frustrated wife

[rulickable]

Sex is in the mind. You have to stimulate his mind sexually provoking him to attract his sexual attention to you.

Hard to understand a man who doesn't appreciate a curvacious woman.

 

[fullservice65]

So, as I think is probably clear, I like to be cum on. Sensation is great and all that.

So 2 things have made me frustrated today, and I'm just like confirmation I'm not unreasonable.

1 it's a struggle for him to wank over me. Really????? He claims to only be able to wank to porn.

2 After getting horny blowing him I said it would be nice to gave a cock below me at the same time. So he suggested a cheap and nasty blow up chair with some kind of dildo. Not the same thing at all

I know he is vanilla but am I being unreasonable?

No, you're not unreasonable.

 

[waldo75]

Frustrated husband here!
I've been married for ~12 years. Both in our late 30s. Somewhere along the line my wife mostly lost interest in sex. She's slim and beautiful - VERY small tits but fantastic ass and gorgeous long silky smooth legs. She has a trimmed bikini line but a decent patch of hair otherwise.

Mostly our sex involves me climbing on top of her and grinding one out then she'll immediately fall asleep. I then lie awake wishing I had whacked off instead. I can't remember the last time she willingly touched me or went down on me or even sat on my lap and had a good ol makeout session. She doesn't really like it when I try to fondle any of her fun parts either. This just builds more frustration for me.

A couple years ago I was really irritated with this situation and told her I'd be willing to indulge WHATEVER fantasy she wanted to explore. She said she didn't really have any. I even mentioned that I'd might be open letting her play with another guy (the idea is a turn on for me!): she said she thought that was weird and went to sleep. I never brought it up again.

HOWEVER, occasionally - not often but every few months we have really good sex. It goes down like this:

We turn off all the lights and light a candle. She lies face down on the bed I'll straddle her and cover her back in nice smelling massage oil. I'll rub her shoulders and neck and slowly work down her lower back and ass. I'll knead those beautiful cheeks for all their worth then work down each thigh, calf and spend a good deal of time rubbing her feet. From there I'll work back up her legs to her ass again. At this point my cock is usually throbbing. I'll straddle her again and lay my cock in her ass crack and knead her cheeks around my shaft as I slowly grind.

Next, I'll put a copious amount of oil on her ass and legs again. I'll lie next to her and snuggle up as I caress her and slowly rub my cock against those silky thighs. I'll gently rub my fingers through her ass crack (which is slick with massage oil) and lightly touch her lips. After 15-20 minutes of this I'll have her flip over and apply more oil to her front. I'll rub her all over - starting at the shoulders and working down over her tits and mound. At this point I'm ready to burst - but I'll lie on top of her and lightly kiss her and work down her body with my mouth. I'l kiss all around her pussy and thighs for a few minutes - then I'll go down on her.

I love eating her out. And she gets into it! I love to rest my nose on her clit and inhale her scent and bury my tongue as deep in her as I can. She'll put her hands on my head and grind against my face - I'll meet her thrusts with my tongue. She'll be soaking with her own juice and my saliva and I'll rub my entire face in that glorious mixture. When I sense she is nearing climax I'll pull away and tease her by lightly darting my tongue on her clit. This seems to drive her wild. After a few minutes of this I'll bury my face in there again and finish her off. She will come HARD at this point.

When she's finished I'll slowly kiss up her body - pausing on her tits to cover them in the juicy mixture all over my face as best I can. I'll slide and lightly kiss her neck and shoulders and rub my cock between her lips. I LOVE to look down and watch this for a few minutes. Now I am charged up beyond belief. I'll settle down on top her and enter her. The feeling of my cock in that glorious warm soaking wet vagina is INCREDIBLE. I'll fuck her slowly and nibble her shoulder and neck and tell her how hot she is and how amazing she feels and every word is the truth. Normally I'll last about a minute after this but on good days I can last longer. I love to push up and look at her glorious nekkidness in the dim candle light - her legs splayed out around me and her dark nipples bouncing as I fuck her. I'll pull myself close and inhale the intoxicating smell of her juice on my face mixed with the massage oil on her as the friction increases between our bodies. This goes on for maybe 2 minutes and then I'll come and come and come. My god it's great!

