How can I get him to use me roughly?

dude. i'm SO having the same issue. my bf's good in bed, but I want him to dominate me more...except when it comes time for it, it's a bit of a turn off to ASK him to get rough.

I feel your pain.

completely off topic, but I love your avatar photo!
 
Some guys are just not aggressive or dominating in bed, and most people are brought up to believe violence and sex don't mix. It's also a sad truth that men tend to be very fucking stupid about what women want.

That's what you're up against here, and so if you really want rough sex with him, it will probably take some very clear, unambiguous, continuing direction from you for him to figure it out.

You've said you've tried rough foreplay, but maybe he thinks that's as far as you want it to go. I'd say during the act you need to be spelling it out in no uncertain terms..."Pull my hair...HARDER!" And then when and if he does, reward him with a sexy moan or gasp or on "Oh yess...like that!" Keep it up all the way through until (god willing) you cum, and then tell him how awesome it was afterwards. A few times like that might help him get the idea.

J

That seems as good a plan as any...stressing that it gives you a lot of pleasure.

If he seems genuinely into it when you talk about it, I'd say you were at least 75% of the way home.
 
I went through this with a woman I dated. She was hinting about various things. I went out on a limb and told her I knew what she secretly needed. She sent me the first part of the email below. I finished the scene over several emails. She gave me feedback as we went. It was a great way to get to know each other.

Please forgive the spelling. I didn't have a spell checker when I wrote it.

She liked it rough... the orgasms were incredible.

> You know what I need do you??? Here's an idea of what I would like....I
> would love to be walking down a dark alley (or hall way may work) and have a
> man (who I'm interested in) attack me from behind, push me against the wall,
> grab me by my hair, whispering in my ear what he's going to do to
> me....mmmmmmm.

Mr. stranger holds you tightly against the wall... a finger on his free
hand slowly, tenderly traces up and down your vulnerable neck as he
gives you explicit instructions. You fearfully nod in agreement
wondering what he isn't telling you. Your heart is pounding. Your
knees are weak. You didn't expect this. You know you shouldn't, but
you are becoming moist in anticipation. You feel his hardness pressing
against your ass. Bad day to wear a short skirt.

His free hand reaches forward and slowly unbuttons your blouse. The
finger slowly traces down your neck to your breast, to your nipple. He
pushes you forward further, putting your nipple right between his
fingers. He rudely pinches it hard sending a pulse of desire to your
lower region. You close your eyes savoring the pain and shudder
silently...

Mr Stranger steps back slightly. Something metalic falls from his
pocket. You look down and see a shiny pair of handcuffs on the floor...

> mmmmmm....more please
be careful what you wish for, my dear... *grin

He commands you to spread against the wall. You hesistate and are
rewarded with a tug on your hair. He pushes the side of your face right
against the wall. Slowly his tongue traces a path up and down your
neck. You can feel his hot breath. Occassionally his lips touch. But
its the tongue that holds your concentration. A chill runs down your
spine. Your eyes flutter.

"Are you going to listen or do I have to make this uncomfortable for
you ?" "Now spread !"

You squirm trying to comply with his command. He backs off slightly,
allowing you to put both arms above your head and place your feet a
little wider apart. "More !" You comply, feeling a faint breeze
circulating up your skirt.

Mr Stranger adjusts his hold on your hair turning your head slightly,
exposing your vulnerable neck. Gently he is kissing and nibbling up and
down, taking his sweet time. Your mind relaxes enjoying the warmth
spreading all over your body.

SSSSMMMMACCCCKKKK ! His strong hand connects sharply with your ass.
The thin skirt does little to cushion the blow. Your buttock stings
unbareably.. You yelp, your sinuey body involuntarily flexing towards
the wall.

Sorry about that he gently whispers in your ear as he continues his
ministrations on your vulnerable neck.

His free hand becomes active, his finger running up and down your
exposed thigh. Your mind races from the electricicy created by his
touch. You flex your hips slightly, feeling his hardness starting to
nestle between your cheeks.

