Getting closer to older man

[greengamegirl]

His place

His place is the only option. So he’s definitely interested but looks like I won’t get to hang out with him in public. So, maybe he doesn’t want anyone to find out. I’m not sure how to feel about this. It was probably better not knowing.

 

[phil_o]

There are plenty of guys who will play you just for the sex and not want any long term relationship.
My advice if it's sex you want go for it, if it's something more take your time.
The fact he doesn't want to be seen outside with you would ring an alarm bell for me.

Good luck whatever way you play this.

 

[ICM8781]

His place is the only option. So he’s definitely interested but looks like I won’t get to hang out with him in public. So, maybe he doesn’t want anyone to find out. I’m not sure how to feel about this. It was probably better not knowing.

How would it be better not knowing? I know the choice is hard, now you have more information to make that choice. If you don't want a completely discreet relationship, just tell him. You want be with him, but not unless you can be open and not keep secrets.

Shot in the dark, is he already attached or is this just about what the rest of the office would think?

 

[30bandits]

His place is the only option. So he’s definitely interested but looks like I won’t get to hang out with him in public. So, maybe he doesn’t want anyone to find out. I’m not sure how to feel about this. It was probably better not knowing.

let's get a hotel room....

 

[Booboobear84]

His place is the only option. So he’s definitely interested but looks like I won’t get to hang out with him in public. So, maybe he doesn’t want anyone to find out. I’m not sure how to feel about this. It was probably better not knowing.

As an HR guy (hey it's a small company head of finance gets lots of jobs), I dread office romance. There is potential for lot of drama and gossip. I suspect that is part of his concern.

Regarding your earlier question about age. Unless you are right out of school with naive written all over you, most guys won't think of you as a kid sister, and think it's hot a younger woman is interested in them (yeah we're vain that way).

I have a family member married to a woman 18 years younger. All of the family loves her, and thinks they make a great couple.

 

[WRAiTHY]

If it's me, the answer is yes!

 

[greengamegirl]

Too young

Maybe he’s too young for me. A coworker from a previous job is older than my dad. But, he actually wanted people to see us together. He took me out to eat ect. The only thing is he wanted me to look a certain way, eat a certain way, was a bit controlling. Maybe because of the age difference. At the time, I wasn’t interested. But that was years ago, I think something like that suits me more.

 

[TarnishedPenny]

OK, let's roll this back a bit.

You say you, "want to get closer," to him and, "really want to go with him somewhere."

What precisely do you mean by that? What are you looking for? A quick shag, FWB or something more long-term, maybe even something platonic? What's your end-goal? Knowing that would make it easier to comment.

 

[Gelista]

As an HR guy (hey it's a small company head of finance gets lots of jobs), I dread office romance. There is potential for lot of drama and gossip.

This! 100x this!

At my previous job, I was "the office guy" so all the other staff would come in and basically treat me like a counsellour.

We had 2 office romances. Both involved cheating on partners. Both ended in sudden resignations when those partners found out. Both caused more drama than it was probably worth and in a small country town, it was so hard to find good staff as it was, let alone lose good staff over stuff like that.

One of them got ugly. One of the partners came to our work, there was death threats, all sorts of stuff with little old me stuck in the middle, hearing it from both parties, hearing it from the manager, hearing it from the owners. Good times!

 

[greengamegirl]

You’re overthinking. I wanted to date him and have sex with him whenever either of us wanted to. Just not in secret.

OK, let's roll this back a bit.

You say you, "want to get closer," to him and, "really want to go with him somewhere."

What precisely do you mean by that? What are you looking for? A quick shag, FWB or something more long-term, maybe even something platonic? What's your end-goal? Knowing that would make it easier to comment.

 

[greengamegirl]

I give up.

 

[Lost_Yonder]

I give up.

on your secret love interest or on us and this thread??? Hopefully the former - we are much more consistent, though all over the place

what precipitated your surrender? As others have pointed out, office romances are a tricky landscape to negotiate.

You will find your mature man who wants you - in public and private! patience...

 

[waratah]

I want to be able to ask him out but he might never talk to me again if he really does just see me as a little sister or something like that. But maybe it’s my only option...

If hes a decent guy, the very worst that could happen after you approach him is ongoing friendship.

 

[NightL]

Just not in secret.

Good on you. Hold firm to your principles - his loss.

 

[varv]

if he is a decent person, and not stupid, he will seize the initiative and will control the situation based on his experience. And here the main thing, full confidence in him, so as not to make mistakes. In other words, no initiative of their own. And how to get close to him? Easy flirtation, with the transition to talking about their confusion in life situations, and the absence of wise advice. The elderly are warmed by the idea that their life experience is in demand. And everything will turn out, and you will be happy!

 

[culloden]

Just ask him. If he's a decent guy and doesn't want to date you, he won't make it awkward. You're overthinking.

 

[HopelessCD2]

Come on girl, what happened? We're all dying of suspense
As a guy, I would prefer a younger woman to make it obvious to me that she likes me. A smile everytime we meet or get eye contact, or even a touch on my arm or shoulder would be acceptable.