Feeling horrible for being submissive!

[subdudeme13]

I am not a submissive person, at all. I am assertive and accomplished in life.
Sexually, though, I really crave dominance. To the point that I was once a 24/7 slave to a Master, and enjoyed being tied up, caned and whipped. This stuff makes my pussy so wet, it drips all the way to the floor when I'm tied up standing upright.

Unfortunately, despite trying very hard to find the exact sexual match, I've ended up with a lovely switch to whom I am now engaged. My problem is, I feel quite awful sometimes, because I get frustrated about not having my submissive needs met (specifically bondage and corporal punishment) and then I say something, and he gets hurt.

In truth, I satisfy most of my unusual cravings through my erotica, without which I'd probably go insane. No one can suppress their sexuality for their entire life, and stay happy and sane. Least of all, me, because I am very highly sexed. If there was one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. I'd just want to be dominant sexually. Then all these men I speak to would be so happy, and I'd have no shortage of willing victims to play with..

Buy some cuffs and rope and a crop and a whip. Wrap them nicely with tags asking him to use them or how you want him to use them. If he is a switch put the switch in the top position. When he meets your needs tell him what you will do for him as a reward. Kinks can be cultivated and enhanced. I was not into being a sissy but was guided and teased in that direction. Next thing I knew I was in heels and nylons and being bent over and wiggling my ass. I do have great legs! LOL

 

[subdudeme13]

True Dommes, whatever that might be, can also be shitty people or say stupid things. They're people. Just because someone leans dominant, it doesn't automatically somehow make them perfect miracle person who always does the right thing and never errs or just plain isn't stupid and unpleasant.

Now you tell me!

 

[13Fantasies]

Have you talked with your partner about your thoughts and how you feel about this? I mean a calm conversation in a non-sexual setting when you're not feeling frustrated about the situation.

You say he's a switch. Does he dominate you at all or is it a question of you needing something more and more intense than he is willing to dish out? If it's about intensity, is he simply not interested in the same level of intensity or is he maybe afraid to go too far with you because he loves you etc? Sometimes D types can have a hard time really letting go with the people they love the most.

Opening your relationship so that you can get this need of corporal punishment met elsewhere might be an option to discuss down the line, too. Some people find it easier to compartmentalize these things and it can work.

I hope you can figure this out one way or another.

I agree with all of this.

Maybe even trying something like a sexual submission calendar for each of you.

 

[Yarglenurp]

lol, I rarely see a woman exhibit this belief… but yeah. Being submissive sucks.

I would suggest having regular conversations outside of the bedroom to reinforce how you want him to dominate you in the bedroom. It will feel less awkward the more you do it.

 

[NCWSLvr]

My wife literally told me, I want to be a submissive. Now, I was more of a switch, but the realized I enjoy SOMEONE being submissive. Being a polite man, I was just doing it. It took some work and actually a lot of reading. I was being turned on with a lot of hotwife/cuckold videos and stories and then I found the fit we were looking for - stag/vixen. I was also interested in slut training, hypno/mind control and our sex life has never been better. It took me working at it. I did it for her, for me, and for us. I gave her rules she has to follow, being in full Top/Dom mode during any sexual encounter and doing it (power dynamic) a few times a day. She is now fulfilled. As am I. But it did take work to feel comfortable in the role, and I put in effort - it was always there, but it needed to be coaxed out.

 

[Yarglenurp]

My wife literally told me, I want to be a submissive. Now, I was more of a switch, but the realized I enjoy SOMEONE being submissive. Being a polite man, I was just doing it. It took some work and actually a lot of reading. I was being turned on with a lot of hotwife/cuckold videos and stories and then I found the fit we were looking for - stag/vixen. I was also interested in slut training, hypno/mind control and our sex life has never been better. It took me working at it. I did it for her, for me, and for us. I gave her rules she has to follow, being in full Top/Dom mode during any sexual encounter and doing it (power dynamic) a few times a day. She is now fulfilled. As am I. But it did take work to feel comfortable in the role, and I put in effort - it was always there, but it needed to be coaxed out.

I think this is a lovely story. It goes to show the power that healthy communication, acceptance, and a bit of sacrifice can have on a marriage. Not everyone can get 100% of what they want, but you can both make each other much happier.

