Give Me a Little Time: Reflecting on my little Journey

[average_red]

Aftercare isn't just a snuggle or comforting words afterwards. Even if you play with a person just once, it is reasonable and responsible to say, "I'd like to check in with you in the next day or two. Please feel comfortable to reach out if you need to" Friendship and play is a wonderful combination, even if you're keeping things casual

So full honesty, I want to try these things, but don't have any real experience or anyone who is into this lifestyle. Obviously, I would like to take care of anyone I played with, but given the length of aftercare, I take it that it will be a lot harder to find playmates to try it out with than I had hoped? It almost seems like women would want significantly more investment than with regular sex.... Basically I guess I am asking how long do subs typically want to know doms before they try a session? And I guess that I am asking if there are subs that are more open to new partners?

Edit: it has been brought to my attention that I am highjacking this thread, but I am still curious about the viability of actually finding willing subs. If anyone would like to answer these questions, please send me a PM.

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

Really good point about aftercare being ongoing. I think it’s over looked at times

I've had a couple of instances of follow up aftercare has been needed but not offered. It leaves me fragile and feeling broken. Aftercare can never be underrated

 

[MissMaidenMinx]

So full honesty, I want to try these things, but don't have any real experience or anyone who is into this lifestyle. Obviously, I would like to take care of anyone I played with, but given the length of aftercare, I take it that it will be a lot harder to find playmates to try it out with than I had hoped? It almost seems like women would want significantly more investment than with regular sex.... Basically I guess I am asking how long do subs typically want to know doms before they try a session? And I guess that I am asking if there are subs that are more open to new partners?

Okay, not to speak on behalf of @Littlewolf8258 in her own thread, but I don't think this is the right place to look for a sub.
As for your first question, there is no typical response

 

[Littlewolf8258]

Okay, not to speak on behalf of @Littlewolf8258 in her own thread, but I don't think this is the right place to look for a sub.
As for your first question, there is no typical response

You’re fine @MissMaidenMinx

@average_red I think it’s great that you’re asking questions and trying to learn. Part of the reason I started this thread is because I’m very new to D/s and one of the ways I process is through writing about my experiences with my Daddy. While this isn’t the place to find a sub, I’m happy for it to be a place for discussion and people with genuine questions and curiosity to share their thoughts.

That being said, my best advice is to learn as much as you can about a potential play partner before trying anything. So so much trust goes into this type of dynamic, from both sides of the /. Because each person is different, their needs will be different too. The only real way to know what someone is open to is to talk to them.

One thing I’ve come to realize about this type of dynamic is that the people who are genuine and serious about it don’t take shortcuts. If all you’re looking for is someone to play with, I’m sure you can find that. However, if you’re looking to truly experience a D/s dynamic fully, you’ll probably find that a lot of time will need to be invested before any play happens.

 

[average_red]

@average_red I think it’s great that you’re asking questions and trying to learn. Part of the reason I started this thread is because I’m very new to D/s and one of the ways I process is through writing about my experiences with my Daddy. While this isn’t the place to find a sub, I’m happy for it to be a place for discussion and people with genuine questions and curiosity to share their thoughts.


One thing I’ve come to realize about this type of dynamic is that the people who are genuine and serious about it don’t take shortcuts. If all you’re looking for is someone to play with, I’m sure you can find that. However, if you’re looking to truly experience a D/s dynamic fully, you’ll probably find that a lot of time will need to be invested before any play happens.

I'm sorry that it came across like I was trying to find a sub here, that was not my intention. I do agree with you that for the full experience I would need a deeper relationship, I was more trying to get a feel from someone who seemed more experienced about what kind of time tables and investment to expect when I actually start looking for subs/playmates. I would be happy to delete my comments if you would like.

 

[Littlewolf8258]

I'm sorry that it came across like I was trying to find a sub here, that was not my intention. I do agree with you that for the full experience I would need a deeper relationship, I was more trying to get a feel from someone who seemed more experienced about what kind of time tables and investment to expect when I actually start looking for subs/playmates. I would be happy to delete my comments if you would like.

I appreciate your questions and there’s no need to delete anything.

I can only speak to my own experiences as far as timing and investment, but I’m happy to share those thoughts. As a new sub, I believe the biggest challenge I faced was not rushing into the arms of every “dom” who showed the slightest interest. In the beginning I was so excited about exploring this aspect of myself, but I didn’t have the knowledge to do so safely or responsibly.

The results were a couple of bad experiences that made me really take a step back and wonder if this was even for me. What I realized was that I needed to focus on learning everything I could about myself as a sub on my own before I could adequately communicate to any potential Dom what my wants, needs, limits and expectations were.

If you’re considering finding a sub either for play or a more involved dynamic, the best thing you can do is define those things like timing and investment for yourself. What time are you willing to spend? What is your expectation of intimacy? What are your strengths and weaknesses within the dominant role? What are you limits? Your non-negotiables? Once you can answer those questions about yourself, it’s much easier to find someone who aligns with you, regardless of what your actually looking for.

Sorry for being long winded, but I hope this helps and that you’ll keep asking questions and participating in as many threads as possible. That’s a great way to figure things out