First try at writing erotica

[jaxsteeples]

fcking not that hard against , I wouldn't want em pressed like that against me if I was a word.

 

[geronimo_appleby]

fcking not that hard against , I wouldn't want em pressed like that against me if I was a word.

you want your story up? them's the rools.

or, if you're clever, do like Cormac McCarthy does - no quotation marks 'tall.

 

[sr71plt]

So, not only was a reason given originally, so was guidance on where to go to fix the problem.

The Web site has no responsibility for your recalcitrance--nor an obligation to post your writing at all, if they don't want to.

 

[moralityloophole]

fcking not that hard against , I wouldn't want em pressed like that against me if I was a word.

There you go! Your comment here shows the problem. Words like their punctuation "hard against." They f'cking like the commas and quotes stuffed right into their ...

When I read your story on the other site, I thought the punctuation spacing just a glitch due to converting from a word processor to .txt format. Good news is that your story probably only needs the offending spaces removed. If you have a program with a grammar editor such as Microsoft Word, then turn it on and maybe even set it to US English, not actual English. It will highlight all the spacing errors.

I had the advantage of proper typing instruction before touching a computer. No space before punctuation, one after. The exception is two spaces after a sentence terminal punctuation. I believe that the standard with electronic media may be changing to one space at the end of a sentence.

I prefer the UK standard for quotes including only the quoted text, with punctuation after the quote. Example: Did she say "Fuck you bastard"? vs. Did she say "Fuck you bastard?" She isn't asking the question, the narrator is so I think the question mark ought to go outside the quotes.

 

[jaxsteeples]

" So, not only was a reason given originally, so was guidance on where to go to fix the problem."

Wtf are you blibbling on about . Are you typing away wearing a grey wig on your head and a red robe falling to the ground around you ankles?

"Mr Jax Steeples you have been charged with not comprehending the complex and vast field of
Transatlantic commerism and quotieism. How do you plead?"


I'm not a defendant in a case. I'm asking some advice like how to punctuate . Stuff like what does this mean if a box says this ?

Fecking yink.

 

[sr71plt]

"Wtf are you blibbling on about .

I'm am "babbling" about the rejection notice that I had to beat out of you. You didn't read it? (Or you can't read?)

Quote:

"Please fix the formatting of the punctuation. Generally, the rule is to have no spaces before most punctuation (periods, commas, exclamation points, etc.), and one space after them. In dialogue, there are no spaces between the quotation marks and the text or punctuation of quoted speech. Please read the essay "How to Punctuate Like a Pro" in the Writer's Resource section (link below) for more complete instructions."

It not only tells you why your story was rejected, but it also leads you to an aid that will help you fix the problem.

You're hopeless and biting the hands of those who are trying to help you. Fuck off.

 

[jaxsteeples]

This is called friendly banter in the Uk . Its a form of male ( and female) bonding offered out to straights and gays alike. We insult each other first before getting down to the social pleasantries. Please be aware of cultural differences. That is why there is a smile after my fcking yink insult. You are supposed to send back an equal , but not actual insult. After a while we stop insulting each other and have a very pleasant, more intelligent conversation . One may begin like this.

"I see you have an interest in Palestinian refugee camps."

 

[sr71plt]

"I see you have an interest in Palestinian refugee camps."

If you'd read my coauthored The Velvet Interrogation (Cyberworld), you'd get an extra laugh over having written this.

Beyond that, I'm pretty busy even when I'm trying to help someone out on navigating the Web site submissions process. When someone either isn't absorbing the help or is dismissing or disrespecting it, they can jolly well fend for themselves.

 

[jaxsteeples]

...but we don't do that until we have traded a few (obviously ) non-personal insults. There is an art to this. The insult has to contain an element of self deprecation to allow the recipient to assess that the insult is aimed both at the sender and receiver, it also should touch on broader issues such as the irony
inherent in cultural differences. That is why I misspelt certain when bantering with you.

Banter is usually more of a working class thing in our country, and is tough but good normally natured. It is a game, very much like keeping a ball in the air . Those getting angry and using the phrase 'fuck off' in serious tone indicate the ball has been dropped. Time is given for the cack-handed to pick up and re-engage in the word play.

 

[jaxsteeples]

Cack in this context means clumsy, often slightly endearingly clumsy, btw , not something else.

 

[adamzapple]

Hah! This thread is more entertaining than the story!!

 

[jaxsteeples]

The story's just the hook .

Somewhere boring between LE/ JG : Do you say zapple?

Zapple be a fcking good title for something ,can't think what right now.

Also, when looking up how many word WS coined I noticed he'd made up Zaney. Can you believe that?
Zaney sounds modern C20th. Zapple, Zaney ,Zeitgeist, havent done much with the Z'ds ,. Underated letter. Ought to have a celebration day.