The hand works its way to the rest of the buttons on the blouse, slowly,
deliberately opening each one until it hangs open. That finger traces a
path up and down your torso slightly into the top of the skirt and
teasingly over a breast. He bites your earlobe hard. You clench your
teeth and close your eyes enjoying the adreneline. The hand roams to
your breast, working the bra free below it. It softly caresses the
nipple as his tongue plays with the pulsing earlobe. He places the
nipple between his thumb and finger and rolls it back and forth and back
and forth, harder and harder.

The hand in the hair moves around too your neck getting a hold on it and
your hair.

"How are we enjoying ourselves ?"

"F-f-fine" you reply, the adreneline jetting through your veins making
you jittery.

"Ready for some action ?" he hisses in your ear.

"Action ?" she says, her nervousness ripe in her voice.

He pushes his cock harder into the crevis of her ass. "Yeah action..."
he says softly in her ear. Her breathing becomes shallow as she
concentrates on the nipple now shooting electric jolts through her body.
Nothing exists except that nipple and the fire burning between her legs.
Her heart pounds incessantly. She she feels raw, on that edge between
wanton desire for a hard hard fuck and the need for more wonderful pain.
Her breath quickens.

The other hand releases her neck and works its way down to her thighs.
Up and down a bit and then under the skirt, lifting it as he traces up
her leg. And then down again. And then up again and over, trying to
find her panties. "Nice thong." he teases. His finger slowly traces
down the edge of the front Vee.

The finger moves lower and lower, slowly. Too fucking slow, dammit.
The nipple has you screaming inside, pulsing, throbbing, aching. You
clench your teeth. You have that can't hardly breathe feeling its so
intense. Yet he takes his sweet fucking time touching you. Bastard.
He knows you need it and yet he teases. A mixture of arousal and
anger builds in you.

Finally the finger reaches under the wet pantie and touches your folds.
One stroke back and one forward and he has your slit opened top to
bottom. You're wet – dripping wet. No sense in trying to hide it. Not
that you aren't normally fairly aroused living with him. His touch, his
smell, his ways constantly keep you on your toes. You never know when
he'll bend you over the table, hike your skirt and help himself or push
you to your knees and have you service him. The possibility that it
could happen at any time keeps a fire burning in your loins. With him
you never know.

Your mind drifts. The pain does that to you. It opens new thought
passages as it plays with your consciousness. You think about your
friends and wonder what they would say if they saw you now. You
silently chuckle at how they brag about how their husband fixes the
fence or takes out the garbage. Yeah, but does he drive you wild and
fuck you raw every week ? They don't have a clue.

Slowly the finger moves, too dam slow to give you any
release. He softly bites your neck at the same time he rudely taps your
clit. Fuck ! That only makes it worse. Its building in you.
Fucking raging. You want release. You want it now. But he's calling
the shots.

She loves the way he takes control of their lovemaking. It releases her
from the responsibility. It releases her from the shame of wanting it
all the time, of being the slut, of admitting she can't get enough. She
loves it that he needs sex almost as much as she does, almost as hard
and intense as she does.

She had had her fair share of lazy lovers in the past. She called them
touch, touch, squirt men. Paw the breasts a little, stroke her pussy a
bit, penetrate and squirt. It was all over in a few minutes, leaving
her to sneak off to the bathroom to find her own pleasure. Alone.

Not this man. Not this muscular ball of sexual energy. He constantly
nibbles, touches, caresses, prods and probes. Even when they aren't
making love. Damn tease. She had more orgasms in a single session with
him than most women did in a year ! And it wasn't just his contact, it
was the way he spoke to her while being intimate. In that voice, that
gentle deep manly voice... commanding her to do things that she'd turn
beet red talking about later, things she would never do on her own,
urging her to enjoy her body, egging her on to orgasms. It was how he
told her he loved her, her body, her aura. He wasn't just a great
lover, he was great for her soul.

