Five No-Nos For Beginning Writers

[susurrus]

I agree with what you've all said about common pitfalls (one of mine happens to be ridiculously long sentences).

True, there is too much reliance on spell checkers.

Which brings me to one of my *big* pet peeves in online stories, and I've seen them misused in stories by well-established writers as well as beginners:

HOMOPHONES!

Some of you have mentioned this, though not quite in so many words (Mr. Verbosity, me). I've been tempted for some time to write an article on this and list as many as I can remember of the homophones I've seen abused in this type of story.

taut - tight
taught - past tense of "teach"
(I have also seen the entirely wrong "taunt" used here)

there - a place
their - possesive of more than one person
they're - contraction for "they are"

shear - to cut
sheer - thin, see-through

peak - the top
peek - to look furtively

heal - to recover from wound or sickness
heel - the back part of the foot or shoe

...and so forth.

And don't get me started on the "its" "it's" thing.

It drives me nuts when the wrong homophone is used (or improper punctuation, poor spelling... blah blah blah) and as was mentioned earlier by someone else, most homophones *will not* be caught by spell checkers, because they are *valid* words. They're just the *wrong* words.

(Pant, Pant, drool, slobber)

I'm okay now... as much as ever.

Just my two cents worth

 

[crysede]

You may have all seen this already (it's been around for a while), but this thread was just crying out for it!

Ode to a Spell Checker

I have a spelling checker -
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.

Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
Its vary polished in it's weigh,
My checker tolled me sew.

A checker is a bless sing,
It freeze yew lodes of thyme.
It helps me right awl stiles two reed,
And aides me when aye rime.

To rite with care is quite a feet
Of witch won should be proud.
And wee mussed dew the best wee can,
Sew flaws are naught aloud.

And now bee cause my spelling
Is checked with such grate flare,
Their are know faults with in my cite,
Of nun eye am a wear.

Each frays come posed up on my screen
Eye trussed to bee a joule
The checker poured o'er every word
To cheque sum spelling rule.

That's why aye brake in two averse
By righting wants too pleas.
Sow now ewe sea why aye dew prays
Such soft wear for pea seas

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Here's a couple more items for the Write Knight's list.

1. Folks writing in the first person tend to beat the word "I" to death. This is most obvious when it's used at the beginning of a sentnece. Where ever it's done, it can throw readers out of the story.

As with all other writing "rules" this is just a suggestion, not a mandate. One of my first days here, I checked out a new post that had received and "E". Five sentences in the first paragraph, began with "I". So maybe I'm wrong.

2. Folks writing in the third person often fall into the same habit, but instead of "I", they overuse: "They," "It," "He," and "She".

Just my two cents worth.

Rumple Foreskin

 

[Whispersecret]

Rumple, nice name.

I'm not sure what a writer can do to avoid the use of the word "I" when writing in first person. Could you post that paragraph, or one similar, so I can see exactly what you're talking about?

And as far as the other pronouns, I'd rather see their use rather than too much use of the name. To me, pronouns are like the word "said" in writing. They're virtually invisible to me. Perhaps it's not truly the use of the pronouns that is bothering you. Perhaps there is some other flaw involved that only makes it look like it's the fault of the pronouns...

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Whispersecret,

This isn't the post I was thinking about (that one has dropped off the "NEW" board), but it is a good example. This is the first paragraph, (a common offender), of a post that has a 4.2 score.

--

"I never cared if these letters were true or not & I don't care if you believe mine, but here it is anyway: Back in '97 my best friend, my dog, died. He was 2 weeks shy of his 16th birthday(which made him about 382 in dog years!) I was feeling really bummed out around the holidays (he loved mooching turkey from me and I missed him, a lot) so I went for a late night bike ride. I ended up at a local yuppie hangout. I sat at the bar, nursing the same milk-shake all night, (did I forget to mention I can't drink alcohol?) when SHE walked in to my life..."

--

By my count, the word "I" appears nine times including five times at the the beginning of sentences.

THIS IS NOT WRONG, however, a writer who does something like this runs the risk of throwing some readers out of the story. It's a common problem when writing in first person but one that can, and IMHO, should be avoided. Writers from Raymond Chandler to Kinky Friedman have managed the trick.

Starting every sentence in a story with an "I" is NOT WRONG if the writer believes doing that will help him communicate with the reader. Besides, with any luck, some pointy-headed Ivy League Eng. lit. prof. type would probably declare it the second coming of "The Sound and The Fury".

Rumple (glad you liked the name) Foreskin

 

[Whispersecret]

Looking over the example you posted, I found myself much more annoyed by the extensive use of parenthetical commentary! Sheesh.

Also, was this a rejected Penthouse letter? ("I never cared if these letters were true or not...") That sentence doesn't make sense otherwise.

I think the problem is more about repetitive sentence structure than the use of the pronoun. There are only two complex sentences. The parenthetical asides break up the bam bam bam of the declarative sentences a little, but not completely. This paragraph is just badly constructed.

Just goes to show you what hard work writing really is.