 

[adamzapple]

Adam's APPLE, come on, it's not hard. It was the best I could think of at short notice.

You related to Fred Dibnah or what??

 

[jaxsteeples]

Fred Dibnah was not actually a hero of mine although he has my greatest respect. The systems Fred used for climbing bordered on the suicidally insane and I would probably cack my pants if I had to lash wooden ladders together at 200 feet today. Wooden ladders are so heavy and they flex and bend when you put your weight on them. Seriously scary stuff seeing a wall coming at you and ropes creaking over your head.

Also I couldn't possibly get interested in traction engines and I think I did once get stuck behind Fred in my car when he was crawling along at 3mph on one of his excursions to a rally, happily churning up the tarmac .

I imagined you might be in Bristol hence zapple.

 

[Choupique]

The story's just the hook .

I'm not sure I want you to get your story accepted.

Just keep having problems with it and bitching about it on here. This is the best laugh I had all week.

 

[jaxsteeples]

There's bitching and bitching.

I'm off to find some porn. Ha! this is all a new world to me , and now I have this light-box and plastic board with letters that will take me anywhere I am going to explore it.

Have you ever noticed most visual porn isn't as good as your own imagination. This is probably because one fundamental problem with human beings is saying what they mean or conveying what they mean with precision and accuracy . I think this arises because whatever medium you choose to express yourself in requires a good deal of crafts-personship and mastery.

This is why I have to learn to spell and use punctuation properly and improve my writing skills.

But for now I'm off to find something new .

 

[jaxsteeples]

Zippley do-do

 

[moralityloophole]

...
Have you ever noticed most visual porn isn't as good as your own imagination. ....

But we can keep looking, and looking, and looking. Thinking "I could wank to this if I had to" but holding off for something better. Then look at the clock and I've (using your spelling) fcked off half the night and nothing to show for it.

Then in a few more days the wife comes home from holiday and asks what I've accomplished with all my free time...

What was the point again?

 

[jaxsteeples]

The point of it for us ? Not sure . Humans have a predisposition to become like horny dogs humping at legs and can fixate for relatively long periods of time on any object when imaginatively linked to their sexual drive.

Regarding creating anything with artistic merit arising out of this fixation:

A wick,sizzling in an animal fat candle , a cave wall and a few pieces of still warm charcoal
were probably all the tools you ever needed to express yourself fully, if you knew how.

Perhaps even attempting art and failing is better than humping a virtual leg.

Anyway, it's Friday night and the ghost of Fred Dibnah must somewhere out the on digital super highway , crawling along in front of me me,slowing everything down to a flickering slide show. So There's nothing worth watching. That's why I tried to write a Haiku instead.

 

[jaxsteeples]

I'm off to get some Z'ds


The moon is our torch
I pull dry strands of grass from your hair
Love-juices wet the inside of my coat .

 

[jaxsteeples]

Oh fcking hell! GA spends time going through it . Poor Sr71pt gets wound up. I make myself read How To Punctuate Like a Pro, twice and stay awake. I spend hours making sure the commas and everything go where convention agrees. Finally I post my work and the damn bot-thing crashes my browser . When I restore session the bot-fck tells me I have to change the name of the story. Assuming its the same as the one rejected I change it, submit and WTF! there are now two versions of the same story up including the rejected one!

Having two identical stories up has to contravene some subsection of editing rules. So I'm going to get rejected again and it'll be another two fcking weeks until I get my work published. Maybe It's record.

Thanks to sr71pt for his patience .

I'll carry on bitching . I might turn this into a diary in the meantime.

I'm going to write a poem to calm down.

 

[Imzati]

I'm going to write a poem to calm down.

So where's your lovely poem? I enjoyed this thread so much and now I'm left hanging?

Please poem me... or I'll be forced to find another thread to lurk on

 

[TheLovelyLickerish1]

Nooooo!!!

I HAD NO IDEA THAT HITTING THE PENDING BUTTON SENDS ME TO THE BACK OF THE LINE!!! ::sigh:: I don't know what I thought to accomplish with hitting it anyway.

This thread is high-larious!

 

[jaxsteeples]

Poem over at dirty haiku thread. Don't get too excited, it's not that good. Lurking- is there a voyeuristic thrill in this? If there is it seems odd to be the subject of such attention. Quite enjoyable really to consider this thread has voyeurs . I discovered, on the internet,something called dogging,in which the observer is encouraged to become a participant. I do not think I would like dogging but it is pleasant to have a watcher come out of the bushes and have a conversation.

 

[sr71plt]

I guess jaxsteeple's bantering "game" doesn't extend to giving acknowledgment or thanks when he asks off line for a detailed assessment of his story and is given one.