Grassroots Discussion, 9-12-04, by "impressive"

[Lying Eyes]

A note on the women's dialogue. I think it would be better if their was a slower build up. As it is now he overhears them talking about oral sex right away. In my opinion a more gradual progession leading to the smuty conversation would be preferable.

For example as he is working he hears the two woman talking about shopping, then the lengerie they bought, then fit in a motive for ther behaviour such as how long they haven't seen their husbands (business trip), how they can't wait for them to be back, then talking about oral sex. Slowly move up the temperature of the dialogue as the story progresses.

 

[impressive]

A note on the women's dialogue. I think it would be better if their was a slower build up.

Thanks again, Lying Eyes. If I can work your suggestion into the rewrite, I will do so.

All the best,