How do I get my wife to let me "share" her?

[norfolklad]

Communicate, lay the ground work and give her freedom to make her own decision. Then leave it alone and for fuck sakes don't do anything to manipulate her - that won't be a happy ending.

It makes a great deal of sense and could possibly work with a couple who are extremely secure in their relationship, themselves and their trust.

Absolutely, which is why policywank is totally right. Trying to force the situation on a less than willing partner can only be disastrous.

There is also the question that after some years of marriage, things can get a bit stale. The results in some people having - or wanting to have an affair. I think I would much rather, if a partner of mine was tempted elsewhere, have a sharing arrangement of some sort than a 'behind my back' one.

 

[mandoscot]

Had to look up rutabaga - turns out it's swede and it's yum creamed with butter. But aside from that - if the lady isn't for sharing then at least show her the respect she deserves. If it's not for ya it won't happen so move on and build a good solid relationship based on trust and understanding

 

[littlecordelera]

I also agree with what Matryoshka has written (will you really be okay with it? will you have remorse? are there problems with the sex life?); however, I would like to add a few notes:

1. Your wife may be concerned that if she is allowed to have sex with others then you can too, and she may not be ready for that.

2. The communication has to be done with concern for her well-being at the forefront. If she feels you are running headlong into an amateur porn scene, she will most likely feel pressured and tell you to forget it.

3. Is she even interested? Do subtle suggestions of this sort of thing during your lovemaking get her aroused? That's a good test. If not, then drop it. She will never be okay with it. If it does, then, as already has been said, she has to feel secure in the situation, but also, if it does, then that is the time, during lovemaking, to explore the euphoric joys and the profound intimacy between you two that sex-with-others can create.

Sex is not love, and sex with others can either strengthen a relationship or tear it apart. It all depends on the people. You two have to decide what kind of people you are. Neither one is wrong.

 

[Matryoshka]

Had to look up rutabaga - turns out it's swede and it's yum creamed with butter. But aside from that - if the lady isn't for sharing then at least show her the respect she deserves. If it's not for ya it won't happen so move on and build a good solid relationship based on trust and understanding

I love rutabaga! But try getting me to eat caviar, no matter how fancy you dress it up, it's still raw fish eggs. If she doesn't like it, no matter how enticing you try to make it it'll always make her shy away.

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

It sounds like deep down you wish to see her truly aroused where nothing else matters and she drops all her inhibitions. Would you want to watch or just be told about it? Does she have a hard time "telling" what exactly she has experienced?

I don't need to watch. I just want her to have wile uninhibited sex with another man and tell me all about it. But....I would like to see her on his cock!!

 

[norfolklad]

Ok, so..ouch! to the average housewife part. LOL. But, these suggestions seem to offer a sense of safety with them. When exploring for the first time, doing it together assures her the whole situation is really ok - neither can be accused of anything, and if she is scared/nervous then you are right there to protect her if needed. Once those barriers are broken together and there are no repercussions, she might be open to being alone with another man.

Interesting that you favour the first time being all together. I'd always assumed the opposite.

I had always expected that a woman would rather have the opportunity to be on her own the first time with another man. If I were the other man (and I think that is probably the only way I would want to be involved in an MFM), I would much prefer a time on our own the first time. Meeting someone new is always a stab in the dark, having an audience would be exciting but worrying at the same time. I would have thought that having a chance to explore each other's bodies and see what each other like and respond to would make it a lot easier.

That does assume, of course, that the other man and the woman would already know each other and trust each other. For that reason, I have always thought that the choice of man should be down to the woman. And perhaps that is the test - if the woman feels confident enough to propose a man with whom she would be willing to enter a threesome, then she is ready for a threesome. If a man has to keep making suggestions, then she is not ready.

 

[screwher]

Screw my wife

How do I get my wife to let me "share" her?


My wife said she doesn't want to have sex with another man. But, she did say she WOULD go dancing with one, since I don't dance. And that she would even slow dance close with another man. But that's as far as she would go. But I'm hoping if I can get her to go that far, she would be feeling all romantic, he'd sneak a kiss, that would turn into making out and hopefully she'd know that if she started feeling horny, she would have my permission to go home with him and make passionate love to him all night.

