First story just posted!!!

[_Lynn_]

Adelyn: I had absolutely no intention of putting anyone down. Especially not someone who is learning to write, Good for you, keep it up . Write, write, write! But listen also to those who speak the truth. 1) in the first paragraph, I believe the structure is strengthened by letting the reader believe He left her; he did!
2) I said be as terse as possible and then go back and spice it up, only with words that ADD to the story. Unnecessary it and that, up, down, around, etc. only drag the story down. Unless there is a special reason inherent to the story, there is no need to tell us he opened the door before he went through. These are the changes I suggested, and I still believe my suggestions were made to help you improve your writing, not to put you down at all. I would not waste my time coming on here to put people down, I have always been a teacher, I guess I still am. BTW, Golden Cajones has just chosen me as her editor, so. . .?

But advice given is only opinion.

As for being a teacher . . . or an editor, even . . . that still doesn't make your advice anything more than an opinion--the same as anyone else gives.

 

[robertreams]

Thanks for your kind words golden, I will concede the first paragraph. Also concise is a good word. The writing process you described is exactly how I write, I let everything flow, edit later. fortunately for me I have had many years of training and teaching, (including classes and some experience in Journalism), so being grammatically correct is easier. However, my typing skills suck, so a great amount of editing is still necessary in my work. One of my hardest tasks as a teacher has always been to bring students to believe that a first draft is not final: "Ya mean we godda do it twice?"

Many authors on Lit/ would do well to learn to read and reread their work before submitting it.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

It can be depending on the readership.

You are a dinosaur JBJ.

Get the Starz addy and I'll send her an official AT LEAST YOU TRIED plastic Tee Ball trophy.

 

[robertreams]

Here is my OPINION. Everyone get a copy of Strunk and White and follow their OPINIONS. Sorry, I do not claim to be 100% correct, but I know a poorly written sentence from a well written one from fifty years of experience in the field. This does not mean my own work is perfect or does not need editing. Everyone's work needs editing.
There are opinions and then there are informed opinions there is a difference between them as vast as an ocean.
I believe my opinion was what was asked for. I gave it, I am sure Addy will survive, and hopefully grow as a writer. WE could use some more good ones.