How do you define "time together" for LDRs?

[Primalex]

(a) I'm not convinced that I do.

(b) In either case I'm pretty sure I won't be losing sleep over it.

I didn't expect any other reaction from a woman without dignity.

 

[Cattypuss]

I didn't expect any other reaction from a woman without dignity.

This thread is such a treat

Much more of this and it'll be a contender for my favourite thread of the month

 

[DiscusDave]

OP: A relationship's "togetherness" status is up to the people in it. If the people agree on a time of togetherness then it doesn't matter how apart they are. Because if you think about it, then you'd have to not count time spent at work. Or in the bathroom. Or in different rooms of the same house. Etc. Being together is not up to people outside the relationship.

This thread is such a treat

Much more of this and it'll be a contender for my favourite thread of the month

Glad to hear you got a favorite!!

 

[where]

I think the most important part is how you track the time.

If you already explain your relationship as "once every 6 weeks", then this is the time together. Two years is just a period.

Then, if you would explain your relationship as "we've been together for 2 years, but once every 6 weeks he is gone", then you keep track of your relationship in a completely different way and then I think it's valid to omit the rest and just state 2 years, without subtracting a few days or hours.

The difference is that in one scenario they are together 34 days from 730, in the other case 696 from 730. I think it's fair to say that 696 is close enough to 730 that the difference is negligible, but I really can't see a negligible difference between 34 and 730.

yeah, this makes sense to me, though I still say me and the mister have been together for 26 years and not just under 25 years because I felt I was still with him when I was abroad for just over a year.

 

[Etoile]

What do they say about their relationship?


(Obviously you didn't read my previous answer. Which is sad. You don't need to pretend curiosity if you just want to exhale a little bit of spite, because I dared to belittle all those long term LDRs. You are just wasting our time, feel free to express your anger, you don't need to wrap it in questions.)

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I actually find this an interesting topic. You seem to be the one declining to continue the conversation, by changing the topic. From what I can tell, your belief is that whichever is 50% or greater, is the truth. Hence my question about a one-year relationship followed by a one-year deployment.

0

They might know each other for several years, but this doesn't mean they have been together several years. You aren't together with all the kids from high school either right now just because you know them since then, are you?

There's a difference between "fuck buddies" and "people I was knew in high school" - one is having sex. Of course I'm not "together" with people I knew in high school, I don't have sex with them. I see your answer to the question - you don't believe fuck buddies are "together" at all, so zero - but the rest of what you said is irrelevant.

Although, taking it further, if someone has occasional, casual sex with someone for a while, and then it develops into a relationship, have they been together since they "made it official" or that whole time? What if there was no "official" and it just happens?

Or let's say somebody is with someone for 7 years, then they break up for 3 years, but then they get back together. Is that starting from 7? 10? 0?

I'm not actually asking you, Primalex - but feel free to answer.

 

[vintage63]

I think Primalex's quote says all I need to know about him.

 

[KoPilot]

Aww, and here I was, wanting to reply seriously. :<

 

[wicked woman]

Yup you're right. Unless you're spending all of your time in each other's face, you couldn't possibly have a relationship. No way.

 

[JMohegan]

I have spoken to couples who've slept in the same bed together for years, yet say they feel like total strangers.

I don't see "time together" as a function of physical proximity, but rather as a function of time spent actually getting to know one another - and not just in intimate settings.

If you haven't seen - literally witnessed, first hand - how he handles confrontation in traffic, greets his neighbors, treats a waitress, or relates to his family, then you don't know that guy very well. If the two of you haven't shared - really shared, in the emotional as well as the tangible sense - times of joy, sorrow, hope, fear, frustration, achievement, failure, fun, and the utterly mundane, then the breadth and depth of your relationship has not had a chance to develop.

That's not the same thing as saying you have no relationship. It is simply an observation on the relative scope of the relationship so far.

 

[neci]

I think the most important part is how you track the time.

why are you trying to track time?

 

[ecstaticsub]

I have been together with my dominant for almost 6 years.

How much time we have been physically in the same room with each other is irrelevant.

Time together can be defined many different ways.

Couple A gets married and lives in the same home with each other but rarely speaks with one another, works 8 hrs a day in different places and spends their free time socializing with others, and have sex once a year(with each other).

Couple B makes a decision to be in a committed relationship with one another. The spend hours on the phone sharing their dreams, the good and bad parts of their day, their history, they even have phone sex 3-5 times a week. They write letters, emails and text each other to stay connected throughout the day. They physically spend a week together twice a year.

Both couples have been in their relationships for 5 years. Have they both been together for 5 years?

I would say yes, but I sure as hell would rather be couple B than couple A.