Does the dom/sub dynamic work itself outside of the bedroom?

 

[SPARTAN047]

My wife literally told me, I want to be a submissive. Now, I was more of a switch, but the realized I enjoy SOMEONE being submissive. Being a polite man, I was just doing it. It took some work and actually a lot of reading. I was being turned on with a lot of hotwife/cuckold videos and stories and then I found the fit we were looking for - stag/vixen. I was also interested in slut training, hypno/mind control and our sex life has never been better. It took me working at it. I did it for her, for me, and for us. I gave her rules she has to follow, being in full Top/Dom mode during any sexual encounter and doing it (power dynamic) a few times a day. She is now fulfilled. As am I. But it did take work to feel comfortable in the role, and I put in effort - it was always there, but it needed to be coaxed out.

That's one thing you did well, listen to what she wanted. I've noticed it's very hard or impossible to change someone's true nature. I've tried being full Domme to a lot of sissies and it just doesn't work, and I've asked sub sissies who acted Domme to do it to me. It's no good as they and I get tired. Same for women and men, it's best to be honest about what you really want.

 

[Yarglenurp]

That's one thing you did well, listen to what she wanted. I've noticed it's very hard or impossible to change someone's true nature. I've tried being full Domme to a lot of sissies and it just doesn't work, and I've asked sub sissies who acted Domme to do it to me. It's no good as they and I get tired. Same for women and men, it's best to be honest about what you really want.

Yeah, I agree. I do think it’s dependent on the person, and on the situation. If you’re basically a 100% sub, being a dom is just like work. I think it’s possible in a relationship of two subs if one was playing the dom, but then the sub2dom partner would need recharge time on top of the sexual activity time.

my opinion on rankings of ”having the it the best” couples would be (best to worst):
Dom and sub
Switch and switch
Vanilla and vanilla
Dom and switch
Switch and sub
Dom and vanilla
Switch and vanilla
Sub and sub
Dom and dom
Sub and vanilla

 

[SPARTAN047]

Yeah, I agree. I do think it’s dependent on the person, and on the situation. If you’re basically a 100% sub, being a dom is just like work. I think it’s possible in a relationship of two subs if one was playing the dom, but then the sub2dom partner would need recharge time on top of the sexual activity time.

my opinion on rankings of ”having the it the best” couples would be (best to worst):
Dom and sub
Switch and switch
Vanilla and vanilla
Dom and switch
Switch and sub
Dom and vanilla
Switch and vanilla
Sub and sub
Dom and dom
Sub and vanilla

A very on point observation.

 

[SashaS_EroticaQueen]

My wife literally told me, I want to be a submissive. Now, I was more of a switch, but the realized I enjoy SOMEONE being submissive. Being a polite man, I was just doing it. It took some work and actually a lot of reading. I was being turned on with a lot of hotwife/cuckold videos and stories and then I found the fit we were looking for - stag/vixen. I was also interested in slut training, hypno/mind control and our sex life has never been better. It took me working at it. I did it for her, for me, and for us. I gave her rules she has to follow, being in full Top/Dom mode during any sexual encounter and doing it (power dynamic) a few times a day. She is now fulfilled. As am I. But it did take work to feel comfortable in the role, and I put in effort - it was always there, but it needed to be coaxed out.

My fiance is at this point now, as I made some efforts after posting here, and found myself a guy (well... actually, a number of them) to fuck me. He came over and dominated me well enough to turn me into putty, which I then reported to my fiance. He went off the charts excited, and now we both can't wait for him to get home (he goes away to work every second week, as a FIFO worker - another reason why I was a bit frustrated). Feeling good about where we're headed, since he is also bi and I gather he's been feeling nervous about fucking other men despite me giving him the green light many times.

For clarification, we had our first threesome last year.. and another one some six months ago. We are definitely a Stag/Vixen couple as it works well for us. Only our rural location and me being a crazy obsessive writer and introvert, stopped us from getting more of the action until now. So, I will try to make an effort to do more of it, even though it's hard to stop writing my stories for any length of time..

