Do you think punishing her is the way to get her over her shyness. Really?
I don't understand this at all.
Handjobs and Blowjobs
- Thread starter AngusMan
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Do you think punishing her is the way to get her over her shyness. Really?
I don't understand this at all.
seela
Quark Thief
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Yes, it's expected of me to initiate sex sometimes. When we first discussed my problems with initiating sex, he said he wants to feel wanted and that's why I need to initiate sex. So, in my naivete I thought that for sure my (very sporadic) sexual advances will lead to actual sex once I get past the first hurdle of actually initiating it. Turned out that's not so much the case. In reality he turns down most, if not all, of my lame attempts at sex, so I'm pretty certain he wants me to initiate sex just because he knows how difficult it is for me and him turning me down messes with my mind.
A big part of the problem is that I rarely actually want sex in that "zomg I need to get a hold of cock and ram it down a rather moist hole of mine" sense, so every time I initiate sex, it's because I have remembered that it's been a couple of weeks since the last time, so I need to get on with it. It definitely isn't my favorite thing to do, and it does make me uncomfortable even after these years, but a gal's gotta do what a gal's gotta do.
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rosco rathbone
1. f3e5 2. g4??
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Always wondered about that...
Netzach
>semiotics?
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YMMV. I;m sure some people love it others don't. Personally, my feelings about spooge cool off as soon as it does.
Either way "really into" suggests that tons of coaching would be less necessary. Maybe coaching for quality or preference. And if "initiating" is the issue I'm confused, it seems more like "being willing to do" or "displaying interest in"
I don't expect the shy little flowers among us to initiate things when I date them, but if they're not at least moderately interested in my plans I interpret that as "no thanks."
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Noira
Literotica Guru
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Hey, now. Doms give oral, Dommes can give oral too. Just because some don't want to, doesn't mean none ever do. I've seen some pretty sadistic blowjob pictures... whooooo.
wicked woman
from my travels
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No, which is why I said "... I disagree with your approach in giving her punishment for this...".
Sorry read that wrong... oops
wicked woman
from my travels
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no problem. It happens.
i trust you have changed now?
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Lizzie_Borden
Real & Spectacular
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YourCaptor
Cute Girl Connoisseur
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WTF, that's the fun part, you don't punish that, you stick your dick in her face till she gets over the shyness.
Sonchyenne
Really Really Experienced
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I found this website called Taylor's Teases that might help bring her out of her shell.
CuteBrat
Literotica Slut
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Or needs to breathe. I know, back in my pre-owned days...if I said no to a command to do something sexual, it was ALWAYS a test to see if the Dom would let me get away with it. If he did...he didn't get another date.
catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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LOL, our experiences are different. I actually instinctively began to give a blow job of my own inclination and without any knowledge other people did it for my first time....or what should have been the first blowjob. The recipient who was a year older than me (we were young) was shocked and stopped me before my lips even got to caress his cock. He was the one who thought it nasty because his opinion was it was for pee and cumming in the appropropriate place only...he was also shocked and 'disappointed' I had allowed him to take my virginity after several months dating.
Needless to say, I didn't dare try it again with anyone for a fair while, and then only after being guided to. Mind you, that one thought I was nasty and bad for doing it, though it didn't stop him from cumming in my mouth and actually asking for more blowjobs, so though it was progress, both guys did not have the reaction I would have preferred.Catalina
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catalina_francisco
Happily insatiable always
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I get why punishment is necessary. If it were a vanilla relationship and the desire to receive a hand or blowjob was expressed and not acted on by the partner, fair enough, that is part of being vanilla, having a choice. In a D/s relationship though, if told something is expected, it is not about choice and whether the pyl can see a good reason to carry it out or not. If let go, it sets a precedent and expectation which can then turn into a 'but you didn't punish me for not doing xyz, why now?' type discussion whenever the pyl doesn't want to submit and/or obey. Also, to not punish can leave a pyl feeling the PYL really doesn't care enough to bother, not to mention the feeling that orders are not so much orders as suggestions they can choose to follow up on or not. Not my idea of D/s but it works for some. Personally I find punishment preferential to ignoring the issue, and it allows us to both move forward instead of trying to ignore the elephant in the room and hoping ti will go away when in reality without punishment it is likely to fester and eventually explode or implode, depending on which of us getsworn down by the tension first.
If she is inexperienced and not quite ready to attempt a blowjob, that can be worked on over time....a handjob though is not that unusual, stressful or distastful, even for the most delicate flower. Shyness can be an issue, but it is also something which can be worked on and often over ridden if the focus is on pleasing, not being pleased.
Catalina
If she is inexperienced and not quite ready to attempt a blowjob, that can be worked on over time....a handjob though is not that unusual, stressful or distastful, even for the most delicate flower. Shyness can be an issue, but it is also something which can be worked on and often over ridden if the focus is on pleasing, not being pleased.
Catalina
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eastern sun
hungry little creature
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I was one of those girls who got an early reputation for fingerfucking and blowjobs just because I loved sex. I loved the way it made me feel.
But my performance anxiety increased significantly within the formal D/s structure. I felt like I was supposed to be able to "please" this man now with some degree of reliability, and it set up more than a few mental obstacles I had to overcome.
When I'm highly resistant to some activity, I frequently rely on "because I was ordered to" to get through whatever mental obstacle is in the way. But my husband hates it when I say that was why I did it. He wants me to phrase it in terms of my own desires.
In the beginning, it might be useful to take the lead physically, and press her to do things "because she has been ordered to," even if the outcome is clumsy and awkward. It takes a while to work through whatever mental obstacles are in place, and just relax into the activity.
And regarding the essay (#3 be damned) . . . Do it because you were asked to. Remove the objective of getting him off - and just explore his cock with your hands and mouth. It's amazing how non-verbal communication can take over when you let go of "objective" goals and techniques.
You might discover something you can use to write the next essay yourself.
But my performance anxiety increased significantly within the formal D/s structure. I felt like I was supposed to be able to "please" this man now with some degree of reliability, and it set up more than a few mental obstacles I had to overcome.
When I'm highly resistant to some activity, I frequently rely on "because I was ordered to" to get through whatever mental obstacle is in the way. But my husband hates it when I say that was why I did it. He wants me to phrase it in terms of my own desires.
In the beginning, it might be useful to take the lead physically, and press her to do things "because she has been ordered to," even if the outcome is clumsy and awkward. It takes a while to work through whatever mental obstacles are in place, and just relax into the activity.
And regarding the essay (#3 be damned) . . . Do it because you were asked to. Remove the objective of getting him off - and just explore his cock with your hands and mouth. It's amazing how non-verbal communication can take over when you let go of "objective" goals and techniques.
You might discover something you can use to write the next essay yourself.
