot themes.

Oh, and that story that you found, was NOT posted on a literary forum. It was a MUCH earlier work and did not have the depth, themes, characterizations or detail of this work. Believe me, the reworking and detail adding too way more time than the first 'story' attempt.

Gordo, done with ya, dude.

 

[gordo12]

Gordo,

You did not like my story because you did not like the plot. That I can not and will not fix. There are various 'categories' to post erotic writing for a reason: Most, if not all, of this type of writing falls in general categories and broad plot themes.

Oh, and that story that you found, was NOT posted on a literary forum. It was a MUCH earlier work and did not have the depth, themes, characterizations or detail of this work. Believe me, the reworking and detail adding too way more time than the first 'story' attempt.

Gordo, done with ya, dude.

I indicated I had read the story before. You denied it had ever been posted. The fact is the first part of African is pretty identical to the previous story posted. You claimed to be a first time author but the reality is you have 58 stories posted since 2006. You know what feedback is and why people react the way they do after all those stories.

You say the new version will have better characters, depth and theme but the fact is based on what I've seen so far you're just re-titling and re-posting the same story. You could have at least been honest enough to admit you were re-writing a previous work and spare us the "posting on a literary forum" (here) bullshit!

The truth is I haven't rated your last few stories on your other ID because they were heading downhill so badly. You used to write some good stuff and that was my gesture of respect in not reacting negatively to the new.

You can be as done with me as you want "dude" but at least I was honest.

 

[sr71plt]

Gordo, done with ya, dude.

I would think that most others here would join you in that sentiment.

 

[robertreams]

If my mechanic makes mistakes, I make him do it over. If a writer makes mistakes. . .I recommend an editor. Oh, I did that!