 

[lobito]

While there are some good points here, how does one avoid the overuse of a word, if the intent is to NOT name names?

An example being, that in a story I just completed last night, there are really only two characters, (so far). so there is alot of "I(s)" and "She(s)". My purpose was NOT to alienate anyone, but rather for them to be able to put THEMSELVES in place of the characters.

That having been said, I posted in the Editors forum, THEN realized that NOT many people either check it out, OR post to it. How are you supposed to get a GOOD editor, and not just someone wanting to read porn, who has NO intentions of helping your story to be better?

I have TONS of Q's, and much like writing, I need to organize those thoughts, to be able to make them understandable to even me, much less others.

Thanks,
Lo

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Lo,

You asked, "...how does one avoid the overuse of a word, if the intent is to NOT name names?"

Heck if I know for sure, but not writing in the first person would probably be a real help. Third person limited is a much easier POV. (Any would-be writer who doesn't know from POV should learn.)

If you want to stick to first person and haven't already read some of the better first person writers, such as Raymond Chandler, do it.

Many times, IMHO, writers overuse a word such as "I" almost out of habit. For instance, this a portion of the first sentence in the example I posted. "I never cared if these letters were true or not & I don't care if you believe mine...,"

That seconed "I" isn't wrong, but it isn't needed. You'll also see action describe this way, "I did this and then I did that," when, "I didn this and then did that," is all that's needed.

Hope some of this and that helps. RF

 

[lobito]

thanks for the input RF.

I'll read some of those works, when I'm sober, as I'm sure my judgement isn't so good right now.

I actually have a book here called "The joy of writing sex", it has a top ten list of tips that I should think about posting here maybe.

Lo

 

[DRxBlue]

Thank you, Sir Knight. i discovered this site very recently, and have been gobbling stories at a prodigious rate.

The kinds of flaws you describe do happen quite a bit, but for the beginning writer it's GREAT to have a place to "mess up", and an understanding audience to ridicule you into improving.

It seems like the way the "Borsht Belt" comedians described the out of the way clubs in the Catskills and such, where you had a "chance to fail" and polish your act before shooting for the big time.

i'm astounded by the raw talent and imagination of many of the contributors, and the effect they can have on even MY battered old libido.

So...give'em hell Lance (can i call you Lance?) and as i begin to contribute, give me hell too,when you have time. i can take it. i've been married TWICE.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
from the man who needs no signature,
Doctor Blue

P.S. really Rumple Foreskin...cool name
i hadda mouth fulla coffee when i 1st saw it
i'm lucky to be alive

 

[KillerMuffin]

*discreet bump*

 

[DarlingNikki]

Oooh, NICE thread. Very helpful, thanks.

If I could add one to the homophone list - waste and waist.

"He walked out of the bathroom with a towel around his waste." Gross. Plumbing problem, or the beginning of a scat story?

 

[TheEarl]

"He ripped off her shirt with his bear hands..."

Surely that one belongs in non-human?

The Earl

 

[PaulX35]

I once read a story where one of the characters had a massive, mind-blowing ORGANISM.

I'll never fo
rget that.

WS,

That would be an orgasm on an organ?

Paul

 

[Whispersecret]

LMAO, Paul. I hadn't realized there were two logical substitutions. That makes it even more hilarious.

 

[PaulX35]

Too late, but...

LMAO, Paul. I hadn't realized there were two logical substitutions. That makes it even more hilarious.

I realized too late that if this would be logical, it would have had to be called an ORGANASM. So I was wrong, but I'm happy it gave you a laugh

Paul

 

[Pee J]

My own pet aversion is the continual confusion between 'to lay' and 'to lie'. It is surprising how many accomplished writers get it wrong time and time again.

The former is transitive and takes an object, in other words you must lay something, an egg or a book on the table or even yourself on the bed. 'To lie' is intransitive and takes no direct object. Mostly, because of our subject matter, when we use past-tense narrative we probably want 'lay' (which is confusing because it is the past of 'to lie') or 'lying'. Not 'laying' or 'laid'. But 'she laid the towels on the bed.' There is a direct object immediately following the verb.

In dialogue it is probably 'lie'. "Lie on the bed" not "lay on the bed".

It becomes even more confusing when using a prepostional verb such as to lay out or to lie down. How to tell if it is 'to lay out' or 'to lie out', 'to lay down' or 'to lie down'?

The key is to remove the preposition to a later position in the sentence and if it makes sense when the object immediately follows the verb then it will be correct. So you can 'lay out the towels', or 'lay the towels out', you can only 'lie down on the bed'. You can't 'lie the bed down on'. It is true there are one or two obscure exceptions but they are so infrequent that they can be ignored lest they confuse even more. BTW there are examples of both Byron and Hemmingway who got it wrong too.

CynMarie -- send me your story and I will edit/proof-read it for you.

PeeJ

 

[daisie]

"Baby, I want to make your pussy sing the Star-Spangled Banner tonight."

"I'm not sure it can hit the high notes," I replied.

