How can a subbie tell real friends from users?

[graceanne]

I agree with you.

Frankly, you made me think and realize I practically never ask for help from friends. (My husband and kids I ask for help but rarely, no one else.)

I might ask opinions but asking for help is anathema to me. I like to see myself as a capable person who can deal with my own shit. I may have a pretty serious "thing" about being independent too.

What usually happens is that I like to use my friends for brainstorming and sounding boards. Sometimes they offer their help and sometimes but very rarely. it actually works out, our schedules are in sync and I take it.

Mostly what I want in a friendship is just relaxed company, mutual admiration, hanging out, breathing and just talking to another adult. LOL.

I hadn't really thought about this before. I do know I make a conscious effort to shut up and to stop trying to entertain my friends sometimes. I am getting better at not filling every silence and just letting them be and share what they will.

Oh and another thing, I don't want to know, what you don't want to tell me. I won't pry. Share what you will but don't expect me to excavate whatever treasure you've buried. I ask nothing but what you would freely give me. That's sort of my motto I guess.

I'm a lot like that, too. A lot less than I was, because of my illness. But even then it really BUGS me to ask for help.

But, the last time I was in the hospital my best friend came to visit me. This, of course, seems like nothing. But you don't know her history. She has a mild phobia of hospitals because her mother died in one when she was 7. Even with that she came twice to see me. AND she risked getting fired by letting me call her at work in the middle of the night when I'd have nightmares.

I'm also learning to let things be silent. And I'm big on minding my own business.

 

[Harmony_1985]

My friends have been there for me alot the last couple of months, cos of tough times with the boyfriend and keeping me sane through crap and illness.

I'm very thankful for them tbh.

 

[FurryFury]

I'm a lot like that, too. A lot less than I was, because of my illness. But even then it really BUGS me to ask for help.

But, the last time I was in the hospital my best friend came to visit me. This, of course, seems like nothing. But you don't know her history. She has a mild phobia of hospitals because her mother died in one when she was 7. Even with that she came twice to see me. AND she risked getting fired by letting me call her at work in the middle of the night when I'd have nightmares.

I'm also learning to let things be silent. And I'm big on minding my own business.

Wow, that's a friend alright!

 

[cali_subangel]

This subject came up in an offline conversation but the topic matter should really be discussed because subbies are so giving, they can easily fall into a situation where their friends are taking and not giving back.

My take on it is a real friend will be there for you, go out of their way to spend time with you, include you in activities, not air out your private issues, help you hide the bodies, etc....

What are your thoughts and experiences with people who are "real" friends?

i recently found i was too giving in the wrong circumstances, and ohh yes, i am really trippin on the giver/taker aspects of it now. Being this way, ahh fuk, well it leaves open to many snakes.. Real friends.........
couldnt really tell u, but what a fucked up learning curve..lol.

 

[Betticus]

sounds like you are assuming that submissive women are to stupid to distinguish between being used and having a friend.

You like to pick on me don't you?

 

[Betticus]

i recently found i was too giving in the wrong circumstances, and ohh yes, i am really trippin on the giver/taker aspects of it now. Being this way, ahh fuk, well it leaves open to many snakes.. Real friends.........
couldnt really tell u, but what a fucked up learning curve..lol.

Hi there, welcome to the lit bdsm forums. Gracie gives out free cookies and juice.

 

[cali_subangel]

Hi there, welcome to the lit bdsm forums. Gracie gives out free cookies and juice.

thank you for the welcome...

 

[graceanne]

You like to pick on me don't you?

It's not her fault that it's so easy to do.

Hi there, welcome to the lit bdsm forums. Gracie gives out free cookies and juice.

Huh. Bett lies. Watch out for him, he's not as innocent as the little bunnies frolicking in the fields.