First story: Duck Hunt

[KeithD]

No problem. Stay vanilla.

Flavor wasn't the issue. The author-readership partnership was my issue. I'll leave the irrelevant personal jabs to you.

 

[LightningSeed]

Perfect

 

[LightningSeed]

Have a new one coming out later this week. It’s called Appetizers, Meals

 

[waratah]

And that’s where we differ. To me:

“How are you,” she asked.
“Fine,” he responded.
“Good,” she said.

Has a whole different feel than:

She asked how I was.
Fine.
She says good.

I wouldn't bother reading a story written in either of those styles.

"How are you doin'?" He could see she was just feigning interest.

"Fine"

"Good"

Thats a convo i can follow, without being spoon fed.

 

[lovecraft68]

I wouldn't bother reading a story written in either of those styles.

"How are you doin'?" He could see she was just feigning interest.

"Fine"

"Good"

Thats a convo i can follow, without being spoon fed.

I agree. Too many he said, she said in the example you quoted. If written correctly the reader should know who is speaking with just an occasional reminder. That and drop 'said' for what they're doing. But having said that, its a matter of style and opinion. Doesn't mean the writer needs to change.

 

[lovecraft68]

Perfect

Pay no attention to KeithD, he comes to this forum and posts on the threads without ever reading the story(by his own admission) so in a forum where people ask for feedback on their stories, he provides none.

Instead he attacks the people providing feedback and arguing with them to make the thread all about him. Ironic in a case where he's complaining about authors making it about them.

His other favorite stunt is to whine about 'vigilante criticism' meaning people have no right to critique a story...in a forum where people have publicly asked for people to tell them what they think.

Just something to keep in mind if you continue to post links here as far as how seriously you need to take him.

In a real forum, the mod would erase comments from someone attacking people who are actually following what the forum is about, feedback on the story, not everyone's comments.

 

[KeithD]

Ah, my 10-year stalker has returned to attack form.

 

[AwkwardMD]

Ah, my 10-year stalker has returned to attack form.

Hilariously, this follows the exact pattern LC is talking about. Making this about you.

 

[KeithD]

Hilariously, this follows the exact pattern LC is talking about. Making this about you.

You can blow it out your ear too. Your problem with me is that I call you occasionally on your fake guru pretenses. You're nobody's expert here other than in your own easy-button fantasies. And you don't like being called on it. I post to try to save writers from fakes like you.

You two are the petty backbiters on this old thread. So pathetic.

 

[AwkwardMD]

You can blow it out your ear too. Your problem with me is that I call you occasionally on your fake guru pretenses. You're nobody's expert here other than in your own easy-button fantasies. And you don't like being called on it. I post to try to save writers from fakes like you.

You two are the petty backbiters on this old thread. So pathetic.

Except that you don't call me out on that. You just think about it doing it and eventually the lie becomes real.

 

[KeithD]

Except that you don't call me out on that. You just think about it doing it and eventually the lie becomes real.

Maybe you should work up a cabaret act with LC. Do you want to fuck your sister too?

Challenge to you, fake expert. I'm vetted with the editorial board here. Why don't you do the same? Is it because you have no credentials for writing and critiquing whatsoever and just want to puff yourself up here?

 

[AwkwardMD]

This is how I know you don't actually challenge my feedback. I start my posts with a disclaimer like this.

The following is just my opinion. I am one random woman, and my opinions are not worth more than any one opinion. I am not a professional critic or a professional writer.

But I'm sporting, and I'll accept your worthless challenge if you accept mine: do eleventy billion jumping jacks.

 

[KeithD]

This is how I know you don't actually challenge my feedback. I start my posts with a disclaimer like this.



But I'm sporting, and I'll accept your worthless challenge if you accept mine: do eleventy billion jumping jacks.

How old are you? And just how much attention do you crave? Buzz off.

 

[AwkwardMD]

And just how much attention do you crave?

This is called Projection. It's a psychological tactic taken by the insecure where they push their fears and shortcomings on others. This in turn helps them feel like they're not alone in their misery.

You should look into it.

 

[KeithD]

You are the carrion on this thread. You attacked me. You're the ass. You are the one who needs to puff herself up here on the basis of nothing.


Incidentally, I reported you for continued harassment following an unprovoked attack by you.

 

[KeithD]

Pay no attention to KeithD, he comes to this forum and posts on the threads without ever reading the story(by his own admission) so in a forum where people ask for feedback on their stories, he provides none.

Instead he attacks the people providing feedback and arguing with them to make the thread all about him. Ironic in a case where he's complaining about authors making it about them.

