Hard Limits

[Krinaia]

Bravo Quint.

Did you giggle when you peed orange? I got a urinary last yr and my mom informed me that newlyweds often get them because well, newlywedded women don't know to pee within a half hour after any sexual activity. I sort of frowned at the phone when I realized my mom was telling me to make sure I pee after masturbating.

I'm glad your relationship is so healthy.

I think it all comes down to balance. You have to mix reality into your fantasy - and hopefully the outcome is still well, mind boggling satisfying.

 

[Quint]

Nah, I'd been through this once before a couple of years ago and had been warned by about three people before the actual event. T asked me to put some in a glass for him to show him----but fortunately was joking.

We are admittedly rather relaxed about our D/s about 60% of the time, hence me getting away with unsubly modes of expression. But most of the time, I'm analyzing all the factors in our play more thoroughly than he is, and most of the time, I'm right. So he listens to what I say and why I say it.

Like you said, fantasy tempered with reality.

 

[ownedsubgal]

If a dominant leaves a person alone, tied up in such a way that they cannot escpae ... they are being irresponsible in that they are endangering the life of that person. what if there was a fire? what if he had a heartattack? If you know the signs you will have time to call 911 - but not if your hands are tied.

Furthermore, by setting a hard limit on this, the submissive protects the dominant ... if you leave someone tied up and the house burns down ... when they find the remains ... how understanding do you truly think the judge is going to be?

And there is no way I'd allow anyone to dominant me who did not have complete control of himself. I don't trust anyone to have complete control if they've been drinking or doing something else. I've been inebriated enough times to know the effects of alcohol. This isn't really an issue for me though, I'd never get involved with someone who did anything heavier than cafeinne and nicotine. Personal standards.

It is one of those things - being submissive doesn't suddenly mean you have to stop protecting yourself. To me, that's a no-brainer.

i don't have an issue with a submissive, especially an unowned submissive, feeling the need to protect themselves. but to protect oneself from one's own Dominant/Owner? that to me is a whole other ball game. but you have to remember that i view everything through a slave's eyes...i can't fathom putting myself, and my own well-being before any desire or need or want of my Master's. that could simply never happen...my mind doesn't work that way. so things like what if such and such happens to ME?, what will I do? never cross my mind. but aside from this, the simple act of leaving a submissive bound and alone does not automatically equate to carelessness or stupidity. my Master has bound me, gagged me, blindfolded me, and then left me completely alone before...as in left the building. the first time he did this, it was fairly early on in our relationship, and it was part of a punishment....He first beat me soundly, taking his time as always...then did this strange new scary thing...leaving me like that. i remember being hogtied in the middle of the bed, unable to see and not able to breathe too deeply because of the anal plug jammed in my mouth for a gag. my thoughts were...this is it...he's left me for good...he's never coming back. He had me completely convinced that i'd not only never see him again, but perhaps never see anyone else again either (if you get my drift)...i remember going thru the various stages....uncontrollable sobbing tears, attempting to call out his name (Daddy), knowing there would be no answer...a flash of anger...animal fear that led to a wild, pointless struggle to free myself (an attempt to spit the gag from my mouth only succeeded in lodging it deeper down my throat)...then finally, a sort of acceptance. complete sorrow, but a sorrow of finality. i was ready for...whatever. i said goodbye to life. and then...i remember hearing that clicking of the lock and the swish sound of the door opening. and those precise, measured footsteps that could be no one but him. and then the gag is removed...and he asks me, "do you have anything to say?"...and the tears are back now more fiercely than ever, but tears of pure joy and relief...and i manage to gasp, "i'm sorry Daddy"....and then it's his arms all around me, hugging me, holding me, my bindings are removed, the blinfold taken off, my stiff sleeping limbs massaged, and a cup of some cold drink held to my lips for me to sip. then he tells me to eat, and i see he has gone and gotten takeout from my absolute favorite restaurant, all my absolute favorite food...this, was what he had been doing while i had been suffering. not running away from me, but thinking of me, loving me, wanting to do something special for his little one. i can't describe how the love flowed between us that night. it was that night that i first learned and felt the meaning of unconditional love.

would such beauty and such growth have been possible had he gone the "safer" route and not left me alone for any period of time? most certainly not. still my Master is no fool...He didn't go far, and made sure that i could breathe okay, even if it was a struggle. and though to my mind it was hours upon hours, he was only out of my presence for maybe 40 minutes. still risky, of course, but risks are a part of any life worth living.

 

[Krinaia]

... I would never and will never be in a relationship like yours. It's not what I want. Your relationship has always left me shaking my head but if it works for you ... then it works for you. There is no one right answer to many issues. That's one thing I've learned in college ... sometimes a problem can have a hundred "correct" or beautiful solutions, each one unique from the next. But not ever solution is appliable to every person's needs as that issue is applied to each individual or group. Sometimes there are issues that have only a single solution that makes sense. I don't think the trade of dominance and submission is one of those, i think it's one that HAS to change as every individual deals with it.