"I'm a voice instructor," he assured me.

BWAhahahaa!! Love it!

D (who, if she had an editing job on Literotica, would stab herself repeatedly with a pen just to get up in the morning)

 

[Octavian]

lay, laid or lied?

Pee J

I consider myself quite competent as far as grammar is concerned but I have to admit that the use of the past participle of the verb 'to lay' caused me some anxious moments when I was writing my story.

I did get it right but I had to think about it.

Thanks for the advice.

Octavian

 

[sweetnpetite]

bump

 

[Un-registered]

Re: lay, laid or lied?

Pee J

I consider myself quite competent as far as grammar is concerned but I have to admit that the use of the past participle of the verb 'to lay' caused me some anxious moments when I was writing my story.

I did get it right but I had to think about it.

Thanks for the advice.

Octavian

This is a language problem, not a grammar problem.

In Queens English when a female has lowered her body on to a bed we say:

She lay on the bed.

In US English they say:

She laid on the bed.

In Queens English this latter form implies depositing an egg!

 

[hiddenself]

Re: Re: lay, laid or lied?

This is a language problem, not a grammar problem.

In Queens English when a female has lowered her body on to a bed we say:
She lay on the bed.

In US English they say:
She laid on the bed.

In Queens English this latter form implies depositing an egg!

How do you define US English? I don't know what "they say" (whoever they may be), but according to the Webster's this is not correct. The past tense of "to lay" is "lay" not "laid." So, maybe people say it, but it's still not acceptable or correct English (even in the US) -- at least not by official standards.

To lay (transitive)
past: laid

To lie (intransitive)
past: lay
past participle: lain

 

[Un-registered]

Re: Re: Re: lay, laid or lied?

I don't know what "they say" (whoever they may be), but according to the Webster's this is not correct.

Webster's is defining it as the Shorter Oxford does. However, read any of the contemporary US fiction and the modern usage in the US is:

He laid on the bed next to her and put his hand ...

I read a lot as a professional author and at many levels from places like Literotica (where there is no formal editing before publication) to hard back 'respectable' novels. I believe that Webster's does not currently reflect US writing.


(PS I didn't know whether I dared to use words like transitive in this discussion. i have been castigated before for using "too many long words and complicated technical terms".)

 

[Pee J]

Re: lay, laid or lied?

It is not for me to query Octavian's knowledge of American grammar on the acceptability of using laid intransitively, but:

Merriam-Webster
LAY has been used intransitively in the sense of "lie" since the 14th century. The practice was unremarked until around 1770; attempts to correct it have been a fixture of schoolbooks ever since. Generations of teachers and critics have succeeded in taming most literary and learned writing, but intransitive lay persists in familiar speech and is a bit more common in general prose than one might suspect. Much of the problem lies in the confusing similarity of the principal parts of the two words. Another influence may be a folk belief that lie is for people and lay is for things. Some commentators are ready to abandon the distinction, suggesting that lay is on the rise socially. But if it does rise to respectability, it is sure to do so slowly: many people have invested effort in learning to keep lie and lay distinct. Remember that even though many people do use lay for lie, others will judge you unfavorably if you do.

Suzie Bright, How to Write a Dirty Story
You can’t consider yourself a serious writer of erotica until you have mastered the difference between to lay and to lie

New York Times Book of Style
‘Lay’ to put down or place. . . it requires a direct object the thing that is put or placed. Hens lay eggs. Bricklayers lay bricks. Healers lay hands upon the infirm. . .

'Lie' means recline or occupy a location. It does not take an object because the subject can accomplish those things alone. The idle rich lie on beaches. The restless lie awake. Governors Island lies off Manhattan.

Please, someone, correct me if I’m wrong, but I was under the impression the above were American.

Bye the way, I can assure you that English women not only (sometimes) lay on the bed, they also (frequently) get laid on the bed – and on the couch and in the back of cars. Who said you couldn't use lay/laid intransitively?

Incidentally, the two forms of the language are generally referred to as British or American English.

PeeJ

 

[Un-registered]

Re: Re: lay, laid or lied?

New York Times Book of Style
‘Lay’ to put down or place. . . it requires a direct object the thing that is put or placed. Hens lay eggs. Bricklayers lay bricks. Healers lay hands upon the infirm. . .

'Lie' means recline or occupy a location. It does not take an object because the subject can accomplish those things alone. The idle rich lie on beaches. The restless lie awake. Governors Island lies off Manhattan.

The NYTBoS is clearly referring to the present tense. We were discussing the perfect tense.

Bye the way, I can assure you that English women not only (sometimes) lay on the bed, they also (frequently) get laid on the bed – and on the couch and in the back of cars. Who said you couldn't use lay/laid intransitively?

The use of the passive verb form has not yet been discussed on this thread. I suspect that "get laid" with a sexual connotation is actual the same as "The knives and forks were carefully laid on the table in exactly parallel lines."

Incidentally, the two forms of the language are generally referred to as British or American English.

Yes, only we old-fashoned over sixties still refer to Queens English.