These sessions don't happen nearly enough for my taste - and I realize I am doing most of the work but I am OK with that (mostly). Not sure what else I can do to get her into it more often.

Wow, I just realized I wrote a novel! Apologies for the length - this is my first Lit post after lurking for a long time so I guess the frustration needed to vent out!

 

[b_in_the_city]

unreasonable,no. unrealistic, sadly probably. If a guy does not jump at the chance to wank over a woman as beautiful and sexy as you then he is probably never going to.
If this is your true burning desire then you probably need to find someone else to play with. If you dont deal with it the frustration will eat you up. But be sure its what you really want and can handle any consequences
Brett uk

 

[lakesailer_mi]

So, as I think is probably clear, I like to be cum on. Sensation is great and all that.

So 2 things have made me frustrated today, and I'm just like confirmation I'm not unreasonable.

1 it's a struggle for him to wank over me. Really????? He claims to only be able to wank to porn.

2 After getting horny blowing him I said it would be nice to gave a cock below me at the same time. So he suggested a cheap and nasty blow up chair with some kind of dildo. Not the same thing at all

I know he is vanilla but am I being unreasonable?

I don't think you're "unreasonable." Everyone has desires and fantasies and spouses often differ.
I would suggest that you might want to see it from his perspective though (although, he should make the same effort).

With point number 2, if you're asking for him to share you, he may not want to. That's probably threatening to him. I think that's a pretty major step for a "vanilla" guy. To be honest, I'm open to a lot of things, but sharing my wife is probably not one of them.

With point number one, he may be...well...shy. I know that may sound stupid. Keep in mind most of us are raised that masturbation is "bad" and he may feel somewhat exposed and shy to do that in front of you and "on command." Although his, "only to porn" seems a little disingenuous.

Here is what I might recommend. Talk to him before. Tell him what you find really erotic and sexy about him. Ask him about his fantasies. Make some "trades." Maybe if you jack him off over you a couple times, he'll relax. Leave the "sharing one" off the table (but maybe find some toys that...ahem...fulfill you? ) at least for now.

I wish you good luck.

 

[englishbiggirl]

Mission accomplished ...at least part 1

 

[lakesailer_mi]

Mission accomplished ...at least part 1

Good news!

 

[jmarx20102012]

Hard for me to believe that he would not oblige. My wife has never asked me to do that but I would obviously be eager. Come to think of it, maybe I should ask her. Usually I just shoot inside her.

 

[frosty3610]

Mission accomplished ...at least part 1

Hey at least 1 is done now start on 2

 

[rthnck]

2 After getting horny blowing him I said it would be nice to gave a cock below me at the same time. So he suggested a cheap and nasty blow up chair with some kind of dildo. Not the same thing at all

Well MMF's are not for every couple but at least he's making an attempt at a solution. Not one that appeals to you obviously. Does it have to be a real live cock? Small steps are usually necessary when bringing a 'vanilla' partner into your desires. Is there any 'dildo' solution that would appeal to the OP as a starter for #2. Maybe some sort of "fucking machine". Maybe just a suction cup dildo to get your partner comfortable with the idea of a 'spit-roast' scenario. MMF is a big step for most couples. Find some tiny steps first...

 

[policywank]

Mission accomplished ...at least part 1

Good to hear.

As for #2, if it is in the cards it will only be after he is very comfortable in your sexual relationship and believes that he is fulfilling your desires. Otherwise he won't be able to distinguish between the other man being augmentation to your sex life versus compensation for his inadequacies.

This is an area where most women really underestimate a men's insecurity. The perceived inability to satisfy their wife's sexual desire is their kryptonite.

