Group poem "Live" by Prose and Cons

[Prose and Cons]

edit

edit bump

 

[REDWAVE]

Kudos

The original was quite good. The rewrite is even better. Good job, folks.

 

[Whispersecret]

I had some trouble with the reworking of line breaks in the first stanza; line four could have used some commas for clarity. (Sounds like a philanthropic group--Jews for Jesus, Habitats for Humanity, Commas for Clarity!)

Would like to have seen cascading waterfalls changed.

Would have taken out the comma after conspicuously. It shouldn't be there. The adverb has no one to modify.

You've got "wind" twice in the last stanza. Intentional?

Still, I think it's much better. Thanks for all your work. I enjoyed it.

 

[SA Storm]

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