While all this sounds wonderful, I'm not sure how to get her in his bed. Any suggestions?

I hope everything works out for you and another man gets into your wife's panties soon.

This is a fantasy of mine as well. I'd love for another man to pick my wife up, take her back to his place or a hotel and screw her.

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

We got married really young. We are both very happy in our marriage. She is satisfied sexually. But here's a little history.


But before me she had a couple b/f's she was "in love with". And being a good g/f she let them "make love to her" when ever they wanted. The first, who was her "1st" had a single mother that wasn't home in the afternoons all the time. So he had her over and in his bedroom pretty much every day he could. But his mom did like her and thought that they loved each other and would get married one day. So she didn't seem to mind that my wife was over there with him so often in his room. And since my wife got along with the mother, she wasn't embarrassed about going to his room with him when his mother was home, and knowing what they were doing.

The second b/f Don, she was with for quite a while had a bedroom in the garage with his one outside door. Again, she was "in love" and never really said "No" to him wanting her naked in his waterbed. Btw, she LOVED his waterbed, it was very warm. She enjoyed it when she was able to stay the whole night.

Then there was one guy she met at a beach party. Now up until this time, she did enjoy the sex. But she wasn't looking for it in the relationship. It was just part of what "in love couples do". But this guy at the beach party and her hit it off right away. She was thin, red hair, wore a spaghetti top and shorts became attracted to him quickly. Sexually attracted. Her and her b/f Don were taking a break from each other when she met this guy. By the end of the day, a lot of flirting turned to hand holding, making out and she let him take her home instead of going back to her friends house for the night. This guy, Jason, was the BEST kisser and had slow, gentle and "experienced" hands. While she never fell in love with Jason. He was the 1st guy she had sex with JUST because he made her horny. She really liked him, but it was different. While they got along well, it was the physical attraction that she enjoyed. That was a short term relationship. She ended up back with her b/f....and naked in his warm waterbed.
After we met and started dating (I posted this detail in another thread) Don stopped by to see her at her house. No one was home. She had always been "weak" sexually around Don. He was able to get her to make out with him, and he led her to her bedroom and took her clothes off. She said she couldn't have sex and to leave her panties on. But he got naked and they touched/stoked//fingered and made out on her bed and he rubbed against her panties and came all over her tummy. She told me about it a couple years later. She also admitted that it was probably the most erotic thing she ever did with Don. And a few times after that she was VERY tempted to do it again.

All this to say, she has had a lot of sex before we met. And "almost sex" after we did. I'm glad, VERY glad she did. I'm happy that she was in love with these guys and let them, being horny all the time guys, enjoy her sexually as much as they wanted, which you can imagine was often. She knows I get aroused thinking of her in bed with those guys. She doesn't understand it though. I certainly heed the advice not to insist or push anything. But I do want her to feel completely free to explore sharing herself if she finds herself horny with a man and the opportunity arises.

 

[Matryoshka]

Interesting that you favour the first time being all together. I'd always assumed the opposite.

I had always expected that a woman would rather have the opportunity to be on her own the first time with another man. If I were the other man (and I think that is probably the only way I would want to be involved in an MFM), I would much prefer a time on our own the first time. Meeting someone new is always a stab in the dark, having an audience would be exciting but worrying at the same time. I would have thought that having a chance to explore each other's bodies and see what each other like and respond to would make it a lot easier.

That does assume, of course, that the other man and the woman would already know each other and trust each other. For that reason, I have always thought that the choice of man should be down to the woman. And perhaps that is the test - if the woman feels confident enough to propose a man with whom she would be willing to enter a threesome, then she is ready for a threesome. If a man has to keep making suggestions, then she is not ready.

I, personally, wouldn't want my husband watching if I ever got to have sex with another man...at least not the first (couple?) times. I'd want to be able to let go and not have to worry or analyze anything. I don't know if I could easily talk about it afterwards either, for the same reasons.

 

[fredrock]

another idea

If she doesn't want to get over it...not everyone gets what they want....all the time..

 

[MrSneakyinPA]

If she doesn't want to get over it...not everyone gets what they want....all the time..

Yeah, that seems to be the normal consensus....That I already knew. It's already been stated several times. And I've also stated that I'm aware of it.

I think you missed the whole point.

