How do you let someone know you have a crush on them?

[UCE]

A plea for thought

This is an online, flirting interest, rather than someone I'd like to pursue a real life relationship with. I'm in a relationship in real life, and have no interest in endangering it. I just happen to have noticed this person online, and would like to get to know him better, and would like to explore his mind and his feelings, and... it doesn't hurt that he excites the hell out of me...

Yes it does hurt! That is the essential point. Catching someone's attention online is a very dangerous thing. Because the way these things (online "friendships" between the sexes) work is you (and if you're "lucky"--heh, you both) end up wanting more and more and more and it does, it _always_ does, interfere with your real life and your "permanent" relationship eventually...if it doesn't blow up into some sort of terrible online tragedy first, that is. And if you draw his interest strongly, if he's a red-blooded male he's going to want different things from you than "mind exploration,"--he'll want to take it to a physical level, as quickly as possible. First comes the only "cyber sex." Or sharing fantasies in email. Next step is phone sex. Final step is meeting clandistinely in some hotel that neither of your spouses knows about--full-fledged adultry in other words.

Short version: you're playing with fire, and I can understand the draw, the kicks and the highs, even just the simple attention you get from this person, can be exhiliratingly wonderful. Just keep a clear mind as to what the possible outcome can be. It can, and has for thousands before you, led to a wrecked relationship with the offline partner--not because you decietfully planned it--oh no! Because of the opposite: because you didn't think through the possible consequences of your actions carefully enough.

Sorry to be such a wet rag. I've seen a lot of tragedy of this sort in my life, lots of really good relationships that should have lasted many more happy years but that broke up because one person didn't fully think through his or her seemingly innocent online flirtation to its inevitable conclusions and just followed the call of his cock or cunt. If you have thought it through and if you've decided what you're going to do when your heart feels like it's being torn out of your chest by your love for Mr. Online and you're going mad from guilt over your betrayal of your permanent partner (Don't Snort. It'll happen faster than you can imagine.) and you've decided how you're going to deal with the innocents in the equation so that THEY aren't torn to pieces too (I mean your children, possibly, or Mr. Online's with HIS permanent partner) then bully for you. You don't need to read a further word of mine. Go for it, and follow your gameplan.

Unda. Crucia. Eximius.

 

[P. B. Walker]

Chill out UCE...

it's a harmless crush. Let's not declare war on Iraq here.

PBW

 

[Freya]

Chill out UCE...

it's a harmless crush. Let's not declare war on Iraq here.

PBW

He has a point though. Especially if he's (as I assume he would be since she posted here about it) a Dom, and since her current boyfriend isn't overly interested in this lifestyle, he's then offering things that the current one can't or won't. Which tends to make these online things that much more exciting and addictive.

I'm not insulting you Vix - you know I like you - but I also know how you are, to an extent. And I've read stuff about your frustrations with your boyfriend not sharing the same interests that you have sexually. Just keep it a crush, and be careful.

 

[Ebonyfire]

A crush is a crush

And she is an adult. It does not hurt to treat her as one.

Eb

 

[Cirrus]

Yes, but adults can make mistakes and be headed for danger too, without seeing it. Sometimes we need a friend to point it out.

Of course I'm not implying vixenshe is making a mistake, I don't know her...but if someone else feels that way, it's not wrong to say "proceed with caution because I care about you."

 

[Ms_Lilith]

oh for crying out loud, people. 1) he's a switch, not a Dom. 2) It really is a mental thing. I mean, I enjoy his posts, and I would like to learn more from him. He and I have talked about my bf, and we've established that it will not go anywhere because of that. Since we established that, we've begun a discussion about our views on BDSM, and what we choose for our lifestyles, including my ability to give to my SO in many ways, and give all of me, even if he doesn't respond to my submission with domination.

To be quite honest, this person I have a crush on is someone I'd love to sit down for coffee with, play a game of chess with, and learn from. Verbally. And mentally.

c'est ca.

 

[Cirrus]

There isn't any need to get so defensive. No one has said "you're fucking up here".

But if you don't want opinions, ALL kinds of opinions, even ones you don't agree with, don't post.

 

[Guest]

Haven't you started the same thread on General Board?

How many crushes do you have?

 

[MsDemeanor]

I have just one thought, what happens when the crushee doesnt take it well?

I mean the fact that you think that way about another doesnt mean they think of you in the same way.

Nothing personal, Vixenshe, I am just thinking aloud.

If you tell them and then they get uncomfortable with you, then you have lost an interesting friend.

If you dont tell them and they are interested in you, then you have lost a chance to be more than friends.

Alot of my "crushes" are the kind where I could spend the day talking and nothing else. Those I dont mind telling, as we have probably gone beyond chit chat and are close enough to do so.

Then there are the ones that capture my interest and not only do I want to talk with them, I want to do more. Explore more with them. Those kind of crushes I do not let them know about.

Well except one, but thats another story.

I do agree though that sometimes crushes lead you down a road that you should not travel. Make you jump in and do stupid stuff.

On that, I am an expert.

 

[Guest]

Eee-ha!

Shuddup, TexasRapist.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

There isn't any need to get so defensive. No one has said "you're fucking up here".

But if you don't want opinions, ALL kinds of opinions, even ones you don't agree with, don't post.

I was being 'defensive' against the really LONG speal about my harmless little crush, and clarifying what kind of crush it was for those that do know me.

And MsDemeanor, this is the kind of crush that I would like to spend hours talking with this person, picking his brain.


CV, this is the same person I was talking about on the GB.

 

[UCE]

Chill out UCE...

it's a harmless crush. Let's not declare war on Iraq here.

PBW

Huh?

Harmless crushes so often develop into so much more and people get really hurt. If she had said she and her SO had an open marriage or they both slept around and didn't care, I wouldn't have written what I did. It sounded to me, however, like she hadn't considered the possibilities and potential, both positive and negative, for change.

Jumping blindly into something that's loaded is just plain stupid, IMO.

Unda. Cruica. Eximius.

 

[UCE]

I was being 'defensive' against the really LONG speal about my harmless little crush, and clarifying what kind of crush it was for those that do know me.

And MsDemeanor, this is the kind of crush that I would like to spend hours talking with this person, picking his brain.


CV, this is the same person I was talking about on the GB.

It's still rude as fuck to ask a question and then get all defensive at the kinds of answers you get. Methinks something hit a nerve, sigh, otherwise you just would have ignored the comments that don't apply, right? I mean why get so pissed at them?

Your later post about this subject talked all about what you want the crush to be FOR YOU. My original "long spiel" was kindof sortof about the idea that relationships don't just work just FOR YOU. The other person gets input and if this ever goes from crust stage to some sort of relationship-relating stage, your ideal dream of intellectual conversations all day long may be the last thing he wants.

Unda. Crucia. Eximius.

 

[Ms_Lilith]

the guy.. the crush.. he and I talk now... we sort of enjoy the same position here.. he doesn't have a crush, but he enjoys talking with me. And I'm not married. I have a bf, but no wedding vows have been passed. (which is not to say I'll cheat, because I don't believe in that, I'm just clarifying).