Secretly her favorite position was the the plain old vanilla missionary
position. Splayed wide beneath him, feeling warm secure and oh so
loved. Lewdly open for him to enjoy. Often he talked softly to her, at
least at first, telling her to relax and enjoy. Telling her how much he
loved her, how beautiful she was. She rarely could relax, knowing full
well what was coming when he reached peak intensity. She loved the way
he kissed her his tongue probing her mouth as his cock did its thing to
her below. It was like getting double fucked he did it so well. She
loved trying to just lay there, being his toy, giving him ultimate
pleasure while getting an immense amount herself. Being his soft, wet,
warm, limp human fuck doll.

She loved to reach her hands back and grab his biceps as he pumped
her. It allowed her to squirm and arch in obscene ways. One of her
dirty little tricks was to egg him on, make him cum sooner than he
wanted to. Teasing him she wanted to suck him or telling him her
version of their last hot session.

There was nothing quick about the way he make love. He likened to
drinking a fine glass of wine. Why gulp when you can sip, savor and
enjoy ? She so loved the way he fucked her. Other women had their
cars, their houses, their golf games, their kids. She had most of that
and she was thankful, but she had him. He was the prize. He was the
secret to her happiness. Him who she trusted more than anyone else.
Him who protected her and helped her and brought out all that was good
inside her. They could have their stuff. She just wanted him. All of
him. As often as possible. His way.

She loved how he just took control of things. Forcing her against a
wall or pushing her face into the pillow, deliberately spreading her,
stretching her over a piece of furniture, often fucking her hard before
she was even properly undressed or prepared. He loved to be messy, to
dishevel her. To rudely pull out when HE was done, leaving her
stretched, empty, splayed, cum splattered, hair messed and out of
breath. One of his favorite little tricks was to fuck her hard and get
off before she was done, leaving her unsatisfied. It was mean, but it
made for a super hot session later in the day. He always made up for
that.

And then there was the pain. He was an expert at using pain to
intensify the experience. A pinch, a tug, a bite... a slap. An
uncomfortable position. His timing was impeccable. His placement
superb. How many times had she openly screamed through an orgasm not
knowing herself if she was in heavenly bliss or shear desperate agony.
Most men didn't know how to torture a nipple or clit or neck to full
effect. He knew where that line was, he knew how to keep it right on
the edge, how to intensify it at just the right time. Fuck he was good.

He had a soft side too. She knew when it was all over and their mood
came down he would probably cuddle her for hours, holding her close,
whispering how much he loved her softly in her ear as she fell asleep,
contentedly exhausted, spent and o so happy.

Sometimes he reached under her back and grabbed her hair, pulling it
tight, forcing her to arch. He loved it when she arched, it put her
open at just the right angle for the best penetration. He had his other
tricks too, in different positions he had different touches, different
moves, different ways, all designed to get to her, to make her moan, to
make her beg. She found herself even hotter and even more frustrated
just thinking about that. Fuck.

He rudely slips his fingers up your opening, bringing you back to your
current situation. "My beautiful little
slut is ready, isn't she ?" You cast your eyes down, embarrassed. Maybe
now he'll be nice. He slides them
out leaving you empty. No such luck ! Fuck.

He brings the fingers to his face and smells them. "Mmmm" "Taste" he
whispers in your ear as he brings his fingers to your mouth. "Just
like my cock will taste later." You turn your eyes to the side to
look him straight in the eyes as you lick and suck his fingers clean,
subtly putting on a little show. He doubles up the action on the
nipple causing you to accidentally inhale the fingers deeper than you
wanted. He makes a mental note to remember that little move for
later.

His fingers again make their way lower finding her slit, slowly
stroking her, deliberately frustrating her. He knows what he is
doing. He nibbles on her earlobe. Later, much later, when she does
get off, it will be spectacular. This is the price she must pay for
that.

He admires her natural beauty as she stands there helpless. Shirt open,
nipples hard, breasts pert in the cool air. Her sexy, curvy hips
that sway so nicely when she walks. The smooth taut thighs that he
loves to nibble on for hours before moving north to pleasure her.
That ass with that dark forbidden crack. Oh, what a pleasure zone
that has been for her in the past... Her neck, that beautiful, elegant
neck. How he loves to kiss and nibble and nuzzle that neck. Her hair.
Her gorgeous flowing hair that spreads all around her as she lays
below him when they make love. Or that he greedily grabs as he guides
his cock into her pleasuring mouth when she is servicing him.

