Has anyone come out to a vanilla friend?

[DVS]

OK, I guess I stuck my foot it my mouth again. Yes, she was shocked, but no, she is not going call the police. And no, I don't think she is a closet submissive, she has very good marriage and sex life, she must they have 5 children 2-12 years old. She has told me she is happy being "normal". I've been judicious about what I told her, I did go too far with the coffee cup issue. This afternoon, before I came on here I was telling her that she was the topic of discussion on an online forum for kinky people. She said "Don't make me sound like a naive suburban housewife." LOL. I'm sorry for freaking people out. I should just shut up .

Actually, shutting up is the last thing I think you should do. Even if you don't realize it, this thread is helping others make choices. That's why I think it should be moved to the Talk forum. This is a serious decision most of us have to make at some point and the wrong choice can be just annoying for some, but disastrous for others.

And while you don't think she is a closet submissive, I think your friend has an unusual and maybe even perverse interest in your sexual desires, if to a lesser degree. She might be fantasizing about things in private, maybe a little embarrassed that she is thinking of such things.

There are some who allow themselves to experience their sexual fantasies and there are others who will keep their sexual thoughts private, for any number of reasons. And being a mother of 5 children, she might feel it's necessary that she keep such thoughts to herself for appearances. There's nothing wrong with that.

She might be living out her sexual fantasies though you. And the reverse is just as true as your situation, so you should understand that she might not be ready to admit to any such feelings, no matter how close you two are.

And I must add that I could be completely wrong in my assumptions. I'm not a skilled therapist and really know nothing about you or her. But, I like to think I'm a skilled dom and while it might seem like I'm tooting my own horn here, other women have considered me able to get into the mind of a submissive woman before. Just sayin'

 

[AzureNights]

Totally new to the boards here, but this thread instantly caught my eye.

I came out to a RL vanilla friend not too long ago. We have always discussed our sex lives along with the other details of our lives. However, I never fully disclosed the BDSM side of my sex life. Then along came that book. She ranted and raved about it, so I took the plunge in correcting a few misconceptions and divulging where my knowledge came from.

She thanked me for telling her, let me know she still loved me, but needed some time to process the information.

She came back to me a week later. We had a very good discussion about things. Mostly she wanted to make sure I was safe in the lifestyle. She also had some curious questions which I was happy to answer. We haven't discussed it since, but I do feel better having that aired between us.

Would I tell some one else? I'm not sure. I doubt any one else in my life would take the information as well as she did. Each person will take this snippet of information about you in their own way.

Good luck with your friend.

 

[EmpressFi]

I came out to a friend just in case something happened to me and I wanted my Dom to know (he lived in a different state). She handled it ok, as in "I respect your wishes" coldness and was THRILLED to find out that he and I had ended our relationship and that my husband and I werent poly anymore.

 

[DVS]

I came out to a friend just in case something happened to me and I wanted my Dom to know (he lived in a different state). She handled it ok, as in "I respect your wishes" coldness and was THRILLED to find out that he and I had ended our relationship and that my husband and I werent poly anymore.

That's similar to how I think my friends would react. Everybody sees their friends in a certain way, kind of a snapshot image of a personality...someone they think they know. The closer friends become, the more that image is set in stone. They've spent a lot of time with you, and in many cases the friendship is partly based on that.

So, when you hit them with something that isn't part of that image, it throws them off their axis. Here they thought they knew you and you've just tossed what they thought out of the window. That's got to be difficult for someone to accept. And when it is something they see as a mental issue or something that they think could hurt you, that's even more for them to absorb. They think you've SNAPPED!

We on this side of the issue understand things a lot more than the vanilla crowd does. We've seen a lot more of the weird world of BDSM and so we are more accepting of a person's idiosyncrasies. In fact, we don't see them as idiosyncrasies at all. We see them as erotic desires.

I'm not quirky at all. I just like to tie naked women up and have my way with them. That's not strange at all. In fact, it's a lot of fun.

Hey, where the hell have you been? It's been a while since I've seen that face with WIFE drawn on your forehead!!

 

[KoPilot]

I came out to a couple of nilla friends of mine a couple years back; it went well enough. The gal, who is a friend of mine going on ten years now, I suspect is ace so it makes it harder for her to understand I think. We had another friend of ours come out (rather dramatically and loudly) a number of years before me, and my reception went... significantly better.

Though even funnier... back when I was still on DeviantArt, I tried running a group focused around my fetish (giants and shrunken people) without having it ever coming into contact with the rest of my account. Went great for a long time until I decided it would be neat to put out our first newsletter... little did I know it would notify all 1000+ of my watchers, some of whom were IRL friends, and even worse, others whom were professional friends! Oddly enough nothing seemed to come of it, except for a long-distance friend coming to me afterwards to "LOLLL" in my face about it. All in all, an ideal outcome given the circumstance, haha.

 

[RuReal]

This is an interesting thread and I wonder what causes the different reactions. For me I have told more than a few friends with no negative reaction.

Hell there was one person that I thought would be a bit freaked because I would think she was a bit conservative and she was intrigued by the idea and some of the things we did.

 

[Salenku]

In my experience, most people are totally non-plussed about my sex life or curious about something and ask questions. If the subject comes up of course, whatever kind of sex I'm having, it's not the first or even tenth thing a person will know about me. Except here!