Help???

[WickedDustin]

wow, didn't know i had to take classes for this......i didn't pay attention in school very well

I'm not a very experienced Dom, but one thing that I've realized is that it is a lot of work. First you have to learn a lot about the proper attitude, actions, and mental state of a dominant. Then you need to learn about subs, what they are going through, how they can react, and what to do and not to do to them, because you are responsible for what happens to them. Then you need to learn about what you actually want to DO while in a scene, which involves a lot of research, plus the safety of those actions you want to do, which involves more research. Then you need to practice whatever you're going to do. For example, properly flogging someone takes excellent control of a flogger, and you will spend hours just whipping pillows to get your control down as fine as you need it.
I am absolutely loving everything about being a Dom, but I just thought I might warn you that doing it properly does require a whole lot more work than you might expect.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

i'm confused, first you say you THINK you're a Dom but you want to know what it means, then later you say that you KNOW you're a Dom....but yet didn't realize it took so much work to be one, in that you didn't know you had to take 'classes' which of course you don't, but you do need to know what you're doing before just going out and finding a submissive to 'play' with.
they will have to trust that you will not harm them and that you know how to swing a flogger without doing permanent damage to them. or that when they utter their safe word you will stop all play right then.

their wellbeing is in YOUR hands so before you take on a submissive i think you need to do alot more exploring by yourself, find out who you are. it's not just about 'being in control' because you're sick of man trampling all over you.
to me that's a pretty bad mindset to have to be in 'control' of someone else's life and well being, almost like you'll take out on your submissive what other men have done to you. then again, maybe i'm just in a bad mood which when i am i tend to not sugar coat anything and just lay it all out there, sorry if my words offend, they were not meant to. i just wasn't sure you knew exactly how serious and how much you hold in your hands when you are Dom.......

 

[Guest]

thanks to all of you replies....goodbye

 

[Etoile]

that cupid test wasn't very accurate....especially for single people like me

Never ever let a web test tell you who you are. They are only ever meant as fun and nothing more. None of them are scientific, or even realistic. You are more than whatever any web test will tell you. They are just for play.

 

[Guest]

Never ever let a web test tell you who you are. They are only ever meant as fun and nothing more. None of them are scientific, or even realistic. You are more than whatever any web test will tell you. They are just for play.

doesn't matter, apparently i'm not allowed to be a dom

 

[Shankara20]

doesn't matter, apparently i'm not allowed to be a dom

hmmm - I always thought a Dom claimed their own power, more-or-less.
But I could be mistaken...

 

[CutieMouse]

doesn't matter, apparently i'm not allowed to be a dom

I'm confused.

 

[Guest]

read the posts people made....seems i'm not allowed

 

[Shankara20]

read the posts people made....seems i'm not allowed

I guess I misread most of this thread. I thought folks were saying that you can be who ever you are. Reading some might help you define how others see a Dom and then you can make up your own mind if you are in alignment or not. It is your choice.

But like I said I might have missed something. I wish you all the best sorting this out. It took me about 15 years to sort out where I fit in all this BDSm stuff.

 

[CutieMouse]

read the posts people made....seems i'm not allowed

I have no freaking idea where you were told you "weren't allowed" to be a Domme. Someone about 3 years ago told me I was a "natural born submissive"... ya know what? I *adore* submitting; I've also decided that taking control every so often is pretty damned hot. There are people who don't believe I'm capable of Domming, but it doesn't matter if I meet the definition of being a Domme according to some stranger, because I'm more concerned with my emotional/mental/sexual/physical happiness, than their opinion. There is no freaking secret handshake in the BDSM world.

If you really want to be dominant in the bedroom, then you'll do what it takes to nurture that in a safe sane and consensual way. If you don't want it, you'll give up and squeeze back into the box someone else hands you.