If a man tried that scene on me ... well he'd have a crossed a line I would not easily forgive. There is fear that can be enticing and can increase arousal and then there is fear that is just fear. I don't like being scared.

Part of what first attracted me to bdsm wasn't the risk .. in fact the risk was a major turn off ... but the feeling of protection it gave me. I like that. I like to feel protected. I'd suspect any man that wasn't glad I had a sense of self preservation. By that - I mean not only physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

 

[s'lara]

This is going to run the mile i think.

Hard limits are subjective. There are some who find closed fist punching a hard limit and there are those who don't find it objectionable at all. It's all about personal levels of tolerance when we are talking about limits.

Scarification can be a hard limit as well. For some, it's par for the course. Whatever the case may be, we are all different in what is acceptable in our submission just as we are different in the types of men/women we tend to be. Diversity is a wonderful thing as we can learn much from each other. The D/s culture would be a pretty boring place if all of the submissive's were identical in their limits. No challenge there for the Dominants and that isn't a good thing eh?

Bottom line, we don't have to agree on what a hard limit is as long as everyone is comfortable with what they will or will not do.

lara

 

[Krinaia]

Right. Well, I feel that limits are probably something that loosen up as you get to know and trust someone more. I think too you lose some of them the deeper into your exploratins you go. That's all theory though as I'm not very far into mine.

Like right now - I'd say no bondage on a first date. But after a few dates the limit would be dropped.


I was also interested to see if anyone had well ... unusual requests as far as limits go.

And maybe instead of limits - let's just say "things we really really do not wish to participate in while scening or during our relationship on a whole"

- such as, feel free to write naughty words on my body with a non-toxic marker but geez don't make me get "slut" tattooed across my forehead

- or, feel free to make me carry your slippers to you on my hands and needs but please please don't make me carry your shit-dipped sea bass in my mouth to you (to quote another thread)

 

[ownedsubgal]

... I would never and will never be in a relationship like yours. It's not what I want. Your relationship has always left me shaking my head but if it works for you ... then it works for you. There is no one right answer to many issues. That's one thing I've learned in college ... sometimes a problem can have a hundred "correct" or beautiful solutions, each one unique from the next. But not ever solution is appliable to every person's needs as that issue is applied to each individual or group. Sometimes there are issues that have only a single solution that makes sense. I don't think the trade of dominance and submission is one of those, i think it's one that HAS to change as every individual deals with it.


If a man tried that scene on me ... well he'd have a crossed a line I would not easily forgive. There is fear that can be enticing and can increase arousal and then there is fear that is just fear. I don't like being scared.

Part of what first attracted me to bdsm wasn't the risk .. in fact the risk was a major turn off ... but the feeling of protection it gave me. I like that. I like to feel protected. I'd suspect any man that wasn't glad I had a sense of self preservation. By that - I mean not only physically, but emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

this is a wonderfully diverse lifestyle, as has been mentioned. you couldn't be happy with my life, i couldn't be happy with yours. my Master and i don't "scene", and the purpose of an experience like the one i described is to create true fear and true suffering...not arousal or pleasure. so it served the purpose. believe it or not, i too have a STRONG need to feel protected, but i need to BE protected...i can't protect myself. i need to be under someone else's loving care and firm guiding hand. my terror that night came from the fear that i had lost the love of my life and my Protector. the same type of punishment could never be repeated again...i have a full realization now that my Master would never just up and leave me, much less leave me somewhere to die. He values my life more than i do. and for us, this works. for most others, it likely wouldn't.


now you asked a different question...about things we wouldn't wish to participate it/be subjected to in life. well, i certainly have more than my share of those! yes, i would/will do anything my Master wishes of me, but that does not mean i will enjoy it....one thing i sincerely hope he never desires of me...heavy oral scat stuff....cleaning him with my mouth after he goes i can handle...but actually substituting for the toilet in that arena (and not simply the toilet paper), would just mortify. i would never object to it or anything else if Daddy said it is what must be done, but i would be screaming on the inside.

 

[Desdemona]

My limits are the same as Snooze's limits. It was nice to find that we both had no interest in certain things. Everything else is fair game.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Yes, I have a hard limit... no more broken hearts, at least not in the near future.

Otherwise it's like whether I like to suck cock or not... no one cares.

 

[lark sparrow]

I have my hard limits, but in all honesty, were a trusted, bonded, committed Dominant I was involved with not to have those same limits... they may very well change for me. So the decsion is in choosing the Dominant partially... how far does one want to be pushed?