Think of the one thing that makes you feel deeply insecure. Consider how utterly futile it is for anyone to try to "talk" you out of that insecurity. It doesn't lend itself to reason or logic and if those closest to you comment on that insecurity the full force of your anxiety will flood in all at once. That is how a lot of men feel about pleasing their woman. The mere suggestion of failure is like a punch in the face - literally, a guy would rather take a beating than believe he isn't sexually adequate.

Only when he KNOWS how strongly you feel about him can the subject even be raised. And that knowledge comes more from actions than it does from words.

 

[moocha01]

Maybe try the teasing, flirting approach rather than asking?
House work with no undies on? Looking at pic's of the sort of toy's you want together? Picking porn together? It's great to learn new things together x good luck hun x

 

[russko]

Mission accomplished ...at least part 1

let us know how it all happened EBG! Curious (and dirty ) mines want to know!

on a serious note - it would be interesting to hear how you were able to achieve success!

 

[russko]

Frustrated husband here!
I've been married for ~12 years. Both in our late 30s. Somewhere along the line my wife mostly lost interest in sex. She's slim and beautiful - VERY small tits but fantastic ass and gorgeous long silky smooth legs. She has a trimmed bikini line but a decent patch of hair otherwise.

Mostly our sex involves me climbing on top of her and grinding one out then she'll immediately fall asleep. I then lie awake wishing I had whacked off instead. I can't remember the last time she willingly touched me or went down on me or even sat on my lap and had a good ol makeout session. She doesn't really like it when I try to fondle any of her fun parts either. This just builds more frustration for me.

A couple years ago I was really irritated with this situation and told her I'd be willing to indulge WHATEVER fantasy she wanted to explore. She said she didn't really have any. I even mentioned that I'd might be open letting her play with another guy (the idea is a turn on for me!): she said she thought that was weird and went to sleep. I never brought it up again.

HOWEVER, occasionally - not often but every few months we have really good sex. It goes down like this:

We turn off all the lights and light a candle. She lies face down on the bed I'll straddle her and cover her back in nice smelling massage oil. I'll rub her shoulders and neck and slowly work down her lower back and ass. I'll knead those beautiful cheeks for all their worth then work down each thigh, calf and spend a good deal of time rubbing her feet. From there I'll work back up her legs to her ass again. At this point my cock is usually throbbing. I'll straddle her again and lay my cock in her ass crack and knead her cheeks around my shaft as I slowly grind.

Next, I'll put a copious amount of oil on her ass and legs again. I'll lie next to her and snuggle up as I caress her and slowly rub my cock against those silky thighs. I'll gently rub my fingers through her ass crack (which is slick with massage oil) and lightly touch her lips. After 15-20 minutes of this I'll have her flip over and apply more oil to her front. I'll rub her all over - starting at the shoulders and working down over her tits and mound. At this point I'm ready to burst - but I'll lie on top of her and lightly kiss her and work down her body with my mouth. I'l kiss all around her pussy and thighs for a few minutes - then I'll go down on her.

I love eating her out. And she gets into it! I love to rest my nose on her clit and inhale her scent and bury my tongue as deep in her as I can. She'll put her hands on my head and grind against my face - I'll meet her thrusts with my tongue. She'll be soaking with her own juice and my saliva and I'll rub my entire face in that glorious mixture. When I sense she is nearing climax I'll pull away and tease her by lightly darting my tongue on her clit. This seems to drive her wild. After a few minutes of this I'll bury my face in there again and finish her off. She will come HARD at this point.