 

[thetiesthatbindme]

We submissives r usually in control and assertive in our daily lives, but crave domination in our intimate relationship. For me,it's a release. To be able to not think,and just ,'feel' is something I need to b happy. You won't b happy if this aspect is not being met.
Talk to your fiancee in a neutral setting. No judgements.

 

[MeganFachs]

I am a switch I’ve discovered enjoying submission (more) but growing to appreciate being a domme for my sissy hubby. It took me a while to tune into what he wanted and be able to give it to him. Submissives put a lot of burden on dominants by having strong desires about how they want to be treated. It isn’t about just doing anything the domme tells you to (clean the toilets, mow the lawn, and fix the electrical outlet in the basement) which might please me most but if the submissive craves bondage and an anal fucking it isn’t going to work for them.

Just my opinion as a self-taught domme to meet my hubby’s needs as a huge sissy who craves humiliation, being a cuckold, and getting fucked.

 

[Yarglenurp]

I am a switch I’ve discovered enjoying submission (more) but growing to appreciate being a domme for my sissy hubby. It took me a while to tune into what he wanted and be able to give it to him. Submissives put a lot of burden on dominants by having strong desires about how they want to be treated. It isn’t about just doing anything the domme tells you to (clean the toilets, mow the lawn, and fix the electrical outlet in the basement) which might please me most but if the submissive craves bondage and an anal fucking it isn’t going to work for them.

Just my opinion as a self-taught domme to meet my hubby’s needs as a huge sissy who craves humiliation, being a cuckold, and getting fucked.

Honestly, I admire you a lot for being willing to go outside your comfort zone. I’m pretty sure most women would have said “no, that’s not happening” to your husband, if they were in your shoes. He’s a really lucky man.

 

[2tallpaul]

I am a switch I’ve discovered enjoying submission (more) but growing to appreciate being a domme for my sissy hubby. It took me a while to tune into what he wanted and be able to give it to him. Submissives put a lot of burden on dominants by having strong desires about how they want to be treated. It isn’t about just doing anything the domme tells you to (clean the toilets, mow the lawn, and fix the electrical outlet in the basement) which might please me most but if the submissive craves bondage and an anal fucking it isn’t going to work for them.

Just my opinion as a self-taught domme to meet my hubby’s needs as a huge sissy who craves humiliation, being a cuckold, and getting fucked.

He's lucky, there's few and far between.

 

[subdudeme13]

I am a switch I’ve discovered enjoying submission (more) but growing to appreciate being a domme for my sissy hubby. It took me a while to tune into what he wanted and be able to give it to him. Submissives put a lot of burden on dominants by having strong desires about how they want to be treated. It isn’t about just doing anything the domme tells you to (clean the toilets, mow the lawn, and fix the electrical outlet in the basement) which might please me most but if the submissive craves bondage and an anal fucking it isn’t going to work for them.

Just my opinion as a self-taught domme to meet my hubby’s needs as a huge sissy who craves humiliation, being a cuckold, and getting fucked.

My Dommes desires are what I crave. I want o meet her needs and not the other way around. One domme friend of mine likes sissies, I never had that desire. As time went on I found myself in nylons and heels and bent over. I totally got into it. So we can learn but my biggest turn on is a sadist.

 

[NCWSLvr]

I think this is a lovely story. It goes to show the power that healthy communication, acceptance, and a bit of sacrifice can have on a marriage. Not everyone can get 100% of what they want, but you can both make each other much happier.

Does the dom/sub dynamic work itself outside of the bedroom?

It does! She always deferred to me, like I always had the final say on things, but it is more than that now. I can just put a little power in my voice, and she says, “yes, master.”

 

[KRey32]

I am not a submissive person, at all. I am assertive and accomplished in life.
Sexually, though, I really crave dominance.

This is an incredibly fascinating post. I am so intrigued by a strong, intelligent, capable woman, who is anything but submissive, but craves dominance. That alone is incredibly erotic. But I could also see how finding the right man to be able to handle you (for lack of a better term) would be challenging. So many men are intimidated by strong and capable women. But on the other hand there are strong and confident men who are enthralled with a woman like you, but because they are hardwired to be gentlemen, caring, and considerate, it would be a stretch for them to administer the type of corporal punishment you describe. For some of us, our instincts are to care and protect, not harm, so it’s hard for us to get past the idea that bondage and corporal punishment are harmful. I fantasize about being dominant like that but I can’t see myself doing it IRL.