In addition, my husband retired recently from the military. Out of the 20 years that he was in we probably were separated a total of 3 years. I certainly don't subtract that time when we celebrate our anniversary.

 

[IrisAlthea]

I have spoken to couples who've slept in the same bed together for years, yet say they feel like total strangers.

I don't see "time together" as a function of physical proximity, but rather as a function of time spent actually getting to know one another - and not just in intimate settings.

If you haven't seen - literally witnessed, first hand - how he handles confrontation in traffic, greets his neighbors, treats a waitress, or relates to his family, then you don't know that guy very well. If the two of you haven't shared - really shared, in the emotional as well as the tangible sense - times of joy, sorrow, hope, fear, frustration, achievement, failure, fun, and the utterly mundane, then the breadth and depth of your relationship has not had a chance to develop.

That's not the same thing as saying you have no relationship. It is simply an observation on the relative scope of the relationship so far.

I agree.
If you look at it literally though, it really is interesting that we use the frase "being together" when we talk about being in a relationship.

 

[where]

why are you trying to track time?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIE2GAqnFGw

 

[Primalex]

Sorry to burst your bubble, but I actually find this an interesting topic. You seem to be the one declining to continue the conversation, by changing the topic. From what I can tell, your belief is that whichever is 50% or greater, is the truth. Hence my question about a one-year relationship followed by a one-year deployment.

My belief is that if you are with someone 34 days from 730 days that it's not correct to say that you have been together with this person for 730 days, just because it's the period since you have known him or her.

You are now taking the grey zone, which exists everywhere, in an attempt to prove me wrong. This doesn't make sense, but of course it works very well for a discussion, because the grey zone is where opinions are guaranteed to differ.

Let me show you how this works for another example:

Which age should be the legal age for sex?

You will get a lot of people who will agree that 6 years is too early.
You will get a lot of people who will agree that 50 years is too late.

Now, consequently, you have someone who does say:"50 years? This is too late."
And now you counter with "When should be the legal age? 14? 16? 18? 21? You can't say this, hu? Come on, what about a mature 14 year old? What about an immature 21 year old? Come on, tell me?! If you can't tell me whether 16 years is too earlier or too late, then your opinion that 50 years is too late is bullshit!"

Now you try to enforce an answer about a definite line and no matter what the answer will be - it's guaranteed that persons will disagree, although they wouldn't disagree with the first statement that you should be allowed to have sex way before the age of 50 years.

I'm not dumb enough to get into this kind of non-discussion. If you like, we can discuss whether being with someone for 34 days of 730 days means that you have been together with this person for 34 days or for 730 days. For me it is 34 days and so far everybody refused to tell me, why it should count as 730 days instead.

 

[Primalex]

Yup you're right. Unless you're spending all of your time in each other's face, you couldn't possibly have a relationship. No way.

Why did you say that gay people should have no rights and should be shot immediately? This is not nice. I don't think I want to hear the opinion of someone who hates gay people as much as you do.

 

[teknight]

OK. First I want a definition of "LDR"

Lord of the Rings?
No, wait. That's LotR. Damn!

 

[Lizzie_Borden]

Yay.

This means my relationship doesn't count either!

 

[minx1]

My belief is that if you are with someone 34 days from 730 days that it's not correct to say that you have been together with this person for 730 days, just because it's the period since you have known him or her.

I think its about the moment you commit to someone/a relationship and the point that they become the SO in your heart and mind.
I had a relationship that lasted 4 years. The first year was LDR and the following three in person. When I think of the duration, I still think aout it in terms of being four years long. During that first year I was already his and uninterested in meeting anyone else. That was my relationship and I was completely committed to it . Recently I read that he actually saw it as a 3 year relationship.
I think its relative and is dependent on the point of view and feelings of the individual concerned; just like love. Some people fall for their SO more quickly than those feelings are reciprocated, some people love harder than others. Its still love, it still exists no matter when it began or whatever its shade. It doesnt (usually) stop on the days you arent physically together.

I also think it doesnt really matter if the individuals are happy with the set up and find it fulfilling.

To me its quality not quantity.

(and this time round I will be aiming for either. A girls gotta start somewhere )

 

[teknight]

I didn't expect any other reaction from a woman without dignity.

That does follow rationally. No, wait, it doesn't.

This thread is such a treat

Much more of this and it'll be a contender for my favourite thread of the month

Hey, you dropped an extra "u" in your favorite.

He sure shut you up, huh?

Prima, bist du Deutsch?

 

[the captians wench]

Hey, you dropped an extra "u" in your favorite.

It's the queen's english.

 

[teknight]

It's the queen's english.

You don't say!!!

 

[Cattypuss]

He sure shut you up, huh?

Yeah, I was utterly crushed by his comment