His other favorite stunt is to whine about 'vigilante criticism' meaning people have no right to critique a story...in a forum where people have publicly asked for people to tell them what they think.

Just something to keep in mind if you continue to post links here as far as how seriously you need to take him.

In a real forum, the mod would erase comments from someone attacking people who are actually following what the forum is about, feedback on the story, not everyone's comments.

Reported for an unprovoked personal attack (following up 10 years of stalking).

Incidentally, I do not weigh in on what the original has written without reading it in the original. Point out where I have.

I don't attack people giving feedback to make it all about me. I weigh in on people who make it all about them and are full of crap on the point--to protect the original writer. I'm almost always posting to assure the original writer that they are doing as well as their self-appointed, inexperienced critiquer says to do it (usually by saying it's THE way to do it).

I have never said anyone giving feedback on this board when feedback was requested was guilty of vigilante critique. You are lying. Cite where I ever have. I go after those traveling around the story file and giving unsolicited critique vigilanteism.

I agree that mods should erase unprovoked personal attacks and, for that reason, I have reported your unprovoked personal attack to the mod.

 

[SimonDoom]

I think it's unfair and inaccurate to suggest that LightningSpeed is an "all about me" author or that he's seeking to be an "aggressive dominator" over "submissive" readers. That's unnecessarily antagonistic, and thoroughly unhelpful, language. The gist of the criticism can be made without it.

I agree that most of the time authors should follow standard conventions of style, grammar, and punctuation. Doing so usually will convey what the author wants to convey most effectively. But not always. Many successful and highly regarded writers have played with or abandoned these conventions: Joyce, Pynchon, Gaddis, Faulkner, McCarthy, to name just a few. Many readers enjoy seeing those conventions played with in an inventive or distinctive way. It doesn't make them "submissives" any more than it makes the authors "dominants."

I don't find McCarthy that difficult to read once I'm a few pages into his book. Once I get accustomed to a convention, I stop noticing it.

In the case of LightningSpeed's story, I found the lack of quotation marks off-putting, at first, but after a while, I did not, and I appreciated that he was trying to impart a particular kind of tone and feel to the story.

I thought the absence of quotation marks (and use of present tense) gave the story a dream-like, claustrophobic feel, as though the narrative couldn't bust through the narrator's warring emotions over what he was experiencing. It pushed the external action, including the dialogue, into the background, and pushed the narrator's descriptions and feelings into the foreground. The story has the feel of a frustration dream. The narrator wants something -- or he thinks he does. But he's passive, and he can't get a handle on events around him or even his own actions. This style fits the ending, too, which was a lot more ambiguous than most shared wife stories are.

I wouldn't want every story to be written this way, but I thought the author's choice worked for this particular story.

I scanned the companion story, Dave, and I don't think this convention works as well for that story, because Dave is not at all like the husband. Dave is active, while Husband is passive. I don't see Dave as a guy who would write this way. It would be stronger, and it would reinforce the peculiarity of the way Husband narrates his tale, if Dave told his in a different way, following normal conventions. That's how I felt, anyway. I looked quickly and noticed that other stories by the author use quotation marks.


By the way, LightningSpeed, if you care and want to avoid the nasty comments and low scores of LW, you might consider posting shared wife stories in another category. This story, for instance, has obvious exhibitionism elements and might be appropriate for E&V.

 

[AwkwardMD]

If you want to put yourself above the readers and make them do unnecessary work to comprehend you, that's certainly your choice. For some authors it is all about them. This is an example of that.

This is an example of you criticizing style (and, by extension, the story) without having read the work. You have nothing to offer this feedback forum, and should consider avoiding it until you can interact with others in a productive manner.

 

[KeithD]

This is an example of you criticizing style (and, by extension, the story) without having read the work. You have nothing to offer this feedback forum, and should consider avoiding it until you can interact with others in a productive manner.

Reported. Continued personal attack on a thread that had been dormant for more than two months.

 

[LightningSeed]

I think it's unfair and inaccurate to suggest that LightningSpeed is an "all about me" author or that he's seeking to be an "aggressive dominator" over "submissive" readers. That's unnecessarily antagonistic, and thoroughly unhelpful, language.

By the way, LightningSpeed, if you care and want to avoid the nasty comments and low scores of LW, you might consider posting shared wife stories in another category. This story, for instance, has obvious exhibitionism elements and might be appropriate for E&V.

Thanks for the kind words and feedback.
As much as I wish the LW community was a little less...whatever it is, I think most of my stories have to go there. None of us do this for the ratings, right?