 

[nowgirl]

is it always a matter of choice? maybe it is to a matter of degrees... as shankara said, it's a long journey of self discovery. i just moved past the square that says "go" and am still searching for how my feelings fit in to this lifestyle.

for me, will this be a life style? or am i just playing the sensual submissive in the bedroom when it's convenient and i find someone willing to play? i'm hoping to learn a lot more, meet a lot more people (am going to my first munch next month!!) and continue the journey.

i haven't met many Doms in real life but those i have met had an attitude about who they were and really didn't make any apologies for other people's perceptions! so moonshadow - i hope you find what you are looking for!

nowgirl

 

[Guest]

thanks guys...i appreciate all your posts.

i've just simply decided that i'm going to whatever i want to do.

 

[nowgirl]

thanks guys...i appreciate all your posts.

i've just simply decided that i'm going to whatever i want to do.

very Dom like.

 

[lil_slave_rose]

read the posts people made....seems i'm not allowed

i really think you are taking the posts the wrong way. no one was saying you aren't allowed to be a Domme..good god. they were explaining what it takes, as you asked the question to begin with, and you took offense to the answers. i think i'm a dom but i need to know what that means.....? correct me if i'm wrong, but were you not asking for advice with that question? everyone was just saying be careful and take it slow, not to jump into it, but to explore yourself first and then find one to explore with.....i never saw anyone say you were not ALLOWED

 

[trisquel_astur]

Item more...

read the posts people made....seems i'm not allowed

Nobody here has the right to give or deny the "BDSM license".

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Nobody here has the right to give or deny the "BDSM license".

HAH!

_I_ am the Road Test Examiner, Final Arbiter, The Ultimate Authority, The Non-Plus Ultra Mega Grand Magnificent PooBah of The One, True, Holy, Old Guard Leather Pansexual BDSM Way.

Pay NO attention to that man behind the curtain!

Would you like fries with that License?

 

[Shankara20]

.

easy there big fella

​

_I_ am the Road Test Examiner, Final Arbiter, The Ultimate Authority, The Non-Plus Ultra Mega Grand Magnificent PooBah of The One, True, Holy, Old Guard Leather Pansexual BDSM Way.

 

[nowgirl]

... checks mailbox for the status of my BDSM subbie license....

can i supersize those fries???

 

[trojan_man_co]

man id hate to see what was on the final exam for the BDSM licensee test... ok well maybe id love to see it but still...

a dom is a state of mind. it is the way you go about things. it is how you react and interpret things. a dom means you look at the world through domish eyes. same for a sub. its a mind set. what you want to be, who you want to be. its you. no one *except maybe evil geoff, or gracie shes kinda forcefull * can tell you who you can and cant be. this is not just about sex. its who you are and what you want out of it. if you want it just for sex, fine. if you want it for every day life, fine. but its not exclusive to one thing or the other.. its a mental state... at least thats my own opinion.

 

[Guest]

man id hate to see what was on the final exam for the BDSM licensee test... ok well maybe id love to see it but still...

a dom is a state of mind. it is the way you go about things. it is how you react and interpret things. a dom means you look at the world through domish eyes. same for a sub. its a mind set. what you want to be, who you want to be. its you. no one *except maybe evil geoff, or gracie shes kinda forcefull * can tell you who you can and cant be. this is not just about sex. its who you are and what you want out of it. if you want it just for sex, fine. if you want it for every day life, fine. but its not exclusive to one thing or the other.. its a mental state... at least thats my own opinion.

thank you, that's basicly what i wanted to know....not what to do but what being a dom means....thank you very much

 

[Guest]

trojan_man_co, you need to empty you're PM box

 

[trisquel_astur]

HAH!

_I_ am the Road Test Examiner, Final Arbiter, The Ultimate Authority, The Non-Plus Ultra Mega Grand Magnificent PooBah of The One, True, Holy, Old Guard Leather Pansexual BDSM Way.

Pay NO attention to that man behind the curtain!

Would you like fries with that License?

Please Geoff, don't scare the kids!
may I change the fries for a salad?

 

[Guest]

Please Geoff, don't scare the kids!
may I change the fries for a salad?

i like him so, he won't scare me away