When she's finished I'll slowly kiss up her body - pausing on her tits to cover them in the juicy mixture all over my face as best I can. I'll slide and lightly kiss her neck and shoulders and rub my cock between her lips. I LOVE to look down and watch this for a few minutes. Now I am charged up beyond belief. I'll settle down on top her and enter her. The feeling of my cock in that glorious warm soaking wet vagina is INCREDIBLE. I'll fuck her slowly and nibble her shoulder and neck and tell her how hot she is and how amazing she feels and every word is the truth. Normally I'll last about a minute after this but on good days I can last longer. I love to push up and look at her glorious nekkidness in the dim candle light - her legs splayed out around me and her dark nipples bouncing as I fuck her. I'll pull myself close and inhale the intoxicating smell of her juice on my face mixed with the massage oil on her as the friction increases between our bodies. This goes on for maybe 2 minutes and then I'll come and come and come. My god it's great!

These sessions don't happen nearly enough for my taste - and I realize I am doing most of the work but I am OK with that (mostly). Not sure what else I can do to get her into it more often.

Wow, I just realized I wrote a novel! Apologies for the length - this is my first Lit post after lurking for a long time so I guess the frustration needed to vent out!

I was VERY much in the same place as you Waldo - with an ex-gf with whom I lived with for 8 years. Even worse - there as never an penetrative sex because she wanted to be a virgin on her wedding day (loooong story)

my advice - is you need to have a good and honest conversation - express how you feel and ask her how she thinks she can help or be a part of what you desire. In a solid loving relationship - I feel that a frank discuss will yield good results - each partner can express what they're willing or not willing (can / can't) do and from that point you can find (hopefully) or reach a solution that is mutually beneficial to both of you.

If you have a thrusted 3rd party or a phycologist - that helps too.

don't let it simmer and don't keep it in ... I did - and I ended up straying in the end and although I am not proud of what I did, I did it out of need and always maintained a love and desire for that woman. Eventually though - perhaps that too would have been eroded away. As it were - we broke up before that came to be true.

Best,

 

[magicalmoments]

In my opinion he is fundamentally selfish.

Wanking in the way you want it is not his thing, he just can't be arsed doing it. Selfish.

 

[screwher]

If you were my wife #2 would be happening for you as often as you want it.

 

[englishgent73]

Personally, I don't like wanking in front of anyone. Sorry to break ranks from all the Manly Men around here, but it's not something I want to do.

In fact, when I've been asked it has stressed me out as I want to please my partner but I, for whatever reason, can not enjoy that particular activity.

Doesn't mean I'm weird, not idolising the woman I'm with, nor am I super-vanilla for it.

We all have as many hang-ups as we do fetishes - it's just that we don't have a "Eugh - Don't Fancy That" forum on here

 

[policywank]

Personally, I don't like wanking in front of anyone. Sorry to break ranks from all the Manly Men around here, but it's not something I want to do.

In fact, when I've been asked it has stressed me out as I want to please my partner but I, for whatever reason, can not enjoy that particular activity.

Doesn't mean I'm weird, not idolising the woman I'm with, nor am I super-vanilla for it.

We all have as many hang-ups as we do fetishes - it's just that we don't have a "Eugh - Don't Fancy That" forum on here

I can understand your perspective.

However, I would note the difference between wanting and doing. We all do things we don't want to do for our partners from time to time. Within reason we experiment anyway and whether or not the act is something that is repeated is a function of both partners perspectives. How much does one want it versus how much the other doesn't want it.

Personally I can be quite critical of women who keep their sex lives boring and vanilla by refusing their partners desires on a whim. It is incumbent upon them to give reasonable consideration and try to keep an open mind. It the same notion of compromise we apply throughout our lives and which it is the responsibility of both partners to indulge - neither unlimited indulgence nor dismissive refusal to indulge.

 

[englishgent73]

I can understand your perspective.

However, I would note the difference between wanting and doing. We all do things we don't want to do for our partners from time to time. Within reason we experiment anyway and whether or not the act is something that is repeated is a function of both partners perspectives. How much does one want it versus how much the other doesn't want it.

Personally I can be quite critical of women who keep their sex lives boring and vanilla by refusing their partners desires on a whim. It is incumbent upon them to give reasonable consideration and try to keep an open mind. It the same notion of compromise we apply throughout our lives and which it is the responsibility of both partners to indulge - neither unlimited indulgence nor dismissive refusal to indulge.