As he gazes, he feels a deep, contented love for her. There is no
other woman for him. They both know that. Their bond is sacred.
Outside the bedroom she is confident, energetic, productive,
efficient, happy. Behind closed doors, she is his slut. It works both
ways,
she needs what she needs and he's the man to give it to her. Hard,
soft, fast, slow, carefree, intense, filthy, clean. It doesn't
matter. She needs what she needs and she needs a lot of it. She's a
woman, a beautiful, expressive, sexual, desirable, horny woman. He
would have no other. She makes him complete.

It isn't her body that draws him. Lots of women are attractive. Its
her essence. Its the way she can be soft and vulnerable and oh so cute
after they make love. Its the way she giggles when they talk. Its her
eyes, how they go soft when she is scared or unsure and go bright again
when he reassures her. Its her, all of her. Its not one thing.

He continues his work on the nipple. The other fingers slowly making
their way up and down her slit. Slowly. Up. Down. Up. Down. Never
stopping. Never satisfying. Fuck, enough already !

She is in her own world, waiting. Trying to be patient as her
hormones rage and her body screams and her mind is flooded with hot
erotic memories of what happened the last time he jumped her. She's
like a pot of water simmering on the verge of boiling over. But not
there yet dammit !

She glances to the floor and sees the handcuffs. She had forgotten
about
them. "Oh fuck" she thinks, recalling what happened last time he used
the cuffs on her. The mere thought of that creates an involuntary throb
down below. As if she wasn't wet already. The flood moistens her
thighs. He continues his strokes, up and down, up and down.. meanwhile
running his hands roughly through her hair... half caressing, half
tugging. Bastard. He'll pay for this.

She shudders, wondering what he as planned for her.

Her favorite word in the whole world was “now”. “Now” meant that
something sexual was about to happen. Imminently. Pavlov's dogs
salivated when the bell rang. Her pussy moistened when she hear him say
“now”.

He used “now” as both a command and a signal. It was rarely clear to
her what was going to happen when she heard the word “now”, she only
knew that something was going to happen. “Now” could mean she was about
to be thrown face first on the bed, pants pulled half down and fucked
hard from behind. “Now” could mean he was about to squirt his delicious
seed into her mouth. “Now” could mean that the toy was going to be
turned up to the next level. “Now” could mean he was going to squirm
between her legs and lick her clit until she screamed. All she knew was
that something sexual was going to happen when he issued the word “now”.
It deeply thrilled her to hear the word “now”.

She was still leaning heavily against the wall, a prisoner to that
finger going up and down. He had released the nipple a bit ago though
she found the cool air just as arousing on it now as his fingers were
before. His strong hands roughly played with her hair, twisting,
taunting, pulling, caressing.

He softly whispered “now” in her ear.

Her literally heart stopped as the finger working her slit broke its
pattern and ever so lightly graze her clit.

<snip>

> I'm touching myself....rolling my nipple inbetween my fingertips
> till it's hard....ohhhh you have made me so swollen and wet .... I don't
> have to insert a finger to find out how wet I am, my juices are already
> covering my lips and my clit....rubbing my juices over my swollen clit feels
> amazing....I want to cum so bad....I'm going to go to bed and take my
> vibrator (big purple with rolling beads and clit stimulator) and I'm going
> to fuck my pussy with it...thinking about you....have a good weekend baby.

End of story... good luck ! :grin:
 
There there was this email... maybe you need to write something for him ?

>... are you writing this? or are you getting it from a magazine? It
> probably doesn't matter...your making me very hot and wet.....mmmmmm.

I love the taste of a wet woman...

I push you back on the bed... I pull your pants down to your ankles and
lay on them so you can't move your feet. I gaze deeply into your eyes
and lightly touch the wetness on your crotch. Your eyes flutter as you
take in the sensation. I lay on top of you giving you deep wet kisses,
probing kisses, grinding my bulge on your sensitive area. You are
spread beneath me, helpless to move or adjust...