In truth, I satisfy most of my unusual cravings through my erotica, without which I'd probably go insane. No one can suppress their sexuality for their entire life, and stay happy and sane. Least of all, me, because I am very highly sexed.

This! I completely identify with what you said here. Being hyper-sexual is a huge challenge but it’s worse when you constantly fight the battle of feeling like you have to suppress your sexual intensity. Like you so well said: no one can do that for long and stay happy and sane. Erotica can provide a measure of relief but it hardly satisfies.

 

[PaxNurgle]

I have always wrestled with feelings of guilt as a male submissive. A lot of that stems from the oft-repeated fact that it is hard for a male submissive to find the kind of relationship they crave. So I have felt that having these feelings has inhibited me from having a healthy and sustainable romantic relationship.

There is a certain stigma that surrounds some male submissives, which is undeniable, even on some BDSM-friendly forums and websites. I will admit, that I think part of that is some male submissives can be their own worst enemy; they get so caught up in their own fantasies that they find it hard to connect with another person on any kind of deep level. I've seen other forums where guys will gush on and on about their kinky fantasies, to the point where it becomes kind of a turn-off. And I totally get it because I, too, experience these same feelings and yes they can be very intense.

And there are certainly many women who identify as "Dominant Women" who have little to no interest in kink whatsoever. Their idea of being "Dominant" means having a man at their beck and call to run errands, cook, do chores, clean the house, etc- with no strings attached. Sexually they may be as vanilla as Taylor Swift. For a lot of submissive males, I'd even say the majority of us, that isn't enough, The "Spice" has to be part of the whole attraction.

 

[Goldenfinger]

I would not say horrible, and I haven’t really thought about it in a long while. But my wife is very in tune with me and will make very reassuring comments to me.

 

[Cuddlycarebear]

I am not a submissive person, at all. I am assertive and accomplished in life.
Sexually, though, I really crave dominance. To the point that I was once a 24/7 slave to a Master, and enjoyed being tied up, caned and whipped. This stuff makes my pussy so wet, it drips all the way to the floor when I'm tied up standing upright.

Unfortunately, despite trying very hard to find the exact sexual match, I've ended up with a lovely switch to whom I am now engaged. My problem is, I feel quite awful sometimes, because I get frustrated about not having my submissive needs met (specifically bondage and corporal punishment) and then I say something, and he gets hurt.

In truth, I satisfy most of my unusual cravings through my erotica, without which I'd probably go insane. No one can suppress their sexuality for their entire life, and stay happy and sane. Least of all, me, because I am very highly sexed. If there was one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. I'd just want to be dominant sexually. Then all these men I speak to would be so happy, and I'd have no shortage of willing victims to play with..

I have met females who wanted only to be spanked and whipped along with aftercare of cuddling.

 

[subdudeme13]

I am not a submissive person, at all. I am assertive and accomplished in life.
Sexually, though, I really crave dominance. To the point that I was once a 24/7 slave to a Master, and enjoyed being tied up, caned and whipped. This stuff makes my pussy so wet, it drips all the way to the floor when I'm tied up standing upright.

Unfortunately, despite trying very hard to find the exact sexual match, I've ended up with a lovely switch to whom I am now engaged. My problem is, I feel quite awful sometimes, because I get frustrated about not having my submissive needs met (specifically bondage and corporal punishment) and then I say something, and he gets hurt.

In truth, I satisfy most of my unusual cravings through my erotica, without which I'd probably go insane. No one can suppress their sexuality for their entire life, and stay happy and sane. Least of all, me, because I am very highly sexed. If there was one thing I could change about myself, this would be it. I'd just want to be dominant sexually. Then all these men I speak to would be so happy, and I'd have no shortage of willing victims to play with..

Lucky victims. I learned to switch and enjoyed it. I put myself in the victims place as I used them. I think bottoms make the best tops because they can craw inside the bottoms mind. I bet I would love to tie you up!

 

[SPARTAN047]

I thought of how aftercare can be part of cruel domination.