Great Put Downs

[Kumquatqueen]

The only man who has run away from the circus to become an accountant. Edward Pearce, speaking of John Major

I don't think that was intended as an insult - it's a mere statement of fact. We're starting to appreciate boring PMs here after the recent shower...

Disraeli had a good put-down: "If Gladstone fell into the Thames, that would be a misfortune, and if anybody pulled him out, that, I suppose, would be a calamity."

 

[TheRedChamber]

I don't think that was intended as an insult - it's a mere statement of fact. We're starting to appreciate boring PMs here after the recent shower...

I dont know how Pearce delivered the line bit it did capture the greyness of Major pretty well. It was just funnier for being true.

You know I was watching Yes Minister the other day and I was struck by just how electable I found Jim Hacker these days

 

[StillStunned]

You know I was watching Yes Minister the other day and I was struck by just how electable I found Jim Hacker these da

At least Jim Hacker tried to have principles. They played second fiddle to his need to stay popular, but he tried.

 

[colddiesel]

The late Enoch Powell, an exceptional Classics scholar before he became a politician once delivered a lecture to an Anglo/French history society during which he commented that Caesars campaign in France was the last known occasion that anyone had surrendered to an Italian. At the close of the lecture an irate Frenchman approached Powell: "Why do the English hate us? Why do you hate the French so much?

Powell thought for a moment: "My dear chap, we do not hate the French in the slightest - not a bit of it - not at all." He then added with a mirthless smile, "We merely despise you."

 

[BellaBestia]

“Pray good people be civil, I am the Protestant whore”

Nell Gwyn, King Charles II’s mistress

It was her cheeky retort to the masses pushing around her coach in the mistaken belief that it was that of the Duchess of Portsmouth, the Catholic Louise de Keroualle.

 

[StillStunned]

Vila: "Don't you get tired of always being right?"
Avon: "No, I get tired of everyone else always being wrong."

- Blake's 7

 

[MediocreAuthor]

I realize this doesn't answer the OP's question, but I've been wanting to share it.

It's not that sick of a burn or anything, but I said it in an actual conversation, and it got a real amused reaction from the few people who overheard it, so...

Coworker: "Well now I've really lost respect for you!"

Me: "I don't value your respect."

 

[SimonDoom]

"Put that coffee down! Coffee's for closers only."

 

[joy_of_cooking]

It's not that sick of a burn

On the contrary, this is the sickest burn I can imagine saying in real life, in a professional setting no less. Just flat statement of fact, "I don't value your respect." Ouch...

 

[StillStunned]

Queenie: "Sir Walter, you remember Lord Blackadder."
Sir Walter Ralleigh: (pause) "No."
- Blackadder II, "Potato"

Rimmer: "Look, we all have something to bring to this conversation. But from now on, what you should bring is silence."
- Red Dwarf, "Gunmen of the Apocalypse"

Holly: "According to Sartre, Hell is other people."
Lister: "Yeah, but all his mates were French."
- Red Dwarf, one of the earlier eposides

 

[StillStunned]

From Rebel Heiress, by the very underappreciated Robert Neill.

(Background: After the Restoration of King Charles, Richard Carey returns to reclaim his paternal home after years in exile. Expecting to encounter the "Rebel" who took possession of his father's house and estate, he bursts in, sword in hand, only to be informed that the gentleman died a few months earlier. He's met by the two daughters, who've been expecting him. They greet him with civility, and order a servant to bring wine.)

"We're rustic, Bennett, and behind the new times. We must learn the new ways of serving wine. Mr Carey would like it in his left hand."

 

[Bramblethorn]

Paul Keating, former Prime Minister of Australia, was known for his acid tongue:

"All tip and no iceberg"

"It was like being flogged with a warm lettuce. It was like being mauled by a dead sheep."

 

[AlinaX]

Paul Keating, former Prime Minister of Australia, was known for his acid tongue:

"All tip and no iceberg"

"It was like being flogged with a warm lettuce. It was like being mauled by a dead sheep."

We in Britain know all too well the sensation of being flogged by a lettuce, but I must say a flock of zombie sheep would be pretty terrifying.

 

[lovecraft68]

The first novel I published is a story of a group of wealthy dominants.
One of them is a bestselling author of racy romances and after breaking one of the rules gets punished by the mistress and one of the other members who declares;

"You call that sucking? No wonder those trashy books you write are in the dollar bins."

 

[Comshaw]

Thou shouldst dine on excrement and expire oh fornicator of thy dam's loins


Comshaw

 

[TarnishedPenny]

We in Britain know all too well the sensation of being flogged by a lettuce, but I must say a flock of zombie sheep would be pretty terrifying.

Long long pause…

Um, okay? I don’t think DSM-V even has a name for that.

 

[AlinaX]

Long long pause…

Um, okay? I don’t think DSM-V even has a name for that.

It needs one. The belief in one's own correctness being sufficient to crash an economy within weeks of taking power.

https://www.independent.co.uk/tv/news/liz-truss-prime-minister-lettuce-chris-mason-b2529421.html

 

[OffNSFW]

From Robert Christgau's review of Dirty Mind by Prince:

Mick Jagger should fold up his penis and go home.

 

[32aa]

It's OK... you don't have to agree with me. You have the right to be wrong.

Or

If i agreed with you, then we'd both be wrong.