Trust me, it's not refusing on a "whim"

It is also incumbent on the man (or indeed the woman) to respect their partner's limitations. Compromise needs to be coming from both partners, otherwise it's merely coercion which is not someone anyone should be in favour of

 

[pennst8er91]

Love

Oh I know he can wank to porn. He doesn't do it as often as I do and he prefers me to wank him. I think he doesn't understand that sometimes I just want to be an object to look at but not touch til he cums

Would love to wank all over those tits! Wow!

Wish my wife had an ounce of sexuality anymore.

 

[policywank]

Trust me, it's not refusing on a "whim"

It is also incumbent on the man (or indeed the woman) to respect their partner's limitations. Compromise needs to be coming from both partners, otherwise it's merely coercion which is not someone anyone should be in favour of

I don't think I implied that your personal limitations were based upon a whim - that certainly wasn't my intent.

My intent was to get at the broader concept that in order to have a truly open and honest dialogue about sexual preferences everything has to be on the table for discussion. As soon as we bring a list of exclusions to the discussion before it starts it ceases to be open and honest.

I think a lot of couples' sex lives struggle because one or both parties are closed or narrow-minded about certain things for no particular reason other than a pre-existing bias, perceived social unacceptability or an unwillingness to engage in personal reflection. A lot of people really don't know what their partner is into because they aren't prepared to hear it.

You are absolutely correct that nobody should be coerced into doing things they don't want to do. That includes not being coerced into misrepresenting your true desires for fear of of your partner's judgment.

 

[bluesky496]

So, as I think is probably clear, I like to be cum on. Sensation is great and all that.

So 2 things have made me frustrated today, and I'm just like confirmation I'm not unreasonable.

1 it's a struggle for him to wank over me. Really????? He claims to only be able to wank to porn.

2 After getting horny blowing him I said it would be nice to gave a cock below me at the same time. So he suggested a cheap and nasty blow up chair with some kind of dildo. Not the same thing at all

I know he is vanilla but am I being unreasonable?

i think you are being unreasonable ,dont ask him tell him it is going to happen ,no im joking , but go slowly and encourage him to try new things ,it may happen one day honey .x

 

[knowhow7890]

This is years of build up. And I know he loves anbd respects me but he'll happily call me names that are arguably more outre.

Share the porn with him, if you don't already. Coax him to the porn that you'd like him to do with you in real life...?

 

[sevenalllin]

Mission accomplished ...at least part 1

wish i had you this side of the pond . in new jersey would gladly make your wish come true .

 

[kaitlyn_sun]

So, as I think is probably clear, I like to be cum on. Sensation is great and all that.

So 2 things have made me frustrated today, and I'm just like confirmation I'm not unreasonable.

1 it's a struggle for him to wank over me. Really????? He claims to only be able to wank to porn.

2 After getting horny blowing him I said it would be nice to gave a cock below me at the same time. So he suggested a cheap and nasty blow up chair with some kind of dildo. Not the same thing at all

I know he is vanilla but am I being unreasonable?

I'm not sure if anyone has said this, but guys are VERY visual when they masterbate, and often they have needs or sensativities that they're uncomfortable talking about. He might actually simply need more stimulation to cum on you... no matter where you happen to be. Remember, he sees you naked all the time. It might just wind up that you need to engage with him to get him to cum on you... remember that if you're stroking him, his prostate is basically an instant-cum button.

And on your second point... how directly did you actually ask him that you want another guy involved? Did you point blank say i'm interested in a threesome with another guy? Guys are suprisingly thick about this sort of thing sometimes. If you've point blank asked him and he's actually said no but tried to find a compromise... then that's just the way it is, he doesn't want to. You're not being unreasonable to want it, but you can't begrudge him his comfort level.

Of course... if you REALLY need another cock and he is 100% saying no... then it's time for you to decide just how important this relationship is.