 

[yourwhitewife]

Talk it over

 

[drinkz]

......

 

[MichaelinChina]

......

lost for words? or no comment? that's unlike him.

 

[DonnaBeck]

Funny, I have no experience about this. I have only been with one man for the past sixteen years who doesn't even know I write erotica. I say "funny" because I wrote a story about wife sharing after a man on this site explained why the idea appealed to him. Maybe your wife should read it?

I expected some negative feedback on my story, but I find the personal attacks baffling. It is fiction.

Could I ever do what I wrote about? It is so far from my real life experience that what I really fantasize about is a foot massage and an orgasm. Yeah, I'm one kinky bitch alright.

 

[Corbal]

How do I get my wife to let me "share" her?


My wife said she doesn't want to have sex with another man. But, she did say she WOULD go dancing with one, since I don't dance. And that she would even slow dance close with another man. But that's as far as she would go. But I'm hoping if I can get her to go that far, she would be feeling all romantic, he'd sneak a kiss, that would turn into making out and hopefully she'd know that if she started feeling horny, she would have my permission to go home with him and make passionate love to him all night.

While all this sounds wonderful, I'm not sure how to get her in his bed. Any suggestions?

Chloroform.

 

[magicalmoments]

Funny, I have no experience about this. I have only been with one man for the past sixteen years who doesn't even know I write erotica.

So Donna..... Why doesn't he know you write erotica? I've had a look at your stuff and it's not bad. I'd be disappointed if my lady could write like that and didn't share it with me.

 

[leoandlioness]

The intense eroticism of sharing your woman

Perhaps we are older than most here. Sex in marriages can get very comfortable over time, but most of what we witness is sex getting stale. If this meets your need, fine. But it never met our need. Playing with fantasies and flirting works to spice things up for a time.

If you have a tight marriage with real communication, sharing opens a whole new geography of sex between the two of you. And it offers the newness of a new sexual partner at the same time. It opens wide what you can share between each other, sexually, in communication, and lovingly.

So the choice for sharing is another man, another woman, another couple. Over time we've tried all three as well as parties. What works for us best is another man. I simply can't handle and satisfy two women nearly as well as she can two men. Besides, my wife is the hottest woman I've ever met sexually. I have felt let down with other women. So sharing another man, who has to be the right man or it will be so so, I find very hot, as does she.

Yes jealousy can rear its head. But it can and does when you don't share, if your eyes wander, if you comment on that gorgeous woman over there, if you flirt, if you dance with another woman, if you share your fantasy of having sex with another woman, or with two at the same time. Every marriage has its jealous moments whether they share or not. Communication is the key in all marriages. If you commit to real communication, sharing will raise it a notch or many notches.

 

[Q999]

Chloroform.

HA! HA!

 

[PredicaMr]

It's usually been my experience that the best way to get a significant other to do something, is to pretend you don't want her to!

 

[silverwhisper]

mrsneaky quoth:
i think you missed the whole point.

on the contrary, it's pretty goddamned clear that you did. apparently, repeatedly.

you're reminding me a lot of an old stones tune.

i think it's sad that your obsession is so important to you that you consider it well worth pissing off your wife.

ed

 

[Que]

It is interesting to me how persistent those with this particular fantasy seem to be.

It is difficult for me to understand this. Not just because it isn't my kink...(I had at one time written extensively in the genre)...but rather because of the seeming disconnect between wanting your partner to experience a physical pleasure while not having any interest in whether it fits their psychological motivations.


Aside and apart from the lack of mate-guarding behavior...it just FEELS odd to me to be so insistent to almost DEMAND that someone else be involved...

Reminds me of the old joke... Take my wife.....Please!

 

[Blackrocker]

Just give her to me.

Joking. Of course, porn is the easiest option, as well as erotica on cuckoldry. Just don't annoy her with it. Most of all, when you talk about an open relationship, make sure she knows you haven't cheated on her, lol. Don't be creepy with it either. Like, don't call up some old flame of hers, like in a sitcom.

Of course, then there's the direct approach. She might enjoy that more than the not-so-suddle hinting provided by pornographic brainwashing.

@Query, I don't understand it either, but I don't have to. I prefer enjoying the fruits of the tree, rather than questioning why they're an odd color.