First Story Ever Written - Could I Please Get Some Feedback.

[dasgoodshit]

The minimum length for a story is 750 words

Challenge accepted!

Jeez, this is going to be hard...

 

[Pureotica]

I hadn't really thought of doing something like that, as I usually don't know how to get from something like this to improvement other than by starting fresh on a new piece. Is versioning stories a thing people do?

Either way, thanks!

My first draft is a throwaway draft, just to figure out the logistics of the story. I don't even try to write well at that point. I'm just trying to figure out what belongs and where it goes. I also tend to do a lot of experimental prewrites in the brainstorming stage, to play with tone and discover the characters. But once a project is as good as I can get it, I don't continue to mess with it. For the most part I don't even read my published stuff once its published, except to refresh my memory for follow up projects. I'm not the most efficient writer and I have many projects in the pipeline.

 

[Vintage_DM]

I haven't written any kind of fiction in years, let alone anything like this:

Wife Pleases Two to Please Husband

I'm receptive to comments on grammar/syntax, advice for writing in general or for erotica specifically, advice for writing/posting on the Literotica platform, and subgenre/tag tips.

I'd be very grateful for any feedback, though, and thank you in advance.

As far as grammar, syntax, etc goes there is an ap called Grammarly, that can take of those issues. A suggestion, find an area that you are comfortable with. Write about that area and what might be found there. Don't force yourself into areas that you aren't comfortable with. Identify some stories you like and don't like. Then understand what draws you to the story or pushes you away.

 

[yukonnights]

I'm in agreement with the good advice/comments already given. I read your story and wondered if an example or two of a re-write might be helpful.

(Original) My wife has been fucked by both Eric and Glenn several times. Each have cum in her before, too. But never at the same time - on either account. That's the plan for this evening.

(Example) When I walk in after work, Sarah gives me a big hug and a kiss. Her blue eyes have a mischievous sparkle and I wait to hear what she has on her mind. I touch her nose with the back of my index finger and ask, "Okay, what's on your mind — I know you better than you think."

"Well, since you asked, I was wondering if you've heard from your friends Eric and Glenn — I mean, it's been awhile since you've mentioned them."

"Funny you've asked — truth is I've spoken to both in the last couple of days. Maybe you should tell me why you want to know Sarah?"

"Don't be coy silly, you know there's only one reason I'd ask — it's been over a month since we've all gotten together for an evening." His small smile tells me he knows why I'm asking.

"Well, my sweet love — turns out I have spoken to them both ... and the answer is yes, they want to get together again. Does this mean you're in the mood for a bit of adventure?"

"Oh, you know how much I love you for wanting to do this with me. I love it when they're screwing me — but I love it even more that you're there watching me. Babe, I'd never fuck another man without your permission, but I do love it and crave it. Sometimes I feel like a slut for loving it so much and I'll tell you a little secret. I feel like a prostitute when I fuck them and I like it that you, my pimp, is there watching over me. I know I'm doing with your approval and when it's over and we're in our bed — well, for me it's the best sex in the world."

Her words inflame me and my lust to take her right here and now almost consumes me. I look down into her blue eyes and we speak without words — I feel my cock getting hard and I pull her into an embrace, take her hand and press it between my legs to let her know just how I feel about our, perhaps unusual … but oh so erotic arrangement with Glenn and Eric, affects me.

As I fondle his cock through his slacks, our eyes do all the talking. We're on the same page and I've already come to accept that we're a bit more adventurous than the average married couple — but we both know we're not the only couples who are confident enough to enjoy a bit more adventure.

 

[joy_of_cooking]

That is a high-effort response, @yukonnights ! I aspire to be as helpful.

 

[ColinPiper]

I'm in agreement with the good advice/comments already given. I read your story and wondered if an example or two of a re-write might be helpful.

(Original) My wife has been fucked by both Eric and Glenn several times. Each have cum in her before, too. But never at the same time - on either account. That's the plan for this evening.

(Example) When I walk in after work, Sarah gives me a big hug and a kiss. Her blue eyes have a mischievous sparkle and I wait to hear what she has on her mind. I touch her nose with the back of my index finger and ask, "Okay, what's on your mind — I know you better than you think."

[...]

That is a high-effort response, @yukonnights ! I aspire to be as helpful.

Yes, feedback and some examples of another way to do it are useful - but you don't need to encourage the author to write it as you would have written it. We all have our own voice and style, and feedback and critique is about getting the author to improve theirs, rather than change it.

 

[yukonnights]

Yes, feedback and some examples of another way to do it are useful - but you don't need to encourage the author to write it as you would have written it. We all have our own voice and style, and feedback and critique is about getting the author to improve theirs, rather than change it.

I don't see anything that implied that my style or any other authors style is what Sasha should adopt. It's simply one short example of including emotions, feelings, etc. into the story. I think most writers have perused other author's works and picked up a few ideas to include in some of theirs. And for what it's worth, this Story Feedback Forum would be pretty lame if there was no feedback that showed some examples?

 

[Gamblnluck]

Oh, BTB is burn the bitch. they're awful revenge stories where cheating wives endure everything from rape to death to torture and all the incels cheer/

not at all. Many are stories making sure justice is served and the cheating wife/husband pays some kind of penalty. The husband just does not sit there. Some range from just 'leaving the bitch' destitute or just making sure her friends and family know she is a slut and why they are getting divorced all the way up. Justice is what I aim for in my stories.

 

[derek00003]

I haven't written any kind of fiction in years, let alone anything like this:

Wife Pleases Two to Please Husband

I'm receptive to comments on grammar/syntax, advice for writing in general or for erotica specifically, advice for writing/posting on the Literotica platform, and subgenre/tag tips.

I'd be very grateful for any feedback, though, and thank you in advance.

I really enjoyes the story and the length as well. I actually prefer the shorter stories though. Also, just love the topic

For your first story, this is very good. I would keep at it.

Its a lot of work to write a story, you should be proud of it

 

[Gamblnluck]

Cheating is a moral issue, not a crime. How about getting upset at domestic abuse, rape, murder and real crimes? You want to write about women getting theirs-make believe at that-so cut the crap with "justice" you're petty and vindictive.

Of course I get upset at all those things in real life. I don't even like to read them in stories on Lit. And if you read a story where the wife says, I'm leaving to screw a guy. If you don't like it, we can divorce and I will take the kids, the house, half the rest of our stuff, and still get child support and alimony. I might even move the guy in but his wife wont like it. You'll be paying me to play. That is the plot of a lot of the stories. But I guess, if the guy is supposed to go along in your world.If not he is petty and vindictive. Actually I may use that phrase in one of my stories....
Even where there is domestic abuse in a story, I like to see the victim get some kind of payback or eventually out of his/her situation.