"Grandpa goes to Heaven" - Trigger warning

[Shankara20]

:like:

Yup - spot on...

 

[yukonnights]

Death is the gate of life.
-ST Bernard of Clairvaux

“Keep a clear eye toward life's end. Do not forget your purpose and destiny as God's creature. What you are in his sight is what you are and nothing more. Remember that when you leave this earth, you can take nothing that you have received...but only what you have given; a full heart enriched by honest service, love, sacrifice, and courage.”
― ST Francis of Assisi

 

[Blue]

I know this thread is about soul-searching existential contemplation and all but it's instead got me wondering how I'm going to end up dying.

If I can't transfer my consciousness to a robot or take an immortality pill then I think that ultimately I'm going to do it myself. By then I'm sure we'll have a lax view on euthanasia and I'd rather not risk ending up like one of my aunties..

Assuming I don't get hit by a bus and momentarily exist as a jelly, of course.

 

[Bramblethorn]

This is lovely. I'm in a place where I'm having a tough time thinking about a future without the husband. I keep thinking how do people do this? How do they get through it? And every day, I know they do. Thanks for sharing this - it made me feel a little hopeful.

When my mother died, I was worried my father would fade away. She was the one who handled the practical stuff, and he was very much attached to her.

He grieved pretty hard for a while. But their friends made sure to keep him involved in stuff; he learned to cook and he took up bridge. Ten years down the road he's remarried to a lovely lady he met through work, and he's enjoying life and discovering new things.

So, yeah. There are times when you can't imagine there being a light at the end of the tunnel, but keep going anyway.

 

[yukonnights]

I know this thread is about soul-searching existential contemplation and all but it's instead got me wondering how I'm going to end up dying.

If I can't transfer my consciousness to a robot or take an immortality pill then I think that ultimately I'm going to do it myself. By then I'm sure we'll have a lax view on euthanasia and I'd rather not risk ending up like one of my aunties..

Assuming I don't get hit by a bus and momentarily exist as a jelly, of course.

I think at some point we all have thoughts like this. I have a great quote in mind I could go get....but basically it says that we start dying when we fail to live life to the fullest. No one wants to be a burden on their loved ones, that's for sure. Let's face it, dying sucks for everyone involved...but alas, it serves no useful purpose to spend time worrying about something we can deal with when it arrives.

In fact, I think this is a key to a happy life...contemplating the wisdom teachings regarding abiding in the precise moment in which we truly are alive. When I do this, it is almost always a good moment and even if turmoil is present there are also good things even in that same moment...then I go to the next moment...

I agree about the right to die. In Oregon we have such a law. (However, the new Supreme Court Justice is on the record as opposing such a right). I think it is a good law and is only in effect when more than one attending physician concurs that there is no hope of recovery, etc.

I'll have to get back later with any thoughts on "life as a jelly blob from a bus bumping"

 

[Shankara20]

When my mother died, I was worried my father would fade away. She was the one who handled the practical stuff, and he was very much attached to her.

He grieved pretty hard for a while. But their friends made sure to keep him involved in stuff; he learned to cook and he took up bridge. Ten years down the road he's remarried to a lovely lady he met through work, and he's enjoying life and discovering new things.

So, yeah. There are times when you can't imagine there being a light at the end of the tunnel, but keep going anyway.

Thank you of this. For me after my first wife died it was a huge step to open up my heart to the change that I would have to deal with another loved one dying.

I do think I'm more in the moment with a loved one now knowing they could be going in a flash.

 

[Shankara20]

I agree about the right to die.

As do I.

I did some hospice volunteering years ago and some folks in those end times just know when, for them, it is just time to leave.

 

[Shankara20]

I know this thread is about soul-searching existential contemplation and all but it's instead got me wondering how I'm going to end up dying.

I also wonder from time to time how I will leave this place. I suspect it will still come as a bit of a surprise, buses and all....

 

[cookiecat]

<snip<

So, yeah. There are times when you can't imagine there being a light at the end of the tunnel, but keep going anyway.

The affirmation is good for me to hear. I know there's life after this - I really do. It's an odd limbo to be in right now. I am so in the moment with husband, just day to day. Will this be another month? Another year? It's really tough to say with ALS. I harbor some - just a little - guilt in thinking of my future with him. But it's there - it's going to be there whether I stick my head in the sand or not. I haven't worked in over 2 years - I've been fortunate enough to be he caregiver. So... a late 50 year old who hasn't worked in a while - that scares me.

Aagh!! I'm going off the rails. I really just wanted t say thanks for reminding me there is light.

Thank you of this. For me after my first wife died it was a huge step to open up my heart to the change that I would have to deal with another loved one dying.

I do think I'm more in the moment with a loved one now knowing they could be going in a flash.

This is a really really tough one. I cannot imagine caregiving for anyone else. Ever. Not like this. And then, when I think like that, I realize I pretty much won't be open to another relationship. Stuff happens.

I'll worry about all that later. But it's good to read this - that life and love move you forward in a good way.

 

[La damnee elle la licorne]

 

[cookiecat]

The right to die stuff weighs heavy right now. Mr. c wants to go one day and then wants to live the next. He's completely immobile, is tube fed and is now losing his voice. Every day is this weight of what next, is this the life he wants to lead??

Now that he's in a nursing home, I've come to see the way we warehouse our elderly as shocking. It was never on my radar - I hadn't stepped foot in a nursing home since elementary school when we'd go sing holiday songs. At times, it's unbearable to see folks who have no one to advocate for them. They sit and sit and sit.

Fortunately, the staff is pretty good. But the shortage of aides and even nurses is at a critical point.

Lots of big issues.

 

[cookiecat]

elle -

 

[yukonnights]

The right to die stuff weighs heavy right now. Mr. c wants to go one day and then wants to live the next. He's completely immobile, is tube fed and is now losing his voice. Every day is this weight of what next, is this the life he wants to lead??

Now that he's in a nursing home, I've come to see the way we warehouse our elderly as shocking. It was never on my radar - I hadn't stepped foot in a nursing home since elementary school when we'd go sing holiday songs. At times, it's unbearable to see folks who have no one to advocate for them. They sit and sit and sit.

Fortunately, the staff is pretty good. But the shortage of aides and even nurses is at a critical point.

Lots of big issues.

In regard to the right to die; I think I mentioned a Netflix documentary on this entitled 'How to Die in Oregon' (available in dvd only). It is a very thoughtful and tender exploration of real people who are facing death and how they have utilized the law. In some cases people decided to not intervene with a natural process...in others they did... (the instances of debilitating pain/suffering seem to be the more likely to seek an end). So obviously these choices are unique to every person/family. It's also worth noting that this law only applies to and can be utilized by those who are able to make a rational choice. This is not an assisted suicide where another person is an active agent in the process, etc. The reason I mention this background is to say; In every case, the ones dying reached a moment of clarity in regard to when it was time. I have noticed this same amazing thing with my own personal experiences of death...it actually seems very peaceful to the one dying.

I'm sure you've done this, but I'll mention it for the benefit of anyone; It is vitally important to discuss these issues before getting too sick or unable to make one's desires known. An Advance Medical Directive is important so that the wishes of the one dying can be enforced by their designated representative. These are formal legal documents, but not complicated. These are the tools needed to enforce the dying one's wishes after they have lost the ability to make their own decisions (coma, etc) This is important for everyone regardless of age or current health since, as Consilience noted above; Buses are everywhere present and a constant threat to us all.