I pull back and slide down. I nibble your breast through your shirt and
bra, finding the nipple and showing it no mercy. Tounging it, teasing
it, biting it leaving a wet spot on your blouse. A jolt of sweet pain
runs down to your loins as I get it exactly right between my teeth. I
suck it hard to enhance the sensation.

I look up at you, head thrown back, neck vulnerable, breathing
shallow... starting your journey to that very private space in your
mind, the space where you relax and submit and enjoy the sensations of
me playing with your delicous body. However I see fit.

I move down... face to face with your wetness. Your feet still held
firm by your pants. I pull the crotch of our panty aside and behold
your beautiful pussy. I breathe deeply taking in your sexy musk. I
slightly part you with two fingers and slowly lap your slit once from
bottom to top. I taste your juice on my tongue. Mmmm....

I repeat the motion, a little harder, a little faster. My tongue goes a
little deeper into your crevice. You are wetter in deeper.

I lap you a few more times, getting deeper in your crease every time
until soon I'm to the bottom of your folds, licking you from your
opening to your clit. You are flexing your hips trying to guide me
where you need me the most. You start to really get into it. You moan.
I stop. I move my tongue slightly. You moan again. I stop. You are
on the edge. Its right there.

I move my right hand so that I have 2 large fingers at your entrance. I
lick. You moan and squirm. I push the fingers forward and lick again.
It stretches you. You respond. I push them again and lick and push and
lick and push. Then I start to wiggle the fingers while I lick. Bottom
to top. Bottom to top. No mercy. Your juice is everywhere, on my chin,
all over your sex, on your thighs. You are so close it hurts.

I watch your pretty little rosebud contact as you flex... I take the
forefinger of my other hand and touch it. The sensation shocks you.
You pant. An "OH !" escapes your lips. You weren't expecting that.
Not that you can move away from it with me laying on your pants.

The finger tickles you lightly. Its wet from your freely running juice.

The finger pushes firmly on the rosebud. The tongue laps. The other
fingers massage you internally. The sensation is overwhelming. You are
thrashing, hardly containing yourself, but still no orgasm.

The nether finger pushes harder, piercing the tight ring, entering you
fully with little resistance after that.

OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK you utter between pants. I wiggle the finger.
I can feel the other fingers on the other side of your membrane.
OHHHHHH FUCKKKKKKKKKK OOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH OH OH OH OH OH ! You go on
and on as I am merciless with those fingers and my tongue. I change my
tongue action from lapping licks to suction on your clit intermixed with
rude tongue flicks. OH MY GOD ! OH OH OH OH ! FUCKKKKKK.... OH MY
GOD. You thrash as best you can, letting me know you have gotten all
you can take.

I back off with my actions, lightly licking, kissing, gentley carresing
your wetness as you come down. Gentle, soft, loving... until I change
my mind and resume my assault on you. No mercy. OH-MY-GOD !
OH-MY-GOD ! OH-MY-GOD ! Stop ! Please stop ! I keep going, ignoring
how sensitive you must be at this point.

Somehow you sit up very quickly, pushing me back, away. The finger in
your ass slips out. My other fingers still deep inside you.
Penetrating deeper because of your position. I wiggle and smile at you
playfully. You nearly expire from the sensation, breathing heavily,
rolling your eyes, throwing your head back. Please stop ! I can't take
it ! Its too much ! Being I have other plans for you I gently remove
them. That action alone nearly puts you over again.

I push you back on the bed. I lay on you with my head next to yours,
listening to you babble incoherently, mindlessly. I softly stroke your
hair, watching your eyes dart about as you relive the experience.
Slowly you come down. Slowly. Your legs still splayed lewdly open,
held there by your pants. Your pussy wet and ready. Your ass still has
that freshly violated feel.

I move so I am face to face with you. I kiss you softly, stroking your
hair. "That was beautiful." I whisper. "I love watching you lose
control." You nod, close your eyes and grin peacefully, content. I
gently clasp a handful of hair from behind your head and slowly pull
down... forcing your chest and chin up, exposing your neck. "Now its my
turn..."
 
