How persuasive may a sub be while dating?

[agibean]

I do get what you're saying

The reason I question the progress is because presumably he answered a BDSM type profile and yet there has been no sign of any BDSM at all, even in discussion. I certainly have not inferred they should be having sex at this stage, but IME when I was looking, the BDSM aspects were always discussed from the very beginning, not just casual walks with the dog and a peck on the cheek goodbye.

Catalina

But I too had some first and second dates with people I'd met through BDSM sites, and they were strictly vanilla-feeling each other out, so to speak. Then again, I had a vanilaa dates that ended up with me tied to the bed, so you never know.

I think if the OP wants to know what's going on in THIS case, she should just come right out and ask. Then we can all stop wondering, lol.

 

[sweetgirl666]

lol, for all I know he might be online here. I did speak with him last night, actually, I just told him that I enjoyed our last date and wouldnt mind going with him into the woods anytime (small private joke between us).

Well, he sent about 2 minutes later a link to a very nice online videoclip (we are talking here actual good porn) and said that when we meet next time we could replay some of that stuff. We chatted for a minute or two (me telling him clearly that I would want that) and then he basically dropped a few other hints and headed off to dinner.

I did contact someone who knows him well again afterwards, and she said that yes, he is a big tease at times, but never broke a promise. I guess I will wait it out.

 

[the captians wench]

lol, for all I know he might be online here. I did speak with him last night, actually, I just told him that I enjoyed our last date and wouldnt mind going with him into the woods anytime (small private joke between us).

Well, he sent about 2 minutes later a link to a very nice online videoclip (we are talking here actual good porn) and said that when we meet next time we could replay some of that stuff. We chatted for a minute or two (me telling him clearly that I would want that) and then he basically dropped a few other hints and headed off to dinner.

I did contact someone who knows him well again afterwards, and she said that yes, he is a big tease at times, but never broke a promise. I guess I will wait it out.

hehehehehe

 

[catalina_francisco]

But I too had some first and second dates with people I'd met through BDSM sites, and they were strictly vanilla-feeling each other out, so to speak. Then again, I had a vanilaa dates that ended up with me tied to the bed, so you never know.

LOL, I was on a mission....I checked the vanilla things out online over a few weeks minimum, then by the time the date came I wanted to see if I could trust them SM wise and then see what they could actually deliver and if it was what we both wanted. Most came unstuck before the date, but if they got that far, as the D/s was a must, it came first. As for vanilla dating, I decided not to waste my time there anymore...had a few who were willing to try some kink, but tying wasn´t enough and usually they felt guilty afterward which I didn´t need.....figured I´d wasted enough of my life in relationships which were not right for me, why waste anymore when I finally knew exactly what it was I needed and how to get it. LOL, the very first playdate I had resulted in deep bruising for a couple of weeks, and I was delighted. My first night with F resulted in bruising and welts over most of my body and I was in heaven....2 weeks later we married.

Catalina

 

[Blushing Bottom]

Oh Cat...I wish that you had done that to mine when I was here complaining about him. I still haven't gotten over that one.

...and the story this girl tells....

d

OK, bring him in here right now!!....we need to get to the bottom of this dilemma by questioning him thoroughly as to his intended intentions!!

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

Oh Cat...I wish that you had done that to mine when I was here complaining about him. I still haven't gotten ovet that one.

...and the story this girl tells....

d

This one did bring back memories of your previous dilemma....hope you feel better soon.

Catalina

 

[subbie_333]

i have yet to get over the hump of posting a personal ad on the internet on a site that is mainly for personal ads (i.e. alt.com). Yes, i "have issues" that it is for desperate losers and perhaps predators. On the other hand, it is clear what you want, what you are looking for, and, to some degree what you are expecting in response.

Some of the "issues" i have dealt with concerning my "dating" and "romantic" life have led me to some things that are "reality" for me. i have to learn and decide what are needs and what are wants as it applies to me at this point in my life. If someone cannot meet my needs, then, i adjust my view of what possible relationship i can have with them, and perhaps turn my attention to someone else. Sometimes a person will tell me up front if they can meet my needs (via "profiles", "interests", telling me they like my profile, etc.), other times i have to flat out ask them. If i post profile information about myself on a site and someone responds, i assume that they like what they found about me. And, i make the assumption that they can meet some or all of my wants and needs. So, like the original post to this thread, i am confused if they don't address that information after a short period of time.

My response? Well, when i post profile information and someone responds to it, i feel that i have received permission to discuss that information very early in the relationship. If they don't bring it up, i do. Otherwise, i feel that i am wasting my time. By definition, i have to get my needs met.

This brings up a related matter that i am just starting to struggle with. A woman recently contacted me on a BDSM site who is originally from another country, is not real fluent in English, and, seems very open in telling me about her vanilla life (including fully clothed pics showing that she is quite pretty). i get the feeling she doesn't completely understand about BDSM, why i have a profile there (even though she says she likes my profile), and, she doesn't seem to be one who will meet my needs. Of course, a number of things are going through my head (is she looking for a husband, just a penpal, or, is she completely out of place on that site?). i don't wanna just blow her off (duh, that would be rude). If one abides by the theory of "you can't have too many friends", i would talk with her about vanilla stuff. Otherwise, she is providing information about herself that seemingly prompts me to share the same, but, is information i typically don't share with kinky people i just met. Since i am not completely out about my involvement in BDSM, i give up some information sparingly for my own protection (yes, i have lost a vanilla job because of the type of leatherwork i do). Any thoughts?


subbie_333

 

[FurryFury]

You are likely to be contacted by all kinds of people who don't understand or don't want to understand what you want. What they might understand is what they want and if they do understand that much, many don't really care what you want. Worrying about hurting feelings can get you into trouble. I'm not advocating hurting feelings mind you but if this person wants info from you that you don't feel comfortable providing simply saying so is fine IMO. If they want to provide you with info you don't have an interest in or find distasteful saying you are uncomfortable with it is fine. Then watch them show what a REAL ass they are. It's almost fun. It certainly kills YOUR guilt. OTOH, if they are simply mixed up creatures that are basically "nice" they will understand and back the hell off of you, either way, problem solved.

Fury

 

[MTSTUDD]

Hmmmm,I didn't know you where into this? You still in the states.And close to me.I'm going to be there the 6th of jan if your interested in coffee or a drink.