Have you ever asked for/been asked for punishment?

[Netzach]

They can ask away, but honestly the more upset I am the more likely I am to tell them that their closure is to be found in not doing it again, purely.

 

[Adakgirl]

I asked a very sadistic Master one time if it was normal to want to be punished for something I had done and perceived as a punishable offense. I had recognized this "crime", admitted it to him, apologized and he simply gave me a short lecture about it then dropped the subject. I felt I needed more than that to make it "stick" and assure I would not do it again.
So I asked him. He told me that, yes it was perfectly normal to have those feelings. Then told me he very rarely punished, he used correction instead and it usually resolved the problem before it got to the punishment stage. He said if you were here and asked me for punishment then I would give it to you corporally, but not for your crime, you would be punished for second guessing me about my original judgment, that the crime was not a punishable offense. That shows me you have a lack of trust in my ability as a Master to do what I feel is best for you.
Since we were on-line, he decided granted my request but for his reasons not mine. He meted out a punishment that took me a full week to complete.
I learned a great lesson, do not ever ask for punishment from him, do not assume I need punishment, that is his job to decide not mine. I can want and feel I need it all I want, but I will never request it again.

 

[intothewoods]

Oooh, I can relate to the guilt thing, and wanting to do something to wipe the slate clean.

I did ask a Dom friend for a punishment scene to let the guilt over my mistakes in my marriage go. It was quite helpful.

 

[BiBunny]

I don't do punishment. That may or may not be subbie or Dommely enough, but I just have issues about someone punishing me or me punishing someone else. I won't hijack the thread by getting into it, though.

I don't mind asking (or someone asking me) for an intensely painful scene because it's needed to deal with feelings. The difference for me is that it's not "punishment" because it's not associated with a transgression, real or imagined.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I don't mind asking (or someone asking me) for an intensely painful scene because it's needed to deal with feelings. The difference for me is that it's not "punishment" because it's not associated with a transgression, real or imagined.

Yes, that I can understand and get on board with.

But it seems to me -- and feel free to tell me I'm talking out of my ass 'cause, well, I am -- that asking for 'punishement' to deal with the guilt of a transgression doesn't do much else than re-center the focus on the person who did the transgression.

As I've said before, I think that guilt is an emotion that is productive only insofar as it helps us acknowledging our fuck ups -- but giving into the guilt is basically making it about ourselves rather than about what has been done and who has been harmed/hurt. If I've been hurt by someone, why should I be the one doing the work to take their guilt away from them? Shouldn't *they* be doing the work to make up from the hurt/pain/stress they've caused me?

 

[Caitlynne]

Yes, that I can understand and get on board with.

But it seems to me -- and feel free to tell me I'm talking out of my ass 'cause, well, I am -- that asking for 'punishement' to deal with the guilt of a transgression doesn't do much else than re-center the focus on the person who did the transgression.

As I've said before, I think that guilt is an emotion that is productive only insofar as it helps us acknowledging our fuck ups -- but giving into the guilt is basically making it about ourselves rather than about what has been done and who has been harmed/hurt. If I've been hurt by someone, why should I be the one doing the work to take their guilt away from them? Shouldn't *they* be doing the work to make up from the hurt/pain/stress they've caused me?

This is a good argument and I agree that the pyl's guilt can take the center of attention away from the PYL and onto the pyl. But that is also a reason to do something to end it once guilt has taken over to this degree. It might not be the submissive thing [guilt], but it certainly is a reality of human existence nevertheless.

Guilt is a very persuasive emotion and one of the more insidious ones. It can [note I said can] masquerade as a need for redemption, but in reality be a way of making it all 'about me'. I think there is a balance in there some place and also a need to recognize the realities of life and livingness.

One of the reason I've asked for correction in the past is precisely because I've become too centered on my own guilt. It's gone beyond a need for redemption and begun to be 'all about me' and my need to be rescued. I recognize that line in me. It's a deeply internalized place and if I get lost in there, I won't be able to talk about it at all. It's a flaw in me. It's a place of great damage in me. It doesn't matter how I became so damaged, it's enough for me to explain here that I can get lost in it.

When I sense that coming on me, I seek the help of the one who should know. I know that I need help at this point, and while I can still ask for that help--I do.

As a point of interest, I'm not talking about asking for a beating. I've never been given corporal punishment for anything. I'm given a truly tedious task of some kind. Nothing that is attention getting. Nothing he has to do to or for me. Nothing that is exciting at all. It's a task he gives me to correct the situation and in that correction I can release my guilt and return to the place he likes me in and I like to be in as well.

IMO, it's not a question of whether it is fair to ask for his help for something I've done; it's a question of facing the reality of how "I am" on the interior. It might not be fair or right that I need help sometimes, but it is certainly a reality that guilt is not a good thing to let go too long with me.

I guess, the partners I've had [one in particular] were OK with dealing with my flaws when they came up. We found that a simple correction was the easiest way to get back on track. A simple 'this has become a distracting problem, and this fixes it'. But like I said, it was always some correction that I had to do on my own. He merely gave me the 'task' in order to correct the situation. I did it. I let go of the guilt. We moved on.

I also think if I'd made a steady diet of asking for help or correction, not many would have tolerated it. But, I ask sparingly and only when I was truly in need of help, and as Cat and others have said, he'd be totally within his rights and power to deny me the correction. But the question of the OP wasn't about can we ask and get it; it was merely have we ever asked. The answer to that is yes, I have asked.

 

[DeservingBitch]

I see what you mean Caitlynne. Makes sense.

 

[RisiaSkye]

I have been asked for punishment, and I have asked for it myself--on different occasions and on opposite sides of the flip, of course.

There are times when the negative feeling associated with an infraction do not dissipate on their own, or don't do so quickly. Sometimes, administration of controlled punishment can be cleansing and healing for both parties, top and bottom. And, as others have mentioned, asking for something doesn't mean getting it, so I see no conflict with submission.

 

[catalina_francisco]

He said if you were here and asked me for punishment then I would give it to you corporally, but not for your crime, you would be punished for second guessing me about my original judgment, that the crime was not a punishable offense. That shows me you have a lack of trust in my ability as a Master to do what I feel is best for you.

While I can partially see the reasoning here, I can also see a negative in that it assumes a PYL always knows what is going on inside their pyl. While it is a nice fantasy to have, and many feel it is totally realistic, there can be times when another person cannot fully know or understand what is happening for another without some form of communication. At those times it is more productive to at least signal something is amiss than to continue to let it fester and build to an explosion point or even worse, a moment of internalised destructiveness. Emotions are interesting things...while we continue to aim to control them, sometimes there are moments which move beyond a point of simply expecting that negative emotions can be cut off without consequence. A PYL who chooses to overlook that can be just as bad, if not negligent, as one who allows themselves to be manipulated.

Catalina