I only dated one woman ever who wanted me to be "rough." We had one sexual encounter and that was that. I have no desire to engage in anything other than gentle, passionate, sensual sex. Fortunately most women seem to prefer that anyway.
 
I only dated one woman ever who wanted me to be "rough." We had one sexual encounter and that was that. I have no desire to engage in anything other than gentle, passionate, sensual sex. Fortunately most women seem to prefer that anyway.

Or so they say/you think.

Most of the women I've come in contact with have fantasies about being ravished sometimes; passionate, fierce, rougher sex, or being dominated in some way. Just like most men would like their partner to be more aggressive and take control in the bedroom at least occasionally. It's an exceedingly common desire/fantasy and giving in to animalistic tendencies can lead to some of the greatest sex ever.
 
a little rough

Just the opposite for my wife and I. She knows that I like it a little rough and the other night while giving me a hand-job she got very rough with my balls. I was so into the moment the roughness was actually a turn on even though it was a little painful. I came hard and was even a little sore the next day. When I said something about the residual pain she just shrugged and said "I thought you wanted me to rough it up a bit."
I never thought that she would be comfortable with that kind of play but it is becoming even more of a fantasy that she takes control and be a little rough. I can only dream about what will come next - besides me!
Very hot I hope we continue with the practice...
 
I love it rough...how rough do you like it?

Oh I like it rough!! I am looking forward to going to bed in a few minutes and hope that my wife will spank me and abuse my balls before I please her. Once she has had her needs filled I hope she will let me have sex with her while she uses her nails on my balls while I wear my ball stretcher!
I'll update tomorrow...
 
It's relatively simple. Choose a safeword. Write it down, then commit it to memory. Then, travel to Houston or Dallas, visit a porno store and buy some videos and some implements (dildoes, whips, etc.). Then, when the two of you have a spare day for "exploration", show him the mildest video. Make sure to position yourself properly (head in his lap for blowjob scenes, guiding his fingers around a handful of your hair, for example). When you've gotten comfortable, look him in the eyes and tell him exactly what you want him to do, no matter how graphic it may seem. Then, give him the choice. If he's truly interested in maintaining a relationship with you, "forcing" you to deepthroat his cock on a bi-weekly basis won't be the deal-breaker. Or spanking you, or anything else. AFAIK, you've just lucked up on a nice guy (hopefully, not the "Nice Guy" stereotype). If he knows that you're the type of woman who likes it when she receives a few smacks on her ass, or that you won't go all "Lifetime" movie on him and report him to the cops for rape if he bends you over a table and starts pumping away, he'll be more open to giving you the reddened skin and sweaty brow that you crave. And that's a good thing.
 
This is a tough one for a lot of guys, me included. Slow, Passionate, gentle sex was one thing, hard fast jungle fucking was another. What I realized eventually, was that there can be just as much passion, sometimes more, in that raw animalistic sex. When you are able to let your guard down enough to let those animal mating instincts take over, and to trust the person you are with enough not to hurt or judge your animal side, there is a kind of freedom that is not found any other way. You are at the same time in control and vulnerable.

The domination can become a contest, and sometimes the surrender can be even sweeter than the victory. Even as the male taking a dominate roll, at that moment of your orgasm you are totally vulnerable because you have stripped away all of your emotional barriers and controls. I think as a guy, we are always on guard and tryign to protect ourselves, even if just a little bit. Some guys do this by being assholes, and they mayb be able to fuck like animals, but then not feel anything. Us sensitive guys;)...we have a bit harder time letting ourselves go, because we think we are losing our sensitive nature.

One thing I can tell you, don't use porn as a way to show him what you want. There isn't a lot of porn that shows this kind of connection I'm talking about. Talk to him about passion, about getting in touch with those instinctual mating contests. Make it fun. Start with a little naked wrestling. That'll get the competitive dominance juices flowing...literally.

Maybe he'll never get there, maybe he will, but chances are he just doesn't think you can have that kind of emotional connection during rough sex. You can, and it's strong, and it's also very addictive. I wish I had the magc answer of what to say, but this is something you'll just have to go slowly with.

Good luck. :)
 
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